Im going ISANE!!!

[bodger-bob]

Hello to every body. I have been reading alot of threads over the last weeks and have finally decided post.

 

First a little about myself. Im a 35 years old male. 6'2'' hairy arsed builder. I have always been hetrosexual but not prolific (about 5 partners, 3 have been long term e,g 2yrs - 5yrs) Currently i am 3 1/2 years into a serious relationship and i have been engaged for almost 2 yrs hoping to get married this year.

 

I was brought up in the sticks (country lad) and went to an all boys boarding school and didnt go to college, so i had a very sheltered life with little social life. Im not religious. I have allways been shy when i meet people for the first time so i find it hard to make friends, i dont have a huge circle of them, this doesnt bother me much. Im wasnt introverted, i enjoy my own company with a few select people.

 

Since I have been with my present partner, i have moved to the big smoke, london to live with her.

 

My girlfriend has alot of gay friends and we as a couple hung out with them ocasionally. Im not anti gay (what ever floats your boat). But i do feel abit uncomfortable in there company. (my problem i know)

Any way i do find these guys intrigueing and i have been told that alot of them fancy me and how good looking i am ( i dont think i am) and that they have noticed me looking at them. i guess i should be honoured to be fancied buy both sexs.

 

A few people i know have a serious nack of identfiying gays with there gaydar and a few think i am! they say i have twinkle in my eye ( the windows to the soul, hard to hide) One of these people is my sister inlaw. Now my brother is jibing me, calling me gay and * * * * * * on site. a fellow builder asked me point blank wether i was gay. I laughed it off and said i was engaged to be married! I was very shaken up by this and it has got me questioning my sexuality, have i been in denial all my life? am i gay/bi

 

Its got me questioning my whole life, should i get married? I dont want to marry just to cover things up so i can look straight if im not, but i do love and fancy my girlfriend to bits, enough to get engaged in the first place.

 

I have been online and taken the gay test on various sites (you know the 25 questions type) and the results have varied from straight to bisexual. i also looked at the kinsey scale. I think im a 2 but not quite sure how to tell.

 

I really do enjoy and get turned on with the female body, lesbian porn etc, i just love it!! Never considered the male body before until recently. I am a randy sod through and will have sex as much as i can. I can never get enough! Im not, if im honest getting as much as i would like at the moment, i know it will probably get worse once married! my poor brother hasnt had it for 6months poor sod!

 

I cant get these gay thoughts out of my head!!

am i bi/curious? I dont know?

am i totally gay? i dont think so not sure?

Am i living a lie?

 

Its driving me nuts and im getting paranoid and stressed! i cant sleep! I cant look people in the eye anymore, i feel embaressed and really introvert and insecure about it all. I feel like im living on my nerves all the time, because i feel people might question my sexuality and i feel really awkward about it.

 

I obviously have issues but how to i sort all this stuff that goes around and around my head all the time.

 

I quess a lot of people have been through this sort of thing at sometime in there lives. Surely at my age i should know who i am!?

 

Any constructive advice would be great.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

P.s I might not be able to rely quickly to replies as the Mrs will be around. We havnt talked about this yet.

[FoxLocke]

Its got me questioning my whole life, should i get married? I dont want to marry just to cover things up so i can look straight if im not, but i do love and fancy my girlfriend to bits, enough to get engaged in the first place.

 

 

This is all that should matter.

 

You say that you are a good looking body builder? Well there you have it in a nutshell. Your fiance's friends maybe just suffering from something called, "wishful thinking." Whenever I see a guy who I think is hot part of me always hopes he is gay or bi just so I can get with him...lol.

In my opinion only you can answer the question of your sexuality for yourself. All that should matter is that you are emotionally and physically attractive to your potential spouse...Not if some guys think that you have a twinkle in your eye.

 

I have been hit on by both sexes before, but that doesn't mean I want to turn straight.

[bodger-bob]

In my opinion only you can answer the question of your sexuality for yourself. All that should matter is that you are emotionally and physically attractive to your potential spouse...Not if some guys think that you have a twinkle in your eye.

 

wise words FoxLocke thanks for the reply, maybe i am just blowing it all out of preportion in my mind. I guess i just need to put what im feeling in to perspective. But all these thoughts are screwing with my mind, im feeling very insecure and seriously lacking self esteem at the mo. When im with my fiance in the flat im back to my old self its great, but as soon as i leave the house i dont know where to look. i sometimes catch a blokes eye (not intentionally) when walking down the street (its the same at work)then suddenly im feeling embaressed and nervous, i just want to walk around with confidence again! not caring where or who i look at. I guess i need a shrink!

 

P.s im not a body builder, im a construction worker/carpenter LOL

[FoxLocke]

P.s im not a body builder, im a construction worker/carpenter LOL

 

Haha...When you said builder I thought you meant Body builder...Whoops!

 

I think it's great that you are considering therapy. It's good just to talk to someone...

 

Cheers!

[bodger-bob]

Haha...When you said builder I thought you meant Body builder...Whoops!

 

I think it's great that you are considering therapy. It's good just to talk to someone...

 

Cheers!

 

Body builder,what where you saying about wishful thinking ha ha!?This is the first time i have ever talked about this, i feel better for it

. im intrested to here from other people who have had similar experinces or is it just me?

 

ta

[Outcast-Angel]

sweetheart, it doesn't matter if you are bi, i mean, you said yourself that you love your girlfriend/fiance (congrats, by the way) very much. if you love her, and want to spend the rest of your life with her, that's what counts. you're bound to find another woman attractive at some point, but that doesn't mean you're going to act on it, right? why should it matter if a few guys turn your head or not? doesn't mean you suddenly have to pursue it.

[mgirl]

Being gay is all about "desiring" the same sex, whether it's physically, mentally or emotionally, so unless you have experienced any of this desire, i wouldn't start questioning my sexuality if i were you.

 

I know it is kind of natural to start questioning things when you are hanging around certain types of people. For example, when i was hanging around heterosexual people at TAFE, i almost convinced myself i would get married and have kids. No lie!

 

So, yes, i think it all comes down to "desire" and that is more than just intellectualising things.

 

Whether you are randy or not is beside the point. If you can imagine a guy satisfying your desires, then you may be bi-sexual, but it sounds to me like you just need a good shag. Excuse the expression

[Prufrock06]

bodger-bob,

 

It seems to me like you're feeling anxious and nervous about this issue moreso as a reaction to what others are thinking about you than your own personal sexual and emotional desires. From what you've posted here, I would say that your questioning your sexuality out of the blue is an aspect of your worries about what other people think of you -- a result of some gay guys thinking you were gay. "Gaydar" malfunctions work both ways -- these select few who've called you out as gay can be just as easily mistaken as a straight guy whose best male friend turns out to be gay even though he doesn't appear so at first glance.

 

What I'm saying is, so what if these people (and it's important to keep in perspective that it's only a few) are thinking you're gay. You clearly love and cherish your girlfriend and have clear sexual and emotional desires for her -- this should be all the proof you need to convince yourself that your reactions to this situation are more a product of stress and worry than they are about any clear gay or bisexual feelings.

 

Don't worry so much about proving yourself to others (I know, easier said than done...) -- they're not the ones you're going to be spending the rest of your life with!

[bodger-bob]

thanks people for replying, many wise words spoken.

 

i am going to try and say bollocks to the suspious few and get on with my life with my fiance! i dont care what this minority of people think, they can think what they like!

 

happy new year to every one.

 

bob