plugger123 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 What do you do when your girlfriend tells you that if you do this or that, that if it happens you will have no sex for a week. Toying with something like that is serious issue, or is it? I laughed it off but didn't know how to respond. Kind of freaks me out.. should it? Link to comment
avman Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 I would say get a new girlfriend. If she's going to use sex as a weapon to get her own way the relationship can only go downhill from there. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Personally I would never use sex as a bargaining tool, or withhold it as "punishment". I think that's selfish and rather manipulative. Sex is something that is shared out of love, passion and tenderness between 2 people (not always all 3, but hopefully at least one!). If a person is using to "punish you" or "train you" not to act a certain way, do you think maybe you might question their true feelings for you? What context was this in? What "reasoning" did she give you for withholding sex? Link to comment
shes2smart Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 I'd be freaked out if my SO was using sex as a "reward" for "good behavior" (or more accurately "the behavior they want"), too. It sets up an unequal relationship in all the wrong ways. It's manipulation. Now, if you *want* to be made to tow the line, more power to ya, that's your choice. I know people who purposely seek out that sort of unequal relationship because it's what they want. But since you're not using terms like "power exchange relationship" or "alternative lifestyle," I'll assume this isn't what you're after. If you don't like being a puppet on a string, speak up. If she can't treat you like an adult individual and an equal partner, you need to figure out if that's the kind of relationship you really want to be in. Link to comment
romanticlover Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 My girlfriend says she needs time to regain her dersires towards me as I have driven her to loose them in her words cause I always want it and it's never enough. It's been 2 weeks for me buddy. And teh rate it's going, she is a go with the flow person and about to get her period. Who know how long it's going to be for me. A month maybe. Trust me it really sucks man. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 What do you do when your girlfriend tells you that if you do this or that, that if it happens you will have no sex for a week. Toying with something like that is serious issue, or is it? I laughed it off but didn't know how to respond. Kind of freaks me out.. should it? I cannot STAND when people use sex as a weapon. Yes, toying with that is a serious issue. Granted, there are times my boyfriend and I will actually make fun of people whom DO do that and toy with one another "ie..none for you tonight", but we both know we are playing with one another...and that "none" really means "I am going to jump your bones". Those are ultimatums...and they will only hurt in the end by degrading your relationship. Sexual intimacy is not something you use as bargaining chip. It's selfish, manipulative, immature and hurtful. It takes away from the amazing aspect of that intimacy in your partnership with one another. If someone used it as a bargaining tool...I would be telling them we are not suited to one another. And leaving. To find someone whom does value sexual intimacy the same way I do and communicates with me on issues and compromises, rather then threatens. Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 She's looking for ways to control you, very unhealthy. The next time she says this to you say "are we just talking about with you or does that go for everyone else too?" Of course I'm only kidding but you need to get her attention, so she can see how foolish she is being. Then again she could be heading towards being a dominatrix, has she withheld sex before as punishment for something you did or didn't do? Link to comment
nsbguy32169 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Using sex as tool = wrong Link to comment
sasha12 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 it should freak you out. she is playing some serious head games with you. sex should be a natural thing. not something that gets taken away if you don't comply to her wishes. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 What do you do when your girlfriend tells you that if you do this or that, that if it happens you will have no sex for a week. Dump her. Unless she was joking of course. Sexual blackmail is a terrible thing. Link to comment
Tigris Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 If she's being serious then the relationship is not going to work, and it's time to move on! Link to comment
lunatic Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 I agree with everyone here especally Avman when he said "time to get a new girlfriend" Link to comment
DN Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 I will add my voice to the chorus. I am not even sure that I would advise talking to her about it - someone who would say it and mean it is probably past seeing anyone's point of view except her own. Just be thankful she revealed her true colours now. Link to comment
melrich Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Is it possible she is just joking around when she says this. It seems a very strange thing to say seriously. I mean you would hope that no sex would be punishment for BOTH of you.....that's what would worry me more than anything. I mean my partner might say I can have no ice cream for a week (and she often does) because it punishes me and not her...but no sex...i'd be worried...you know what I mean don't you? Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Is it possible she is just joking around when she says this. It seems a very strange thing to say seriously. I mean you would hope that no sex would be punishment for BOTH of you.....that's what would worry me more than anything. I mean my partner might say I can have no ice cream for a week (and she often does) because it punishes me and not her...but no sex...i'd be worried...you know what I mean don't you? That has always been my thinking too, why the heck would I want to withdraw sex from BOTH of us? That's just crazy! Of course, I would consider withdrawing ice cream cruelty as well As said, my partner and I can joke around about it, but we are never serious and we both know that. We would never say something like that in an argument, or as an ultimatum. It is more if we are just engaging in some teasing and playing with one another. Link to comment
Dr Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Gotta agree with that really. If your partner is going to use sex as a weapong then it's time to bail out and find someone else who shares your mutual desire for a sexually active relationship. My GF has jokingly said things like it in the past but I know that she doesn't mean it (Yes it still happens). If she ever said it and meant it seriously then the trust would be gone and the relationship dead. Has to be said though, we don't get much of it these days due to shortages on time etc.. Doc Link to comment
usedand abused Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Maybe she was only kidding ??????? Link to comment
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