Stop Looking for it and it will come. But there's a catch.

[Imperceptible]

Everyone says if you stop looking for love it will come. I tried that. But there's a catch to that phrase. When I'm not looking for love I'll meet a great guy. I'm not expecting this to happen and I let the chance pass me by because I decided I'm not looking for it or I was to naive to know something was about to get started. When I meet another great guy I think this could turn into something when I least expect it, and then I find out the guy has a girlfriend or the guy just loses interest. So how do stop looking for love and be ready for it when it finally shows up and you know it could be true?

[Alabama]

You want the truth? You can't. I started looking for love a few years back and couldn't find anyone. Then I stopped, and then it came to me. But I had just gone through the pain of searching and wasn't ready for it yet. So, I didn't take it. Now I wonder if that was the right choice. But I figure I'm still young and I have a chance. If it doens't come again, then at least I had the chance.

[LiquidCherry]

I look for love. Or well, I'll look for a potential partner, cross my fingers, and hope for love to develope. I don't think love ever just falls into anyone's lap. Two people have to be at the very least open to the idea. (Which you're not if you decide that you're not looking for love.) Maybe "looking" is the wrong word. I like the idea of "being open to possibilities" better.

[Imperceptible]

I don't think love ever just falls into anyone's lap. Two people have to be at the very least open to the idea. (Which you're not if you decide that you're not looking for love.) Maybe "looking" is the wrong word. I like the idea of "being open to possibilities" better.

 

I hate love right now and I'm not sure if I want to look. BUT if I go out/ hang out, be myself and have fun without actually going out looking for love, then someone might come along. And instead of deciding "I'm not looking for love" or relying on this person to sweep me off my feet I should say "I'll stay open to any POSSIBILITIES of love" and if this thing leads to something more then

 

I'm still unsure about the looking part.

[Imperceptible]

By the way, when I look I really can't find any possibility of love. The guys seems to disappear.

[NR498E]

Love will find you when your ready for it.

[Kevin T]

STOP looking...? I've heard that if you expect nothing in particular, you get nothing in particular. The same could be said of looking for a job. You don't just sit on your behind and expect the right job to find you while you DON'T looking for it. You get out there and look until you find it. Remember, everyone who seeks, finds. Everyone who asks, receives and everyone who knocks gets the door opened.

[Itsok]

Keep your eyes open, but don't be constantly searching for someone is the catch.

[hellokittykitty]

I'm gonna sound negative... sorry... I found love when I wasn't expecting it. He is the one for me, but he decided he couldn't be in a relationship because he needed to get his life together... what a cruel joke to give someone love and then take it away...

[Itsok]

Nope kitty, then he isn't the one for you...and if he is, he will be back.

[mgirl]

I have a small penis.

 

I'm sorry, but girls liking big penis's (or "peni" for plural?) is a fallacy. I do not see what the big deal about a big penis is... isn't it the way that you use it? I bet it's not that small anyway. And besides, there are so many more things to do, like kissing, carassing, holding and having great conversations. Hello!

 

I have a good job and house but I'm lonely beyond belief...and every birthday that passes I am even more lonely and depressed.

 

I know how that feels. I have started getting depressed about being alone lately. I am older than you by the way, but it gets worse in your 30s. I'm not sure why.

 

at least I know I can be successful in work because I have nothing else

 

I know how you feel again, but i don't even have the job at the moment.

 

You know, just keep trying. Love might not find you when you are looking for it, but you can still stop at the other stations and enjoy the ride (metaphor, sorry). I believe you have to get out there and look for company, and if you stay true to your heart, regardless of whether you surround yourself with people or not, you will find love.

[sandman47]

I'm in my late 40's and have never loved a woman who loved me in return. It's impossible to keep telling myself that I'll find love when all I've seen is disappointment. Women tell me I'm one in a billion, that I actually listen to them and talk to them like a human being. But those are women in solid relationships already. The only women I get the time of day from are just out of terrible relationships needing a shoulder to cry on. I'm a rescuer. I've not found a relationship that hasn't drained the hell out of me. I'm sick and tired of feeling overlooked until after a woman has a bad experience with someone else.

[ShySoul]

You stop looking by doing just that. You stop looking. You don't date, you don't look on websites. You don't go around checking out members of the opposite sex. You forget about relationships as much as you possible can. You throw yourself into the millions of other things in this world. You focus on school or work. You find hobbies. You volunteer. You read books. You do anything and everything not relating to relationships.You work on becoming happy with your own life and comfortable living alone. Only when you are satisfied in that way are you ready enough for a lasting relationship. And that relationship comes in its own time and on its own terms. When it happens, you will know it is right and then you simple go with it. Love isn't as complex as its made out to be.

[TheHighwayMan]

For me it was actually the other way around. I didn't really care or think about relationships for a long time in my life, and nothing ever happened. Than I met this girl who I liked more than anyone else, tried to get something going, and succeeded, atleast for a while.

 

Now I'm back to not caring at all, and I really doubt that I'd meet anyone again, but that doesn't bother me.

 

So I guess that tactic doesn't work for everytime

[ShySoul]

TheHighwayMan,

 

It did work for you though. You didn't think about a relationship until the right person came your way. Then you took a chance on it. And it worked for awhile. What I don't think you should do is be going out and worrying about finding someone, looking at every person as a potential date.

 

It did work for you, and it will work again in time. Trust me, even when you feel like giving up all hope, something good seems to always come your way eventually. Hope it comes for you soon.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

It is hard for those who feel like us to explain the feelings of wanting that we go through. That's why knigt007 and others like myself snap at sayings like "stop looking and it will come", because we can't believe it. It's like telling a poor person to stop looking for money, or a hungry person to stop looking for food, or telling a person who has a terrible itch to stop looking for the remedy to stop the itching. In other words, walk with blind faith. Those like me find it hard as the failures mount up. And it's even harder to stop looking at the opposite sex when it's #1 on our list of things to do.

 

You ever hear someone say, "I am so happy with all the success I have, but I have no one to share it with." I was looking at that fake lottery thread (you can still keep the ticket ShySoul ) and I asked myself that if I won the 365 million dollar jackpot by myself, will I be happy? HELL YEAH!! But I would also be incomplete, and that will eventually override my joy. Better yet, what if I built a multi-million dollar company on my own, would I be happy? Again, HELL YEAH! And again, if I have no one, I would be incomplete and miserable with loads of cash. I know that is hard to believe, but that's just me. I am searching deep down to ask myself why having someone is more important than anything else, and I can't come up with an answer.

[ShySoul]

Kyo, I think I will frame the ticket and display it as a nice conversation piece. What fun!

 

I completely understand and agree with what you are saying. It's a tricky balancing act. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone to be with, we all do. And that can get us down. It's when you take it to far to the point its all you think about that it becomes negative and detrimental.

 

And when you do find someone, your attitude about the subject seems to change a good deal. A year and a half ago I was feeling the same way. But things turned around for me (though not to the point its an offical girlfriend). So I know that if you keep positive, things can get better. And I see in all the people saying they won't have someone (especially you Kyo) guys who could probably land any girl they wanted, they just have to see it in them.

[healinginnyc81]

Maybe you can stop looking for "love" and just look for good friendships. It makes it a lot easier to meet people if you're thinking to yourself that you're just trying to make new friends. I've always been a loner but since I got to college I've tried to make friends or at least acquaintances and it has helpted. The only gf I ever had, I met through friends and I started by trying to be her friend. I had never been on a date before that and I haven't since she left. I'm not looking to date, I'm trying to create a happy life for myself and although I would like a special someone to share it with, my priority right now is to build that life but keep myself open to meeting new people and having new experiences. I used to be painfully shy and unable to make friends but over the past four years I've gotten a lot more comfortable around people. I'm still quiet and shy but I'm better able to make friends and I'm a little more sure of myself. I think it makes it more likely that I'll meet someone I'm attracted to that way. But if someone comes my way and I find her personality attractive, I'll try to have the courage to ask her out. I just know that I'm not ready for a relationship right now, I have to create my own life first.

 

I dont know if it'll work or not.

[ShySoul]

Maybe you can stop looking for "love" and just look for good friendships.

 

bkjsun - How did you get to be so wise? It's like you are reading my mind man. And there are some thoughts in there I don't want you knowing about.

 

Seriously, I wholeheartedly agree to everything you said in your post. Focus on you, make friends, and when the time is right, it will happen.

 

Best of luck to you and hoping that time is right sooner rather then later.

[healinginnyc81]

dont worry shysoul, while reading your mind, i'll try to block those thoughts that i shouldn't know.

[ShySoul]

Thank you bkjsun. I have secrets that could be a threat to national security if they get out. Oops... shouldn't have said that....

[coooolsome]

Its not that you stop looking, you just dont try to force something. You go with the flow. That is how I got my first 2 girlfriends. I just went with the flow and really didnt expect anything to happen. It just did. When you are looking, you are desperate and you try to force things. You dont act yourself. You become needy, clingy, forceful which are unattractive.

 

Basically, go out and have fun. Meet people, hang out with them. You dont have to date someone to find someone.

[Kevin T]

Its not that you stop looking, you just dont try to force something. You go with the flow. When you are looking, you are desperate and you try to force things. You dont act yourself. You become needy, clingy, forceful which are unattractive.

 

Wow, that's good. I think that's a very important point.

[ShySoul]

It's not just that you become needy or deparate. Plenty of people go out and look but then play games to try and not appear clingy. I think its more that you just aren't being you. You are trying to be something you are not, putting so much pressure on yourself that it causes you to look at every little thing that you do. Every mistake is magnifed. Ever date that doesn't work out causes you to doubt yourself and wonder why you never get anywhere. It starts to occupy your thoughts too much and ceases to be fun. But if you aren't looking, you can just focus on having fun. Then when it comes, you will be more relaxed and ready to enjoy.

[healinginnyc81]

shysoul, it's my turn to say I couldn't have said it better.

 

You do put too much pressure on yourself when you're seeking love. You do act the way you think other people would like. Then if you actually get into a relationship, you worry about keeping up the image that the other person has of you and you end up being insecure.