meeeting your soulmate

[mystic angel]

ok here goes well iam 40 yrs old and i have met and married this wonderful guy the only thing is i met him on line and we have been married for a year he is 25 and he says he is my soulmate and he wont leave me when i get old. the other thing is he hasnt had any kids and i cant give him any i have 3 kids from a perivous marriage and he is happy with that we have a grandkid and he is very happy about that he says that faith has brought us together and he aint going nowhere and he loves me for me and wants to be with me when he is 40 yrs old i know he loves and care for me but should i put all my trust in him and hope he wont hurt me in the long run he hasnt yet and he is still here with me please some advice

[BellaDonna]

Hi mystic angel.

 

should i put all my trust in him

 

I guess the first thing that stuck out to me in your post is that the 2 of you are already MARRIED. So, by becoming his wife, haven't you, in essense, put all of your trust in him? Did you ever discuss these matters with him before getting married?

 

It sounds to me, based on what he has said, that he is fully committed to you. There will come a time where he might get tired of answering questions about his intentions with you. He may feel you do not trust him by questioning his love. If that happens- he may not respond as nicely as he has been- which could create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Your relationship with him is nontraditional- but that does not mean it can't work. Seeing he is your husband- you're going to have to have faith in him if the marriage is ever to work.

 

 

BellaDonna

[MeHim]

haven't you, in essense, put all of your trust in him?

 

 

Thats my thoughts exacly. Marriage is a little late to start wondering if he's the right guy and if you should trust him and be with him.

[RayKay]

No offense, but shouldn't you have figured this out before you married him? I certainly would not marry someone hoping the trust would "follow"...the trust should be there to begin with.

 

It sounds like you have a lot of insecurities, and perhaps it would be wise to address why you feel that way, rather then putting the pressure on him to "prove" something he is already living?

[shes2smart]

You've been married to him for a year....how long were you together before that? During the time you've been together has he been trustworthy? Have his words and actions consistantly matched up? Has he treated you in a loving, respectful manner?

 

I'm not sure what kind of advice you're looking for, but it almost sounds to me like you're wanting someone to predict the future for you. There's no way to know what will happen with the two of you...or any couple for that matter. He may be a loving, devoted and trustworthy spouse until death do you part....and he might not be. There's really no good way to know -- for sure -- ahead of time. If there was, this whole boy girl thing would be one heck of a lot easier.

 

I'm in a marriage with a simliar age gap -- I was 37 when I met my husband and he was 26. We got married a little over a month after my 38th birthday. It works like no other relationship I've ever had. There will be no children in this marriage. I'm infertile, and before I found that out, I had already decided I didn't want kids anyway. He has kids from a previous marriage, but due to distance and his ex-wife's wishes, they're not a part of our life.

 

I decided fairly young that I didn't want kids and I have never wavered on that decision. If your husband has told you that not having children doesn't bother him, there's a very good chance that he's telling you the truth and won't change his mind. I would think that was something you discussed in depth with him before you got married.

 

You present your marriage & husband as being "wonderful", so I can't figure out what the issue is here. Perhaps you could elaborate some? You ask if you should put all your trust in him, but you've already been married for a year. I dunno...that seems to me like an issue that should've been addressed before you said "I do." Is there something that's happened recently that you didn't mention in your post that's been causing you to doubt him?

[DN]

Any relationship can be risky - there may be all sorts of potential reasons why a partner might leave. But surely he has thought through the age and children issues before he married you? It seems to me this is more about your insecurities than his potential for leaving you. Be careful that you don't bring on what you fear by destabilising the relationship because of those fears - like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[darkblue]

Be careful that you don't bring on what you fear by destabilising the relationship because of those fears - like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

That's what my concern was. Only, I call it 'pre-perception,' but the same applies.

[whatchamacallit]

how does he handle your 3 children. I guess they live with you and your husband? Does it bother him since he's not used to children of his own? Does he ever get jealous of them? Just curious.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Have faith in your husband. You did marry him for a reason right? If he says he won't have a problem with the age difference in the future you'll have to trust him. There's no crystal ball that will tell you if any relationship will work out after all.

 

Be there for each other, try your best to let go of your insecurities and enjoy the ride.

[mystic angel]

thanks yall and he is wonderful and we are happy i have been hurt in the past that is why i was addressing the isssues and i do trust him with all my heart and no he aint jealous of my kids 1 is 19 and the boys are 14th and 17th the 14th yr old livs with us but is in a camp right now and the other one we get on the weekends and they get alone great so i guess i have nothing to fear so ty all

[ShySoul]

As a guy attracted to older women, and who could see myself in this guys spot, I say you should trust him. You've married him, which already shows a deep level of trust and commitment. The thing with age differences is that you can feel like you are at different stages in your life. You are all settled, have lived, had kids, etc. He is just starting out. So you in some way feel that you are holding him back. You regret things like not being able to have a child with him, or worry that you are keeping him from experiencing certain things in his life. And its ok and natural to have thoughts like that.

 

But the thing is, he has picked you for a reason. He loves you and considers you his soulmate. He's given no reason to let you think otherwise. To him, its not the missed experiences, kids or things he won't be able to do that matters. What matters is what he has and that he is happy with it. And it seems he loves it.

 

Hope things go well. Best of luck.

[Cece11]

I met the man of my dreams about 2 years ago. It was through mutual friends. His friend had dated my friend, and I was looking to go out on a date, just for fun. I didn't think it would have ever ended up like this. We went out on a blind date kind of thing, and had met at a local baseball game. It was after my softball practice, and my best friend had brought him along so he could meet me. I had no idea until he showed up!!! From then, we hit a homerun, and never looked back. He was supposed to be going to Marines Bootcamp that June, and we had met at the end of April. He had only known me for about a month, and he promised me he'd come back to me. They had this thing called a moment of truth, and he had told them about his asthma that he had before. He came home 3 weeks later, and told be that he didn't want to do that with his life anymore. He had a new dream...to be with me and to raise a family together. I still feel the love that we had for eachother before he left. That summer was perfect, besides him leaving for 3 weeks. I love him now more than ever, but I could never forget how we met.............by the way, he proposed to me 8 months after he came back, and nothing has slowed down since!!! We will be married in about another year!!! I can hardly wait!!!