Question for everyone doing NC?

[didyoumissme]

Good Morning! How is everyone doing today?

[SilverCloud]

Good Morning! How is everyone doing today?

 

Good... going strong with NC... how r u going with ur NC?

[didyoumissme]

Good... going strong with NC... how r u going with ur NC?

I'm good , Thanks. I'm still going strong with NC too...

I don't think he's called since Friday night. But then again, I turned my phone off so that I wouldn't be looking for his call or exspecting a miss call.. I'm still hanging in there..

[curlygirl47]

And wavering a little. Today I wanted to call or e-mail a short message about something of mine that the ex has --- and I nearly convinced myself to do it, because I wasn't going to write anything, but "P, when you have time, will you leave X on my porch." But the truth is I was hoping he would respond with something more, which means I have expectations and hopes ---which means, "Don't do it!" And I kind of wanted to make sarcastic remarks about who he was out with this weekend (a really young girl), which is useless and makes me look like a jealous, insecure fool with no life of my own. After all, I can go out with young guys if I wanted to; I'm just not interested in boys. So I'm doind the mantra, "let the chips fall where they may."

 

So far so good, and I'm trying to keep busy and remember that I actually feel better about myself since I haven't been calling or talking to him. Duh!

[didyoumissme]

Hey curlygirl47 , Day 5 is great! Keep it up!

 

I can actually say I started strick no contact on the 1st of March. So, I'm on Day 8 of strick NC. But it's been almost 2 weeks since I emailed, called or anything. My goal is to get better and not do anything this month, take it day by day..

 

It's very hard at times tho, I'm trying to keep busy and really hard not to break NC.

Does your ex know your doing NC or are you just doing NC without saying?

[curlygirl47]

I mean, he said what we needed to resolve the questions about our relationship was time. He said "That doesn't mean I don't want to see you at all, but I don't think we should be intimate until I can commit to just being with you" (he hurt me badly by being with his ex-wife a couple of weeks ago, just a few nights after we were together). He went on to say, "I don't want to be the kind of man that you think I am (because of what happened)." So, he wants to do the right thing, and he doesn't know if he can do it, and he needs time to figure that out. He also said that I scare him because he has been able to handle everything in his life up until he met me, and I just overwhelm him. He says he is speechless, and that I am not like other women. He is frightened by the depth of his feelings for me. That doesn't make me feel much better when he goes out with a 20-year old girl, though, like he did this weekend. I didn't want to know, but somebody just had to tell me. He also said it would be soon (his decision about whether he can try again with me and give it all he's got and accept his fear, etc.) So I said bye and went to NC. He'll call eventually, I think, but I don't know when or what I will say or feel at the time. I'm miserable most of the time right now, but trying to carry on and do new things and meet new people.

[didyoumissme]

Well, he called me last Friday and I'm still trying to fit the urge to not call or do anything right now... I don't think he's going to call me again, anytime soon since he lefted a lil 10 second message. He knows , that I know that he called. He maybe waiting for me to call him back or something so I can't really exspect him to call me back since I haven't return his call yet.

The problem is I just aint ready to call and talk to him.. as of yet. I want to talk to him but then again, I'm nervous on how the conversation is going to go.

[SilverCloud]

Well, he called me last Friday and I'm still trying to fit the urge to not call or do anything right now... I don't think he's going to call me again, anytime soon since he lefted a lil 10 second message. He knows , that I know that he called. He maybe waiting for me to call him back or something so I can't really exspect him to call me back since I haven't return his call yet.

The problem is I just aint ready to call and talk to him.. as of yet. I want to talk to him but then again, I'm nervous on how the conversation is going to go.

 

it doesnt matter if he is expecting you to call back cause if he really wants to talk he will call back again.

[didyoumissme]

it doesnt matter if he is expecting you to call back cause if he really wants to talk he will call back again.

true, very true. How are you holding up right now? hanging in there like me?

[SilverCloud]

true, very true. How are you holding up right now? hanging in there like me?

 

I was not feeling good later today, talked to a mutual friend of ex and mine. Sometime being able to talk to someone right on the phone is more comforting. Friend are a true blessing. Other then the low for tonight i did good... i am glad to hear you are holding up with your NC... i know you can too... always remember NC can be done but the missing of the ex is not as easy as NC. You are allowed to miss them but you should not break the NC under any condition.

[didyoumissme]

I will always remember that! Thankyou...

[curlygirl47]

Yesterday was rough, but maybe today will be better. I am looking for an apartment in Columbia, SC where I moved from last year; I am closer to work here, but this small town is so full of memories of my ex, and of course my home is too, so I think I will be happier back in a bigger city where I can find a lot to occupy my mind and my time.

 

If I have to, I'll try acupunture, hypnosis, biofeedback, whatever, to feel better than this. And I'm not kidding.

[karchino]

My situation is, I think, a bit different but I am doing NC as well. I met this man in July 2004 on the workchat. He works for the same company as me but in a different country. So from the beginning it was already clear that this would not be a "real" relationship because I have my life here and he has his there and that is not going to change. We did meet a couple of times and that went really well. My "problem" is that because we speak almost every day and for such a long time already (it is to me anyway) I sort of assumed we were in a real relationship. I ignored the fact that we are miles and miles apart. I spoke to him about it this weekend and he told me that it was unfair for me to be waiting for something that wil not change. It was a "step back to reality". Which was really hard, because I have been living in some kind of "dreamworld".

 

So I have decided to go NC to take some time for myself, I am not doing it because I do not want to talk to him anymore. I am also doing it because lately I have been the one contacting him, to give him a chance to contact me. It is not like we broke up or anything, well, actually to me it did feel a bit like that. But at the same time I am also thinking that, what is there to be sad about because we were not in a "real relationship". You know, things have not really changed between us.

 

But still, doing NC is hard because he is an important part of my life and if you talk to someone almost every day.....So I am doing it one day at a time and concentrating myself at work, friends and basically doing things for MYSELF. And also, if and when he contacts me, I will be able to speak to him in a nice way instead of being angry with him for no reason for things we can do nothing about.

 

So I think NC is the best thing you can do. It gives you time to do things for yourself and to relax about things. So if and when he calls you again, you can talk to him in a normal way and even if he doesnot, you have so many things to do, you do not even really care/think about it anymore

 

You do not need him to be happy, the only person that can make you happy is yourself!

[SilverCloud]

I found out today that he has someone new in his life. I want to be happy for him, but when i found out things about him from a friend of mine, i no longer wish him happiness. I want to ask him sooo bad if I was just another A** for him to F***?

I wonder if he is going to give the same grief to this new woman in his life as he did to me? Does anyone here believe that 'what goes around comes around'?

[ShySoul]

What goes around does come around. Someone who treats people poorly will end up being treated poorly. They will get hurt as well. And there will always be an empty spot in there life that can't be filled by doing what they are doing. Try not to let them bother you, they will get what they deserve.

 

"What comes around goes around

I'm telling you baby, it's called karma

What goes up comes down

Hits the ground

You're gonna find out

All about, all about

Kkkkkkarma"

 

"Karma", Jessica Andrews

 

link removed

[SilverCloud]

What goes around does come around. Someone who treats people poorly will end up being treated poorly. They will get hurt as well. And there will always be an empty spot in there life that can't be filled by doing what they are doing. Try not to let them bother you, they will get what they deserve.

 

You know i guess i keep asking that question cause i sooo badly want to believe its true. I have never seen bad people get what they deserved. I am broken today. I thought maybe if he was not going to find someone he will return to me. Now that he has i wonder if i was the one that bought the relationship down cause if it was him then he would not be the one breaking up with me... so many thoughts and no answers... i think i am the one getting for doing something bad to someone....

[ShySoul]

I'm not sure the details of the relationship, but usually its not all one person or the other. There are always things we each could have done better. While the tendency is to try to put blame on someone, I think its best to just see that it didn't work because it wasn't right. Maybe see the little things you could have done better, so that the next relationship you won't repeat them. But don't get to the point where you blame yourself for everything and let that get you down. Also, unless the other did something really horrible (cheating, abuse), don't dwell on that. Try to move on and focus on the good things in your life, on you.

 

Just because he has someone new, doesn't reflect on you. Maybe he was just lucky in meeting someone else first. Or maybe the relationship is a way of covering up pain he is feeling. Try not to think of it. Try to focus on you.

 

Bad people do get what is coming to them, even if you can't see it. You have to believe it. With one girl in my case, though I wouldn't call her bad, she ended up hurting me. She rushed into another relationship and even got married. But just a few months later she says they are getting divorced and she is miserable. I wouldn't wish it on her, and I had hoped that it didn't turn out that way, but in a way that's karma at work.

[didyoumissme]

How's everyone doing? I'm still hanging in there.. going strong...

[Spawn]

doing ok.......just the odd expectation of bumpin into my ex. But i always resist doin stuff that can lead to such stupid alien encounters.

 

was hearin to Chronicles of Narnia Soundtrack the other day, very good, u might want to grab a CD.

 

15th will be kind of first month anniversary of strict NC.Think my ex was smart enough to understand that i won't do the friends thing since i didn't reply to her mail.

 

I feel empty somewhere in my heart, a mixture of numbness and sadness and also some very small but unrealistic hope of her understanding the issues we had in our relationships and workin it out, someday. aahh well thats gonna be there for some time now or perhaps for ever..................

 

way to go....

[SilverCloud]

how is everyone doing? I am having a harder time since i found out he has someone new...ouch it hurts more then what a bandage can fix....

 

It will be 3 months of NC next month and i still miss him. WHY?

[kadvati79]

Because you're human. Just maybe, you're better and bigger than he is too. Its going to be VERY hard for him to find someone who can replace the love you had for him. That may not be much comfort, but trust me - one day he will look back and realise how much you loved him, and even if he still realises he couldn't be with you, he won't forget it. I dumped someone because I was young and wanted to.... um... sleep with other people I guess. A few years later and a little maturer, he will look back and think "what an idiot I was".

[SilverCloud]

Maybe i am not the one he would be thinking "what an idiot" over.

 

lol... talk about loosing self esteem... he always blamed me for everything... now i am at a point where i think maybe there was something wrong with me... and most probably he must be think this instead "Good riddance"

[kadvati79]

Hehe, I meant he will look back at himself and say "what an idiot".... not you!!!

 

Thats what i did after I left my first partner, but I suppose I realise that if I had of stayed - I would have resented my partner. So by leaving to go shag around - ultimately I learned alot about myself, grew, and realised what I had lost.

 

(edited it to clarify

[ShySoul]

Hope everyone is doing ok, especially didyoumiss me.

 

Silver Cloud, he will one day look back and say he was an idiot for letting you go. You weren't the one always long, don't let his words get to you. Hang in there.

 

And I like the song in your sig, "Like We Never Loved at All." I used that same song to help me get through a few months ago.

[SilverCloud]

I am doing good today.

 

Thank you ShySoul and Icemotoboy your words are kind and much appreciated.

 

Didyoumissme i hope you are doing good too