one more week to go

james21 · February 23, 2006

anyone got any ideas what i should do in my last week on this earth? i have quit my job and i am spending lots of money on all those things that i was too tight to do before. i may as well enjoy myself a bit. maybe i should visit a prostitute for the 1st time, spend all my savings on a porsche.

just to recap, i saw this counsellor twice in the last week and she told me i didn't have any problems mentally, just that i was struggling with motivation and basically its all my own making, i'm a loser. so i've bought a book on assisted suicide and now i'm going to do myself a favour. i've tested out the method and i'm actually very relaxed about everything. next friday. i don't want to leave my workmates in the lurch. a nice bottle of wine to ease my nerves, all ready in the glove compartment of my car.

hopefully i will be found by a nice dog walker or park ranger, and my family will probably all know by saturday afternoon. i feel bad for them but they'll move on after a while, i'm sure the police will break the news gently. i'm gutted im going to miss the world cup but lets face it, brazil are going to win anyway.

see you later

Itsok · February 23, 2006

Why would you end your life when you are enjoying things so much right now? You have things to look forward to, and you seem to have a comfortable living. It doesn't make sense.

So you're struggling with motivation. You seem quite motivated to kill yourself it seems. If you would put that effort into living your life instead, I'm sure you could have whatever it is you so desperately need right now that you are considering this.

Why not put some effort into motivating yourself and finding some happiness from within instead of punishing yourself?

Remember suicide is a permanant answer to a temporary problem.

Boricua7 · February 23, 2006

Remember suicide is a permanant answer to a temporary problem.

Very well said Itsok!

What in the world would lead you to make the decision to give up on life? I'm going through crap right now but I refuse to give up on myself or be so selfish to only think about ending my pain without considering that I'd be bringing the people I love extreme pain. No one said life would be easy and ending it would be taking the easy way out. God knows I've wanted to so badly lately but I haven't because the last thing I want is to make my loved ones cry; the last thing I want is to make them think they did something wrong, that it was their faults that I am gone and they were bad friends and family. There are lots of people who love you whether you chose to believe it or not.

You are not a loser because you are not motivated. I'm not very motivated either. Sh!t happens. You just have to sit down and think "What do I want?" and then go out and do whatever it takes to get what you want because when you do that all of the sh!t in life goes away; you turn around and go "Hey, I may not have what I want yet but I'm sure having a good time getting there!" You don't have to do anything unless you want to. Don't let people make you think you have to have such-and-such job or go to such-and-such college or anything like that. YOU make YOU happy. No one else can do it for you. So please reconsider. Death is final. There is no taking it back. If anything, exhaust every other option before making such a huge decision. You're not alone, I promise. Please don't give up hope. There is so much to live for!

lillady898 · February 23, 2006

i feel bad for them but they'll move on after a while

Trust me, they will never get over someone they love committing suicide.

BattlestarMarathon · February 23, 2006

No they won't. That kind of pain stays with a person forever. Don't be selfish enough to ruin your life and theirs. Their is so much in life to enjoy. Stay around and have fun. No matter how many problems we have, their are always good solutions that do not hurt anyone. Before you do something so final, consider any and all other options.

Taomagicdragon · February 23, 2006

They are right, I have had two friends commit suicide and I will forever feel responsilbe in part. Not becuase of what I did, but because of what I feel I was unable to do. Many people i know have thoguht aobut killing themselve,sand I make it my charge to save them, but when I fail (asI believe I have) it feels like such a weigt forever on my heart. Don't give that burden to those that love you. Do you have a significant other? imaigne how they would feel with you gone? Always wondering if they did or didn't do something. Stand up and take control of your life, you claim to have no motivation yet you seem motivated to take something you can never give back: your life. Keep you life and live for someone you love, give your life away, don't throw it away, allow yourself to live for that person, to be a better person, and ti live a better life

ocrob · February 23, 2006

I could never commit suicide because I could never put my loved ones through such a terrible thing. If you kill yourself, then you are being a loser. I don't say that to be mean, but you are giving up on life, which means you have lost. I would love to see a post from you in a few weeks saying you did not do this. Why not give things a chance? The worst that can happen is that you can end things in the future. James, if you are willing to take such a drastic step, then why not do something else drastic? Move somewhere new. Take all of your saving and travel Europe. Go to Alaska and work on a fishing boat. Go to Iraq and and die with honor. It just seems that if you are willing to take such a drastic measure, then you should try something else drastic that involves living. You will always have the chance to die, but this is your only chance to live my friend. Think of something really adventurous and life changing that you can do and start planning it. Make some new goals for yourself and go after them. Once you find something that you truly love and become motivated, then life will have purpose.

Bethany · February 23, 2006

she told me i didn't have any problems mentally, just that i was struggling with motivation and basically its all my own making, i'm a loser.

Have you told her that you're having suicidal thoughts and actually planning your death?

But in any case, Why not prove her wrong? I know if someone said that to me, I'd be determined to get out there and live my life to the full. I'd be the stubbornest ***** in the world and make her eat her words, and I would NEVER make her right, that's for sure!

Life is what you make it and things can and DO change as the days and weks go by. Opportunities are out ther waiting for you but only if you choose life.

Your kidding yourself if you think that your Mum and Dad will EVER get over your suicide. THEY WON'T!!!

Instead, YOU will put them through the most horrendous emotional and mental pain, something you can ONLY imagine at your age and it will stay with them throughout their lives. They may even consider committing suicide or even do it themselves because they cannot bear the pain of your loss. You think that's right because YOU feel like ****?

Think again James, Don't leave the people you love to pick up the pieces of your life when you can do it yourself.

Dako · February 23, 2006

James,

When I was in the 7th grade, my friend Robert Stultz hung himself. I still feel the loss decades later. Please don't do that to anyone. It's a terrible thing to do to the people who care for you.

Find another counselor. Don't go down the tubes on her account. After all if your mechanic was that lame you'd go elsewhere.

Meow18 · February 24, 2006

i feel bad for them but they'll move on after a while, i'm sure the police will break the news gently.

That is a pretty selfish thing to say. You have no idea how your loved ones will react. No idea. It will change their lives forever, whether or not you think it will. Cause it's not going to be easy.. people never completely get over the death of someone they care about. So, just don't say they will get over it. Just say you don't care.

It seems like you are enjoying life. Why do you want it to end? Why not just enjoy everyday like you are planning to for the rest of the week? What's so different about life at this moment where you can enjoy it?

becallamjr · February 24, 2006

I feel for you. If you feel you must go then go. But, please exhaust all other options before you do it. I'm pro-choice, but just one question before you go. WHY?

Hope75 · February 25, 2006

3 years ago my friend Joe C. slashed his wrists and bled to death in his bathroom. His room mate found him; he had pictures of his sisters hanging around his neck.

His family was utterly destroyed, and still are to this day. Every day I still think of him and feel hollow that he went through this and that I and everyone else didn't know he was feeling this badly and did nothing to help.

Please don't destroy your family by doing this- the previous poster is right when she said they will never get over it. You will destroy them- don't dissillusion yourself otherwise. They will never recover. They will ask themselves why, every day, they didn't know how to stop you or ask you if you needed help or someone to talk to. They will struggle with this and analyze it every day.

James, we've posted to you before about this. What have you been telling your therapist? Do they know you've implemented a plan, and that you are feeling suicidal? They can't help you if you aren't honest with them about your feelings.

You are so young and have so much life ahead of you. Don't destroy that and your family by a selfish, cowardly act such as suicide.

becallamjr · February 25, 2006

Hope I agree with your post more than mine now that I am back on my meds, but those are a poor choice of words in your last statement. Suicide, isn't about being cowardly or selfish. It's about finding a permanent solution to the infinite sadness.

JAMES, if you are depressed, it is most likely you will deal with it your whole life. But do know that things can get better. They may not always be the best, but it does get better. You will always have your down days, as does everyone else in this world, but yours will be a little worse than most. I know first hand. I have come close to ending it all a few times in my life. I'm still here. If I can do it, I know you can. In my case I have bipolar disease year round, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and seasonal depression whereas my depression gets alot worse in the winter. I just deal with it. I don't know, if you have made up your mind, then my words don't mean a thing. On the other hand if you are unsure in the slightest, please talk about it. Talk to me, I know what your feeling right now and I understand fully. PM anytime, I'm here to help in any way possible. Even if it's just to bs, talk to me.

Hope75 · February 25, 2006

Suicide, isn't about being cowardly or selfish.

This is my only post in response to this because I do not want to hijack this serious thread to debate suicide-

But yes, it absolutely is cowardly and selfish. There are steps James can take (and try for more than the two weeks since his last talk of suicide) that can improve his situation.

Becall, you mentioned that you life has improved quite a bit since you have been on medication- the same holds true for severe depression. How to I know? Because I lived with and was engaged to someone who suffered from severe depression for 5 years. it was trial and error for a few of those years until we found the right med and the right dose and it was like night and day.

My best friend still has suffered from depression since she was a teen, she is 33 now, and Prozac has helped her tremendously. She went from being suicidal to going back to school, establishing a career, and now, she is looking to buy her first home. These are people who could not even get out of bed in the morning and face their lives.

If there are aspects of James' life he is not happy with, he can take active measures to change that.

Him ending him life is a cowardly way to deal with not being happy in his present situation.

As far as selfish- once he's gone his family will suffer EVERY SINGLE DAY for the rest of their lives- questioning themselves and how they could have let him get this far without knowing, without taking action, something. They will agonize from the minute they wake up until the minute they go to sleep. It will NEVER leave them- it will torture them every waking moment for the rest of their lives.

I have other friends, a married couple, who's 13 year old son hung himself in their house 12 years ago. His mother walked in and found him. 13 years ago, and to this day his mom and dad are in therapy, his siblings as well, they all suffer and don't know how to deal with it. It has completely robbed their lives of any happiness and meaning. Their other children suffer because when mom and dad look at them- they see their son.

How do you cope when a child you created, gave birth to, love, teach, guide, and have raised takes their own life? James, do you honestly think after 6 months of a year they will say, "oh well, he was unhappy so this was best?"

No, it will never be like that for them. It will destroy them. That's why it is selfish.

James, There is so much more that you can and should do before you die- don't cut yourself off and deny yourself that chance. A few counseling sessions that didn't go so well are not a reason to end it. If you were completely honest with the therpist about your intentions and he did nothing, then it's time to find another therapist. You need to be on medication, to balance out your feelings. I think you would be surprised at the difference it will make.

Talk to us.

Dako · February 25, 2006

James,

Letting someone help you often heals them as well.

I was helped through the pain twice by others and feel obligated to pass it on. Many of us are around you every day.

It would be a shame to fear reaching out.

Bethany · February 25, 2006

This is my only post in response to this because I do not want to hijack this serious thread to debate suicide-

But yes, it absolutely is cowardly and selfish.

I have to say that suicide may seem cowardly and selfish to you and to those who do not understand, but it is far from cowardly and selfish.

And I can only say to those who have never felt that way... Just leave the people to the people who DO understand.

Dako · February 25, 2006

To many, it's an act of utter responsibility, but it's still the wrong choice.

I'm selfishly hoping James21 stays with us and in the future can help others in his situation.

becallamjr · February 25, 2006

James there are people here who do understand EXACTLY what you are feeling. Talk to us.

I won't continue the argument with hope anymore since she will never truly understand what you are feeling. It's a shame that we cant make those we love understand what we are going through.

james21 · February 25, 2006

i didn't explain myself very well.

basically why i am doing this is because i have failed at everything- i have had enough. academically, socially, morally, athletically, in every way i have failed, and there has always been somewhere there to let me know i've failed. i used to think i was good at art, but even other people who take it up recently are better than me.

i have no friends beecause i can't handle social situations, a mixture of shyness and borderline personality disorder. ive never had a proper girlfriend and i quit my job last week because of ppl taking the mick out of me. im just waiting to get old and whats the point, i never speak to my family, i think theyre embarrassed about me. they are all successful, happy, well connected, nothing like me.

i have heard them saying about me in the past things like, 'how could he turn out such a failure, why doesnt he get himself a girlfrend?' i think they are right, i am basically not cut out for this life- i cant handle it at all.

i really have noting to look forward to, im fed up of having a pointless, empty life. all i ever hear about is how family and love is important, well i have never loved anyone in my life and im not capable of it any more, and im not going to have a family so..

basically i am not cut out for this life- i cant handle it.

becallamjr · February 26, 2006

im fed up of having a pointless, empty life.

First of all, I know what you are going through and know exactly how you are feeling. I have been in the same position at some point or another in my life.

You need to realize that your family is NOT embarrassed about you, they LOVE you and only want the BEST things for you. You would only be doing them a diservice for taking your own life. The pain that you are experiencing right now, do you want any of them to know how it feels? If you take your life they will know some of that pain. They won't get over it. EVER.

Failure, what do you consider being a failure? If you try something and do your best at it, that is not failing.

What do you enjoy? Don't tell me nothing because that would be a flat out lie. Everyone enjoys something or some thing(s). You are right about not being capable of loving anyone though, but only to an extent. You cannot love anyone else unless you love yourself first. Do you have any siblings, what if one of them were to take their life? How do you think you would feel? I'm officially on day #2 of taking my meds again and already I'm thinking clearer and healthier, 3 days ago I was about to kill myself too. I thought of my family, the few true friends that i have and none of that seemed to matter. What helped me out was the memories of the days that I was happy, I wanted nothing but to reach that point again. Along with support of some great persons on this site, I went and got the help that I needed. Face it man, you need to GO GET HELP NOW.

Not in an hour, not in the morning, go to the hospital NOW and tell them what you are planning on doing. It is quite obvious that you don't want to go through with this, otherwise you wouldn't be waiting a week. You wouldn't have told anyone about it. I'm here for you 110%, I may not know you, but know that there is at least one person that cares.

YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE FED UP, THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Dako · February 26, 2006

James,

Bill is right. Any decent hospital can get you on the road to feeling better.

Then you can make clear decisions to get more from life than you are now.

You're locked in to a circular pattern. Life sucks, so you're giving up, but life sucks partly because you're giving up. You can break this pattern in a short time with the right help.

I went to a doc and asked for help and got it. I don't give a rat's ash what anyone thinks, depression is a medical problem that can be treated successfully, with cognitive and/or drug therapy.

When you get so tired of self-loathing and pain you want to bail, what's the risk of going to a doctor? What have you to lose but your misery?

You don't deserve to suffer like this. No one does.

becallamjr · March 3, 2006

James I hope you didn't "go", but if you did I understand that too.

SkylinesTurnstiles · March 4, 2006

never give up on life! every one has had hardships and every one has pain but there are peeple who love and care about you and will be devastated.i kno im only young but that doesnt mean i dont kno how it feels when you just want 2 die but dont give up.there is to much to loose

darkblue · March 5, 2006

You are dead a long time...

Why not attempt on life?

Death follows, anyway..

Asphyxia · March 5, 2006

wait, shouldn't he be dead by now?

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