HELP, he is coming on too strong what do i do?

[funnygrl]

Hello - So I live in a city where it is hard to meet new people. My ex and I broke up a few months ago, and it was not a healthy relationship, he came on very strong in the beginning and then started acting weird and then we started fighting and then he kept changing his mind back and forth about what he wanted, we broke up, he wanted to get back together and I gave him another chance and he was really sweet, but then started acting like a jerk again and broke up w/me again. Then I found out he started talking to someone else while we were back together the 2nd time so he could be sure he had a buffer and wouldn't be alone. Basically he strung out our relationship until he was sure things might go somewhere with this other girl. Then a few months later he called me up one night telling me how much he missed me, he wasn't happy w/his new girlfriend blah blah blah, then the next day he was back in love w/her and trying to work things out and it was "none" of my business. Basically he wanted to see if I would still be there in case things didn't work out with her. So needless to say he is a big jerk and I was totally heartbroken all over again and had to start the healing process all over again.

 

So, here is my issue. Its been a few months, and I made some new friends and they invited me out one night and wanted me to meet one of their friends. So I figure it can't hurt, we'll all go out and have a good time and if we hit it off maybe we can all hang out again. WELL...so I go out and meet my friends, and then this guy shows up (their friend) and he is immediately attached to my hip! I mean he starts asking me a million questions about me, telling me all of these things about himself, touching me, acting like he has known me forever. Now, he was a VERY nice guy and I could be attracted to him, but I feel so much pressure! I thought we were just all going out for casual drinks and then next thing you know I was on a double date. So when I was leaving he asked for my phone number and I gave it to him and he said he would call me over the weekend to make plans for next week, I said maybe Wednesday. I probably shouldn't have even agreed but I felt really pressured into it. So today, I suddenly have an email from him saying it was nice to meet me and is next Wednesday still good to get together? etc. Now, I am sure he is a very nice guy and is maybe just excited to meet someone, but he is coming on way too strong and I have decided I don't want to go out with him. I think part of it is he reminds me of how my ex was when we first met and the other part is that maybe I'm just not ready for something so serious, I really want something casual, but I get the feeling by how he is acting that he is interested in something more. I could be wrong, who knows anymore. But here is my issue...how do I turn him down after I kind of already agreed to go out?? I don't want to be mean, and I don't want my friends to think I'm rude, but I really do not feel comfortable going out with him now. Is that really awful? HELP!!

[Tigris]

If you feel uncomfortable around him then it is not a good relationship for you to be in right now. I suggest that when he calls you you explain to him that you're sorry but you're not over your ex yet and he reminds you too much of him and it's very painful for you.

 

I did that may years ago and it worked for me.

 

Good luck

[DN]

Just say that, having thought more about it, you have decided you would rather not go out with him. Tell him you were flattered by his interest but can't return it.

[annie24]

I'll take a different approach. Go out with him once, for drinks, just see how it goes.

 

I think it's easier when someone is interested in you, rather than getting into a love relationship where the other person doesn't really care.

 

Maybe you're just not used to being pursued and that's what's feeling uncomfortable? Maybe you've always been in relationships where you have to do the chasing?

 

I say - give him a chance!

[funnygrl]

Thanks for the advice. I think I am probably just not that interested in him because if I was I think I would be excited instead of feeling all of this pressure and so uncomfortable. Or maybe I'm just not ready, and if that is the case that isn't really fair to the other person anyway. Thanks!!

[JC3]

What would one date and meeting for drinks hurt? It isn't like that you have to marry him! Maybe what you need is to be treated right. Just because he started off and gives you old feelings like your old boyfriend, doesn't mean that his intention is the same. 90 percent of what we are feeling today is our past and only 10 percent into today. You will never know unless you try. You seem to have a somewhat interest in this man and it seems that it wasn't like he was a stalker and calling you every 5 minutes. He followed up with a email to see you again. I say that you are letting your past control your present and future. Don't think so much about what a future with this man and don't think so much about the old boyfriend. LIve in the moment and you have a nice attentive man who wants to see you again. So take that and go from there and see what happens. you may end up liking him and his attention!