Shy guys: What on earth is going on in your mind?

[ladeedah]

Following the question of shy guys who panic when a girl they like approaches them: I'd love to know your thought process, what goes on in your mind that causes you to run away or act all weird around her? Please enlighten me...

[walkingwithaghost]

what the hell do you want. theyre insecure and they panic. noones perfect.

[Unknown123]

1. What the - she's talking to me?! I wasn't ready for this.

2. I should be saying something. But what?

3. I must think of random things to say. Or she'll think I'm ignoring her.

4. I have a cunning plan. I simply need to find an excuse to leave. Then I can prepare myself for conversation later.

 

Or something like that.

[ladeedah]

makes tons of sense, thanks for your insight. Any more opinions out there?

[Spawn]

hmmm this happenned to me many times.....not any more.

 

the girl says Hi and then the next moment its like i completely forget the whole darn english language.

 

yea....u guessed it, it used to be a big pause there after (who am i? whats my name, went in my head in a loop) but that was long time back.

[shyanne]

when your shy, your self conscious, uncomfortable and scared. i'm not a guy but i was a shy child and teen. i could never go out with someone i was really attracted too even though others knew and told me how much the guy liked me. doesn't make sense i know. i remember my first big crush, a guy i was madly in love with. he asked me out a couple of times when i was 12 years old and each time i said no. everything inside me wanted so bad to go out with him but i just couldn't say yes. i think i was scared that if i said yes, he would turn around and say it was just a joke and laugh at me for saying yes. looking back i know how crazy that was. now i realize that he really liked me and would've been so happy if i dated him. i'm sure he would not have made fun of me but in a shy person's mind you worry about that stuff. hope that helps you understand a bit more.

[NJRon]

This is what I thought when I was shy and an attractive girl showed interest in me. Goes something like:

 

Hi.

...

...

 

I'm Emily, it's pretty cool here isn't it?

ummm... yeah...

Crud! I forgot to tell her my name! I'm an idiot! Now what?

 

Yeah, well, have fun.

...

She must not be interested, she's walking away.

 

--- about an hour passes ---

 

Doh! *that's* what I should have said! Yeah... oh well, too late now.

[ComputerGuy]

This is what I thought when I was shy and an attractive girl showed interest in me. Goes something like:

 

Hi.

...

...

 

I'm Emily, it's pretty cool here isn't it?

ummm... yeah...

Crud! I forgot to tell her my name! I'm an idiot! Now what?

 

Yeah, well, have fun.

...

She must not be interested, she's walking away.

 

--- about an hour passes ---

 

Doh! *that's* what I should have said! Yeah... oh well, too late now.

 

Right on the money. That's exactly how my thought process goes and exactly how most interactions with a girl I don't know goes.

[Caldus]

your self conscious

 

VERY self conscious.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

• Is she really talking to me or someone behind me?

• She must be in some kind of bet with her friends.

• I wonder what she wants, like homework or free cheese.

• All these guys around and she's talking to me? But I know it's nothing.

• She is too pretty for me, I gotta get outta here before I ruin her life.

 

Wow I just realized this, but only 1 girl that I've had a crush on has approached me or talked to me, and that's because we worked together. All the others didn't know I existed. I find that weird and discouraging. Can't blame them though. That one girl though, I used to work with her on the same floor but in different departments. We had a conversation about something, but I couldn't remember what it was about because I was in a fog. All I remember was that my heart began to race and my face was a tomato.

[NJRon]

• I wonder what she wants, like homework or free cheese.

 

Do you often get approached by attractive women desiring free cheese?

[Markers]

• She is too pretty for me, I gotta get outta here before I ruin her life.

 

priceless hahahaha! fell off my chair, but you know, that's pretty much how it goes. Been there, done that.

[Day_Walker]

Confronting a shy person straight off the bat probably isnt the best solution instead have the person get used to you and make attempts to be friendly with them.

[SomeGuy112]

Well I used to be really shy. I don't necessarily think it's "is she really talking to me" becuase that's more insecure than shy. I used to be insecure too but that's a bit different. It's just sort of a mixture between not being able to think of things to say and being afraid of saying the wrong thing while at the same time being a bit too nervous to collect yourself and think straight. Sometimes things that are a really good idea to say

seem really dumb and will make her mad at you for saying. Talking to girls takes getting used to, just like everything else in life.

[easyguy]

I'm usually thinking--

 

"Does she want my company?"

"I don't do this often, so I wonder how it'll turn out."

"Who does she usually call on that cell phone? Her boyfriend?"

"Psh, I probably won't see her again, so why am I hesitant to make conversation?" (public places)

 

But lately it's been-

 

"I'm taking a risk, and if I fall, just get my *** back up and come back for more."

[atraceofblood]

I think it's easy for us or me as a shy guy to be extremely surprised when a girl sounds like she's trying to make conversation with me or show some slight interest. In turn I am not prepared because I don't have a lot of experience with these situations, but really I am interested.

 

Now the better thing to do for you girls is to NOT give up. Come back another time and do it again, and again, unless he literally tells you that he doesn't have an interest in you, or something like it. But us guys not saying much is not showing no interest, it really may be showing interest, but we just don't know what to say at the surprising moment in time. But yeah, please don't give up on us, PLEASE!

[Kevin T]

Following the question of shy guys who panic when a girl they like approaches them: I'd love to know your thought process, what goes on in your mind that causes you to run away or act all weird around her? Please enlighten me...

 

What do you mean by 'approaches them'? Do you mean what do I think when a girl I like comes up to me and starts talking to me? That has only happened on a couple rare occasions. Most of the time, if I'm lucky, they might sit next to me... and that's it. I can't remember offhand the last time I had a girl I liked come up to me and talk to me. Oh wait, I thought of an instance. But in that case, I was planning on asking her out, but she started talking to me first. This was last November.

 

My thoughts were something like...

 

"Uh-oh, here she comes."

 

*She speaks to me before I can say 'hi so-and-so'*

 

"Perfect! She's talking to ME first! She must like me!"

 

As it turns out, she didn't because when I asked her out for a coffee about 2 minutes later, she made up some phony excuse and didn't go with me. Strange, huh?

 

That was the last time I ever spoke to her. lol

[Markers]

what's the problem with what happened to you Kevin? You made the move, good for you, shy guys usually don't do that.... the actual problem is not whether a girl likes you or not, with shy guys it's whether or not you ever find out. It's not necessarily strange that she rejected you, as a girl starting a conversation is not necessarily a sign - nothing alone is a sign. For example, a girl never talks to you, never checks you out, and one day you catch her staring at you. You can't figure out that hey, she likes me, because later you'll find out that she was thinking of that other cute guy and didn't notice she was looking at you or at any person... However, if that girl did that, then started taking it as a habit, like every day she does that and when you catch her doing that, she smiles.. then you could start assuming something. But you don't have to wait for all these signs, you can make a move whenever you want, you don't have to wait for evidence. Asking gives you the answer straight away without any guessing or chance of assuming something wrong.

[Kevin T]

Yeah, too bad I waited 2 months before asking her. I got attached before I even made a move. That was my problem. So I see what you're saying.

 

Still, no one handles rejection well. Certainly not I of all people.

[knglerxt]

What do you mean by 'approaches them'? Do you mean what do I think when a girl I like comes up to me and starts talking to me? That has only happened on a couple rare occasions.

 

 

This is exactly what I thought when I read the topic. Women, especially women I'm attracted to, just don't approach me. I've only been approached twice in my life, and I was in seventh grade when it happened. That was over 12 years ago!

 

I don't know. I guess some people are luckier than others.

[NJRon]

Sometimes, after not being approached for a while, you make yourself unapproachable, so you never have to wonder why people aren't approaching you.

[knglerxt]

Sometimes, after not being approached for a while, you make yourself unapproachable, so you never have to wonder why people aren't approaching you.

 

 

I don't see what I could be doing that's preventing that from happening. It's not my appearance. I get looks all the time, so I know there are women out there who are attracted to me. I don't walk around with my head down all day. I make eye contact with people. I don't smile a lot in public, but neither do most other people I see.

[NJRon]

Yeah, I understand the confusion. Everyone does it differently... I mean, make the walls they build apparent. I looked aloof and intimidating. For the life of me I could never understand why someone thought I was intimidating. I totally get along with people from all walks of like and am very friendly.

 

Then, I realized that it was subtle stuff with me. Looking away a hair to soon. Scanning the room sometimes while someone was talking to me. Dressing nicer than the crowd at the place I was going... generally not being relaxed.

 

It was all very subtle. not saying you are doing the same thing... just a thought. Take a hard look.

[BlueWolf]

This is what I thought when I was shy and an attractive girl showed interest in me. Goes something like:

 

Hi.

...

...

 

I'm Emily, it's pretty cool here isn't it?

ummm... yeah...

Crud! I forgot to tell her my name! I'm an idiot! Now what?

 

Yeah, well, have fun.

...

She must not be interested, she's walking away.

 

--- about an hour passes ---

 

Doh! *that's* what I should have said! Yeah... oh well, too late now.

 

I also have to agree that this is totally right on.

I used to be shy and that's how I was. I don't think that I am like that anymore though (I emphesize, I don't think that).

I had a great conversation with a girl last Friday, and it was just like talking to any one of my friends. I was feeling comfortable, although I wasn't always like that.

 

I guess the problem is that shyer people overthink things wayyy too much.

[NJRon]

Wow... you actually pulled a quote from another tread.. how cool is that?

 

Honestly you are right on though. If you can, just a few times, get over everything and treat someone like they are just someone you happened to know, like casually... like you can joke with them and everything. You will realize that it's all good.

 

It is *so* hard to get over that hump.. but once you do, you will wonder what the heck was holding you back in the first place.