Allowing your daughter to stay over boyfriend's house?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Hello, I guess this is primarily directed at any parents of teens on here, but anyone's input is welcomed!

 

I'm 17, and back in October I met a guy (who is now my boyfriend of about 5.5 months) whilst out with friends..we texted, met up, and got together. He is 21 and lives about 15 minutes drive away from me. He has a car, he is now a homeowner (since his dad passed away) and he will be graduating from Uni this year (which is about 2 hours away).

 

My main question..I appreciate I gave more background than needed, but would you let your daughter stay over at his house 4 weeks into the relationship when you havn't met this guy, who you know is 4 years older, and don't even have his phone number or full address or met his parents? No sorry, I lie..my mom met him for literally 2 minutes, and it was a hasty late-at-night introduction. Ive stayed over about 25 times now, I guess, or thereabouts.

 

Its just..from my friends Ive spoken to, no ones parents would let them do what mine let me do.

 

Just after opinions.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

i don't believe my mother would allow it, however she has been known to allow stuff that i would never even conceive as possible for a parent to allow. so who knows =P

[Relationship Coach]

I have two step daughters of my ex's which I raised since they were 2 and 4, they are now 19 and 21. I would never consider this. They were not aloud to date anyone without meeting me first and I had all the phone numbers and addresses I needed. Sleeping over at 17? Never 18, sure if they were no longer living under my roof!

 

RC

[CarnelianButterfly]

No way! I would want my daughter safe at home. I wouldn't imagine allowing that, maybe if she were over 18 or maybe if I really knew the boy (like he had asked to marry her), but no way for such a short term relationship.

[RandomAdvisor]

Absolutely not!

 

I would not allow it in this situation. I went through a similar thing with my GF, but we're in a long term relationship. This May will be 5 years. It was only last Summer she started sleeping over at my house. She's 21 and I was 23 at the time. I visit her house often (even when she's not there) and her parents know me well.

 

With you though, you practically just met this guy, the age gap is bigger, and your mother doesn't even know him. Allowing your daughter/son to sleep over with their significant other at that age is tantamount to condoning sex between them. If I were a parent, I don't think I would be naive enough to think sex wasn't happening, but that doesn't mean I would facilitate it like that.

 

Your mother sounds pretty lax.

[stratguy620]

No, I really wouldn't. Like someone else said, unless my daughter were 18 and still living with me, then maybe. How can your mother be expected to trust this guy if the meeting was so brief?

[ElektraHere]

Perhaps your parents allow it because of the problems you have spoken of in past posts? They may not appreciate it or like it but are afraid to "rock the boat with you."

 

I would think that a parent would want names,numbers,addresses,and to actually meet this guy. Why don't you introduce him to your parents?

[DN]

My girls are adults now but I would not have allowed it when they were that age.

 

Too much temptation. Too many bad consequences of a lapse in judgment.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well, some more points:

 

1) My parents were/are pretty conservative in other ways on drugs, alcohol, staying in school, etc. I am and have always been afraid of them.

 

2) When they were 17 and 19 they would stay over at each other's places all the time and have now been married 25 years.

 

3) We didnt have sex for four months as he didnt want to rush anything, so its not as though I went there for nights of rampant sex.

 

4) My mother hates hypocrisy and says that at my age she was staying over at my father's place all the time, so to say NO to me would be wrong and she *trusts me to be sensible*..shes right to be able to trust me, but even so..heh. She knows full well that we doont just sit around and play chess, but just says *I dont want to know details!* and laughs.

 

5) My boyfriend says if he had a 17 year old daughter he wouldnt let her do this, and hes not a very uptight person himself.

 

Hmm..but then again, my mothers mother was an alcoholic who didnt really parent her at all, and her father died when she was 7..she never had anything to look to for ideas how to parent her own kids (ie me and my sister).

[Burning]

I have two daughters and a son. Both girls are adults now.

 

The oldest one was very sensible. She had a long rope and I never worried about her. She would stay out on weekends till the wee hours. She was fine.

 

The second one was quite emotionally challenged and quite a bit on the wild side (like her mother was). She had a short rope.

I still worry about her. She had an 11:00 curfew. She still got into lots of trouble.

 

I had to treat them differently to love them the same. One needed protection and the other didn't.

 

I think it all depends on the child, not the parent. Maybe you are sensible and your parents trust you? Just a thought.

 

Burning....out

[melrich]

My mother hates hypocrisy and says that at my age she was staying over at my father's place all the time

 

Yes I would be faced with the same dilemma (gf staying with us at 17). I think I would allow it. It did not harm me or my long ago ex in any way but I'd want to know the b/f much better than your parents know yours.

[7CardStud]

Want to hear a true story that still kinda gets to me?

 

My current girlfriend was Allowed to go up with a guy friend and his brother and g/f to some random cabin together where they all got drunk, she got alc. poison but slept with the guy. She says nothing happened, but how can she know... Anyways,

 

Her mom won't even let her come with my family to the cabin... I get so mad about this, I feel like her parents don't trust me... I don't smoke or drink, I helped my g/f stop smoking pot and cig's...

 

The guy she was allowed to up with was 20, and at the time she was barely 16.

 

Now she is 17 (nearly 18) and I'm 18.

 

Another thing that troubles me, is that she doesn't really even try to convince her parents... She obviously did something to allow her to go up to that cabin. But I guess I'll never know.

 

(sorry if my post seems to be depressing, im going through a big dip in my life atm...)

 

Good Luck,

Sven

[VeganBohemian]

Same here. I sleep over my bf's house all the time, but I am 19, he is 21. At 17...no I would not let my kid. After she is out of high school, most def.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well, Im 18 in 2 weeks.

 

Thanks for all replies.