In a new york minute...

[Gullwing]

It's been exactly one week since it happened. I am feeling an almost irresistible need to contact her and in an effort to fight it I decided to write and share whats happening with you.

 

It was a long distance relationship. I am still poor and studying but she is financially independent and a nurse. She would come see me at least once a month for the past 8 months. There was tension on and off but she seemed to be smarter than most women i met and told me she realises it was the long-distance effect and that we should be patient and we can work it out. we chatted on msn or talked on the phone daily.

 

She was the one who chased me at first. I was rejecting her initially because i was afraid of being hurt. But she kept reassuring me that she would never hurt me , and i ended up beleiving her....and slowly i started to open up to her and our intimacy grew day by day.

 

in the last month, the tension from the long distance was beginning to damage us, she was having doubts , we were having silly fights and arguments , but it did not seem so critical. In an effort to prove to her that I am committed , I proposed to her over MSN and she said YES. She was supposed to be here last sunday to meet me and wear my ring but she came and dumped me instead.

 

I knew it was coming. Because after I proposed and she said yes, it was good for a week , then 5 days before we were supposed to meet she started acting strange. she didnt reply to my sms, she didnt call, and she told me she wanted to go clubbing , which was something we both agreed on doing only together...

 

but nevertheless she came last sunday , and i went to meet her. I was ready and she didnt know. I could see the nervousness in her actions...and i told her to get straight to the point....

 

She said she thinks we should break up... On the outside , i smiled , i was a rock......but on the inside everything just tumbled down at that moment....everything just got numb....

 

I told her ok then i guess i gotta go and got up to leave, she grabbed me and asked me to let her explain.... i was still acting very strong....and it shocked her to see me unmoved....she expected drama....begging...crying.....but all she got was my smirk and my carefree attitude and she bought it hook line and sinker , even though my real feelings were .... i wish i was not born.

 

she started saying she met another man , and i cut her off , told her there is no need to explain , i wish her the best and if thats what she wants then i agree.....she said : u never loved me anyways... i took the ring out of my pocket and put it on the table...and went straight for the door...as calm as a horse.....she ran after me....handed me the ring....i took it and never looked back.........her last words were : have a nice life ( in a mocking tone ).

 

 

needless to say, i smoked 3 packs of cigarettes that night and did not sleep for two days. She sent me a last goodbye via email... which made me hurt a lot. I did not reply.

 

then her friend emailed me and asked me to please work it out and talk to her , but i did not reply.

 

 

It's been exactly one week now, and I cannot cry. I tried to cry but I just couldnt do it...

 

I still don't get it...this action of hers contradicted everything she ever said to me before.

 

and why did she grab me and stop me from leaving if she really wanted me gone ?

 

and why does her friend ask ME to work it out , when in fact it is HER who dumped me ?

 

I want to call her....hear her voice....tell her to quit this insanity....i have never done her anything wrong... but i was advised against.

 

I want her back....but can she possibly be hurt by the fact that I did not show emotions when she dumped me ?

My friend told me that my reaction was worse to her than what she did to me because it seemed like i never really cared....and he said maybe in this case i should email her........

 

but i am afraid if i email her it will be a sign of weakness , and it will be the final nail in my coffin......i know women dont respect weak men.

 

Should i carry on with the no contact or should i tell her how i really feel...

 

thanks for reading.good night.

[solo34]

Well, U did EVERYTHING perfect for one....2nd, U were a strong man, and YES that is what women want.

 

However...why did she get the sense that U never loved her? There are times when a woman DOES need 2 know that U have that soft spot for them. U shouldn't be a stone faced killer all the time with them.

 

If there was other times where U should've shown maybe some emotion, it could have put doubt into her mind about the fact of U truly loving her. U have 2 remember that she was coming a very long way 2 see U at least once a month...and if the only way U expressed love 2 her or the only time U showed that emotion was during sex let's say...then that's only going 2 make it look like she's just a long distance booty call.

 

U understand, man? This is just my outlook on this...but when did U show her any type of emotion?

 

-Solo34

[Bethany]

I think you did everything right too. And my advice is do not go back for more. It was obvious that you cared for her when you asked her to marry you, for christ sake. How many men do that and the woman misses the fact that he cares and loves her? None.

 

Trust your instincts like you did before. As far as I can tell, she wanted a drama and she didn't get one. Boohoo for her.

[DN]

When her friend told you that you should work it out with her what exactly did she say?

[Lansing]

wow.... Posts like this really make me worried about the dating world! Geez.... at least you weren't CHEATING on her... how does she show you that she loves you by finding another guy!!

 

As hard as it is, I would move on if I were you. It is a long distance relationship and for that you need very good communication in order for it to work. It seems like for whatever reason the two of you aren't communicating well. Regardless of how much you feel she is the perfect girl for you, I think a large part of it is trying to heal your feeling of rejection.....

[Gullwing]

Thank you guys for your kindness and your replies.

 

This is to answer some of your questions :

 

Regarding my affection to her, i always showed affection, but not excessively so, i was not clingy or needy. I sent her flowers once, and gave her a red rose a few times, I even drew a portrait for her as a gift and her mother took it from her and framed it because she didnt want her to throw it in the garbage in case we broke up ( we laughed at that because we "were never gonna break up" )...I told her that i loved her often...and that she is the smartest prettiest woman i ever met...so it was definitely not the case of a lack of affection. The only time i acted cold was when she broke up with me....cold as a stone in fact. It really shocked her because she wrote me an email saying that i must have known something was wrong so thats why i didnt get it as a shock.

 

 

As far as communication goes I think we were communicating as best as we could and we were not afraid of being honest with each other. After I proposed to her two weeks ago she kinda shocked me by saying she thought our relationship was not going well and that she is shocked by my proposal and she feels so guilty for thinking that we were not going well...but we both talked about it and agreed it was the long-distance effect and had plans to move in together this summer.

 

As for her friend's email I dont think it was meant with good intentions, I think her friend just wanted me to talk to her and convince her of having an abortion so that she won't be stuck with a fatherless kid. But I know i have no say in this issue whatsoever, especially not now. I was always supportive of the unplanned pregnancy and told her that even though it was not a convenient time , i would not push for an abortion and I would take responsibilty and support her always and never leave her or cheat on her or be bad to her.