He keeps calling, and is getting creepy.

[lillady898]

I'm a little worried...

 

Two years ago, I met a guy in a criminal justice class I was taking. I thought he was pretty sweet, so I gave him my phone number. We got together quite a bit, but had only kissed. He really wanted to have sex, but I didn't feel like I knew about his past well enough. As time went on, my fears were confirmed and I found out he was a pretty big "player." He had a couple of girlfriends, all of which he claimed "were nothing serious." One of my close friends told me that he says everything girls would ever want to hear, just for sex. After that, I completely lost interest and a couple months later I got into a relationship with someone (who I have since broken up with).

 

He continued to call. I told him that he should just leave me alone. Eventually, however, he would call me 5-10 times a night to see what I was doing. He got my screenname for instant messanger from a friend and talked to me from various different screennames (all of which I blocked). I stopped ansewering the phone and started automatically exiting out of his messages.

 

Now, two years later, I'm getting these calls again. I've been getting them for the past few months. I never answer. Now he just tries talking to me on instant messanger. The messages are kind of creepy. They start by saying, "You want to know a secret? I still have a crush on you." It's the same every time.

 

Yesterday, I got really angry and told him to just stop already! He couldn't take that as a hint and got really creepy. He started asking me if we could hook up. He said I don't have to be his girlfriend, but he just wants to hook up. I said no way!, and to leave me alone and that I'm tired of adding all these names to my block list. He also has once told me that if I was his girlfriend and never answered, I'd be in big trouble. Then he said he was confused, which I really don't get. What does he have to be confused about?

 

I just don't get it. Especially because a mutual friend has told me that he has a girlfriend (although he claims they broke up last summer)...

 

I don't know what else to do. If I block his number, he'll call from another number. If I get a new screenname, he'll find it out from a mutual friend. I've tried everything. I guess I'm lucky he doesn't come to where I live.

[hockeyboy]

you use aim? one feature allows you to block EVERYBODY who is not on your buddy list. so do that and then he will not be able to see you onnline or i/m you. thats a start anyways. also..perhaps you can change your cell phone number rather then just trying to block his.

[Mrocza]

He sounds CREEPY. Start saving those conversations. :S Change your number?

 

See if you can put a restaining order on him, this guy is a STALKER.

[Caterina]

That is some creepy stuff, there. I don't really know much about how to handle that sort of thing, but perhaps you can report him. Also, there is a feature that allows you to block anyone from IMing you if they aren't on your buddy list. Cat

[Dating Coach]

Change your AIM and number. Don't give him the pleasure of any response.

[annie24]

I think it's time for a restraining order. Or something similar. I once went to the police about a similar matter. They took things very seriously, and issued "stalking papers" against him. Basically the papers said that his behavior was "stalking" and that if he continued, he would be fined, or put into jail. The behavior stopped.

 

Collect all the records you have on this contact. Everytime he's contacted you, what he said, take it to the police. The more detail you have, the stronger your case.

 

you need to start saving the messages and IMs he sends you.

 

good luck

[lillady898]

Thanks, I didn't even realize you could block anyone who isn't on your buddy list. Hopefully that will solve the instant message problem.

 

I think I'm also going to check into having my number changed. I'm just pretty sure that even if I change it, he'll find a way to get it, which is a scary thought.

[wlfpack81]

I agree w/annie24. Time for some legal action on this guy b/c this is creepy. Hopefully you can get in contact w/your phone comapny and get a log of his calls for evidence.

[lillady898]

I think it's time for a restraining order. Or something similar. I once went to the police about a similar matter. They took things very seriously, and issued "stalking papers" against him. Basically the papers said that his behavior was "stalking" and that if he continued, he would be fined, or put into jail. The behavior stopped.

 

Collect all the records you have on this contact. Everytime he's contacted you, what he said, take it to the police. The more detail you have, the stronger your case.

 

you need to start saving the messages and IMs he sends you.

 

Thanks, I wasn't completely sure if this would be considered stalking or not, since he's not physically following me or anything. I think I will take it up with the police, just to be sure it doesn't go any further. Apparently this guy isn't shy, and it'd be terrible to find out how aggressive he could possibly get.

[annie24]

Yeah, I actually DON'T think you should block him or change your number. like you said, he found it before, he'll find it again. or, he'll find another way to torment you. I really think it's time to start taking the evidence to the police.....

[annie24]

When I went to the police, their question to me was, "Do you feel physically threatened?" The key is how you feel. If you feel he is annoying, but harmless, fine. Just change your number and block all IMs. If you feel he might get violent, the police will take you very seriously.

[chai714]

I think everyone else missed this, but I could be wrong myself.

 

Cut off the mutual friend! She's giving you away each time, so how loyal is SHE to YOU?

[PocoDiablo]

This is a game he is playing, and the more you pull away, the more he will come after you. I've had to deal with a few stalkers in my lifetime, and let me share with you how I got rid of them.

 

Become HIGH MAINTENANCE and EXPENSIVE.

 

Pick up the phone one day. Make chit chat. He'll ask you out. Ask him where. He's say some crappy place (note: no matter WHAT he says, react with disgust.) Tell him that you don't go to dumps like that any more. Tell him you want to go to [name of most expensive restaurant in town.] He should reluctantly agree. Do WHATEVER it takes to get him to agree. (Almost!) Then, make small talk for a few more minutes. Bring up the topic of having nothing to wear. Let him know that you'd like him to take you on a shopping trip to [Nordstroms, Saks Fifth, someplace PRICEY] because you need a whole new outfit, and it HAS to be chi-chi brand name stuff which will easily cost over $1000. Tell him he should bring his credit card if he cannot afford it, it'll be worth his while.

 

--Now, if he has not hung up yet, then keep going--

 

So what is he driving nowadays? If it's not the 2006 BMW then he'd better go rent on or borrow one or something. You cannot be seen in anything other than a BMW, Porsche, Aston Martin, or Mercedes.

 

Other ideas might be:

 

Ask him why he hasn't send you a dozen roses every day.

Ask him for a diamond tennis braclet to prove his love for you.

 

If you act dead serious, which is KEY, you can play him along for a while. He'll get the clue quickly and think you are a gold-digging, money mongering you-know-what. You're not his type. He wants cheap and easy to manipulate.

 

He's playing a game. You need to hit a home run.

[mgirl]

I would stop being reasonable with him and stop pleading with him to stop. He is obviously not listening to you and is not rational.

 

At first, i would have suggested you call his bluff by telling him that you have recorded every time he has contacted you and that the police currently have a record of him, but i do think the best way to handle this is to ignore him completely and to get off AIM. You may even have to change your mobile telephone number. The more you respond to him, the more you are exciting him. It may surprise you, but these sorts of people thrive on that kind of thing.

 

As i said before, he is not rational, so pleading with him is not going to do anything.

 

Also, you need to tell your friends not to pass on any personal info about you.

[mgirl]

This is hilarious!

[Wimpy]

This is hilarious!

 

Couldn't have put it better myself!!!!

[PocoDiablo]

And it WORKS.

 

I did the same thing to some girl that would not leave me alone. Offered her a nice dinner - if she'd pay. My car was broken down, could she pick me up? Hey, could you loan me some money for rent this month?

 

After three months of 50-200 calls a day I never heard from her again.

[lillady898]

When I went to the police, their question to me was, "Do you feel physically threatened?" The key is how you feel. If you feel he is annoying, but harmless, fine. Just change your number and block all IMs. If you feel he might get violent, the police will take you very seriously.

 

I'm definetly worried. I have no idea who he truly is underneath all that sweettalk, so I have no idea what he's capable of.

 

He just talked to a me a few a minutes ago online, and I saved the conversation. But if I never answer his calls, it doesn't show up on my phone bill. How could I get a record of that? Should I start answering his calls?

 

Cut off the mutual friend! She's giving you away each time, so how loyal is SHE to YOU?

 

I have no idea which mutual friend it is, there is a few of them. Or maybe it wasn't even a mutual friend, but rather another friend of mine who was friends with a friend of his. I don't know, I'm not exactly sure who it was. I could always ask, but if it's someone who know's I don't like this guy at all, I'm betting they'll deny it and I'll never find out at all. I really dislike not knowing the whole story.