Planning for 2008

[mppaul22]

Hi all,

 

Me and my honey have been together almost 10 months! Although our christmas was apart...due to a disagreement and misspoken words, we had a wonderferful week following and brought in the new year with a commitment to a trip to his home, Kenya, in Sept 2008, after he's graduated (will start his MBA this spring or summer semester).

 

Although he estimated a budget of $10,000, I suggested $15,000, just to make sure I have clean sheets and indoor plumbing in my hotel

 

We have agree to open a joint account and beginning in April, deposit a set amount each month.

 

I've never met his family, so this will be a combination graduation celebration for him and meet the family for me. Now my question is, I would like to be engaged by the time I meet his family and think this conversation should take place as soon as this September and no later than March of 2007, is that unreasonable for me and how should I approach this topic with him?

 

Since we are making this joint financial commitment now, is that putting the cart before the horse?

[melrich]

Have you talked about getting engaged with him before or will this come copmpletely out of the blue?

 

I don't think you should plan to get engaged because you are going on a trip to Kenya. You should get engaged because that is what you both want to do.

[LiquidCherry]

I'm in no place to judge your relationship but I know I would never open up a joint account with someone I wasn't married too. Perhaps you could save separately and combine your funds when you actually go on the trip... It sure is a long way off.

[buckley]

You cant really put a time on when someone should ask you something.......unfortunately it is up to that person and that person only when they are ready and willing.

 

10 mo's ( in my opinion) is not that long, atleast not long enuff. May i ask are you living together? how long have u known each other etc?

 

In my mind i think that you just have to wait like normal, just because you are going to kenya with him doesnt mean u should be married. Even tho you would like to doesnt mean you will be. Maybe if this is something really important to him you should tell him u only feel comfortable going if you are engaged, but they way i see it is you would need to get engaged now because saying that in yr 2007 u will get engagaed doesnt make much sense, as anything could happen and he may just say they he will propse within time but doesnt mean he will, so why not jsut wait it out until he asks you? If your scared he may not ask you than maybe you should say not o kenya until u do get enagaged.

 

The most inportant thing tho i think about your post is this: DO NOT OPEN A JOINT ACCOUNT WITH HIM! this is such a BAD idea unless u are married!!

 

seen it all happen before, no matter how much u trust him, no matter how much you love him you do NOT know what will happen in time, its always better to be safe than sorry.

 

ive been in rships wher ei had complete trust etc n still got screwed over, u only have to read posts on here to know that........so pls be safe n dont open a joint account

[mppaul22]

yes, a separate account would be good and I can wait until we retrun from Africa to see if we are headed towards marriage. It's been a great 10 months...so what's another couple of years! Thanks!!

[RayKay]

Oh, don't open a joint account. It would be a bit different if you have been together a couple years, and share a OWNED home, to have one account for shared expenses, but it is a BAD idea at 10 months into it, when you are saving $15,000 for something still 2+ years away.

 

Open separate accounts and combine monies when the time comes.

 

As for the engagement thing....I really don't think you can "demand" an engagement before you meet his family, or when you have only been dating 10 months. Many people don't even CONSIDER engagement until you HAVE met their families. Obviously it is not fair to wait forever, but this should be a conversation you have together because you BOTH want to go that route and are ready, the relationship is ready for that. Not because you are planning a trip to Kenya. While you have made such plans, it does not mean your relationship is not still developing, or that it is guaranteed, or that planning a trip is equal to being ready to get married.

[arwen]

I think RayKay is right. I am happy for you that you are so happy with your man. However, 10 months is still quite early to talk about engagements. You haven't met his family so you don't know that part of his background. A long trip is a good step but it's not the same as engaging.

 

Take things slow, girl. No need to hurry, why would you? A couple of years is a LOT more than 10 months, especially if 10 months is just the BEGINNING of a relationship. I'd wait for a bit on engagement plans.

 

And please don't open a joint account. I worked at the dpt of a bank where I had to advise people who had to break open those accounts because they were no longer partners. If things get ugly, he can simply take the complete amount and leave you with nothing. Save up separate bits and open a joint account when you are registered partners or married. I'd always advice all people to have a savingsaccount just on their OWN name. Married or not.

 

Ilse.

[Vanilla]

i mean it all depends. i opened a joint bank account in the states with my partner after a yr of dating when we were only 18...our money was...well our money ! and maybe it was naive and foolish but it worked out well for us. but you never know what could have happened!

 

Obviously we wernt talking about 15grand!!!!!

 

we're 20 now and still have that bank account, although I prefer to handle my european account now because its easier living where I am and thats an individual one. we each have our own here ...

 

But my ma always deposits in our joint account in the states whenever she wants to send money (we still have it and thats the one he continues to use m ostly)...and its a very respectful thing...I mean I do live with him and I can hunt him down if he runs away with our money...lol

 

but as for you, I wouldnt get so caught up in it...you're talking about a lot of money...

[ShySoul]

If you are planning on having the talk by March 2007, that will be after 2 years together. I think that is taking it slow and will be plenty of time to decide if you want to get engaged. But things like that aren't something you plan for. I agree its good to take it slow. But there isn't a time table for when these talks should happen, and you shouldn't try to plan one. It will happen when it is right, when you both get the feeling that you want to be engaged. This could be March 2007, it could be in September, it could even be next month. If you had only known each other a couple months, that would be too fast. If it has been 10 months, its possible that is enough time. Just follow your heart and do what you think is right for you.