How would you react at a party if???

[shau_nee]

How would you react if this happened to you. I was at a party with a few of my friends. I was sitting at a table with a few of my girl friends and my bf. I could tell that my bf was attacted to one of my friends. She was really drunk and started talking about the panties she had on. My bf got excited and asked her to see them. She pulled down her pants in front of him and showed him. She was wearing a g-string and I was quite pissed off at her and him for doing that. I ran out and told him maybe they should hook-up and get together instead of me and him. Now I'm pissed at both of them and I never want to see him again.

[MetalGuitar]

I would definetly base this on the reaction your boyfriend had to her pulling down her pants.

 

If the situation was comfortable amongst you all that he could jokingly ask your friend, but your friend did it anyways... well, as long as the guy wasn't gawking at her like that was really his intentions, then I'd be more pissed at my friend than the guy...

[Goodfun88]

I think that your reaction was appropriate! I would never want to see him again either. That is so disrespectful of your bf and your friend. Stay away from him, he is not the type of guy you want to be in a relationship with! Good luck!

[Scout]

If she has so little respect for herself that she basically strips for attention...and your boyfriend has so little respect for her that he eggs her on to do it...then I say they deserve each other. You clearly have more class than either of them.

 

Try not to stay angry too long, neither are worth it. You'll find someone much more worthy to be your boyfriend.

[xblondyx]

He obviously didn't care that he would hurt you by doing this. In my opinion he's not worth it. Move on and forget him, you deserve better.

[shau_nee]

omg, I am like so hurt by this. she says she didn't mean it that she got way to drunk and didn't know what she was doing. I don't know if I should forgive her or not.

[Boricua7]

How would you react if this happened to you. I was at a party with a few of my friends. I was sitting at a table with a few of my girl friends and my bf. I could tell that my bf was attacted to one of my friends. She was really drunk and started talking about the panties she had on. My bf got excited and asked her to see them. She pulled down her pants in front of him and showed him. She was wearing a g-string and I was quite pissed off at her and him for doing that. I ran out and told him maybe they should hook-up and get together instead of me and him. Now I'm pissed at both of them and I never want to see him again.

 

I'd initially be royally pissed off. I probably would've given him a nice little punch in the arm while giving him the "W.t.F!?" look. I don't think I would ever talk to my friend again. I personally think she disrespected you more than he did. He is a guy. Guys can love someone dearly and still want to get a good look at another girl. I'm not saying they are all this way but most are. Why do you think strip clubs are so popular? I'm not trying to justify his actions due to mere male instinct but take that into consideration.

 

Also, cut your friend some slack too. She was drunk. I have been known to do some stupid things while I was drunk too, although I've never hit on my friend's boyfriend...that's just wrong. She apologized. That's all you can ask from her. She can't undo what she did.

 

Did he apologize at all? If he didn't than I would still be mad at him. If he did however, let it go. Nothing happened, right? He knows you didn't like it. It's over. Unless he does something like that again (or has in the past), just drop it. There's no point in dragging out a fight because it's not going to change the fact that what happened indeed happened.

[Relationship Coach]

Your BF is disrespectful and your GF needs to get her drinking under control. The fact that your BF was hypnotized by the G-string conversation which of course forced him to ask her to see them well, leads me to believe he's human but not too committed to you. Knowing that she is drunk and your friend, he made a very poor decision. Your GF has more than one problem and needs to get her alcohol induced stripper act under control. She's looking for trouble and your BF in my opinion has crossed the line and his trust would now fall under suspicion.

I would let them both know that there antics were both sophomoric and embarrassing. I'd probably rethink whether either of these two are worthy of having a relationship of friendship with you.

 

Some may say that this was just an isolated incident and use poor judgement and alcohol as an excuse but I think there is more going on here.

 

RC

[Boricua7]

...Some may say that this was just an isolated incident and use poor judgement and alcohol as an excuse but I think there is more going on here.

 

RC

 

This may be true but don't jump to conclusions. If behavior like this continues to occur between the two of them, then you have grounds for suspision. As of right now, just let it go. What happened, happened. You can't change that. Both of them may truly regret what they did so accept their apologies and move on. Yes, they were wrong in what they did and obviously were not taking your feelings into consideration but it's over. Unless something like this comes up again, I would just try to forget about this incident. People make mistakes. Remember: "To err is human..."

[Scout]

I guess you could be the bigger person and forgive her...but never forget it. Especially if she continues to drink to the extent that she does.

 

As for your boyfriend....I would not take him back, if I were you. Ever. Instead, walk away from the jerk with your head held high. You're still quite young, and now is the time when you will be setting standards within yourself for how you want to be treated by the opposite sex. Start off on the right foot by never letting someone get away with disrespecting you like this, and you might just teach this guy a badly needed lesson in the process.

[kellbell]

You know, I get so tired of people blaming alcohol for acting dispectful to one another. Drunk or not, your friend needs to take responsibility for what she has done...she has hurt you. I would give her the cold shoulder for awhile and maybe next time when she drinks around you and friends, she will think twice about acting inappropriately.

 

I would be mad at too if that was my boyfriend. I think if my boyfriend wanted to see and hold some other girl's panties, I don't think he is the one for me. I think you deserve better. I am so sorry that this happened to you.

 

(((hugs)))

[Boricua7]

I guess you could be the bigger person and forgive her...but never forget it. Especially if she continues to drink to the extent that she does.

 

As for your boyfriend....I would not take him back, if I were you. Ever. Instead, walk away from the jerk with your head held high. You're still quite young, and now is the time when you will be setting standards within yourself for how you want to be treated by the opposite sex. Start off on the right foot by never letting someone get away with disrespecting you like this, and you might just teach this guy a badly needed lesson in the process.

 

I agree with forgiving but not necessarily forgetting. When I said earlier that this incident is something I would forget, I should of said it is something you should put behind you.

 

I disagree to an extent about leaving your boyfriend. Do you want to be the kind of person who leaves someone just because they made a mistake? I mean, would you want him to do that to you? Think about it. If it were you and you were sorry for what you did, you would want him to believe that you were sorry and give you a chance to make it up to him, right? You would want to prove to him that you are not an unfaithful and unappreciative sleezeball, right? Everyone should be alotted a second chance, whether they deserve it or not. Now, the reason I mentioned that I disagree to an extent is because he needs to know that you are not going to tolerate behavior like the kind he was exhibiting at the party. He needs to realize that dating is not baseball. It only takes one strike to be out.

 

Also, keep in mind that alcohol is a reason but it is in NO WAY an excuse. Whether you are drunk or not you have to take responsibility for your actions. I believe that most of the things you do when you are intoxicated are things you probably would have done while sober, alcohol just gave you the guts (and the exuse). I'd be weary of this person you call "friend" if I were you.

 

Quick questions: Were you drunk? Was your boyfriend drunk? Did he ever apologize to you?

[Scout]

I disagree to an extent about leaving your boyfriend. Do you want to be the kind of person who leaves someone just because they made a mistake?

 

In my opinion, this wasn't a mistake. This was a deliberate act of disrespect. And frankly, I found it very troubling that all this happened within a set of teenagers. I do not think young girls should advocate their friends stripping, or advocating their boyfriends to egg this kind of demeaning behavior on...and if she continues to date him, she is essentially letting him off the hook for this.

 

She can forgive him, yes, and be friends with him. But she should teach him a lesson that such disrespect has consequences. People tend to make the same "mistakes" over and over again when there are never any consequences of doing so.

[Boricua7]

In my opinion, this wasn't a mistake. This was a deliberate act of disrespect. And frankly, I found it very troubling that all this happened within a set of teenagers. I do not think young girls should advocate their friends stripping, or advocating their boyfriends to egg this kind of demeaning behavior on...and if she continues to date him, she is essentially letting him off the hook for this.

 

She can forgive him, yes, and be friends with him. But she should teach him a lesson that such disrespect has consequences. People tend to make the same "mistakes" over and over again when there are never any consequences of doing so.

 

I can't argue with you. What you are saying is indeed true. It is troubling for teenangers to advocate such behavior and/or egg it on. I disagree that by not breaking up with him she is letting him off the hook. Yes, breaking up with him would be a great way to teach him his lesson but I would like to think that there are other ways to do so. I know that I, myself, have made mistakes that I regret and have never done again. Here is where trust comes in. Should she trust him enough to believe that this is the kind of thing he will never do again even though he has essentially lost all of the trust she had in him by doing such a thing as he has done or should she drop him like a bad habit? This is where being in a relationship gets hard. She does not have to pretend like everything is fine and dandy if she choses to continue dating him. I agree that he needs to learn his lesson. I just don't think you HAVE to dump someone for them to get the message.

[Scout]

I do not think young girls should advocate their friends stripping, or advocating their boyfriends to egg this kind of demeaning behavior on...and if she continues to date him, she is essentially letting him off the hook for this.

 

Figured I'd better clarify what I meant here. Obviously, the original poster never advocated her friend stripping or her boyfriend's behavior, because she rightly left the room/party.

 

What I mean to say, and should have worded it better, is that this kind of behavior is demeaning to females. If her friend doesn't have enough respect for herself to curb that, that's her problem. But by getting back with her boyfriend, she's essentially letting him get away with this kind of sexist, disrespectful behavior.

 

And I think it's sad, but too many teen girls today are afraid to say, "No! This is wrong" when guys act disrespectfully.

[Boricua7]

Figured I'd better clarify what I meant here. Obviously, the original poster never advocated her friend stripping or her boyfriend's behavior, because she rightly left the room/party.

 

What I mean to say, and should have worded it better, is that this kind of behavior is demeaning to females. If her friend doesn't have enough respect for herself to curb that, that's her problem. But by getting back with her boyfriend, she's essentially letting him get away with this kind of sexist, disrespectful behavior.

 

And I think it's sad, but too many teen girls today are afraid to say, "No! This is wrong" when guys act disrespectfully.

 

Point well taken. It really depends on how he enterprets her getting back together with him. If he thinks, "No big, she still want to be with me. I can get away with it." then yes, she should break up with him. If he thinks, "Thank you God she loves me enough to take me back even though I majorly screwed up. I swear I'll make it up to her." then she should give him a chance.

 

People don't think the same so they enterpret things differently. Obviously because you think taking him back would mean letting him off the hook and I think taking him back would mean giving him a chance to prove her wrong about the fact that he does not respect women.

 

Yes, what her bf and her gf did were wrong. The girl should not lower herself to do such things for attention and her bf should not support such actions nor should he have been at all interested. He could have easily said "Ew!" or "What the hell are you doing?" but he didn't. Then again, most guys would find it difficult to turn away from an attractive female, especially one willing to show more than she should. She was using the fact that most guys can't resist temptation like that to her advantage. Like I said before, although I would be weary of both of them I would be more worried about this "friend". No, he shouldn't have looked especially if he cares about you but she should not be trying to get him to look (alcohol involved or not). What kind of friend is that?

[Scout]

Sorry, Boriqua, we must have been posting at the same time. I hear what you're saying. And we may just have to agree to disagree on what kind of behavior is forgiveable, and what isn't.

 

But, I read a book recently called "Female Chauvinist Pigs" that really illustrates the troubling state of affairs today with girls feeling they have to "exude confidence in themselves" by basically acting like raunchy guys, themselves. The book talks about college students who bare their breasts in exchange for a lousy "Girls Gone Wild" hat, among other examples.

 

The nutshell of the book is that women have seriously lost their self-respect and undone everything that the early feminist movements accomplished. Women have made themselves mere sex objects again.

 

Not to go off on a tangent...but the incident the orginal poster described could have been something right out of this book. And the only way for the damage to get undone is for young girls to absolutely not tolerate this kind of behavior. So, that's what I meant when I recommended she teach her boyfriend a lesson by breaking up with him. I think this trend in society needs to be broken, once and for all, before it gets a lot worse. And it starts with one person at a time, refusing to advocate such behavior.

[Boricua7]

I agree that women these days have pretty much gone right back to being sex objects. There are more factors than just girls acting naughty. It's guys reacting the way they do to such acts. It's parents allowing their 12-year-old daughters to walk out of their houses with make-up on, short skirts, and stiletto heels. It's sex being potrayed on T.V. and in movies as nothing more than desireable. When was the last time you saw a beautiful scene where two people were making love? When was the last time you saw a music video that did not have a half naked woman on it? Sex sells because we buy it.

 

You're right. It takes one person at a time to stop advocating such behavior but you don't have to be an extremist about it. There is more than one way to make changes.

[Relationship Coach]

I'm with Scout here, the point is not about sending a message by dumping him, it's about lowering your own standards by subjecting yourself to this behavior. Her BF is a louse and was attracted to this girl prior to the drunk show and tell. I'm all for working out issues in relationship but there has to be a mutual level of respect to do so, here there is obviously not. The fact here is the relationship itself was not as strong as she thought it was. His actions are inexcusable, forget about Miss See String, he whether drunk or sober clearly acted upon his raging hormones.

There is no trust to be tested here, only how to get over the feelings of having her trust broken. Those that advocate second chances and so on are often those that wanted one themselves and were denied. I cannot sympathize with stupidity, violence or malice which hurts, humiliates or causes these types of feelings associated by being betrayed by both your BF and GF. Who needs friends like this?

 

RC

[Scout]

Boricua,

 

You are remarkably mature for an 18 year old. I honestly don't mean that in a condescending way, either, because I was a complete Neanderthal at your age.

 

And everything you just said is right on. Sex sells, and has been turned into a cheap commodity: from sleazy reality TV shows, to gossip magazines that have turned celebrities famous for who they're sleeping with, not for any real talent.

[Scout]

Thanks RC! I was almost hesitant to mention that book, any time you use the term "feminist" people immediately think you're going to start bashing men. Nice to see a male understood where I was coming from, which was not to rage against the opposite gender, but rather, our society as a whole.

[Boricua7]

Boricua,

 

You are remarkably mature for an 18 year old. I honestly don't mean that in a condescending way, either, because I was a complete Neanderthal at your age.

 

And everything you just said is right on. Sex sells, and has been turned into a cheap commodity: from sleazy reality TV shows, to gossip magazines that have turned celebrities famous for who they're sleeping with, not for any real talent.

 

Thank you! I appreciate being able to discuss something with someone and them not being defensive or getting upset with me because we disagree or thinking that I am attacking them because what I have to say does not go with what they are saying.

 

I'm with Scout here, the point is not about sending a message by dumping him, it's about lowering your own standards by subjecting yourself to this behavior. Her BF is a louse and was attracted to this girl prior to the drunk show and tell. I'm all for working out issues in relationship but there has to be a mutual level of respect to do so, here there is obviously not. The fact here is the relationship itself was not as strong as she thought it was. His actions are inexcusable, forget about Miss See String, he whether drunk or sober clearly acted upon his raging hormones.

There is no trust to be tested here, only how to get over the feelings of having her trust broken. Those that advocate second chances and so on are often those that wanted one themselves and were denied. I cannot sympathize with stupidity, violence or malice which hurts, humiliates or causes these types of feelings associated by being betrayed by both your BF and GF. Who needs friends like this?

 

RC

 

You know what? You're probably right. I know I believe in second chances because I've been the one who wanted one before. My situation was different though but the fact remains that I regretted what I did and because I did what I did, I lost my partner's trust. I do not blame him for not giving me another chance but I know in my heart that had he given me one, we would've worked out. I love him so much (notice how I said "love" and not "loved"). I would do anything to prove him wrong, which is why I'm leaving him alone and letting him live his own life. I'm proving him wrong that I can't let things go. I'm letting him go, which is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

 

I believe in second chances because I know from my own experience that good things do come out of giving second chances. My parents are a great example. I know that most people don't deserve them and more than likely won't change but I believe that everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt. Whether or not I believe this soley because of my experiences is something I (nor anyone else) can ever know for sure.

[kellbell]

Shau nee,

 

I was just looking over your previous posts and it is just as well you get rid of this guy once for and all. He checks other women in front of you, assumes you are pissed at him all the time to pick a fight with you, calls himself single when your relationship went to a LDR. My point is, almost every single post you have made here has been about your boyfriend and how horrible he treats you and how he disrespects you.

 

I think the panties thing should be the icing on the cake. You deserve so much better. Take care and let us know how you are doing. (((hugs)))

[Relationship Coach]

Scout,

 

I've read the book. You must remember in my neutral position I have to explore all angles of both genders. I am rather fond of the positions stated in the book and there is some accountability that parents have relinquished to their teenagers because they want to be the cool, hip friend-like parents. This is a recipe for disaster, sooner or later this will blow up in their face. I cannot tell you how many emails I get from girls (women) in their early teens to early twenties who are blind to how they are treated by their BF's. There is something to be said for feminism, it should be taught right along side with sex education!

 

Boricua7,

 

I had a feeling that was the case and you are doing the right thing here, not for him or to prove a point, it's best for you. You know the mistakes you've made and whether there is ever a chance to rekindle the old relationship is not my call or possibly not even yours but it's those relationship which you have not entered yet which will benefit the most from your growth. I strongly agree with Scout, you are wise beyond your years. Pain and character build that wisdom, keep moving forward. You're very sharp.

 

RC

[annie24]

Shau nee,

 

I was just looking over your previous posts and it is just as well you get rid of this guy once for and all. He checks other women in front of you, assumes you are pissed at him all the time to pick a fight with you, calls himself single when your relationship went to a LDR. My point is, almost every single post you have made here has been about your boyfriend and how horrible he treats you and how he disrespects you.

 

I think the panties thing should be the icing on the cake. You deserve so much better. Take care and let us know how you are doing. (((hugs)))

 

This is exactly what I was going to say. You've posted so much about this guy, and he seems bad for you in every way. I think you're a lot better off ditching him.

 

If I were in your shoes, the panties thing would be the last straw. Give him the boot for good!

 

good luck