I can't express my emotions!

[hilary19]

Hi everyone,

 

I have real problems opening up to those closest to me. Even though I know I can trust them and that they support me fully, I just can't bring myself to include them on my innermost thoughts and feelings.

 

If anyone knows what might help with this problem I'd be really appreciative.

[Dako]

I have the same problem, but for some reason, this place has turned me into a babbling zuchinni. Maybe it will help you loosen up a little.

[yeawutever]

It's ok, not everyone expresses their emotions or feelings that much, everyone is different. I'm not that affectionate either.

[renaissancewoman101]

Hilary19, your inability to open up to those closest to you may be because you are afraid of how they will think of you. Sometimes we fear opening up to those closest to us, because they have the greatest ability to hurt us and their opinions and views really strike us to the quick, esp if they are contrary to us.

 

That is why people use messageboards like this to talk about their lives, their problems. They see this place as an anonymous setting where they can spill about their problems and not get criticized or looked at in a weird fashion. At least on here, if we look like we are nuts, most of us here dont know each other in real life, so it gives us a cloak of anonymity.

 

I dont open up real easily to people, esp not my family and I am pretty close to them. I spend a lot of time with my parents since i have moved back here but I dont necessarily tell them what is going on with my life, what I struggle with, etc., because sometimes my mom will take things the wrong way and that can spark criticism from her. My dad doesnt know how to handle my feelings and his way of dealing with me being emotional is to give me money and hope that will take care of the problem. For example, I came back to visit Dec., 2004. My mom was out of town. I stayed with my dad for a few days and I was depressed about things and I opened up and tried to talk to him about what I was upset about. His first reaction was to tell me that things will be ok, move back to LA if I wanted to, and then he pulled out a few hundred dollars and gave it to me saying he worries about me.

 

My best friend, I can open up to, but we have known each other so long that he can guess how I am feeling before I even open up to him, so, sometimes, if he will try to pry from me to see how I am feeling and what is wrong, based on what he sees written on my face.

 

I think your inability to open up may stem from your self-esteem. Are you happy with who you are? If not, that can be a barrier for you to open up to those closest to you because you are afraid of how they might think about you.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[CarnelianButterfly]

How bout you and I go 50/50, I'm too open and I think it can be unsettling for some people.

[smallworld]

Hi Hilary, it isn't easy opening up especially if it's something you've never seen modeled in your family or ever really experienced with anyone. The best advice I can give you is to start small... with just one person. No need for any big confessions. Just try confiding something that's small but important to you like a secret desire to audition for "American Idol." See how that person handles it. Can you trust him/her to keep your secrets in confidence? If so, keep trying and in time opening up will seem less daunting and you'll find yourself being able to open to others more readily. Good luck!

[eleanorrigby1]

Im doing a degree in Counselling and Psychotherapy and as part of my course I have had to do a certain amount of self discovery, self development, I had great trouble opening up, I have a great fear of crying infront of people. It is so bad that when I first started dating my boyfriend and he would say to me "I think Im falling inlove with you" I wouldnt be able to say anything in response, but in my head I would be saying "i love you!" but I couldnt open my mouth and actually say it! this went on for a ridiculous amount of time.

 

I still feel weird and emotional when ever I begin to talk to people about how I feel. I am terrible at it but I wont pass as a counsellor until I do, so I am going to counselling myself to try and see where the route of this lies.

 

Did I trust someone in my past and found them unworthy? am I afraid of how people will see me, judge me, treat me, reject me?

 

what am i afraid of?

 

You are definitely not alone with this, but its not the way to live your life, we need to feel we can talk to people, because it does help.

 

First work out why and then you will know what to do.

 

Good luck