Men feellings after the affair

[azul]

How men feel after ending the affair, I mean the feelings for the other woman, no for the wife. Does he miss the time that they spent together?

[arwen]

Azul, I honestly couldn't answer that question for you. I have noticed that you have a lot of similar posts, and it makes me wonder why you are asking questions about the cheater rather than asking advice for yourself. I know there is a terrible story of pain behind your questions, and I am awfully sorry that your husband did this to you. Would it help you to tell us what actually happened? Maybe we can give you advise how to move on from this, instead of focusing on how your husband might feel afterwards or now. It's not that it doesn't matter, it's just that I noticed a lot of these type of topics and am worried more about you than about your husband.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[DN]

Are you asking because you are afraid he still cares for the other woman and will leave you eventually?

 

If you are still insecure over that, it would be very understandable.

[azul]

Azul, I honestly couldn't answer that question for you. I have noticed that you have a lot of similar posts, and it makes me wonder why you are asking questions about the cheater rather than asking advice for yourself. I know there is a terrible story of pain behind your questions, and I am awfully sorry that your husband did this to you. Would it help you to tell us what actually happened? Maybe we can give you advise how to move on from this, instead of focusing on how your husband might feel afterwards or now. It's not that it doesn't matter, it's just that I noticed a lot of these type of topics and am worried more about you than about your husband.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

You are right, but I'm curious because when the affair ended I asked him how he was felling about it. He said that hi just put at the side and keep going forward, that means to me that he had some kind of feeling for her, I don't want to ask him the same Q. now because he does not like to talk about it whit me. We are doing ok, he es very lovely and romantic with me now, since that day he does not go out alone is iether with me or one of our chilldren, he is making a lot of effort to make me feel secure and trust again. I/m the problem here I don't feel the same anymore, it is hard for me to be lovely with him and passioned, I feel if I'm what I use to be him, he would change.

Yes we took conseling for four weeks, and now I'm taking thereapist with a Psychology one a week. He looks really sorry, but the thoughts about the other woman with him are always in my mind, after knowing that she used to kiss him a lot and had a very good sex with him. It looks that they had a really good time together and this of course kills me. Do you think that he may remenber her or think about her, I think he does, how could you forget those spicy moments so fast.

[arwen]

Azul, I am glad you posted a bit of background. First of all, he made a huge mistake here, and you shouldn't see YOU as the problem even if he's behaving so great now. Seems like he's doing a great effort to make things work again. However, it's natural that you go crazy in your mind. I know I would. You ask if HE is still thinking about her. You can't control that. And I can't tell you if he is or not. All that I can see from your post, is that he is at least trying NOT to think about her (which might explain his reluctance to discuss the matter with you).

 

The only thing you can control are your own thoughts. This is where therapy and couples counselling comes in. You need to do this together, I think.

 

Ilse

[vortex]

Do you think that he may remember her or think about her, I think he does, how could you forget those spicy moments so fast.

 

After an affair, it's usually hard for the cheater to forget about the other woman, after he's gone back to his wife/partner and kids. Theses aren't the kind of things that you just forget with the flcik of a thumb. Unfortunately, you are also struggling to forget and thats totally understandable, totally normal.

 

However, he seems to be making an effort and invest in your relationship again. So, although you've already been through so much, you'll have to give him time and give yourself time to heal. It's good that you're getting counselling, that will definitely help you to deal with the pain and to focus on your relationship rather than the past. It should also help you to be in touch with your feelings and not to hide in any emotions. It's important that you are happy and that you know exactly what you want. You should definitely share your fellings with your husbands, this will help him to understand what you are going through.

 

Your husband has his own demons to fight, but as long as you two are strong, with time I hope that things will get better and that the pain gradually will go.

[dnb007]

I can answer this personally. I have cheated on my ex and I fully regret it. I took things for granted and I just wished the other girl was never in my life. I am having a hard time dealing with it and I'm often confused as to what to do. As someone else has said, it is normal to go crazy in your mind since if she did that to me, I couldnt imagine how angry/sad/hurt I would be. It varies between different people but I just wanted to have an input on ur question.

[LotusFlower]

I was not married or have any children but I was cheated on...I was not capable of forgiving. I was the one with the images and it turned to hate. For me, the fact that he is no longer with me is now a blessing in discuise and lessons well learned by both of us. He wanted to stay badly, I could see it in his eyes, he still cries kind of on the phone, but I need something different in a man all together, and my lessons where huge.

 

Who I was before his affair also contributed to the affair. It takes two to tango always.

 

if you can't forgive...it can kill you, but if you can forgive...you are an exceptional person. And people can and always will change, so can he.

[azul]

I was not married or have any children but I was cheated on...I was not capable of forgiving. I was the one with the images and it turned to hate. For me, the fact that he is no longer with me is now a blessing in discuise and lessons well learned by both of us. He wanted to stay badly, I could see it in his eyes, he still cries kind of on the phone, but I need something different in a man all together, and my lessons where huge.

 

Who I was before his affair also contributed to the affair. It takes two to tango always.

 

if you can't forgive...it can kill you, but if you can forgive...you are an exceptional person. And people can and always will change, so can he.

thanks for your words it really touch me, yes i'm trying to forgive, it is hard, but he is helping me a lot with his love and cominment.

[spunkykatt]

so true Lotus Flower, if you cant forgive it can kill you...or him. Not to be funny, but if you let hate overtake you then you may wake up one day and become so full of rage over it that you may end your life or his..and this is not something anyone should die over. Hurt over yes, but not die.