2Qs: Over-sensitive clits & BJs

[robowar]

Two questions:

 

1. I've had this problem with my gf for a while: when I'm fingering her by rubbing her clit or going down on her, she's loving it for a while and then she says it starts to hurt because her clit gets really sensitive. How do I bring her off then?

 

2. My gf has indicated in the past that she would really like to give me a BJ. So last night we found a room at a party and for the first time got totally naked in front of each other. She seemed a little bit nervous but then she seemed to get more comfortable. But after I had done stuff on her she was willing to give me a handjob but she said she didn't feel ready to give me a blowjob. Can anyone shed some light on this?

 

As background information we're both 16 and we're each other's first for just about everything. Thanks for the advice!

[KweenofDenyl]

1. I've had this problem with my gf for a while: when I'm fingering her by rubbing her clit or going down on her, she's loving it for a while and then she says it starts to hurt because her clit gets really sensitive. How do I bring her off then?

You might be rubbing too hard...or it might be that she doesn't climax because of any of a number of things (not comfortable "letting go", age, etc.)

 

2. My gf has indicated in the past that she would really like to give me a BJ. So last night we found a room at a party and for the first time got totally naked in front of each other. She seemed a little bit nervous but then she seemed to get more comfortable. But after I had done stuff on her she was willing to give me a handjob but she said she didn't feel ready to give me a blowjob. Can anyone shed some light on this?

If she's not ready, don't force it! My guess is that she is afraid she won't do it right or feel like a failure. My gut reaction to this is quite honestly that you both are pretty young for all of this (and I know you hate to hear that! ) but when I think back to myself at that age, when I too was becoming sexually active, I was so naive and immature and uninformed! ugghh.

So, here is my question for you: have you asked your gf these two questions and if not, why not? I would think she is the one to give you the answers you seek. If neither one of you is able to discuss this stuff with each other then really, should you be getting so intimate already?

 

I hope I don't sound too old and stuffy here...

[Bethany]

You're rubbing her dry. Dip into her vagina and move some juices upwards to keep her clit wet at all times.

Also I agree with Kweeno, don't rush it with her. She might not think she is ready to go that far and feel pressured and you could actually push her away. Softly softly ok, there's no rush.

[darkblue]

she said she didn't feel ready to give me a blowjob

Respect her decision and don't pressure her into anything she is not comfortable with.

In her own time.

[Shadows Light]

Your GF gets dry because she can't relax. Is she able to climax on her own??? You are rubbing her dry as a poster above said. And yes.. it doesn't feel good after a while. Try the afformentioned technique.

 

Secondly.. Giving a blowjob for the first time is an intimidating thing for a girl. The mind might want to do it... but when you actually get face to face, eye to eye.. with the one eyed snake.. its pretty darn well intimidating. You don't know really what to do with it.. and your courage fails you.

 

The secret to a great sex life is communication. You need to be talking to her about these things. Get comfortable with your sexuality and just talk to each other. its worth not having the anxiety of having to guess what she's thinking etc etc.

 

Welcome to Enot.

[robowar]

Thanks for the replies guys. We've been going out for a while and I really am the type of guy who respects a girl's wishes and doesn't force her. Maybe with time she'll be comfortable enough to do it (I've gone down on her several times). And yes we're totally comfortable talking about this stuff, I just wanted to see what light you guys could shed on it.

 

My gf has told me that she's really sensitive down there, so will the extra lubrication be enough to fix this? It's seem like she enjoys broader stimulation, like thrusting against my leg as opposed to finger stimulation, but I sort of feel weird having to use my leg to bring her off instead of my hand.

[Shadows Light]

What you may be doing then is concentrating directly on her clit. And that "IS" very sensitive. Try using the flat of your whole finger against it.

Not your finger tip. You arn't plucking a guitar string. If you are using the tip of your finger directly on the clit... YES Very sensitive.

 

The female clit has over 8,000 nerve endings conjoining in a 1/4 inch area as oposed to the head of a penis that has 2,000 nerve endings. Conversely.... if she were giving you a blowjob and wanted to it to last longer.. she'd wouldn't just concentrate on the head of your penis.

 

Try using the flat length of your finger or the flat of two fingers. or even ask her to help you out... direct your hand. Place her hand over yours.

 

Dr. Sue Johnson has an excellent website that has alot of great information. You may want to check it out. Knowledge is power... educate yourself.

[Day_Walker]

use some kind of lubrication when rubbing her clitoris. If she isnt ready to give you a BJ yet then you are just going to have to wait. The more comfortable that you make her the sooner you will get the BJ.

[robowar]

Here's an update:

 

1. Last night I went to a party with my girlfriend whom I am very much in love with and I ended up giving her oral... she really enjoyed it -- I was also fingering her and trying to rub her G-spot while licking her clit and she was loving it but then she said she was getting too sensitive and I could barely even touch the region after that without triggering this (she hadn't orgasmed yet). She was really wet and it felt lubricated enough. How do I get the job done?

 

2. Last night I went into it not really expecting her to do anything on me and I told myself that if she didn't, then I wouldn't even mention it because that would make her feel put on the spot. But we were in a place where we wouldn't have been caught and I had just gone down on her, bring the number of times I've done this for her to 4. I don't see why she couldn't have returned the favor, especially since I didn't pressure her or even allude to wanting it (she has told me this makes her feel put on the spot). Today we went to the mall and she asked me if I felt disappointed and I lied and said, "Of course not" even though I really would have liked her to. I mean last time this sort of thing happened I told her I was sort of disappointed and that didn't do any good at all. So how do I solve this? Btw I'm not up for playing games like refusing to go down on her until she does it on me, etc. I know it's intimidating for a girl (especially since it would be her first time), but what do I need to do?

[flutegirl23]

well, i am a bit older then you, 19 and my bf is 22. we have been together for 3 years and i am his first gf. lets just say that it took us almost 2 and a half years to finally get to that level of our relationship. And it took me a long time before i felt comfortable enough to give him one. i mean, we don't have one, we never see one so we have NO IDEA what to do with it. i mean, it's just literally in your face and you have to figure out what you're doing. my bf gave me oral a few times before i finally got the courage to reciprocate. be gentle, it will come.

 

since you are rather young (granted at 19 i'm not that much older) maybe she is afraid that you are going to get caught or something. also, if all this is happening at parties that kind of brings down the mood. i know i wouldn't want to be intimate with my bf with people around. just a thought. good luck though.

[Jdoebs52]

1- Why must you be at parties to do things together? Don't you think it would be more romantic and special -especially for it being both of your first time - if you were somewhere alone, private, totally isolated? If you can't have that then maybe you're not ready to be doing what you're doing. Girls are different in a lot of ways. I can be rubbed for hours without getting too sensitive, some girls can only last a little while. It all depends on your body. It's not her fault at all. What I would do is talk to her, ask her what she likes. Don't touch her clit the entire time. In fact, tease her. Touch around it, lick around it, whatever, but refuse to touch it. When you finally do, be gentle, light, suck a little, just don't overdo it. That may be your problem.

 

2-You really need to lay off on that. If she's feeling like you're upset with her, she may end up leaving all together. I gave my first BJ only a couple months ago; and I'm 18. I was very scared. It is very intimidating. Also, it's not about "returing the favor," It's about showing love. Showing that you care about each other. With my boyfriend, I enjoy doing things to him almost more than receiving. That's how it should be. Your girlfriend shouldn't be "expected" to "return the favor" after you go down on her. It's about what's in your heart.

 

No offense, but if you can't be patient and respect her, then you are really making a mistake.

 

Good luck,

Jennifer

[CarnelianButterfly]

For one, thing don't keep score, its not about what you've done to her and what she's done to you. Sex isn't about balancing out the pleasure sheets. Comfort and trust have to be developed and lying won't help it. You're 16 do you absolutely have to have the BJ right now, patience is a highly underrated virtue.

[Derek]

- How about you spend time with all the other skin around her body and let her "moistness" catch up to you. The clitoris is not a "on-off" button, it's about her entire body feeling the build up. What about exploring her other body parts?

 

- How about you keep licking your fingers to keep things moist when fingering.

 

- How about you show her how you'd like a BJ, on two of her fingers with your mouth.

[Bethany]

IF you really are that open with each other, let her show you how SHE does it herself. Watch and learn. This can teach men alot as well as being a turn on.

I think she's trying to tell you that your too rough.

[robowar]

Okay guys I get what you're saying about sex isn't everything, and I agree. My gf and I are very much in love and there are many aspects to our relationship besides sex. But wouldn't you guys see something wrong with one person pleasuring the other all the time with oral sex and the other person never reciprocating? I know it's not about keeping score but at some point you just have to look at what's going on.

[robowar]

Here's an update:

 

The whole reciprocating thing has been resolved. As for my question about bringing her off, I still haven't had too much success. She has told me that she masturbates by grinding against things instead of manually stimulating herself. When I'm going down on her, after a while she still gets very sensitive and she says I need to switch off to fingering, but not to do both at once. The fingering doesn't always work very well for her though because she doesn't even masturbate that way. She does enjoy dry humping tons (probably because of this). Do you all have some advice on how I could bring her off?

[Derek]

I wonder if you realize that "fingering" isn't always like porn films show. The in-out motion is nice but not all that for a woman. For a woman, working the external is more bang for the buck at first, per se =) Same with oral sex. I am thinking you are using porn films as your education on technique which is bad. Orally do you use your entire tongue over the entire area not just constantly "flic" on her button? Seems like she's getting "sensitive" before she needs to, which sounds like you're spending too much time on one thing. Someone else can give better advice on techniques. There are real educational websites that have good advice.

[Shadows Light]

I wonder if you realize that "fingering" isn't always like porn films show. The in-out motion is nice but not all that for a woman. For a woman, working the external is more bang for the buck at first, per se =) Same with oral sex. I am thinking you are using porn films as your education on technique which is bad. Orally do you use your entire tongue over the entire area not just constantly "flic" on her button? Seems like she's getting "sensitive" before she needs to, which sounds like you're spending too much time on one thing. Someone else can give better advice on techniques. There are real educational websites that have good advice.

 

You are right.. its not all that. Some ok.. but you should use the FLAT of your finger pads and cover the area..

 

Right again on the "flick" shouldn't use just the tip of your tongue directly on the clit.. its just like using the TIP of your finger on it. Same direct pressure is not a good thing.

 

As the previous poster suggested. There are a number of web-sites that talk about technique. Try your local public library for books.. you'd be surprised as to how many books are available to you from the library.

 

Why don't you try on one skill at a time. Learn to Manually stimulate her and later introduce oral??? Is she open to suggestion regarding learning manual stimulation? Have you visted a TOY shop and tried incorporating toys... using a Vibrator along with Oral. Lots of guys are threatened by Vibrators or their phallic shape.. so buy one thats non-gendered. Its just a vibrator. Use it on the outside area of down there.. and switch off with intimate kisses... This may help.

[Derek]

Shadows_Light,

 

Thanks for confirming from a female perspective =)

 

I meant exactly that about the "flat" of the finger and about indirect pressure, you said it well.

 

Getting into "techniques" is almost too difficult to do with just words (and too graphic perhaps =), the original poster is a teenager, he's got time to figure stuff out with his girl.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

maybe she's just too nervous that she's going to do a bad job and disappoint you. the longer she holds off on it, the longer it is before she has to face it.( no pun intended) it's an incredibly nerveracking thing, and your soo afraid that your going to hurt them or do something wrong, so it may just be that she's afraid of letting you down. heaven knows that was always my problem with it =P

[Jeremyg77]

u need to explore find the gspot with your fingers u dont always need to run the clit...do different things and ask her how it feels and what way is best

[shy_guy_3]

You're 16 do you absolutely have to have the BJ right now,.

 

 

CarnelianButterfly is right I mean dude, im 17 and to be honest and alot of guys wont admit this but im kinda afraid of a girl doing that...I mean yeah ive thought about it but who hasnt...the point is you got the rest of your life...so here's the questions for you...Which is more important? LOVE? or getting a BJ?

 

if you say bj, your Effed up

[Shadows Light]

u need to explore find the gspot with your fingers u dont always need to run the clit...do different things and ask her how it feels and what way is best

 

Most women climax through direct stimulation of the clitoris. Hunting down the G-spot could take you FOREVER. its almost like looking for the fountain of youth. Go for OLD FAITHFUL.. the CLITORIS... once you've found it. And mastered that technigue.. you can go in search of.

 

Shy_guy_3.... Really??? really really??? This I didn't know. Most young men all they think about is the almighty 'BJ"... agreed, when you are starting out.. you should HONE all your senses. And just the power of touch.. is intoxicating enough without adding the hard-core to it. Enjoy the simple things in life. The small touches before you go further.

[TiredMan]

If it were me, I wouldn't go down on her if she isn't ready to go down on you. She apparently is "ready" to receive but not give? Cmon!. Just tell her you are not ready to anymore. That is what i would do.

[Belgian girl]

by me, it hurted/very sensitive because I had a vaginal infection (candida), so maybe be sure that it isn't 'just' that, otherwise I guess you can try a lot that won't help a lot. Maybe you can also ask her to/let her do it herself

Just an idea..