I'm such a

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Annie24's posts might not have made you feel better but she was just being honest with you. There has to be something that your ex likes more about him than you or else she would be with you. In the end it doesn't matter one lick what you think about this guy, it matters what she thinks about him... I think your request to have Annie's post deleted kind of proves that you're not willing to face reality. Annie gave you a big dose of reality and you didn't want to face it.

 

I'm with almost everyone else in saying that I think it might be time to get some professional help to get over this. There's absolutely nothing wrong with admitting that you need help Mark. I've had to go for therapy for a year after my the Fiance left me for another guy way back when. I recognized that I was just constantly torturing myself by thinking about her. Sound familiar? It's her life, she can do whatever she wants and she will. She's just looking out for her own happiness. You need to start doing the same for yourself.

 

I also think that Scout is right about maybe going onto other people's problems here and helping them out too. It's what helped me to get over my last ex. It's theraputic to give advice to others, especially when you see other people post with the same problem as you and your first instinct is to tell them to "get over it and move on, she doesn't care about you or she's only using you"...

[markm]

I have posted on other peoples posts.

 

Karen ended up emailing me a joke yesterday.

Not sure why. I have specifically told her not to email me stuff like that.

I was thinking of emailing her back:

 

"Karen,

Why do you think I want you to send me this?"

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I would say that if you're going to break NC with her then you do it to send that and only that.

 

Of course, you always have the choice to block her e-mails you know... If she were to come back she sure as heck wouldn't e-mail you to ask for you back and if she did I sure wouldn't take her back.

 

And yes, I do see that you post on other people's posts. I just noticed that the VAST majority of your posts are on your own subject. Nothing wrong with responding to comments on your own subject, but this is thread is just about to take the #8 spot for number of posts ever... And the advice we give you is the same over and over again. And about half of the of the posts here are from you.

 

Do you see why we're saying that you're being a little obsesive about this and we want you to get help? We only want you to be OK.

[annie24]

Well, just one more thing before I go.... I really never said anything with the intention of hurting you. I'm speaking from my personal experiences. I'm a PhD student, good job, nice home, no drug or alcohol problems, etc. No real "baggage" so to speak. I was dating a man 6 months ago. Divorced, pot-smoking, alcoholic unemployed artist. He was arrested for violence in europe and deported, and he moved back to the US.

 

Everyone was asking me why I was with him!?!?!?! Well, he had some good qualities to him. He was fluent in 5 languages. He had fascinating stories of when he lived in Paris and was living as an artist and doing interesting and cool Parisian things. He was very smart and worldly, despite his lack of formal education. Oh yeah, and he was incredibly passionate and sexy. Amazing body, hot kisser, great tattoos.

 

Well, we didn't last, big surprise. Just trying to give you a bit of insight as to why a nice girl might go for a "loser."

[Lady Bugg]

Hmmmmm..been there and done that Annie..LOL.

I dated a guy when I was 24 who had a LOT of baggage...3 ex wives and four kids. His profession lent itself to a very "loose" lifestyle. I was completely in love with this guy (or so I thought) within a few months. He ended up moving back to Chicago with one of his ex wives. It took me forever to get over this guy, because I blamed MYSELF rather than thinking...hmmmm there's something wrong with this guy. He's just not for me.

 

My poin to this is sometimes we just need to see the writing on the wall and '

move on. It will hurt..but you WILL get over it and over her. You just have to

see things as they are and not as you WANT them to be.

[Lady Bugg]

Hey Mark....

 

I know everyone is suggesting you get counseling and I think that is REALLY a great idea, but I would like to throw in another suggestion. Another poster on this site who went through a long breakup turned a lot of that negative energy inward and used that anger to better himself by working on his body. I believe his user name was Sukerbut. I think he recently left the site...

Anyway...I actually started doing what HE did about 3 weeks ago. I decided to use a lot of that energy and began an intense workout regimine. You know what? It works. I have been forcing myself to work out...usually in the mornings..ESPECIALLY if I feel down and not "in the mood". By the time I am done I feel like a completely diffferent person. LOL The point is you need to do something positive with all this negative energy you don't know what to do with. You have two choices..you can use it to beat yourself up and be depressed..OR you can use it to better yourself. ANger IS a good thing if

channeled properly.

 

Just a suggestion...

[markm]

Thanks.

Actually, I already lift weights 6 days a week, play hockey twice a week, and waterski almost every weekend.

[Lady Bugg]

Ok then..LOL...then perhaps counseling is next on the agenda.

Stick with the working out though...

[Lady Bugg]

Mark... You are addicted to this girl. Admitting that IS important. SHE is your choice of drug..you need to wean yourself off her like any other addiction.

Being addicted to a person who is harmful to your well being is NO different than being hooked on crack or heroine. Seriously. It can completely consume your life. We have ALL been in unhealthy relationships. This just happens to be yours. The next step is to get help for this "addiction".

[markm]

Damn I hate that I am or seen as addicted.

I just hate this.

I have no idea why I want her now.

After 3 weeks of NC I just miss her more.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

After only 3 weeks? That's pretty much normal. When I was doing NC, I ended up REALLY missing my ex after a month or so and didn't start to not miss her for 6 months. NC isn't a miricle quick fix cure for a broken heart. You have to give yourself time and most importantly keep busy. Doesn't matter what the heck you do, you need to keep busy.

[markm]

I haven't posted on a couple of days so that I could step away from all this. But here is an update I guess.

I broke 3 weeks of NC the other day by emailing her to tell her to stop sending me email jokes, etc.

 

I wrote:

"Karen,

Why do you think I want you to send me this?"

 

She replies:

" First of all, I know you like these type jokes. Second of all, I know you didn't just fall off the face of the earth. Why do you need to completely lose contact with somebody? I still care about you and always will; and I don't think it's terrible to say hello once in a while. Why is it so problematic that I send an email?

-Karen"

 

So I reply

"Karen, you made your decision.

It's over, so let it be over.

I am not interested in hearing from you.

-Mark"

 

 

Then she replies

 

"I made the decision to end the relationship we had, it doesn't mean I don't care about you or am not interested in you and your life. However, I respect your decision and I can't force you to say hello or reply. I just don't understand why I can't send you a funny email. What's the difference if you get it from me or somebody else?

Could I possibly pick up my mail tonight? Otherwise, I won't be able to until the weekend or even later.

-Karen"

 

Well she came over and we talked a bit.

I told her that I that I knew all the things about the new guy (Drinking all the time, addiction to marijuana, breaking up with her 3 times in a month, sleeping around on her, having a kid with some woman, going to jail, etc)

I then found out she had slept with him (ahhhhhhhhhh!)

I told her she was going to get aids or something and she is going to get herself into real trouble, etc. etc.

This guy already slept with some other girl(s) when he broke it off with her the first time.

I know she doesn't use any protection besides Birth Contol, we didn't.

 

She says to me how she is constantly making comparisons about him to me and sometimes wonders what the hell she is doing with him, etc.

I told her there IS NO comparison between him and me.

She was saying how she realizes all these bad things about this guy, but she has fun with him and her makes her feel good. (something like that) (Yeah, I guess breaking up with her and banging other girls behind her back makes her feel good, I should have thought of that)

Then she actually had the nerve to be mad at me for not calling her on her B-day! LOL Is she friggin serious?????

I told her I didn't want to hear from her ever again. She was upset and teared up when I told her that my family has been in town and she was really missing out.

Well I played it cool until she was about to leave and I just wanted to hug her.

She walked out and I called her back. She cam back in but became annoyed and was in a bit of a hurry to go.

 

Well, yesterday I contacted her Brother and her Mother.

They have been concerned about her situation and told them that I was totally out of the picture and told them about things they didn't know.

I said that at this point I could no longer be involved but had to let them know what she was up to out of concern.

Well, both of them were very happy I called them and told me I had been thru enough with her and to tell her to screw off. (wow).

Her brother had met this guy and told me that he, her other brother, and his wife didn't like him at all. They thought he was bad news and a loser, and said he had nothing on me. LOL.

They were not pleased at all, and told her already to get away from this guy becuase they could already see that he is trouble.

Her mother says Karen was terribly rude to her the other day and feels like she is out of control.

Karen had acutally told her mother about most of the stuff about this guy.

Her mother told her to stay away from this guy, cause he sounded like trouble.

Well, they didn't know about his constant drug usage and a few other things.

They told me to please stay in contact with them.

 

Her family has always been so good to me and they know that I am a real stand up guy with great morals and come from an excellent background.

 

She left yesterday for a ski trip to Denver with the new guy.

I'm doing alright.

But, at night it is hard cause I think about him having sex with her in some hotel.

Man that just hurts like crazy, I can't even describe it.

 

Anyhow, many of you will think contacting her family was a bad move. That's fine.

But, I'm not gonna stand by and let her get herself into trouble, pregnant, or get some damn disease from some dirtbag.

I told her and her family that it was a shame it didn't work out with us, and that was fine. But to at least move on with someone that was good for her.

 

Anyhow, based on her craziness I am sure I dodged a bullet.

I can't be with someone that is so blind and lets herself get into these type of situations.

I need a solid woman.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

But, I'm not gonna stand by and let her get herself into trouble, pregnant, or get some damn disease from some dirtbag.

 

If you're going to have NC with her, that's exactly what you have to do.

 

I'm not going to say if you breaking NC and talking to your ex was a mistake. In this case I don't think it is. She showed you just how insensitive she is towards your feelings. Honestly if I was you, I'd now start blocking her e-mail address. She's not going to stop hurting you. She just can't fathom that you would be hurt because she doesn't care.

 

As for her family. Dude, if her family is telling you that's she's bad news that really says something. I don't think contacting them was a bad idea at all just because they told you that.

 

I'm glad you realize you need a solid woman. You're a good looking guy and you're a nice one to boot. Give yourself time to heal and get out there again. You'll find someone who's worth your love. You ex definitely isn't even worth your time, let alone your love.

 

Good luck man, I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself with her.

[Lady Bugg]

Mark, I'm glad you told her in no uncertain terms that it's over...but now let it REALLY be over. I can't say whether it was a good or bad thing contacting her family. If you did it out of concern and her well being, and not out of spite then I think it was okay.

 

I think it's time to change your phone number and block her email adress...and heal. You've been through a LOT with this situation, and it's time for it to be OVER. You deserve better

[Phoenix69]

Marky Marky Marky Marky,

You need to make this girl miss you. May I suggest NC for a while. I am doing this with my ex bf at the moment. I am making myself unavailable for him. I spent the last year and a half of my life living with him and for him, my whole world was surrounded by him. And he couldn't show me the affection I craved. He cheated on me a couple of times in the beginning of our relationship, but even after that the trust was gone. And without trust, you cannot have love.

Anyway back to the point. By breaking Contact with this girl and giving her time to MISS you, you are also giving yourself time to heal. How long ago did this break up happen if you don't mind me asking?

[markm]

Marky Marky Marky Marky,

You need to make this girl miss you. May I suggest NC for a while. I am doing this with my ex bf at the moment. I am making myself unavailable for him. I spent the last year and a half of my life living with him and for him, my whole world was surrounded by him. And he couldn't show me the affection I craved. He cheated on me a couple of times in the beginning of our relationship, but even after that the trust was gone. And without trust, you cannot have love.

Anyway back to the point. By breaking Contact with this girl and giving her time to MISS you, you are also giving yourself time to heal. How long ago did this break up happen if you don't mind me asking?

 

The breakup happened Feb 20th (my B-day)

I told her to not contact me anymore!

But she kept texting, emailing, once in a while.

I was on N/C for 3+ weeks until 3 days ago I emailed her to stop sending me email jokes, etc.

So , as you can see I did implement NC for 3+ weeks.

She may miss me, but not enough to get rid of the new guy and come back to me.

Hell, she went right on and slept with him, and went on a ski trip to Denver for the week.

[Lady Bugg]

Mark, truthfully..your ex sounds like a selfish, mean spirited, self centered person. How could she think her dumping you then continuing to contact you was OK??? She was only thinking of HERSELF...not YOU.

You are much better off without her, and you need to keep thinking of it that way.

[jchan]

from what i see here is that there a several types of dumpers.

1) those that dump you and don't really intend on contacting you

2) those that dump you and still contact you because they really want to be friends

3) those that dump you and still contact you because they seriously don't know what the heck they want (and obviously you are not the 1st option)

 

fate has it's own way of dealing with things. when you're ready for a relationship it will give you the shot. but when you're not ready for one, it will take away the one you have, to teach you a lesson- not particularly of love itself- but a lesson to learn and grow.

[deejay74]

She may miss me, but not enough to get rid of the new guy and come back to me.

 

with all that has happened between you and her (from what i've read through this whole thread), do you even want her back? seriously. if you truly don't, then i think we can retire this thread, but it seems like you still want her.

 

i *did* want my ex back, in fact, my original screen name was "iwantherback" and my ex had treated me pretty mean since the break up even though i did break NC a few times, it seems she's a totally different person since we were together and i can finally say that i am pretty sure (about 95%) that i don't want her back. she at least has the decency to not contact me and i don't know if she's been with other guys since me (i am pretty sure she has but i have no proof). my point is it seems like my ex hasn't done the things your ex has and it's finally sinking in that we're not gonna get back together.

 

how long has this girl been doing this to you now?

[tylercdurden2004]

Marky Marky Marky Marky,

You need to make this girl miss you.

 

possibly the worst advice ever. You need to implement NC immediately to get away not from her but from the temptation you have to fulfill your obsessive compulsive behaviour. Get some counselling and deal with yourself. I only wish I saw this thread and said it sooner and didnt read 17 or so of the 34 pages.

[markm]

I did implement NC for 3.5 weeks.

I only broke it with an email telling her to stop emailing me jokes and to leave me alone.

Then she came over to get her mail and we chatted for a bit, which didn't end on such a great note.

I'm so pissed off at her for moving on with some guy so quickly.

And to learn she slept with him......undescribable.

F-ing hurts like hell.

[gesssho0o]

Well, that should really help you NOT want her back... you wouldn't want to be with someone who's SLEPT with a dirtbag? Gross! No telling what you could catch from HER if you did.

 

Just a tip...

[deejay74]

And to learn she slept with him......undescribable.

F-ing hurts like hell.

 

 

so why don't you go out and meet *TRY* to meet someone else for 2 things: 1. to get you to stop obsessing over your ex and 2. it may help you move on.

 

i used to care if my ex slept with someone else after the break up, i ended up sleeping with someone else and now i could care less who my ex may have slept with since me.

 

it made me miss my ex a little bit more but not caring about who she's been with since me is no longer an issue. and even though i did miss her slightly more after i slept with this other girl, i don't as much anymore since i've been hanging out with her (the new girl that is).

[markm]

Well, I've been doing better.

Sometimes I feel just fine and then I feel like crap again.

 

The other day I met a girl.

She seemed pretty interested and we were both flirting with eachother. She asked if I had a card and I didn't have one with me so she gave me her card and I asked her to write her number on it.

So, after "the 2 day wait" I call her last night and we chat for a bit.

All of a sudden she says, "I have to tell you I have a boyfriend. I should have told you, but I didn't want to. I did think you were gorgeous though."

Ummm...ok.....I was confused.

So I just said, "Allright then. I guess I'm a bit confused, but that's cool"

That was it. I threw her number away and felt like total crap right afterwards.

 

I really miss Karen. I hate sticking to this NC stuff. She ended up extending her contract here in Arizona until June. So, obviously things are good with her new guy, ugh.

Kind of pissed how her visit ended 1 week ago when she got her mail.

I told her how I knew all about her new guy being on drugs, drunk, sleeping around on her etc.

I was firm with her and she cried a bit when I told her my family was in town and she wasn't around to be part of it.

Then just as she walked out the door I caved and asked her to come back for a sec. She just wanted to get going though. (I regret that)

She seemed turned off when I did that.

 

I still see her emails (sorry guys).

She had a good time skiing last week with the new guy.

Apparently, he is giving up drinking for a bit becuase St. Patty's day was a big "wake up call" when he got arrested. (yeah, right)

And she thinks that things should go OK until she gets stupid and rips him apart again, but doesn't expect that to happen.

So she's gonna see how long things last this time around. (jeez, that's a lot of drama for a 6 week relationship)

 

Funny thing, I noticed she keeps all of the messages I've sent to her.

[tylercdurden2004]

Funny thing, I noticed she keeps all of the messages I've sent to her.

 

And she keeps you.