NC ruined already

[xblondyx]

Well as some of you may know, it's now been 4 days since the break up and 2 days of NC.

 

NC has been broken already. He logged onto MSN and i felt a jolt in my stomach. I really wanted to speak to him. So, i opened up a conversation and started to type just saying hi how r u. Before i could even send it, i got a message from him saying Hi. So i said hi back, said are we going to be friends? and he said yes so i said good because i don't want to argue anymore. all he said was ok. then he said he couldn't speak because he was having something to eat. so i said ok, would he speak to me after? he said he didn't know because he might be going off. so i just said ok but if he didn't go out it would be nice to speak to him.

 

I never got a reply then about 5 minutes later he went offline.

This is sooo annoying and killing me.

I want to be friends with him but i want to be more and he doesn't and by the looks of things will never be.

 

I don't think i can do this anymore. Just that two minute conversation with him has left me all flustered and wanting more. But now he's gone and i'll probably not speak to him again for ages!!

 

Problem is, school tomorrow. I see him LOADS. About, 7 times when he will be near me. I'm just going to want to run and jump on him (lol).

It's going to be very awkward and i'm not looking forward to it. What can i do to make this better?

 

Another problem is i think my ex ex wants to get back together. He heard about the break up and has been consoling me. Which i thought was nice of thing since i finished with him for my ex. It was a longdistance relationship that we had going, but i'm going back down to where he lives next month and i'm scared to see him.

 

Just venting here i'm sorry about the long post.

 

Anyone got anything to say about my situation??

[kellbell]

A few things I have to say....

 

I know this is hard but,

 

Take your ex off your MSN IM list...or block him. I had to do this with an ex of mine as well so I know it is hard but I am so thankful I did.

 

If you see your ex at school...ignore him. And if tries to talk to you, excuse yourself politely and firmly.

 

About the ex ex...never look back....always look forward. I believe that is the sole reason why our eyes have been placed on the front of our heads and the on the back.

 

NC is hard...I know it is and the first few days to a week is the most excrutiating. But it takes 21 days to make a habit as well as 21 days to break a habit. Lean on your friends and family for support. That was the sole reason I was able to survive a recent break-up (4 years...lived together for 3.5). Stop living for him and live for yourself. Plus, you are 17...plenty of time to date and have fun. Time is precious, once it's gone, you can't get it back.

 

Come here for all the support and encouragement you need. We are here for you and all of us have been through what you are going through at some point. Many hugs to you and take care.

[xblondyx]

Thanks.

 

Just deleted him off my list, didn't block him in case he ever wants to speak to me (pathetic i know but i still have hope!)

 

I doubt he will speak to me at school anyway. We don't have the same group of friends but we will be sitting on opposite tables in the same room. I'll just stick with my friends and if he does say anything or walk passed me, i'll be civil, say hi and smile but nothing more.

 

I'm going to stick to NC. I've deleted his number on my phone, but it's still on my recent text recipient. I've also deleted all texts, photos and other things off my phone and my computer.

 

Im defo not going to look back at my ex ex. We've maintained a friendship and i don't want to spoil it. He wants more but i don't want to lead him on or give him false hope because i'm still hurting over this recent break up.

 

I know it takes a long time to get over people but i wish it would hurry up!!

[kellbell]

You have gotten off to the right start. I am proud of you. You have taken all the right steps to move on. I totally understand your feelings to fast forward all this and getting it over with...believe me I know but sometimes pain and heartache toughen us up and makes us stronger and wiser. And you be after all the pain subsides...I promise.

[luvagain]

KellBell,

 

What if you have no friends were you are? I'm currently in Grad school and my classmates aren't really my friends, just colleages. I have been dealing with my break-up on my own and so far I'm doing okay. 3 months of NC (7.5 years together...lived togehter for 3), but i still miss her even though she has moved on and has another relationship.

 

I guess my question is, what's going to happen down the line when all the feelings I have been force to bottle up resurface? I still find myself crying and missing her but at times I'm angry and hate the world. Any advice?

 

xblondyx,

 

Stick to it and if things get difficult you can always turn to enotalone for advice. Everyone here is very helpful. Good luck on your healing journey. Be strong and as KellBell stated, don't look back.

[kellbell]

Luvagain,

 

Can't you contact your friends, either via email, phone, or IMing? What about contacting your family? It can be trickier when you don't have anyone around where you are. But maybe volunteering once a week if you have time, going to the gym, getting involved in other activities. I also see a social worker once a week and it has helped tremendously. I am sure there are services for those kinds of things around campus. It boils down to HELPING YOURSELF heal and taking the necessary steps to do that. I know when you are sad and depressed and angry, doing that can very hard and it can be difficult to muster the energy to do so. But you are in charge of your life, how you are going to react to situations, and your recovery.

 

I wish you all the best and take care. Let us know how you are doing as well. (((hugs)))

[xblondyx]

Problem with my ex ex. He was just chatting to me on MSN then he asked me to text him later because he wants to get close to me again. Also, to send him a picture of me because he hasn't saw me in such a long time. ARGH! What to do...?!? I just want to be friends with him, nothing more. He needs to understand that i'm hurting a lot right now and can't deal with this!

 

So much for staying strong!

[kellbell]

Blonde,

 

Tell him exactly what you just wrote here. Tell him you appretiate his offer to be there for you but it is too hard for you and you simply do not have it in you right now. If he is true friend he will respect your wishes and space. There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting your foot down and voicing your needs. And no, you are not being mean or immature. Standing up for your needs and being assertive is NOT being mean. It is commendable. Focus on YOU and not any of your ex's. You can do it. Text him or IM him what you said here and STICK TO IT. You can do this, I have faith in you.

[xblondyx]

Thank you kellbell. I'll text him saying that i will talk to him, but only as friends because i don't want to be in a relationship with him because he hurt me the first time round (he did drugs, i finished with him because of this) and i'm going though a bad time and just need support from my friends. I DO NOT need a rebound relationship. People just get hurt.

[kellbell]

Well, this is entirely up to you but you DO NOT have to be friends with him simply because he offered his friendship. Keep in mind why you broke up with him. But I would definitely work on being your own friend at the moment instead your ex's. But like I said, this is your decision, I can only offer my 2 cents and observations.

[xblondyx]

We were friends anyway. We still spoke and things like that. Just not as close as we used to be. It would nice to be close to him again but ONLY as friends. I think he knows this now. I'm going to set it out straight that all i want is friendship. If he really does want to be friends he will accept it.

[xblondyx]

Even though i deleted ex off my list, he started talking to me. Its ok actually. We've decided just to be friends which is probably better. And we are getting on i think anyway. He's not really in the mood for talking but we've sorted out that we can be friends. It still hurts and i still miss him but i think this could be the beginning of my closure!

[xblondyx]

OH MY. everyone was right. i should have kept NC. we were talking and getting along fine but he seemed quiet so i asked what was wrong and he said talking this much made him feel weird again. so i backed off but couldn't help it. i asked him why all of this happened and he said i got him down and that he would much prefer it if we didn't speak for the time being.

 

Wow, i didn't think this could hurt anymore. i said that i understood and i will give him his space as long as we can still be friends. and that if he ever needs me he knows where i am. and he said ok.

 

gosh i wish i had of kept NC. This is soo hard now. and even worse i have to see him tomorrow after all of this and he will probably tell his friends tomorrow and they'll laugh at me or give me sympathy.

 

Anyone reading this who is thinking about breaking NC. DONT DO IT! You will just hurt more.

[miticalzz]

xblondy isn't kinda hard to remain friends with the ex tho? cause I think it causes alot of hard feelings.

[xblondyx]

It depends. I've stayed friends with an ex. but i think this one is going to be different. i think he's going to totally erase me and it's killing me

[Diggitydave]

it's always easier for the dumper to stay friends. the dumpee takes on the roll of wanting to get back together and hurting over and over again when it doesn't happen.

[Caterina]

Its hard as hell, but you are going to have to go through it. You need discipline and to NC him immediately. NC is going to be damn hard. Don't think about him...when your thoughts go to him, focus on something else. KEep a listof things you hated about him by your bed...look at them and eventually you will get so mad that you'll stop caring about him. Mostly, its going to hurt b/c its rejection...no one deserves rejection. There isn't any hope to hook up with him again. I am really sorry b/c this is a damaging blow to the heart. Get into activities you love. Mostly, let yourself grieve...other people will try to rush it, but you have to get over it in your own time. Let other people tell you how wonderful you are...that always helps. Dating your ex ex may help, or it may hurt more. Don't beat yourself up. Be nice to yourself.