CHRISTMAS! going CRACKERS !!!

[blue boy]

It's been 5 months now since a 4 year relationship ended.

 

I have not 'moved on' in the slightest despite making massive efforts to get out and meet people.

 

The emotional torture of a broken heart was bad enough. However, despite giving her space over all those months I am becoming increasingly upset and bitter to be honest as I feel she is now inflicting psychological torture on me.

 

This forum has been gret and I admire you all but I am being dragged down deeper and deeper into feelings of bitterness and resentment.

 

I know all about taking the high road etc. but I am at boiling point simply at her lack of humanity towards me.

 

I know she wants me out of her life as she has a new guy, and because I remind her of a relationship characterised by her binge drinking at times.

 

That was the reason why I was reluctant to commit.

 

However I gave her up and set her free.

 

I'll give you an example of why I am so angry. After 10 weeks NC I asked for her father's address as he had shown a lot of hospitality to me throughout the year.

 

I mentioned nothing about the realationship and said I hoped she was happy.

 

I had to ask again as she didn't reply. Then when she did she couldn't even say 'HI, here it is' - Just the address all by it's lonely little self.

 

I was fuming then to be honest and wrote back saying I had no desire to see her or open contact in any big way.

 

I did admit I was trying 'to build bridges' as I said because we live in the same environment it would be better to be friends rrather than enemies.

 

No reply of course which has fulled my fires.

 

Of course in my heart I love her but I have given her up and bent over backwards not to contact her.

 

I will be spending Xmas alone and fear it will send me over the edge and make me send a text to her saying from I shall treat her with the same contempt as she is treating me.

 

I know it's wrong and will open a whole can of worms as things will start getting ugly then but it's almost as if she is goading me into doing it.

 

There are things I know that could really hurt her. I don't hate her but my emotions are at boiling point 50% of the time and then 50% miss her.

 

I have tried everything but failed and yes I know time will heal although it will take a long while.

 

I know these feelings of anger or natural but I am so afraid of really letting rip and letting her friends and family know about all her drinking problems.

 

I know the answer to most of the queries above but I can't implemnt them.

 

What I can't for the life of me understand is why she can't even say the words 'Hello' - and if she can't say 'Merry Xmas' to me next week - well I fear that will be the final straw and I will go ballistic.

 

I know I need help - I suppose you guys and gals are my last hope before I go insane.

 

Have a lovely Xmas everybody !

[annie24]

Hi - The first step to getting over her isn't to meet new people, but rather to heal that emotional scarring. I'd write down a list of all her bad qualities and things that weren't good about the relationship. Think about the things you are thankful for now that you are single. Try to see the good points about the breakup, like now, you are free to meet someone more compatible for you.

 

It's tough - you two were together for so long. Acknowledge the hurt, and then try to release it as best you can.

 

you'll get over her someday. It will be ok.

 

take care

[schmuckcanuck]

I hear what you are saying and I have been there. Clinging to little bits of hope that things will be good with that person again. But deep down we know that we can not go back and so we get angry that they don't seem to care about our pain. It has been 4 years for me now since my very long term break up and I can actually say that now I have no feelings for this person at all. It was a long hard haul and stopping myself from doing self destructive things was the hardest. Time will heal these wounds and someone new and better is waiting for you!

[blue boy]

Thank you Annie - I really appreciate your reply.

 

Yes, you are absolutely right - but how do you actually 'heal ' quicker?

 

I did all the writing and crying and heart-wrenching stuff months ago.

 

I just want to get inside her mind and find out why she can't show even a shred of humanity.

 

Just a simple text from her and it would heal me a million times faster believe me.

 

It is only when I feel the anger that the hurt is released but it is so raw inside me I am afraid.

 

Yes I know the 'someday' will come but I need a quick fix.

 

Thank you for your input anyhow.

[blue boy]

Exactly Monettlisa - it has to do with 'her'.

 

But isn't that where we all go wrong in life , being so selfish.

 

She knows exactly what I am going through as a guy left her and vanished after 13 years.

 

I used to sit for hours through her tears at the start of our relationship while she tried to figure out how cruel he had been.

 

She is doing 'exactly' the same to me. I used to carry her out of parties unconscious in my arms she was so bad. I just find it beyond belief she can't even reach out in even the slightest way.

 

She wanted to get married but I told her to stop the drinking first.

 

It takes 2 to ruin a relationship I know and I have respected her decision to leave and never asked her to come back.

 

However, as I say the mental torture is replacing the heartbreak and making me feel so mad.

 

Thanks everybody.

[Dannysgirl]

Hi Blue Boy,

 

Have you thought about how the break-up is affecting her? It appears that she is hurting also and maybe her way of dealing with it is to just block everything out completely.

A lot of the advice given to people who have broken up is to go NC - this is by far the best way to heal after a break up because you don't have to deal with the confusion of the other person's feelings.

 

How would her responding to you at this stage help you? You say it would make you feel better and make it easier to bear but thats because a response from her would give you hope that this relationship still had a chance of working.

However that does not appear to be the case so with that in mind - she is doing the best thing for you that she possibly can although I bet its breaking her heart to do it. If she were to show any warmth towards you now,you would take about 10 HUGE steps back (despite the fact that you don't think you've made any progess, you would be surprised) and it would take you twice as long for you to get back to where you are now so I would not keep berating her in your head because she is actually doing you the biggest favour of all.

 

Delete her number from your phone and don't contact her again for any reason because that in itself is slowing your recovery, purge your feelings daily by wrting all down and tell yourself that you WILL be okay and you WILL get over this and be happy again. Be good to yourself and take up a hobby you really enjoy prefferable something new that you never did with her.

 

You will be fine once you let go, decide to do it for your own sake and do it sooner rather than later.

 

Good luck and please try and be in contact with friends and family on Christmas day.

[blue boy]

Thank you DannysGirl - some of what you say is very good advice.

 

Yes, I would love to know how the break-up has affected her - from the fact that she has 'moved on' to a new relationship I'm sure her pain is not as great as mine.

 

I have not contacted her at all or pestered her apart from the time above.

 

As I said I respect her decision. I'm sorry but not contacting me with even a Merry Xmas is really going to make me worse.

 

I honestly lost hope a long time ago.

 

I have done all the writing and hobby bit months ago and am frankly tired of it and have been dragged back down. I really, really don't want to feel like this.

 

It would help me to get a response not to think she 'wanted' me but to realise she still recognised me as a human being. It would just mean so much to me. I don't even want to reply to it.

 

All I know is that at Xmas the silence will kill me and I will start to unleash hatred on her - I should throw the mobile away , you're right.

 

I feel the lowest I have ever felt in my life and I am 44. I have forced myself in the last few months to 'get out there' but to no avail; and yes I know one day it will be ok.

 

I am just fed up of waking up (even with a sleeping tablet) every night at 130 with terrible nightmares.

 

Thanks again though, it's good to know some people actually CARE - and this is what it is all about to me. I don't want love or affection from my ex - just an acknowledgment of me as a human being who displayed goodness towards her. Isn't life that simple ?

[Dannysgirl]

Have you thought that the new partner is just a band aid for how awful she feels? Its clear to me that her new relationship is a rebound one and if it makes you feel any better now those never work out longterm.

Even if this new relationship is making her feel better for now when it fizzles out she will be feeling just as ad as you do if not worse - you can't just SKIP the mourning process at the end of a relationship so believe me she will be feeling it at some point.

 

Is there anybody you can spend christmas with? Friends or family? Its really not a good idea for you to be alone right now. Please do throw that phone away until you know you're strong enough not to use it. I know that it would make you feel so much better to call her and scream obscenities at her for being such a cold unfeeling b*tch but honestly when you have calmed down you will hate yourself for it and probably berate yourself for it constantly later on.

Believe me I've been there and I'm made a total fool of myself over guys in the past - crying, sobbing begging for them to come back etc and I now CRINGE when I think of those times because I am in such a great place now and wouldn't give any of those men the time of day nowadays as I know that I have something a million times better than any of them could have offered me.

You'll be fine just stay strong!

[blue boy]

Unfortunately I am working abroad and away from family - I have tried so, so hard to build a new social life but it just hasn't worked and to be honest I am in a bit of a mess at the moment.

 

I know I really emotionally unstable at the moment even though I try to stay 'rational'.

 

I don't hate my ex or hate anybody. It's destructive. But as you know on the spur of the moment anything can happen and that is what I am afraid of.

 

I left my ex 5 times because of her drinking but always went back within a week becasue she became completely hysterical. I loved her deeply though so it wasn't out of pity.

 

I'm not sure about the 'rebound' theory but take your point. I so want her to be happy with whoever but getting back to my point of displaying humanity is still what irks me.

 

I know what upset her was a few weeks into the break-up she asked me to phone but I didn't and instead told her she had a serious alcohol abuse problem and needed to sort it out.

 

I think she is erasing me from her life so she can erase criticism as well.

 

Listen, every word you write makes sense and I thank you for them.

 

As you know the cold reality is something quite different.

 

It's the TOTAL rejection and abandonment that hurts. We were just a normal couple who never argued. I have spent the last 5 months reading about all the stages one goes through. I have had them all swirling around but I can honeslty say I am still in complete shock.

[Dannysgirl]

Maybe she's punishing you now for not calling her that one time? That could be it. Is there anybody you can even call back home a friend or a family member to talk about this? Have you talked about it with anyone? You would be surprised how much better you would feel just getting it out of you system because right not it is festering inside you and thats not helping your recovery. If you can't pour your heart out to a friend or family member then may I suggest you scream at the walls in your apartment and say everything you want to say to them, that way you will not open yourself up to ridicule from her (or yourself) if you call her.

I would also suggest that you go and see a counsellor as soon as possible to help you work through these issues.

 

I really feel bad for you, nobody should have to go through this alone especially not at this time of year but take comfort in the fact that you will be a much stronger person as the result of this and there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

You might never know what caused her coldness and inhumanity towards you but its not your problem anymore, you are free and can do as you please without having to worry about her drinking binges etc.

 

Believe me there are relationships that went sour in my life before I got married, and I am STILL at a loss as to why I was treated so badly when I had done nothing to deserve it. You will have to face the possibility that you may never know the reason she has behaved this way when you had such a history but for your own peace of mind you need to realise that she did because she COULD if you don't recognise that fact then you'll be wondering WHY WHY WHY????? for years to come.

Be good to yourself - buy yourself a nice christmas present and remember to eat!!!

[Lady Bugg]

Hi Blueboy ...Merry Xmas

 

I agree with DannysGirl...she gave great advice. Your ex truly IS doing you a favor, although you might not see that at the moment. When someone does NC on you...it IS heartwrenching...ESPECIALLY since you never got that proper "closure" you desperately want. What you need to remember here is that closure ultimately comes from within...you need to create your OWN ending and bury her...however you choose to do that is up to you. Would anything she says make you feel better? Do you want her back or do you just want an apology? Well...from someone with a history of dealing with compulsive drinkers..that most likely won't happen. Many people with drinking problems are too self absorbed to think they could possibly have a problem. They are embarrassed.So they would rather chew their arm off than be accountable for their actions caused by drinking.

 

I know it's painful for you...but try your best to get closure the best you can.

 

I am in NO Contact with someone who just abruptly stopped talking to me about a month ago. He's an ex I'd just started talking to again....and my last email to him was "deleted"...I decided right then and there, that was what I NEEDED to see to finally let go. I have not contacted him since. That was in a sense "closure" for me...I didn't need to ask him WHY..his actions spoke volumes, and I resigned myself that I would NOT chase someone at the expense of my self worth or self esteem. Believe me...I WANTED to curse him out...ask him WHY...etc etc..but by me doing NOTHING I took the power back. I still want answers, but I'm trying to just move on. Besides...it's what he would expect, so why give him the satisfaction?

 

I hope you DO have a great Holiday....this is a VERY lonely time of year for many people...so please know you are NOT alone.

 

Take care .

[healinginnyc81]

I would agree with dannysgirl that she is probably trying very hard to get over you and forget the relationship b/c it hurts her to think about it. She may or may not be rebounding but she probably never took time to heal from the breakup. Another thing may be that her new bf is pressuring her not to talk to you.

 

I have only been dumped 2 weeks ago but I am also feeling so bitter that this sweet loving girl I had suddenly is cold to me and is having fun with all her new friends while I have no body to talk to. I have erased her phone number and removed her from my buddy list. I don't want to hate her but I do need to make a list of her faults and see that she wasn't right for me.

 

It is really nice to have the people on this forum and it's really good that you're making use of it.

[lgirl]

blue boy - i know exactly how you feel. i only have to think (and that's involuntarily on a daily basis, gah!) of how nasty my ex was at the end (the TOTAL opposite of who i thought he was) and i get this vengeful rage come over me. i wish i didn't care less, but it's as you say, the total lack of humanity that they show sets you off. he wanted to marry me and have children and he's cast me off like a nobody.

 

I have done all the writing and hobby bit months ago and am frankly tired of it and have been dragged back down. I really, really don't want to feel like this... I have spent the last 5 months reading about all the stages one goes through. I have had them all swirling around but I can honeslty say I am still in complete shock.

 

that's how i feel! i think if i hear one more person say time heals i'll scream!! screw time!! it all takes time, meanwhile each day you lose a bit more hope. ditto taking up hobbies and meeting people - none of it works!! i don't want to have to go thru all this one miserable day at a time and i'm STILL not over the mindf*ck that he inflicted on me. it's like a prison sentence. screw ending up in this situation - i'm so mad to have ended up like this - b/c of him!! i STILL can't believe how BADLY he treated me. what are you supposed to do about the anger?

[Lady Bugg]

Igirl....

 

I can relate to your rage....

Personally I use MY anger as a tool to better myself. I work out harder...I punch my pillow...lol (yes really). It's a funny sight...

 

I agree too that the "time heals all wounds" saying makes you homicidal.

I think Time without CLOSURE is the real issue here. Not having answers, not being ignored or dismissed...is incredibly hurtful. Sometimes we just ave to create our OWN closure. Some people resort to revenge....or at least THINK about it. Who hasn't? Thinking about revenge is an outlet..as long as it is not acted out....I like to imagine my ex getting an incurable STD..lol... yeah it's mean..sue me. I never imagine my ex dying or anything...death is an easy sentence. I also like to imagine them coming back and me turning them down...that's always a nice "SAFE' fantasy. After all..living well is the best revenge isn't it?

[healinginnyc81]

Lady Bugg, I have had the same 'Safe' fantasy of my ex coming back to me and me saying that I'm happier now and turning her down. The closure part is really hard b/c I keep having to pull myself away from the computer when I get the urge to send her an angry email asking how she could forget all that I've done for her and all the times I was there for her. I have also gone to the park and picked up and thrown rocks as far as I can to help get out the anger.

 

The only thing that helps a little bit is venting on this forum. Someday I might just call her up and ask why? but I am trying really hard not to do that now.

[blue boy]

You know, I would like to have everybody who was kind enough to reply to my thread with me right now at a huge party with their friends and partners. I can't so I'm sending you all a virtual hug and expensive present instead !!!

 

Have you helped ? Yes and no. As I read the words it helps but when I log off all the sensible advice fades so quickly.

 

DannysGirl - I think she is punishing me for mentioning the drink - she wants to ignore the problem and is running away from it. After the break-up and when she had got her new bloke I asked her out for a walk one evening. She said she couldn't as she "always put 100% into any relationship" Gosh I was sooooooooooo angry but just sat there fuming inwardly thinking why do I love this person?

 

My sister in England has given me support , but it is difficult for her as her husband died earlier this year.

 

I have two good friends here who have tried to help but they are exhausted with it all now - I don't blame them. I tried counselling but that made me feel angrier to be honest.

 

You're right - I may never know the truth. I will say again though why shouldn't I treat her in the same inhumane manner. I don't want 'revenge' as such. I just would like her to know I have reclaimed my mind and that she can't torture me any more. It is somewhat spiteful wanting to give her a taste of her own medicine but I simply refuse to be treated in such an insulting way.

 

If I had begged her to come back I would understand but evn the last time I saw her she turned on the waterworks complaining how much she had been hurt in her life by men so I ended up comforting her!!

 

I love Christmas but just being out last night in a shopping mall I broke down and wept. I haven't done that for 2 months !! I feel unwanted and neglected ( all the usual rubbish!!) and I want to break out of it.

 

LadyBugg - I really do like your fantasies, oh to have them begging for a chance again-so why do we stillllll love them, it's madness ! -

 

thank you for your wise words. I don't want an apology. If she wasn't happy it wasn't a crime to leave me. I want her to realise I had a positive influence on her life - when I first met her she was a complete wreck - Of course I am still crazy about her - but the words - merry xmas would suffice. Why is it that the people we are closest to in our lives ie. the ones we love; are the ones we lose, whilst we drift along being friendly with people we don't have any strong feelings for ?

 

I hear what you are saying about the 'closure' - for me silence kills - I don't think my silence is killing her - she wants to run away - I want her to acknowledge me as a person - that is all quite simply - maybe I am trying to build bridges for a friendship in the future - as I have said to her civility when we meet will be better than looking daggers at each other !

 

This really will be a very bad Xmas Day but I will get through it - as I said initially on this thread I will be at boiling point though if she can't be bothered to type 2 simple words - I feel like telling her right then and there this was beyond the pale and I will treat her with the same disdain.

 

I DO appreciate your support though !

 

bkjsun - thanks for your comments, you're probably spot on too.

 

lgirl - you know exactly how I feel about the mind thing whether they are doing it on purpose or not. Any dumper out there who is acting like this is inflicting unecessary pain on their ex - you are just twisting the knife - say merry christmas to them - that's all you have to do - you are not inviting them back into your life for goodness sake !!

 

This anger is just soooooo frustrating, the alternative is to keep loving them - yes , the number of times people have told me to 'move on' 'let her go' etc..etc... I said right from the beginning of this to my ex I would rather get rid of this pain for one day than to have her back !

 

I think this is quite a good VENT even by my standards !!!

 

Time for some pillow bashing now !

 

Wish I could hammer the contents of this advice into my head permanently.

 

Keep it coming !

[Lady Bugg]

Blue Boy....

 

I thought about this..and I think you deserve to start the New Year out right. Perhaps you could mail her a letter? Saying ALL the things you need/want to say...either email or snail mail..whatever is better for you. With NO expectations of a reply....just tell HER how YOU feel. It will lift a heavy weight off you. Part of the problem with getting proper cosure is NOT saying how you REALLY feel..and how hurt you REALLY are. I am not defending your ex....but since you HAVE respected her space and not "spilled" your guts..she may well be under the impression you HAVE moved on and are doing just fine. I am not saying send her a declaration of love or wanting her back....but merely telling her what you've told us. How her silence has hurt you. Say exactly how you feel..then wish her well. She may reply ..she may not..but that can't be your goal. Your goal is to let her go in your heart.

 

This might not work for everyone.but it has worked for ME..and I always felt better afterward. Is that something you would feel comfortable doing?

[Dannysgirl]

Lady Bugg I think thats a good idea. Blue Boy clearly needs to get this off his chest and doing this may help him. When I was dumped by somebody I really cared for and he started being absolutely horrible to me I was absolutely enraged that he could treat me so callously after all I had done for him (believe me Igirl and blue boy I more than understand that sense of rage!) and almost sent him a letter telling him how I felt and how much he had hurt me etc and I hoped that one day he was left quadraplegic...(I was quite furious..lol) the only thing that stopped me was the thought of the smug smile that would spread accross his face as he read it. I didn't want to feed this arrogant idiots ego any more than it already was so I DID write that letter but I never mailed it. I kept it and came accross it about a year ago when I was packing my stuff to move to america to marry my sweetheart and I absolutely HOWLED with laughter!

 

When I read it I found it absolutely hysterical that a man that WRONG for me in every sense could have bothered me so much that I would take the time to write anything. Needless to say I'm glad I never sent it.

Just to give everyone a little summary of what happened to this guy: He actually dumped me and started dating again a week after we split, he then went on to have two kids with this woman who has now left him because she found out he was cheating while she was pregnant with his kids - he's now living in a poky little flat all on his own and a couple of years ago I saw him in town and he was all flirty with me and I completely shot him down because I gave the impression that I didn't quite know who he was, the look on his face was priceless.

 

So you see, what goes around comes around big time.

[blue boy]

Lady Bugg - I would love to do that but a no holds barred one - the only thing is how do you know if she has already maybe blocked my e-mail and won't even see it !!

 

This was the first thing I sent to her in 10 weeks last week - do you think it's angry or insulting or asking for too much?

 

The only problem with your suggestion is that I think most people on the forum would just say let it be , forget and move on. I think otherwise.

 

Here's the letter ! (after she sent a mail without a Hi or Goodbye or anything!)

 

"Thank you ** - but just WHAT exactly is your problem ?

 

A simple 'hello' or 'hope you are ok' would at least be civil and respectful.

 

We live in the same environment and things would be a lot easier if you stopped being so pathetic.

 

The only thing I ever wanted was for you to be happy and have the best and I have no intention of interfering in your life.

 

Life and friendship transcends any relationships. And yes I know 'friendship' for us doesn't exist at the moment.

 

You are souring all the good times and memories we had and as I've said before it's insulting to me

 

I know you think I am writing to your father as a means of maintaining contact with you but you are wrong. If you would rather I didn't send him a card then I won't.

 

I am not asking for anything except a little humanity . Not giving it to me is making me bitter and resentful.

 

Please don't make me hate you. We have both moved on but there is no need for this bitterness.

 

Yes, I am trying to build bridges with you again , because the alternative is resentment.

 

I know you are going to take this all the wrong way - I'm not asking to see you;

 

I'm not asking you to open up communication in any big way;

 

I'm just asking for the person I spent a long time with to (God this is difficult!) recognise me as a human being.

 

It's up to you. I just think things should be different.

 

You can either not respond to this which will make me angry or you can simply say you agree with me and agree to start treating me as somebody who actually displayed love towards you in your life.

 

It's been a horrendous year for me all round and I would like to think that maybe it could end on a positive note. If we end up having bad feelings towards each other we will regret it later in life.

 

I really, really do want you to be happy "

 

All she had to do was say yes - you're right and I would ahve felt fine

[blue boy]

I need some sleep DannysGirl - I'm glad things worked out for you - if there is one thing I wish it would be for her to fall flat on her face.

 

I know the ending of a relationship is very painful and usually occurs - but there is a right and wrong way of doing things.

 

I believe in fairness - if I don't get it I want to make sure that person has not broken my spirit.

 

Ok, time out for now.

 

Sleep well everybody.

[Dannysgirl]

Blue Boy, Have you already sent this? Didn't sending it make you feel better?

If she had blocked your address you would have received a notification telling you that the email couldn't be delivered.

If she has not replied I would take that to mean that she is not going to any time soon if at all. If you have already sent this I would not send any more as it could be construed by her as harassment. For whatever reason this woman has decided to cut you out of her life so as difficult as it is you must respect her decision and come to the conclusion that you are not going to allow her behaviour to impinge on your life anymore.

Life is short so try not to waste anymore of yours on a person who clearly wants to forget that you exist in order to ease her own pain.

[blue boy]

Hi DannysGirl,

 

Yes, I sent this a week ago and yes it is obvious she doesn't want to reply.

 

Why oh why oh why I don't know. What did I ask for in the letter ? Just an opportunity to avoid resentment with each other.

 

Listen, this was the whole point of my thread - I am finding it difficult to move on because of what I what I would characterise as 'mental torture of my mind' by her actions.

 

I consider mself well-balanced but this is really messing me up and making me incandescent with rage.

 

You say if I write again it would be viewed as harassment - well I'm sorry but I would view it as actually telling her exactly how I feel.

 

Anyway Xmas Day as I said will probably send me over the edge.

 

Why is forgetting I exist easing her pain anyway ?

 

I let her go romantically but she is 'twisting the knife' and I for one refuse to have my mind messed about in this way. Yet another night waking up with nightmares at 1 because of this.

 

Yes, I'd love to erase it from my mind.

 

Well, thanks for your input anyhow.

[Dannysgirl]

All I'm saying Blue Boy is that you have already contacted this woman a couple of times and if she truly does not want to be contacted by you - and it appears she doesn't then she could go as far as to get a restraining or order or something if you contact her again and I'm sure you wouldn't want that.

I couldn't tell you the reasons why she is doing this to you, but I don't think that she is doing it to 'torture' you neccesarily she just wants to leave that part of her life behind and any contact with you (even just acknowledgement) would not help her to do that.

Perhaps she is feeling embarrasment or shame about her behaviour when you were together and does not want to be reminded of it? There could be a million reasons why she has decided to cut you out of her life and you now have to accept that and stop torturing YOURSELF about the reason because chances are you'll never know.

You have had your say and told her what you think about her behaviour - she knows where you stand and if you call her on Christmas day and start screaming the odds you will just make yourself look like a psycho and that will be very difficult for you to live down later on and you can bet that if you do that, any chance of her speaking to you again will be gone.

I know you're very hurt but calling her is NOT a good idea you WILL regret it later.

 

Take care of yourself.

[blue boy]

You're actually making me think I am a psycho - is that what trying to be reasonable means.

 

I take your point but I still think I have a right to treat her as I have been treated.

 

I'lltry hard but my emotions are so messed I have no way of predicting what will happen

[Dannysgirl]

You're actually making me think I am a psycho - is that what trying to be reasonable means.

 

I take your point but I still think I have a right to treat her as I have been treated.

 

I'lltry hard but my emotions are so messed I have no way of predicting what will happen

 

Okay lets think about this for a moment, you say you have 'a right to treat her as you have been treated' has she called you screaming abuse? No she has not, she has not been abusive towards you in any way really has she?

The problem here is that you are percieving her actions (or lack thereof) as being abusive or passive aggressive when her decision to not have contact you probably has nothing to do with you. I think she has chosen to go NC with you because she is embarrassed or ashamed of her behaviour and does not want any reminders.

 

I don't think you''re a psycho and you shouldn't either but calling her and screaming obscenities is not going to make you feel any better and it won't cause her to suddenly start treating you well again, it will only make things ten times worse and you will hate yourself for it later. I know it may not feel that way right now because you're very confused and hurt and want to lash out but when you have calmed down you will think 'Oh my god why on earth did I do that?' If telling her how you felt in the email did not help you feel better you can bet that calling her will not either if anything it will make you feel worse.

 

Have you made any friends where you are right now? Is there anyway you can go hang out with them to take your mind off things? Sit down and try to think about this with a rational mind. Ask yourself,

 

What will happen if I call her?

What will She think about me calling her?

What will I achieve by calling her?