re: i lost my heart

[nectarine712]

I'm 26 and my gf just turned 21. I have been going out with my girlfriend for 4 years and she is the love of my life. She is everything that I have wanted and plus more. Recently, the last 6 months I have been distracted because of work, family, friends and other problems...and I have not been putting my all into the relationship. My girlfriend was stressed out from her own problems but I wasnt there mentally to support her because of this she has fell out of love.

Like a fool I did not see the warning signs but nor did she discuss her feelings with me. I'm not the brightest guy when it comes to females and I need to be told up front. I feel like that I never got a chance to fix the problems and when I did it was too late.

Before the break up I have been kicking around the idea of proposing to her and was saving up money to buy the engagement ring. We use to tell each other that we were waiting for each other to propose but like a fool I waited to late.

After we broke up we had a long conversation with her and during the talk I felt the best feeling in the world and I popped the magical question. She declined because she thought that I wasnt in the right state of emotion...but I was sincere.

She tells me that I wasnt making her happy and she doesnt see me in her future. She wants to find herself and make herself happy...she still wants me in her life but as her bestfriend.

Im so confused because I have found the love of my life and she doesnt watn to be with me. I have tried my hardest to get her back but she wants to be single right now. I understand that she is young and has so much to explore.

What should I do? move on? I love her like crazy and all I can think about is her. Be her friend? but its so hard because I dont want her so see me as a friend....I dont want to lose the best thing in my life.

[raggamuffin]

This is exactly what happened to me 10 months ago today. Except it was my bf who broke up with me. We stayed friends and that was ok, until he met "someone" then they broke up then he kept on meeting other "someones" Whats my point you may ask?? Well Its really hard staying friends especially if they are telling you that there is no room in their life for you in the romantic intimate capacity. Maybe you should take a step back for a while (I know its easier said then done because i have told myself millions of times over the last 10 months that i would and I still havent) Im sure that your head and your heart will tell you a trillion different things and youll be confused, but youve got to decide what to trust your head or your heart. Your ex is giving you no options here she is saying my way or the highway...we be friends or nothing, well think long and hard about if you can be just friends, because seriously its really hard heart breaking stuff. Maybe it would be better just to go your own separate ways for a little bit so she can get used to life 100% without you and maybe then shell see what a great thing she is missing out on. remember thought all she has experienced in life is you and maybe she just needs to have a little fun and explore life before she realises how fantastic you are for her.

Please PM me because I am still dealing with the decision to stay friends and maybe i can help you. Chin up and Smile ~ Raggamuffin.

[nectarine712]

When I was younger I would always wondered- "how do people know that they are ready to get married?". Now I know because I have this feeling that I dont want to be with anybody else but my GF. I cant imagine a life without her........... Im going to follow my heart and be her friend because I believe that I can make her happy. Im going to be the best friend she has ever hadand show her another side of me that she has never seen. By doing this she might one day fall back in love with me again.....I know if this doesnt work out I might be setting myself back a couple of months but I'll risk a few months of misery for a lifetime of happieness.

[notherenowhere]

nectarine712,

 

Sorry to hear that things didn't work out for you. What problems did she have? Relationship ones or similar ones to you?

Anyways, this is how I see things. She said you weren't making her happy. She wants to find herself and make herself happy. She fell out of love for you. It seems she doesn't know what she wants but she still left you which most likely means she indeed does. The other possibility is that she still needs to look for the right one for her. In either case, she simply lost interest in you and the relationship. Remaining friends with her will be very difficult for you and most likely for her as well. If you feel it's something you need to do, then go for it.

[nectarine712]

i know that 3 months ago I was her sun moon and stars. She would tell her friends that I was the one and wanted to spend her future with me. Is it possible for someone to fall out of love that quick?

[secret_agent_man]

She may have just been unsure, and 4 years is quite some time. Don't give up hope, hope keeps us going, but try to accept any outcome. She may never come back, and you may find someone else. Or she may come back to you wiser and more mature, in which case the ball will be in your court.

 

Just live your life, she wouldn't want you not to do that. She broke it off, so don't feel bad if you grow feelings for someone else, because as far as you know she's gone for good.

 

Just try to keep an open mind and keep busy. Go out to bars/clubs with your closest friends. They always seem to know what you need in these times...

 

 

 

S.A.M.

[kdreger]

The exact same thing happened with me and my ex.

 

She's now dating someone new. I suggest you put some space between her and you and let the both of you see what life is like without the other. Dating someone new doesn't mean marriage and someday in the future you might hook up again but it's better she does this now than 10 years from now when you're married. Consider it a test of your love.

[solstice48]

In answer to your one question, yes it appears that someone can fall out of love real fast and for reasons you may not ever know. Just before our 25th anniv out of nowhere my wife says she doesn't love me any more & wants to find herself. Five months later we're divorced. One day you think your life is going along great, next day the world drops out from under you. I never believed it could happen but reality hit me that yes people can fall out of love in what seems to be a flash.

[nectarine712]

we made the deal to still be friends and continue to hang out (season tickets for baseball game, movies, etc... Im just hoping that she'll fall back in love if she see's that im the man for her...but at the same time she might only see me as a friend

I am too scared to start dating right now because I cant see myself with anybody but her. I have been hanging with my friends and family - going to clubs, bars, malls etc......but they cant be around me 24/7 and its driving me crazy. I only eat once a day, cant fall asleep unless I drink and I wake up at 5am every morning........... All i can do is think about her and my mistakes.

I feel that I have grown up so much in this time apart I know that i am a better man....... I have so much love to give to her right now. It is so hard because I feel like I spent 4 years with a angel and now she wants to fly away......

[mk]

Similiar situation, we just don't know why it just happen. I think girls in these days (21st century) are really independent. If they find that you don't have the qualities that you have, then they just fall out of love.

 

I find that what you should do now, is to be yourself. Make yourself a new person by living without her. Go out to movies, friends, gym, etc. Then if she sees that you can live without her, she might attract back to you. But keep on communication. I think slient doesn't work, I know it.

 

What do other thinks?

 

 

 

[dazn]

What i have done recently to help cope is start writing how I feel on my computer. Everytime I would feel the need to vent I would just start typing and I mark the date of my passages of what I have written. When I feel nothing is going right I just read what I have written and it sometimes helps. This might be weird but I found some old photos of me and the ex and I just began drawing. Seeing if I have any talent. I get to remember the good old days and yet when I no longer feel the need to express myself I just set everything aside. It does help kill the time of loneliess. And yes call up old friends even if you have not spoken for 5 years, they are usually more willing to listen. Be around people who care about you and let yourself grow again like if you were 13.

[notherenowhere]

nectarine712,

 

It's good to see that you two are remaining friends and are able to go out and do stuff together. The key thing here for you is just to convert yourself from bf to friend and stay that way. Hopefully, some lingering feelings in her will surface. She may start to notice that things you did together when you were a couple aren't happening right now. She may miss it. She may notice how really different things are now that you're just friends. Do you see what I'm getting at? I'm just trying to give you more hope.

[nectarine712]

thank you for all the advice the people in my life dont understand what im going through and its nice to be able to express my feelings. Thank you.......... do you think its okay to talk to her bestfriend about how i feel? or should i keep it to myself?

[secret_agent_man]

My only response is...

I thought about that same thing. But in talking to others, I decided that I shouldn't. You wouldn't want her to get paranoid about you "trying to figure her out through her friends". That's the best way I can put it. You don't want to invade her space, and my gut feeling is that it would.

 

Good luck...

S.A.M.

[melrich]

Nectarine,

 

definitely keep your feelings to yourself or talk to people who do not know her, she will not like chat from you coming back to her. In terms of your overall situation I would suggest you move on..she is way too young to be thinking about marriage, especially if she is unsure in the first place. I feel that even if she was to say yes, by the time she is 28-30 she will regret it. That is not because of you but simply because she will feel in herself that she did not experience all that she could have in her in between years of 20 -25. Sometimes unfortunately we meet the right person in the wrong time of life, I think that is what has happened here and I think that is what she is trying to tell you.

[nectarine712]

thanks guys!.................

[Titus]

I'm going through the same thing - I realised to late that I love my girlfriend of 4 yrs - more than anything else in the world. She wanted to get married 2 yrs ago - I kept putting it off. I realized all the things that I cared about are meaningless without her. My advice is not to become friends. Seperation - however hard - is the only way to get her back into your life (if at all). She needs to know that you will not be there for her to lean on all of the time - she needs to know what she is missing. Perhaps, she will find out that she doesn't want to be with you - and if thats the case you will need to come to terms with that. But for you - in order for you to live your life, you should break off all contact - how can you live your life for yourself when you are at the beck and call of your ex-girlfriend. She wants the best of both worlds - to be single, yet to have your love and support. Thats not fair on you, because she will never return that in the current situation. You should do what is right - break it off completely and move on. I imagine one day in the future you will get that phone call from her - and by that time, you may not even be interested.