Broke up with me, took me back, now he has feelings for another girl.

[You_Dont_Know_Me]

So. After all my stories - this is the biggest and the most painful.

 

My boyfriend of 9 months said that he hasn't been feeling the same for me. And it's been getting worse since at least 5 months ago. He said he knows he loves me - but he just doesn't feel the girlfriend/boyfriend connection anymore.

 

So, he broke it off with me. Thinking that was the best and only way to handle things. For the connection thing, and because he wanted his life back to settle things. This is the kid who was more involved in my life than his.

 

This morning he called, and asked for me to come back. That he just couldn't do it - it was too hard - and that he missed me. But, that wasn't the only news he had.

 

There's been this one girl that's been trying to get with him for about 2 months now. And he admitted to me this morning - that he kind of has some feelings for her. He loves me - and wants to be with me - and he doesn't want these emotions for her, he really doesn't want them. And now I have no idea to do. I told him that I couldn't only have 80% of his love. And I asked him if he wanted to be with her - and he said a part of him does, but the rest of him doesn't he wants to be with me. And he says he wants to get rid of these feelings for her. And that she reminds him of me, when we first met and everything was 'simple' ...

 

I hate her, and I hate myself - and I'm really mad at him.\

 

What am I suppose to do now? I took him back - before I knew about the other girl ... what now?

[DN]

Tell him, without anger or recriminations, that you love him but will not be with him unless he can commit his heart entirely to you. If and when he can do that then he should contact you and make that commitment and then you will decide what to do. Tell him that until he can decide, you don't want him to contact you and you will plan on moving on with your life.

[michelemybell]

I'm sorry you are going through this. This situation has happened to a lot of us here and the best thing to do, in my opinion, is to walk away and stop fighting it.

I know this is hard, but I truly believe you should let him go. Stop trying to convince him to change his mind. He can't make up his mind, and his ambivalence is taking your heart and emotions on a roller-coaster ride. I would let it go and start of 2006 with a healthy start. I know you care for him, but care for yourself more here. You deserve better. Why waste your time with someone who isn't sure of being with you and only you??

And, I have a feeling once you let him go, he'll be singing a different tune. But this way you'll be calling the shots. You might find out that it is really isn't worth the time to be with someone who won't/can't give you his all.

[charliek]

Listen to your heart. What you told him is right. . .you can't be w/ a guy who has feelings for another. Trust me I was in a 5 yr relationship w/ a guy that every time we broke up this last year he ran back to the same girl for a month then get back w/ me. In one year we broke up 2 times and both times he went to her. This girl NEVER left him alone and it only fueled his feelings that he still had for her. He too could not leave her alone which made her only try harder for him. It made our relationship miserable b/c even though I was his gf I could see him fighting w/ himself about me and her. . .He started lying to me about having contact w/ her, but my gut new he was still talking w/ her. . .so I finally confronted this girl and well my ex broke up w/ me over it. In the end though, I don't take it back b/c now I know the truth, I never have to second guess myself, I will never have to worry what is he doing w/ whom. . .She does. We have been broken up for about a month and a half and I ahve stood my ground w/ this guy. This girl is still looking foolish b/c he is stringing her along and she STILL calls him all the time and throws herself at him. . .but I don't even have to try and he calls me, or emails me, or goes and does things w/ me. . .whether or not she knows? I don't know but now she has all of the doubts that I did. . .he claims they are not dating but this girl I don't think sees it that way. . .but in the end, stand up for yourself and put your foot down. I finally about a week and a half ago told my ex that I could not be apart of his life if he chooses to keep this girl in his life. He tells me he thinks that we will get back together and I told him if he feels this way he needs to leave this girl alone then. . .he told me he didn't like the ultimatum and I shouldn't be tellinghim who can and can't be in his life. And I told him that I was making a choice for myself that I don't want her a part of my life and if he wants her in his life, then I don't need him in my life. . .You should never enter a relationship w/o trust. . .never enter a relationship that is going to make you question both yourself and him. . .if you never feel secure about your relationship it's not worth it. . .it will tare you down, it will make you constantly think that you're not good enough b/c the man you are w/ has these feelings for someone else. .. trust me it's an ugly place to be in adn if I can stop it for you I will. . .DONT do it until he chooses for himself to let this girl go bc she MAY NOT leave him alone and constantly make him question you and your relationship. . .Theres so much better out there trust me I am finding!!

[Itsok]

Walk out of this. What will happen is he will 'settle with you' and then eventually either dump you for this other girl, or cheat on you to get the feelings out of his system. He's giving you warning signs that he won't be faithful. Get out of this one.

[You_Dont_Know_Me]

but, i don't want to end it with him.

 

think there's a good way I can talk it through with him?

[Itsok]

If you want to stay, then do, but you'll always have the feeling that he wants this other girl. I don't know how you could settle with that.

 

Just talk it through and hope for the best I guess.