Absolutely mortified that i blew it! Maybe a lesson for everyone else-Please help! Lo

[curlygirl47]

We solved the mystery of the note; we ran into two bartenders from that bar at lunch, and they said they are fairly certain it was R.'s wife having a jealous fit. P. was pensive and quiet during lunch, seemed upset that I had gone out, wanted to know what time I went out and was even more upset that I had come home at 3 a.m. I swallowed my panic, which made me want to say "Please don't be upset, etc." I allowed him to feel his discomfort and just continued being tender but direct. I was so afraid that he wasn't going to say anything about getting together soon, so I was relieved when at the last minute he said, "We have unfinished business. I hated leaving so quickly last night. Maybe this weekend we can get together, if T. goes out with his friends. (T. is his son). I told him I am planning to go to Alabama and asked if he wanted to go, but he said he couldn't make arrangements for T. He said, if you don't go to Alabama let me know. If you do, then maybe we can do something next weekend. We'll make a plan.

 

Still, his overall mood was one of sadness, and I feel guilty even though I didn't do anything. By the way, after lunch, I went home to take a nap before coming back to work, and when I got back, he had called. But he's already left work, so I can't call him back there. I did leave a message on his cell phone. I wonder what's up?

[Nathalie1970]

Curly

 

Let him be sad, he was the one that left you, so don't you dare feel guilty. Let him miss you for a change. I think playing it cool is the way to go. Do not try to casually date him, you already were in a relationship, I think it would be too hard to just go back to dating.

 

Enough preaching, I wish you luck and strength.

[curlygirl47]

It is very painful to think about him (or myself) dating other people and still dating each other, but I'm not sure if its more painful than not being with him at all. I will try to make a decision about this in the next week, after I ponder it and talk it over with a counselor --- and also give my new meds a chance to kick in. Today I am very shaky.

[kate111]

Curlygirl,

 

What does this guy want you to do? Stay at home and not go out? Don't let him play these guilt trips on you. You are single so you can do whatever you want. IF anyone should be feeling bad its him as he is the one who wants to see other people. You would be happy to be snug at home with just him if you had your choice and he knows it. How dare he.

[curlygirl47]

You're right, and I was tempted to say that (you know, I'd be happy to be at home with you instead of going out), but I held back because as you said, he knows that. Last night he called and told me what he and T. (his son) were doing, and then he said, "I'll call you, but stay in touch, okay?" The casualness of it made me mad, and it hurt me, but there's nothing to do but accept it. I am going by his office today to drop off some money for my landlord, who is also his boss, and I'm going to take him a rose or two from a bouquet I have a work. I'm going to tell him that I've decided not to go to Alabama this weekend and instead to just bring my daughter here, so if he'd like to see her, he can give us a call. Then, I'm going back to NC, and the ball is back in his court. I am about to take a pill for my anxiety; it's maddening, but at least the doc is going to try to help me feel normal again.

[curlygirl47]

I went by the ex's workplace and dropped off money for the landlord and gave the ex three roses; he loved them. He asked if we could get together tomorrow night, and then he also said that he might be able to go to Alabama with me next weekend! I'll be so happy if he does! A whole weekend together for the first time in over a month. Okay --- now it's time to get busy with work and forget the ex for a while. He's not the center of the universe!!!

[blues_belter]

Good Deal Curly-

 

I was on a mission yesterday hope my rambling didn't confuse you... but what did you think about the lyrics to that song? Anyone else got a comment?

 

Songs like that help me put things in perspective when i subtly feel like i have to rearrange my plans to suit a man

[Nathalie1970]

I loved the lyrics, they made me feel strong.

[blues_belter]

Thanks, Nathalie 1970 for the feedback!

[curlygirl47]

I loved the lyrics. I need to print those out and put them up in my office. I saw the therapist today, and it was more or less just an assessment period. She sees my alcohol use as more of a problem than the relationship issues and wants me to work on that, so we really didn't get deep into the whole thing with P. yet. I can tell she wants me to forget him because he drinks and uses some drugs occasionally; she thinks together we are a real problem. On a more positive note, she gave me a project: "My Goals for Therapy," and I am working on that. Here are some of my goals:

 

Take the middle ground on some things --- don't be of the all or nothing persuasion.

 

Emphasize the positive.

 

Believe that there is a solution to my problem(s).

 

Drink less alcohol.

 

Worry less.

 

Work on feeling hopeful, capable, caring, creative, and content rather than fearful, lonely, anxious, and depressed.

 

Work on feeling more energetic and relaxed (at appropriate times) rather than restless, nervous, shaky, and tired.