strongerthanever

Never give up your self esteem...NEVER. Believe in hope. Trust yourself. Live your life for you, and allow the same for others. Never, ever, give up. Appreciate the little things in your life each day, acknowledge them. Enjoy the sunrise and the sunset. Remember how to laugh. And when you think you are at the bottom, remember there is still something under your feet.

WOW!! How DO you write like that....divine.

Hi Estelle,I understand what you are going through. My husband committed suicide a few years back, alcohol related. And trust me there was nothing you could have done to change what happened. It simply was not in your power. As for the cutting, I get it... it helps ease the mental pain. Been there too. The truth is you are punishing yourself, and there is no need to do that hon. Not to mention how dangerous it becomes, get help to stop quickly. When my husband died, people suddenly did not want to talk about him, making me feel like they wanted to forget he had even been there at all. For the first year I thought I was going crazy. I would smell his cologne everywhere, and since I had moved to a new house it made no sense. Dreams were everynight, some nice others horrible. Eventually I learned it was my subconscious dealing with everything I had been hit with. It is perfectly normal to have the feelings you are having, have no doubt about that. And letting your sister know you miss mum too is good for her, as well as for you.She needs reassurance that somewhere there is something familiar for her and you are it. If she needs to cry, hold her and cry with her, it's ok. We all need to remember feelings are what they are and it is ok to show them. To bottle them up hurts the body, mind and soul.The two of you are each others connection to the life you knew, and also now have. It's different and scary, but knowing the other is there helps more than words can ever say. So hon, please, get help to stop the cutting, check into grief counseling, and live each day moment to moment. You can, and will, get through this. PM me anytime you want to, I will always be available to lend you an ear, shoulder, tissue , whatever I can do to help. Keep posting and update all of us, ok? Good luck, and keep your faith.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying the good feelings of a kindness. Nor, I think, is it wrong to want others to think good of you. I know I personally want these things, yet I don't think I'm selfish for wanting them. I don't buy in to the religion excuses either. I believe in God and have a good quiet personal relationship with him, but I've also been called a pagan. I believe we are all here by our own choice, to learn things we have set for ourselves, and each person has different paths. We are each responsible for only our own actions, and the choices we make lead us in different directions as a result. Some of us have had wonderful childhoods, some of us not. Some have money, some don't. And the list goes on. However, there comes a point in everyones life that they become responsible for the direction they take. You will be what you think yourself to be. If you believe you are awful, you will be awful. Why not try the other side, Think yourself as good, kind, caring. Again, there is nothing I can find wrong with the pleasure you receive in doing good, and I could name thousands who do much just to receive the credit. That's what I call a bonus. It would be a good idea to- sorry, you've already said you don't want to hear this, but- check with a doctor. Your feelings could possibly receive help with some medication. Since you don't seem to intentionally set out to destroy others- there's nothing like that in your post- you are not a lost cause , and you are here seeking others opinions. You like the feelings you get when you are doing good things, keep doing the good things. Life is full of opportunities for them.

First off, you are a special person and you are worthy of love. You must allow that to absorb into your soul. All the awful in your past...it's gone. You were not responsible for what others did. Your life from today forward is in your control. You have a wonderful understanding, caring, gentle person in your life now, who loves you and whom you love. And you deserve to have this, you are worthy of these feelings that are being showered over you. Our pasts, regardless of how awful they may have been, have made us into the people we now are, good and bad. You are stronger than you think. You can, and hopefully will, rise above all the awful and allow all the good in front of you to wash the other away. Remember, you get to start over every minute, any time. YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!!!!

Thank you for that letter. It expresses my feelings to my ex whom I have no contact with. It is so healing to read my own feelings from anothers hands. Cheers and Bravo to you. =D>