Insensitive People

[curlygirl47]

Someone just had to run over and tell me that she saw my ex out with a very young girl (19-20, just a baby, she said) on Saturday night. He is 42. This was of course painful to me and humiliating. I am trying to just take one day at a time with this thing. After the woman told me what I didn't want to hear, I left that bar and went to another place and had a pretty good time. Today I am trying to believe that it has nothing to do with me, that I am good enough and pretty enough and all that. He is an extremely insecure man, so my brain tells me that this is just another way that he is trying to boost his ego --- but it still hurts.

 

Enough of that. Here's what I'm doing to get better. I'm going to a Zen Buddhist Priory this evening (my first time) for scripture recitation, meditation, Vespers, and class. I'm also writing in my journal, writing to my counselor via e-mail, and trying to put into practice some of the suggestions in my Instant Karma book, such as:

 

Remember that anything can happen at any time

Develop many interests outside of work

Believe that life is worth living, and everything matters

Stop viewing time as the enemy

Accept your experiences, even the ones you hate

Free yourself from fear

Do the very best you know how, the best you can

 

I hope everyone has a good day and knows how wonderful you are.

[Bethany]

Some people are just plain stupid and thoughtless, some are vindicitve and get a sick satisfaction out of it, sad really, and you have to wonder about some people and how small their world is to interfere with others, Who knows what goes on in their minds.

[NJRon]

Hey! Some people are such idiots! Ah well. It's easy to do and is pretty pathetic.

 

Let me know how the Priory goes. That sounds great!

[annie24]

Uggg... I hate it when people do that!!!! Yuck.

 

Well, I hope there are far better men in your future than this guy. Good luck. Take care of yourself. You will be alright

[Nathalie1970]

Some people just like to cause trouble. Next time a "friend" comes to tell you something about your ex, stop them in their tracks and say I am not interested in anything that he does now. If they still want to tell you, walk away.

 

I'm sorry that you had to hear that garbage

[curlygirl47]

The person then went on to tell me, more than once, I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings. I know it does. I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought you should know, and so on. Good grief!!! I just said very little and tried to eat my pizza, but my appetite was gone.

 

Today: I went to an AA meeting at lunch and we talked about making a conscious decision to turn our will and our lives over to God as we understand him. I think this is a very important thing for me to do, as I feel tremendous pressure to handle everything in my life, and the emotional burden on my shoulders feels so heavy. I am going to work on this step.

 

I also got a call today from someone I was in the hospital with, and that was very encouraging.

 

More advice from Instant Karma, for me and for anybody who can use it:

 

Let the chips fall where they may.

Respond to rudeness with kindness.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable because you are strong.

Yield

Learn to recognize desires but not be controlled by them.

[NJRon]

Letting go of your attachments is very freeing. That's a good step to work on.

[curlygirl47]

Well, the whole concept of detachment is fundamental to Buddhist studies, if I understand it correctly. So I'll be on the road to freeing myself with both the AA concepts and the Buddhist principles. I'm also going to work with a counselor on my dependency issues. One way or the other I'm going to get better, damn it!

 

I just checked the Buddhist priory info again, and you can't wear jeans, which rules me out for today. I don't have time to go home and change and drive 45 minutes to get to the priory. I'll have to do that on a day when I am appropriately dressed. So, I found two other activities that I can do. One is a creative arts group, "The Artists' Way," held at a women's community center called The Grand Goddess. The other is a "progressive coffee" group, which is kind of politically based but they have music, open mic, and lively conversation. I'm into progressive political ideas, so what do you think? Any advice on which group I should go with. The first one is women only, so that would rule out meeting any men, which I think I should be trying to do even though I don't feel like it.

[annie24]

Try calling them and seeing if they have a long skirt there you can borrow.

 

I've visited many eastern orthodox churches. Women can't wear pants or shorts there when they visit, so very often, they have a box of long skirts that visitors can slip on over their jeans.

[NJRon]

Any reason you can't join both? I joined multiple things and then kind of just stuck with those I liked. You can meet men directly, or you can meet men through other women... so, I don't think I would let that be a determining factor.

 

You sound like you live in a pretty cool area to have all those things going on.

[curlygirl47]

Thanks, Annie. I might do that. The interesting thing is that we will be doing meditation. Isn't it difficult to do that in a long skirt? Maybe I don't understand how it all works.

 

NJRon, the reason I can't do both is that they are at the same time. But I can try one this week and one next week.

 

I really want to surrender to life and quit struggling so hard. I also want to find other sources of delight than my ex and memories of him. I appreciate your encouragement for these new activities.

[annie24]

I have lots of long skirts that are very loose and comfortable. Just see what they say.

[NJRon]

Loose skirts work... as well as slacks. Remember also that you will have to take your shoes off... so wear socks.

[curlygirl47]

Oh, boy. I'm wearing shoes that don't require socks today --- so, I'm out of luck on that, too. I think I'd better just prepare better for next week, and do one of the other activities tonight.

 

One step at a time. I can bear this sorrow and govern my own behavior. I just have to keep saying that to myself.