A letter to myself...

[comfyshoes]

Frisco,

 

I swear if i wasn't gay i could fall for you on the strength of your writing alone!

Your words are inspirational! I bumped this post up because i think that people could benefit from reading your words. I never meant to drag up any old emotions for you.

 

Lets have some feedback on this guys!

As i said before, my reasons are entirely selfish. I have written a letter not unlike the one Frisco posted here and have been doing the should i post it or not dance for some time now. I know i will make the right choice when i'm ready to.

I know how i would react if i got a letter like this from someone i had left broken hearted.

 

How would you all feel?????

Come on guys! I'm having an up day, help me make it last a little longer1

 

shoes

[friscodj]

I swear if i wasn't gay i could fall for you on the strength of your writing alone!

 

And that's what I realized happens when I sent letters like this. She didn't really want to be with me, I didn't mean that much to her, and she was very likely gone before the actual split happened, but when you drop literary A-bombs like this on someone, it certainly breaks them down and does so on deeper levels knowing it is directed towards them. And this certainly "works" to "win" them "back".

 

But on the deeper level, all this does is delay the inevitable, like a shot of adrenaline into a dying race horse. After the adrenaline wears off, after the excitement of hearing beautiful words written on a piece of paper, email, etc., it goes back to being same patterns, the same familiar territory, the same, the same, the same.

 

Then you wash, rinse, repeat and still hurt in the end. Writing someone back into your life won't "fix" any of the underlying problems that caused the split and won't generate permanent and lasting love in someone's heart beyond the shock, excitement, rekindled hopes and dreams such a writing brings.

[beebee]

sigh... i feel everything you wrote also... i really dont have anything else to say... you know exactly how i feel...

[omayra]

the letter was good but yous seem like you were flirting. lol you old basterds lol j/k i dont c my self in that situation but i would say its a nice letter to writte to someone that you broke up with. peace and good luck dude

[comfyshoes]

I agree totally frisco. Just interested to hear what others think.

 

I got an email from the souless one today, all it said was " NIN - In This Twilight". Song lyrics. Song lyrics i knew. It was follwed shortly after by a text telling my hade been right about her and the woman i accused her of cheating with, that she had never stopped loving her, had been in love wit her for the entire duration of our relationship and sleeping with her for the last 2 years of it.

 

Thing that struck me was the way i didn't feel sad or angry or hurt anymore. I smiled because i knew i had been right all along.

 

Her loss! This woman has dumped her 3 times before . Hope she breaks her heart all over again.

 

shoes

[Rainz]

Wow, this post moved me to tears when I read it. Though I've not posted for some time, I always check in and have a read of other people's posts and threads.

 

I can relate to so much of what you wrote in this letter Frisco, it's so touching.

[strongerthanever]

Thank you for that letter. It expresses my feelings to my ex whom I have no contact with. It is so healing to read my own feelings from anothers hands. Cheers and Bravo to you. =D>

[JEZAUS]

Hi Frisco,

Great words...and i think more people should read it to get perspective on their own relationships (or past relationships). So i bumped it.

I realize that was written quite a while ago, but one question.

How do you feel about it now?

[papalazarou]

Bloody HELL.

 

I FEEL like cutting and pasting that letter and sending it to the old cow. HA HA

 

I wont tho!

[Vynde]

But on the deeper level, all this does is delay the inevitable, like a shot of adrenaline into a dying race horse. After the adrenaline wears off, after the excitement of hearing beautiful words written on a piece of paper, email, etc., it goes back to being same patterns, the same familiar territory, the same, the same, the same.

 

Then you wash, rinse, repeat and still hurt in the end. Writing someone back into your life won't "fix" any of the underlying problems that caused the split and won't generate permanent and lasting love in someone's heart beyond the shock, excitement, rekindled hopes and dreams such a writing brings.

 

Boy is that statement true, yet it still feels so good to get that so called "shot of adrenaline and feel that short lived rush that everything will be OK - which it will - but sometimes it makes it seem like its just around the corner, which its not.

 

Thanks for bumping this thread. I thought I read all of Friscodj's stuff.. Ill be honest I look for it - his words seem to sink in and really bring some of the best insight and advice I have ever came accross..

 

Tips Hat

 

Thanks

 

John

[nefertari]

I've also got to say that I was moved by what you wrote, that is exactly how I feel right now...except for the other women part. I actually say those things to myself every night unitentionally...almost like imagining recieving some justice and truth at the end of it all and finally being ok.

[miew]

HI Friscodj

 

I am also touched by this letter...

I guess I was kind of the girl that you described in the letter...lacking self-confidence. Sometimes I unconsciosly tried to "test" my ex, to see if he really cares for me. I got mad at him if things didn't go well not because of anger but because of fears... Anyway he's gone...

I started to figure things out and try my best to treat him nicely, make him happy... at the very end of our relationship, but it was too late for him. He had changed, actually my guess was, he was having emotional affairs with his ex by then (3 months before the breakup)...

 

Now I am very much emotionally alone like you now, and I really don't know if I will ever get rid of this feeling...I am in NC, but he wrote to me emails sometimes (just brief greetings and say that we are still friends) and I decided to remain silent. I know I will never treat him as a friend the way I treat my friends... just like I will never love anyone else the way I loved him...

[ladybird_68]

Friscodj,

it's so strange this thread came up again on the same day of my ex's birthday,

10th of July.

Everything you wrote in your letter could have been written by my ex, it ripped my heart apart but in a strange kind of way it also gave me hope. The hope that he probably truly and genuinely did love me.

 

He tried so very hard to convince me of his love, he put himself out on the line for me like you did for your ex, and I repayed him by hiding myself and shutting him out. Not out of spite, not out of intention to hurt him but out of lacking self-confidence and unability to put trust in his overwhelming love for me.

He told me time-and time again "can't you see, you're such a beautiful woman, can't you see how special you are", ... and truly, I wasn't able to see myself through his eyes.

 

I can know see how this must have made him feel - used, frustrated, lonely, hurt and so very desperate in trying to make me understand that what he told me was true.

 

Miew:

I, too, tried to make it up to him, while I felt i was carrying around a knife stuck in my heart b/c no matter what I did or said I could feel his love slipping through my fingers ...

too late, too late.

I know I'm not the only one to blame, there were a lot of other issues that probably would have made it impossible for us to be together anyway, but seeing my part, seeing how I contributed to distroy a rare chance of happiness and everything that could have been, hurts more than anything I ever felt in this life.

 

Another question to Friscodj:

I hope this isn't adding salt to the wound but don't you think there might be a chance your ex has been/ is feeling the same way I do? And if so - would it have made any difference to you?

[miew]

I know I'm not the only one to blame, there were a lot of other issues that probably would have made it impossible for us to be together anyway, but seeing my part, seeing how I contributed to distroy a rare chance of happiness and everything that could have been, hurts more than anything I ever felt in this life.

 

ladybird_68:

 

I know how you feel, I did have much regrets after the break-up...but on the other side, if our ex truly love us, shouldn't they let us know what's going wrong rather than just walk away and escape from us? (My ex told me, I acted just like a little girl and I should grow up at the age of thirties...but he didn't want to be a part of it anymore...) I 've been feeling very bad for an entire month and thought I was some kind of monster that no one will ever want a relationship with me. But this thought really didn't lead to anywhere...we just can't correct what's been done.

 

It is nothing wrong to inspect our past and admit the mistakes, but we should really start to "love ourselves" rather than "hate ourselves". I know there are so many "could've beens" but we should really focus on what "can bes" in the future now.

 

Don't think it was a "rare" chance of happiness, I realized that the only person who is able to give and responsible for your happiness is actually yourself. You will never be able to know what others think nor make them love you, love is just not a logical thing (yes, too complicated for a science major girl like me So don't ask happiness from them, but ask it from yourself... If the breakup helps us realize our issues, it may be a good thing (that's what I've tried to tell myself each day)

 

Hope we'll all find a way back into love again!

[TMinCali]

That's a big negative on getting back together. No way, no how, no chance. In hindsight, the relationship was an emotionally draining rollercoaster ride because we just aren't meant to be together. She played a role in my life and the role doesn't include being the woman I'm supposed to be with...

 

That's unfortunate that you feel that way. What you wrote in your letter to yourself reminded me of something my ex would have written to me. He was a great man that did wonderful things for me. But because I didn't have enough self love, I was unable to appreciate him the way I should have. I'm living with that regret every day, but I have since found that self love that I so needed. I only wish my ex's perspective would change and that he would see that I needed time to myself so that we could have a healthy relationship going forward. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel that I didn't love him and that I wanted to move on without him. I did what I did because I loved him and didn't want to lose him.

 

The fact that your ex sent you a bday present speaks volumes to me. Whether she's in a new relationship or not, she obviously still cares about you but probably doesn't know how to relate to you anymore because of unresolved issues and possibly guilt. That could be why it seems like she's treating you as an acquaintance. You have to remember, there is alot of pride on BOTH sides as well. Right now, she probably feels like you hate her and want nothing to do with her. Or that you don't love her anymore. Again, I understand that she's with someone else right now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you and want you back. She could be using this new guy to fill the void that was left when you two split. I know it's not right, but some of us deal with pain in different ways.

 

I would do anything for my ex to send a letter to me like the one you just wrote. When we were together, he was affectionate, but at times (because of my own insecurities and past issues) I felt like he didn't care or didn't make me a top priority in his life. Now I realize that I shouldn't expect anyone to show me constantly that I'm important and loved. I should have just known by his support, caring nature and affection.

 

It hurts me knowing that guys have the "no way, never again.. we just weren't meant to be" attitude. It sounds to me like you guys had tremendous chemistry. Something my ex and I had as well. And he and I both agreed that it was something very special that neither one of us had ever felt before. To say you "weren't meant to be" is a cop out IMO. I understand she hurt you, but her actions tell me that you shouldn't close the door forever if you truly love her.

 

I don't know the whole story behind your breakup, but it sounds like there was a lot of insecurity and miscommunication. Those things are so fixable and to throw away something as special as what you two had because of that is a complete waste. Like you said, real chemistry doesn't happen very often.

[TMinCali]

oops, didn't realize that the OP posted that a year ago. Anyway, the message is still the same.

[ggirl]

oops - posted this in wrong thread. anyways, here's what it said:

hi - i came accross this letter last night and thought about how that could've been written to me. i did break up with him for the same reasons you spoke about. im kind of curious as to why or what made her insecure. i apologize if thats too personal of a question, but just thought i'd ask.

[dreamguy]

Damn man !!

I started reading your letter and I couldn't stop. I was so touched while reading it that I had tears in my eyes!

This is one of the best / most emotional letters to an ex I have ever read.

You truly know how to express what you really feel. The woman who will be in your life is certainly lucky ! Good luck to you... I mean it !

[Sadman84]

Funny how much I can relate to this letter you wrote months back. Your words were so perfect, you said things I could never even think to say, but they are all true. Thank you for writing this it will help me get over my ex, and in the future one similar to it may find its way to her from me.

 

You should write songs because you really know how to write what you feel and its hard to put that into words.