you can't NOT love her

[Liam Weic]

My GF is a really likeable person. She's a great conversationalist, she's beautiful...she has the best laugh in the world...the list goes on and on. Aside from the fact that I already don't think i'm attractive enough for her (i've seen the 'surprised' look on some people's faces), I get jealous with people she talks to. Girls, of course, not so much. She's just so well spoken, and i'm not. She kind of easily fits right in, whereas i'd have to try hard as heck to get into a conversation as well as she did. And even so, my interest would either wear off, or i'd get tired.

 

Now of course when she talks to guys it just really boils my blood. It always seems like she makes such great connections with just about every guy that sparks up a conversation with her (yes with me there...its as if they assume we're not together). and even though she does hold my hand, or include me in the convo as her BF, you know..letting them know what her status is, i feel like they always hit it off.

 

I always start to doubt myself, and size myself up with the people she meets. Its usual the "he's better looking, hes an adventure seeker, he's in a band, hes (something INTERESTING here)" types that manage to find their way towards her. So because of her great qualities...she's always making guy friens wherever she goes.

 

I really don't want to tell her, again, because i don't want to make it seem like i don't want her to talk to anybody. but then again i just don't know what to do! It also doesn't help that we started out as friends and then it grew into something more one day.

 

I feel I have really nothing to offer her. I'm genuinly a boring person. I don't like going to clubs, or going "out" for that matter, because people can be really dumb at popular spots (think drunk college people). And people like that really iritate me. Of course for her i'd do anything to make her happy...so i try...hard. but it usually results in me being really grumpy at the end of the night and her night coming to a stop.

 

She's used to the more "finer cuisine" places (lol...i mean places that have someone take your order at a table), whereas i'm more of a "hole in the wall" type of guy.

 

Well basically all these things make me relly self conscious and make me t hink i'm really not worthy of someone like her. When I tell her about things like these, she tells me about how much she loves me, and how i make her so happy, But i just can't seem to see it.

 

Any words of wisdom?

[Princess18]

Believe in yourself and believe her when she tells you she loves you- shes with YOU afterall

[xblondyx]

She's with you not these other guys. Just be happy that you've got her and happy that she loves you.

[Scout]

Hi Liam,

 

Actually, there are certain elements of "oppositeness" that can really enhance a relationship. Face it, two very outgoing people are eventually going to end up in battles for attention. Two people that both love to spend money on fine dining are soon going to break their budget, and two people that only like hole in the wall places are never going to splurge on themselves from time to time. So, it actually sounds to me like you and your girlfriend balance each other out quite nicely.

 

Do you both treat people with kindness and consideration? Are you both trustworthy? Do you laugh together, engage in good conversation together? It seems to me those are the more important things to have in common. And it sounds like you have that!

 

I can't guarantee your relationship with her will last...you're both very young...but it does seem like a healthy relationship, which is setting a very good pattern for what you will always seek in your relationships.

 

My boyfriend and I share common values and world views, but he's more of an introvert, and I'm more of an extrovert. It actually rounds things out a bit. If he was my carbon copy, we'd have way too many clashes. But we do share the important things to have in common, and at the end of the day, it's the best relationship I've ever had.

[Liam Weic]

Princess and Blondy, yeah, i tell myself that all the time...and it works...most of the time...but there are times that ijust really do wonder.

 

Scout...you're right...I say it makes a little bit of sense that we kind of make up for what the other person doesnt "lacks". We do for the most part have the same values....we treat people very great (when they can get me talking) and other things...

 

but sometimes...i just really look at her previous BFs...and i wonder what the heck shes doing with me lol. I mean some of these guys could be models! But then i just tell myself what you guys basically told me, and it makes me feel a little better.

 

I'm going to try to get in shape. I say 'try' because with my work schedule, and my demanding major....i really am just burnt out at the end of the day...mentally and physically....but maybe that'll help my self-esteem or something.

[Scout]

If it will make you feel better about things to work out, then go for it! The health benefits alone are worth it.

 

But please don't insult your girlfriend's depth of character by thinking she'd dump you for someone with model-looks.

[Liam Weic]

I just feel that i pale in comparison to her exs...and i want to look the best i can for her...i can't help but be insecure sometimes.

 

since we did start out as good friends...she would tell me about them...and well NOW...each of those memories are like daggers through my heart...but i sincerely try to get past them....its hard.

[Scout]

Live in the moment of now, not what is in the past. It sounds like you are in a really good relationship, but are letting precious moments of happiness go by because you're too fixated on whether you're going to be able to keep it.

 

Hey, maybe it won't last. But at least you know you can get such a terrific kind of person for a girlfriend. If it doesn't work out, I am pretty positive it won't be because, one day she looks at you and says, "Hmmm, he doesn't have model looks so I think I'm gonna dump him."

 

However, it might be because your distrust and insecurity really wear her down.

 

Let go and enjoy what you have, my friend. It will make it so much easier for your girlfriend to enjoy what she has - a truly great guy who is a real catch himself!

[Liam Weic]

lol...jeez...butter me up much...

 

thank you though. you just gave me a gentle shove in the right direction. I appreciate that.

[Scout]

Liam, it's because I'm in the relationship you describe. My boyfriend has asked me before, what do you see in me? I would think a girl like you would be way out of my league.

 

In all honesty, my jaw dropped when he said that. He's got to be the coolest, smartest, funniest, and most importantly - KINDEST - guy I've ever met. I'm the one who lucked out. But, if he wants to continue to believe the opposite - I'm ok with that! No but seriously...I've dated guys in the past who on the outside, the package looked great. But what was actually inside was a major disappointment.

 

It sounds to me like your girlfriend is a smart girl: she doesn't have time to waste anymore on the flashy guys who have no substance.

[lisica]

Hi,

 

You might want to consider working on your self-esteem instead of relying on your gf to boost it. In the long run, it is no fun being in a relationship with an insecure person who constantly needs reassurance. She developed a crush on you, which means that she feels that you are special. Don't destroy this by systematically focussing her attention on negative aspects ("I am not this, I am not that, etc.").

 

Once I was in a relationship with someone a lot like you. At first, I had a big crush on him, and I foolishly believed that I would be able to make him realize what a fantastic person he was. I spent so much effort in trying to reassure him, but the problem only got worse. Up to the point where he felt so bad about himself that he did not want to go out for job interviews anymore because he felt quite worthless (although he had a university diploma and work experience). He lost contact with his friends and he did not want to go out with my friends anymore either, because he felt that they were so much more successful, which made him feel bad. I felt like a failure because I could not make him happy, and I also lost a lot of my respect for him. Eventually, that led to a break up.

 

So my advice for you: stop fooling yourself in thinking that you have nothing to offer her. For if that would be the case, she would not be with you. From there, expand the things you are offering her and become the man that she will never want to leave. A listening and understanding friend, a caring man who can provide for and support her, a playful lover,...

 

You have been her friend before you became a couple, so you know what she is after in a man. Use that to your advantage!!

[HellFrost666]

I can relate. My girlfriend is a bar tender, so she has guys hitting on her all the time at work. She is intelligent, funny, gorgeous, and I still can't figure out how I ended up with her.

 

I just don't think about it. She comes home to me every night and that is what matters. These guys can hit on her all they want, and if she flirts back it just means bigger tips. If I thought about all the guys who want her I'd drive myself crazy.

 

Don't doubt yourself.

[bodgerandbadger]

You definitely have to work on your self esteem.

 

She chose you, remember that, not anyone else. Isn't it insulting to her choice of boyfriend if you think you aren't worth it. Would you really want to be with a girl because she can only get people who aren't really worth it.

 

Go on, make your girlfriend feel special, and think to yourself you are someone special and she got a real catch. She probably does (think it and have it for that matter).

 

If you continue to believe you aren't worth it, she may just start to believe that and go find someone else who IS worth it. But if you tell yourself you are worth it, and really make her believe that (nothing but your attitude is required) she will continue to believe she has a great catch.

 

You can do this in practice by being a bit of a challenge. Not by being an * * *-whole and ignoring her, just by not giving her ALL of your time and being able to say NO once in a while. Also be playful and don't be afraid to MAKE FUN of her. She will like being teased, a little bit. She also might not be so used to it, with all those other guys worshipping the ground she walks on.

 

About the guys she talks to, instead of sitting there thinking oh my god this guy is so amazing. Think to yourself " haha, look at you, you think you are so cool, but it's not you who is with her, it is me".

 

An attractive girl is going to have many guys after her. Think of it as a compliment to you. Also whether she stays faithful has nothing to do with the other guys. That's right, NOTHING. It is only to do with how YOU make her FEEL. That has also nothign to do with your status, just how you interact with her.

 

There are some things which I do think are disrespectful. When she is talking to these other guys they shouldn't be touching her "at all". Also they shouldn't be talking about sex. If either of these things happen, just tap her on the arm and tell her" come on baby, lets go". But don't have a go at the guy!

 

One final thing. You don't need to be in a band, or anything specific. But what you do need is some INTERESTS outside of her. Something which not only makes you feel good, but which gives you an oportunity to say, "hey baby, can't go out tonight I am "insert outside interest". This will make you feel more valuable if she has to fight a little bit for YOUR time.

 

Bodger

 

I hope this helps.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I've been on both sides of this one, currently I'm the one my boyfriend thinks hes not good enough for. When he told me that, I laughed, and I would bet anything that your girlfriend certainly DOESNT think shes better than you, opr that you arnt good enough for her...she probably thinks she's lucky to have you.

 

Maybe you could try to find something that interests you so that you feel like a more well rounded, interesting person? It cant hurt..and remember, you MUST be cool if this outgoing, lovely girl chooses you over many others! Hold onto that.