After time and space, when conditions change, is it possibble...?

[octopus]

For two people who were together with a strong attraction for a while, but broke up because of certain doubts (i.e. there are ex's not forgotten),

 

is it possible that after a period of time of separation (i.e. 4-5-6 months)

and space (i.e. no contact at all)

and change of conditions (i.e. lived together before, everyone's back to their own lives now, those ex's not forgotten showed no interest, others dated meanwhile etc)

 

there is another chance down the road?

 

I just want to know your opinions, and experiences..

Thanks...

[Lady Bugg]

Hi Octopus

 

I for one am a believer in second chances.

 

I think that if two people genuinely care about each other...respect each other and truly want to make things work, that it is possible. I agree that doing NC for a period of time is necessary , because as long as you are always in contact, you are constantly being reminded of all the negative things. It is also impossible to truly seem changed if your ex is constantly hearing from you or seeing you. Ever notice when someone you see everyday, or regularly is on a diet...you don't really see the weight loss as much as someone who has not seen them in a few months? The same applies here. Even SMALL changes take time...

 

I think MANY successful relationships have endured at least ONE painful breakup...and some many. Eminem and HIS ex are supposedly getting remarried. As far as I know they have broken up several times before they finally divorced. Maybe that's not the BEST example...but it does happen..and it can be successful ...but ONLY if both people are dedicated to making it work.

[Itsok]

I don't believe that relationships which have deteriorated should bother trying it again.

 

Unless the old issues are resolved, the relationship will turn into a replica of it's former self, and the break up will happen all over again, leaving both parties sorry they ever bothered.

 

For the most part, issues that weren't resolved will come up again...and obviously the two were poor problem solvers in the relationship or it would not have broken up to begin with. I think break ups are a way of saying, "I can't deal with this issue so let's not bother trying." If that's the case, no second chances. The relationship needs to be important enough that there is no 'giving up.'

 

Some people just are not meant to be...they don't have similar interests, goals, or lives. These people should not try again at all. Those things will never be resolved.

 

If a break up happens 'spur of the moment' because two people are fighting (there's no major major issues, just anger steps in) then I think the relationship could be worth trying again, provided the anger problems were dealt with in an appropriate manner.

 

Overall, I give a thumbs down to trying again. I know that will spark some contraversy around here as well! Remember it's only my opinion!

[hockeyboy]

after no contact for months and months with the very girl that brought me to this site, it seemed like we could get back together. she expressed interest in it first, but we didnt act on it. we decided to just hang out...see how things go, etc etc. well, at first it was great. you know that feeling when you first start seeing someone? like you almost dont know them yet and your excited to get to know them? thats what it was like for a little bit, but after that fizzled away, everything that split us up in the first place came back. i guess the reason for the breakup has a lot to do with it....its your call

[RayKay]

 

Overall, I give a thumbs down to trying again. I know that will spark some contraversy around here as well! Remember it's only my opinion!

 

No controversy from me, I agree!

 

Now, I HAVE known couples to reconcile, but in each situation the same problems re-occurred. It is possible to work through these things and truly heal from them, but I really think something is lost when you break up...and I think it is very hard to ever really put that in the past in addition to those issues.

 

The relationship both needs to be important enough that they won't give up, but also that the foundation is strong enough in the first place - in my opinion breaking up, and not resolving conflicts only chips away at that foundation.

 

I am not saying it is impossible, it really depends on the relationship and the reasons why it ended, and the people involved, but I would say in most cases, it's best to leave it in the past. I think repeated breakups are a good indication that there is something very amiss and it's a bit of a toxic situation, but even breakups in anger are going to affect your relationships stability and security.

 

And in situations where people just don't feel it, or have the desire to work it through, I really think second chances are extremely rare - you can't force things that are not there.

[Lady Bugg]

Just to add to my last post..I DO believe it's what you do in the time

that you are broken up that may determine the success in getting back together. If you do nothing to work on yourself or the issues that may have contributed to the demise of the relationship, then NOTHING will have changed...and of course the ONLY thing you can truly change is yourself.

 

Now, if it is a situation say, where the timing was just bad or off then I think a second chance is more probable or more likely to take place...as long things ended on good terms.

[nataliejulie]

Defintely.

 

I have an ex that dumped me two years ago, really pushing to date me again. However, I am not over my recent ex and I don't even find the other ex remotely attractive anymore. But I think it would work.

 

People grow and change. I'm not the same I was 5 years ago. It's almost like becoming a different person.

[Big Jim]

My girl broke up with me 3 months ago, shes having a lot of issues right now with life in general. I still talk to her all the time, would i give it antoher shot? not right now thats for sure, she is too messed, but who knows down the road

[DaMadHatter]

It's possible but highly unlikely. Your best bet is to assume it's over for good. That way if anything happens its a pleasent surprise but if it doesn't so what, you were already assuming it was dead.

 

There is a saying i like very much that says:

"relationships aren't aluminum cans, they're not meant to be recycled"

[annie24]

Anything is possible... but.... 2 very important points have been brought up....

 

1) Unless those past issues are resolved, the same thing will happen again, the relationship will break up again.

 

2) And like NatalieJulie said, by the time those issues are resolved, chances are that you will probably be different people from when you were back then. You will have grown and changed. Going back probably won't be the right thing to do anyways.

 

So, it's kind of a catch-22.

 

Unless the reason for the breakup was .... for example, one person was going to move 3000 miles away for a new job. Then they broke up. But, then the person reconsidered, and decided they'd rather be with their sweetie than have the job so far away. Then, they get back together.

 

But, like most people here can attest to, most breakups don't happen over just one reason. There are usually a handful of factors that go into a breakup, and things didn't work out for many different reasons.

 

Usually it's best for everyone to assume it is over and move on.