someone please help me

[Ms Omaniac]

im so sad i can barely type.

my bf left me rather cruelly and unexpectedly in the middle of my office party. he is 4 hours away. he called and brutally just broke up with me for no reason. i didnt do anything. i feel like im dying. i cant stop drinking. i know he got divorced in june and his separation from his wife was last year on christmas. he cant make his mortgage payments without roommates and both of them left like yesterday. i feeel like he is taking this out on me and it hurts so much. please....im so lost....help me. why is he doing this to me?

i read this article recently that hurt. it said to NOT date recently divorced people because you help make them whole....then they make you like their ex...and break up with you like how they wished they broke up with their ex...which is basically taking out their divorce with you. that is EXACTLY how this feels because it's for no reason.

im dying. im sooooo dying.

[annie24]

Hi --- ((((((BIG HUG))))))

 

I don't know what I can say that will make you feel better. I don't think it has anything to do with you. Like you said, he had a painful divorce and has a huge mess going on in his life. I know it is hard now, but maybe this all happened for the best?

 

Remember - you were ok before you met him, and you'll be ok afterwards (((BIG HUG)))

[Ms Omaniac]

annie....i want to die so badly. i havent been this suicidal in years. please please please tell me it gets better.

[annie24]

yes honey - it will get better!!! Things are always hard right after a breakup. ESPECIALLY during the holidays. Things will get better.

 

Now would be a good time to spend as much time with friends and family as possible. Stay around people. Watch funny movies. Get a puppy. Go to the gym. Stay busy!!!

 

Don't get too down!!! It's going to get better, but you have to get through the "mourning" period first...

 

Just remember positive sayings like, "If not him, then someone better!'

[arwen]

Hey hun,

 

I am so sorry this happened to you. I can imagine you feel totally desparate. Yes, things WILL get better, of course they will. You felt better than this before, and you will have to climb back to that point after falling down.

 

For now: please throw away the alcohol that is available to you now. Pain is not erased by alcohol, it can be numbed at best, but the next morning it's just there. And it will be for some more mornings, of course.

 

Try to take a long shower, so you get warm and sleepy, and drink herb tea with honey. Just be sweet for yourself now. You don't want to die. You want the pain to die. The only way pain goes away is to first accept it's there, and find ways to heal.

 

To me, it sounds like he made very rash decision to break up. It sounds quite messy, him being recently divorced and left by his roommates etc, but things need not be definite. Try to get some rest, and (even more important), make sure you meet up with friends tomorrow. They will help you gain more perspective and get your mind of this pain.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[lonelyfish]

Hey Ms.

 

I had the same thing happen to me with dating a guy that was just about to be divorced. We had a great relationship but as soon as I helped to bring back his confidence and with his divorce to soon be finalized he dumped me. He was really confused and scared about getting serious with another person so quickly even though we had a fabulous time together. Plus it was long distance and kids were involved. You have to believe this has nothing to do with you so be strong! I know it hurts like hell but it does get better. Best advice to give you right now is to do N/C (no contact). You will only push him away more if you try to contact him, send him a letter etc. Your ex has a lot to deal with right now, so don't take it personally. If you give it some time and give him some distance he may realize what he gave up. He needs to realize the grass is not always greener on the other side. Concentrate on doing whatever it takes to make you feel better right now - there are some great holiday sales this weekend - buy something for yourself! I've been through it so I'm here you!

[Ms Omaniac]

thank you. thank you. thank you. for whoe ever responded. im totally crying but ive woken up from a druken stupor. and im sad agian. and i read that. and it made me cry again. because someone cares. SOMEONE CARES. i feel lik e im dying still. but someone actually cares this is soooooooooooooooooooo painful. i just wish he cared

[Ms Omaniac]

please someone......hug me.

[Ms Omaniac]

HUG MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

[lonelyfish]

Hang in there. It is good to deal with your feelings and to just let them out but don't do anything drastic! To be honest, and I know this will hurt but your ex will not do anything anytime soon to show you that he cares. He may if you give it some time but don't dwell on thinking he's going to change his mind anytime soon. You have to just take care of yourself. Remember the girl you were before you met him - that's what he was attracted to in the first place. Strive to be that girl again.

P.S. - drink lots of water before you go to bed tonight to lessen your hangover tomorrow a.m.!

[annie24]

(((((((((((HUG)))))))))))

 

Know that there are people out there that care about you. I don't think that he's "rejecting you" so much as his life sounds really messed up right now, and he probably can't give anyone a fair relationship.

 

It will be ok. Hang in there. What are your plans for tomorrow? I think you should maybe go for a walk, if the weather is nice. Meet with a friend for lunch. Go to the mall, hang out with people. Get out there. Watch a comedy.

 

(((((HUG))))))

[Ms Omaniac]

thank you. thank you sooooo alllllll soooooo much.

[Jonboy582]

*BIG HUG*

 

Hey girl, break ups hurt but things get better. But the thing I would like to address is the drinking. I at my young old age have already fallen down that path. DON'T GO THERE. Drinking never helps ;-

 

- Makes you more depressed

- Can become addicted

- Costs lots of money

- Is a sign of weakness, face the problems donnt hide behind a bottle.

- Ruins your complexion lol (aswell as the crying) not good for the skin.

 

I know drinking helps numb the pain but it is NOT the right answer. How much ahve you been drinking and how much is this costing you?

 

Ask yourself on a "shallow" level. is a bloke who you can dedicate yourself two and love really worth spending all this money destroying yourself over. Because really I think he is a pile of "bleep" to do things like this to any woman.

 

You are better off without him.

 

Good luck

 

Jon

 

P.S. Sorry if some of these points have been addressed I dont have time to read every single reply in full.

[Ms Omaniac]

i just now got home from a movie. a friend took me. WHYYYY it had to be a love story....i have no idea. i cried the whole time. it hurt to see the love scenes. im still crying. i wish i could hug someone. anyone. a stranger. i feel like im dying. the only reason im drinking so much is so that i wont start cutting myself again. i used to a long time ago.

anyone out there...listen to me....dont date someone who's recently been divorced. they will date you and then dump you like how they wish the could dump their ex. it is the most painful feeling in the world.

trust me.

[Ms Omaniac]

someone....please...kill me. anyone. it would be a huge favor.

[Ms Omaniac]

whats sad is that i need to be drunk to be alive.

[Ms Omaniac]

i texted him to please calllllll me. of course he didntl.

[annie24]

Hi - I'm so sorry. Ok, put down the liquor, and don't text him! He's the one that hurt you - you need to stay away from him. What are your plans for today? Anything fun?

[lonelyfish]

Hey, you have to stop contacting him! It is not going to make you feel any better though I know you may think that. If you ever want to have another chance with this guy you have to stop any contact that you make to him. He's just going to think you're pathetic, and weak. Be the strong girl that you used to be. Believe me, I wish I found this website when I my ex first broke up with me. I made the same mistakes everyone else has on here in trying to win him back. It does no good you just look like a fool. Now, after 3 months, I believe I'm back at an even level with my ex, we both sent each other an Xmas card. That is all I could ask from him right now as he's still very confused. I'm moving on the best that I can but honestly, I'm trying to leave that door of opportunity open with no hinges in the chance something may happen in the future, but I also know I could meet someone even better than him. You could too!

[DN]

OK first of all here's your hug!! **HUGS*

 

Now you have to get some control back in your life because at the moment you have handed it to alcohol and to him.

 

Alcohol is only a temporary help - but it is also a depressant and will make you feel worse. Not to mention the dangers of becoming an alcoholic.

 

Remember that there are people who care about you - people on here and, I assume, the friend that you went to the movies with. Plus any number of other people.

 

This hurt will take some time to heal - but it will never heal if you constantly pick at it. So try to put your emotions on hold for a while, let your rational mind guide your life and your decisions and give the hurt a chance to heal.

 

Easy and say and hard to do - but the more you can do it the faster and easier you will heal.

 

Take care of yourself - and vent on here rather than contacting him.

[arwen]

*HUG*

 

My friends took me to Bridget Jones right after a nasty break up, and I remember the introductory part with Bridget sitting on a couch in her pajamas playbacking 'All by myself' *Ilse was crying in the cinema*

 

You know, even if it wasn't a love story, the craziest things will make you think of the guy now. Everything non-related seems to link you to thinking of him. I think that's the minds way to have an excuse for thinking about it, and I also think that this is a necessary stage in healing. Yes it hurts like hell. But it will become less.

 

Try to slow down on the drinking. If you are finding yourself attracted to the bottle, read what you wrote this morning. You felt only worse, right? I know, it might seem the only option now to drink and forget.

 

I don't drink, but I do stop sleeping and eating when I am going through a break up. In fact I avoid sleep because of that terrible moment in the morning where your mind is oblivious of what happened for a split second-- and then you remember. But it passes, it really does.

 

Keep venting, we'll keep sending hugs until you feel better. It's what we're here for.

 

Ilse.

[Hope75]

((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

 

(((((((((((((((((MORE HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

((((((((((((((((VERY TIGHT HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

Is that better?

 

First let me tell you that you are alive. You are going to survive this. It is one of the most painful things to get through, but you are NOT alone, and you WILL get through it.

 

Ilse stole the thought from my head-- rent/buy Bridget Jones' Diary, Legally Blonde, and the Sex and the City DVDS. Those are the best therapy out there!

 

I know it sounds cliche, but join a gym! GEt working out. You will feel better about yourself and it releases endorphins and helps you sleep. Keep yourself busy, and you can ALWAYS post here whenever you need support.

 

We have all been there, it's an awful place to be, but I have gone through THREE breakups at the end of November into December... ALL long term relationships, and I somehow survived Christmas and New Year's, and so will you.

You ARE important, you ARE lovable, you ARE special. Look at all these people who responded to you and who don't even know you!

[Ms Omaniac]

thanks to you all. im still trying. im still.....unfortunately....not sober. ive tried not contacting him. but it doesnt matter. because when i do call...he doesnt answer the phone. he is ignoring me. he doesnt even have the decency to yell at me. i left him this email.

you know that book i told you about. the one that

john gave me. he beggggged me to dump you. because

in that book it said that you would treat and DUMP me

like how you wished you could dump your Ex. but i

thought you'd be different. but maybe not. maybe

this is how you wished you could dump jen. and it's

ok. ing come down to mcallen and kick my * * *.

beat the * * * * out of me. get me to the point of almost

dying.

 

but then get back with me. no one. and i

mean no one. cares about or gets you like how i do.

no one. youre my world. come back to me. i care

about you. no one will ever care about you this much.

ever. there isnt anything i wouldnt do for you.

 

please call me. im waiting......

 

 

pretty sad huh? i even emailed his dad asking him to check up on him because im scared he's suicidal. IM SUICIDAL. and he doesnt care. why do i care so much??? god god god god.

ive been at my mom's this whole time. reeling. in pain. how am i going to cope on a daily basis? how do i function? what is going to happen to me?

[Hope75]

Well honey, the first thing you need to do is put away the drink. Alcohol is a depressant, it just magnifies your feelings and makes it worse.

 

I don't know the reason this guy left you but he (and no one, not just him) is worth abusing yourself over like this. Drinking is not going to get you over him faster, it's not going to make you forget him, it's not going to make it hurt less. you've already figured that out.

 

You have to get up and get out and begin to put your life back together again. You lived before him and you will live after him.

 

Do you have a job? What are you doing to keep yourself busy? Where are your friends? Who can you call to take you out and keep you busy?

[Ms Omaniac]

im here. im still here. ive talked to my friend sabrina all night. i keep hoping he will call. i didnt do anything. im so depressed though. im...stilll....unfortunately....still drinking. one day at a time. one minute at a time. one second at a time.

you guys....thanks.