**Advice Needed - Big Time**

[idlewild]

So I'm not sure how much this will help me, but I figure it's worth a shot. I have been in a serious relationship for the past few years with a girl I absolutely adore. I'm 31 and she's 27 and things are very right with us save one major issue: sex.

 

I was initially extremely attracted to her, but somewhere along the line, that dropped off and now I'm more content to read a book rather than be intimate with her. It's be a good while (months) since our last contact and being in a major metropolitan city and fairly decent looking, I've strayed. I'm not proud of it but I always thought, in some warped way, that it will help my relationship with my current girlfriend.

 

Recently I met a girl that I thought would be more of the same - just a casual fling. She's very young and messed up (It's turned into something much worse (for me since she's slowly retreating from the 2 month whirlwind we had together). I need to cut it off, but fear I maybe falling in love.

 

My questions to you:

 

1. Is it possible to every rekindle things with my current girlfriend? I adore her family and know that she would make an excellent wife, mother, etc. HELP!

 

2. Why do I crave the drama, like a moth to a flame? I know it's bad for me to want to "fix" this girl. Why am I addicted to it?

 

3. Do any of you believe in the Coolidge Effect: link removed If so, is there any hope for me? I want to change!

 

Thanks.

 

 

[Itsok]

If you want to change and rekindle things with your new girl, break it off with the other one! You crave the drama because it's new and exciting to you. It's a new relationship: that wears off in time, just like it did for your girlfriend.

 

In reality, you aren't being very fair to your current girlfriend and if you don't think you can restrain yourself from straying, it's time to end it and let her find someone who will be true to her.

 

Unfortunately, relationships become 'routine' and then you have to learn how to spice things up a bit so the attraction returns, it's no reason to cheat.

 

Sorry I'm not much help, but overall, if you don't love your current girlfriend, break it off.

[friscodj]

idlewild-

 

Wow, dude, sounds like one of two things here: 1) this relationship with this woman isn't doing it for you. Is she making efforts to be intimate? Is she making efforts...period? You "adore" her, does that mean you're romantically attracted to her? What made the relationship "drop off?" Or, 2) you've got relationship issues to deal with.

 

It is very possible for two wonderful people to have a less-than-wonderful relationship together. I would really examine yourself and the relationship. Is this a pattern? Had this happened before or only with this woman? This will help you answer your question #2 about craving drama. Has this happened before or just with this woman? You may be craving drama because your current relationship sucks so bad. If there is a pattern or if you real feel like this situation is on you, I recommend you go see a relationship therapist soon if you want to work this out...

 

At any rate, come or go, I would stop seeing this other woman. What goes around comes around I believe...bad Karma there...but it seems that if your current g/f is "the one" you wouldn't even be interested in other women.

[friscodj]

P.S. If people believed in that "Coolidge Effect" in terms of romantic relationships, we'd be in big trouble...

[Bethany]

I must say... Lame excuse for cheating on your woman. You read that and think that's an excuse to lie and cheat? Hmmmm.

 

And I must say in defense of your woman, if you'd prefer to read a book than have sex with her, she must be even more bored with you than you are with her. And now you do this to her? Think yourself lucky that this woman has even hung around this long.

 

If you're not getting what you want from your sex life then you talk about it, find ways of spicing it up and making it more fun and spontaneous but what you don't do is lie, cheat and kid yourself that you are not to blame for your actions. You're not a moth to the flame, your a man playing with fire and you ALL will get burned if this carries on.

 

Make a decision and stick to it is the way out of this mess you've created if your actually looking for one that is, and please learn from this.

[spunkykatt]

Well first of all your gf doesnt deserve to be cheated on, if you have a hard time being faithful then you should end it...plain and simple. You have no right to treat another person that way, and think how much it would hurt you if you was the one being cheated on. As far as rekindling the flame with you current gf, well you first have to decide if there is too much damage already done for that to happen. If you do chose to work on your relationship with her, then you have to stop cheating and make alot of changes, and put effort into creating new and exciting experiences for you and her. Although I doubt if there is any hope for your relationship, simply because you become bored very easily and dissatisified, and a relationship is all about working on issues, compromise, and communtication...which all seem to be lacking from your current relationship. Second, the only reason why you are "falling in love" with the other girl in my opinion is because she presents a challenge for you, and once that challenge is gone then you will become dissatisified with her too. I think the real problem is that you want excitement constantly, but thats unrealistic if your in a relationship...sorry. People enter into a relationship because they want comfort, familiarity, companionship, friendship and love. All those things are exciting....but not the excitement you crave. You need to relize that there is always "boredom" but thats no reason to cheat. As far as the Coolidge Effect....yes it is a real reaction, but there are other ways men can act upon it without cheating...and you should never use it as an excuse to look for sex with someone new.

[oh-so-qt]

Put the shoe on the other foot; if she cheated on you, would you be able to rekindle the relationship? Obviously, you and I (and likely, she) don't/doesn't have the same expectations for "adore".

Leave her alone to let her find someone that really does adore her.

[Hope75]

Obviously you know the cheating was wrong.

 

I'm curious though how you thought sleeping with another woman would help your relationship with your girlfriend.

 

Seriously, you are not going to rekindle the relationship with her until and unless you stop sleeping around and are honest with her and, if she chooses to forgive you, you both have to work on it together.

 

To be completely honest, if I were her, and found out what you'd been up to, I'd throw you out.

 

Someone whom you look upon as having the qualities to be an excellent wife and mother is someone whom you respect enough not to cheat on and break her heart.

[dishrag]

Sounds like relationship counselling could help in this area.