how do you deal with the green eyed monster?

[catgirl82]

hey guys. so yesterday i posted about my roommate and how i cant stand it when her boyfriend is around our apartment. now dont get me wrong, he is a very nice guy and makes my roommate very happy.

 

ive been thinking about it alot and i realize that when he's around it just triggers my feelings of insecurity about my own love live (which is non existent). i should be happy for my roommate (one of my closest friends) but instead i cant even bear to be around them b/c i get so depressed. i cant even bear to listen her talk on the phone with him sometimes, especially when she acts cutesy and talks baby talk, ugh!! its getting really bad lately, i dont know why. sometimes i cant even come out of my room and i get really sad and want to cry. this is just eating me up!!!

 

maybe its the winter, maybe im stressed about other things in my life, but this ONE specific thing bugs me (for some reason i am not that bothered by other peoples relationships)

 

maybe its b/c shes my roommate and im a constant witness to their relationship. maybe its because shes one of my closest friends. i just dont know

 

anyway, im just curious about how you guys all deal with envy? its a horrible feeling that eats me up inside, and i find that it comes and goes from time to time. i would love to let go of these feelings, be happy for my roommate, and just build up my self esteem so that im not bogged down with envy i know that i have alot to be happy about, but i cant stop focusing on the lack of a guy in my life (i know, so bad, i hate being one of those girls!!)

[ShySoul]

As a guy who has never had a girlfriend and will be 23 in less then a month, that issue has gotten me down on a number of occasions. Just walking down the street can make me feel bad because I see couples holding each other. Sometimes I dwell on the fact that I don't have anyone and it makes me feel alone and miserable.

 

What I do is to not dwell on what I don't have, but to think about what I do have. Keep busy with something that I find fun and which makes me happy. If you are so busy with other things, you mind doesn't have time to think about the bad. Of course, it will still hit you at times. You will still get down. And thats ok. We all want someone special to hold and love. What's important is to not constantly focused on that to the point you miss out on everything else in life. If you spend so much time worrying about the bad, you will miss out on all the good and could miss out on opportunities that are right in front of you.

[Mrocza]

ShySoul is right. Dwelling on what you don't have is always going to depress you.

 

You may feel like you're missing on something because you aren't expeirencing it right now, but I assure you, it will come sooner or later. I know it must be hard to see your friend happy when you're on your own, but no relationship is perfect.

 

And I understand the winter blues completely. Maybe you could suggest all of you going out together with a whole group of friends so you don't always feel like the DTW (designated third wheel)? You're not a bad person because you're envious. But you have to put yourself out there too...or you'll feel more uncomfortable.

 

Besides, I bet when they fight over the petty things you don't want to be around for long

[catgirl82]

shysoul and faeirie, thank you for your advice. its nice to be reassured that im not a bad person for feeling this way. i just feel guilty for not being able to be truly happy for my friend, and sometimes not even be able to put on a fake smile for her.

 

faerie, your quote at the end of your post (no one can make you feel inferior without your consent) applies to my situation and im sure to a lot of peoples situations out there, and i think its really a nice quote

[ShySoul]

catgirl82, it's sweet that you feel guilty for not being supportive. I have the same problem. Why should I be upset when they are happy? And that just makes me feel worse about things. So I beat myself up more over it. Try not to, though I'm not exactly sure how, and instead of feeling worse about yourself for it, just think about being happy for them.

 

fairie16, I agree that is a great quote. It's always been one of my favorites.

[Mrocza]

Thanks guys

 

It's actually been a great motivation for me in the past couple of days. Glad to know I could remind others as well

[Liquid Dream]

I have been in the same position, it tore me up inside and I couldn't handle it at all.

I was so angry and jealous all the time, that I eventually lost my only friend,

I've ever had, be careful and know that he may not be there forever, but if your a real friend you will be

[annie24]

I think you can try to "reframe" the situation for yourself. Instead of being jealous, say to yourself, "they found love, so can I."

 

I'm sure that their relationship isn't perfect. Instead of being jealous, maybe it could help you if you thought about things about their relationship that you don't like. For example, I personally hate cutesy baby talk and wouldn't want that kind of relationship.

 

Have you asked him if he has any great single friends he can introduce you to?

 

There are times in my life that I've felt envious of others (career issues). I just have to remind myself that everyone has a different "life path" that they are on. I like to believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe the love of your life is out there, but you're not supposed to meet him for another 5 years, when you two are finally ready to meet. Just remind yourself that your Mr. Right is out there, and that you'll meet him one day. And in the meantime, be happy for your friends

[Relationship Coach]

CG,

I think we went over this on another post a month or so ago. The problem we established was that you were envious because she had a bf and you didn't. You were angry because they were so lovey dovey and you were annoyed by this. I see that little has changed except maybe it's gotten worse. My advice to you then was study their relationship and see what makes them click and keeps them together. It is often that the thing that annoys you is what you so desire.