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Feel so sad lately...I need to let go....advice

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I feel so sick to my stomach right now. My ex boyfriend is not the person I fell in love with and It makes me regret so many things I shared with him.

He is 25 years old and lost 100 pounds...I guess he is enjoying his transformation...but I cant go on thinking he is still the one for me b.c I read something truly disturbing on this website he posts on....

Tell me what you think...I dont know how a person could change so much...it makes me so sad...



here is his post...

he is talking about his holiday party



.here's a little summary:


we got off work early

got to the party(havana club) and i started downing brews b/c it was so weak(no one even close to having fun...).


Realizing I came to get my life.. I began drinking more brews and thus I started feeling it. Errrrbody was getting a little tipsy at this point... but there was still a huge problem-


the dance floor was empty.


Naturally, I did what any attention * * * * * would do and went out to the dance floor and broke down a 5 minute solo jam. Pretty much the entire club(aka my entire company) was watching and clapping a rhythm of encouragement to my masterpiece of art in action... I guess theres something about dancing in a coogi sweater that gets juices flowing b/c after my solo jam(song change) this woman from a diff department came out and started to try to match me on the dance floor(what was she thinking... im so undefeated in every dance-off ive ever been in). Truth be told she held her own(including some intense grind action) and then before you know it... the whole dance floor was filled with hotties trying to get correct.


Its funny because I clearly had the best moves out there and the ladies were surely feelin it... it also coudl be b/c my only competition were some brokers/busters who had no rhythm(but 10x more CREAM than me..).


When I finally got off the dance floor, everyone there was giving me props/high 5's for setting the party off. Fast-forward 10beers and a few shots(and many grinds with hot women) and Im wasted, outside my parking garage walking by the strip clubs on the block...


I get coaxed to go inside by the doorman to this crappy little club. I get inside and its like 4 nasty strippers and no one else. I was inside for all of about 8 seconds and this stripper came over to me and asked me what I wanted to do(hmmmm). At this point I promptly turned around and was like, "shorty, this is too much for me right now" and got the F out of there. In hind sight i probably should have dropped a $20 and stuck my thumb up her butt... but like Jigga said, "you gotta learn to live with regrets"..


At this point I got in my car and drove to my boys house where we got down with the spicestick and I freestyled some christmas jams til like 4am. Passed out for 2 hours and drove home in time to shower and goto work.




Moral(s) of the story:


-alot of chicks in my company are into money(dorks)

-alot of chicks in my company are into fun times(winners)

-the waitresses at the havana club enjoyed showing off their hooters

-id say the easiest way to move up the corporate ladder is to be a fun person. I will also see if it helps that your female bosses enjoy dancing with you.

-I make holiday christmas parties rule!



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Your ex sounds like an immature, disrespectful brat.


I am sure he will quickly learn the way to move up the corporate ladder is hardly by getting wasted at the Christmas Party. If you want to move up, you better show you can earn the respect of your peers, and I don't care how fly your dance moves are, it does not bode well to get trashed in front of your bosses!


He sounds like a class act...not.



SophieMD, I know it's hard for you. I know you stuck by him for so long, when he was heavy, and when he was not, and he seemed to change into a totally different person. I know it is hard to let go, but you DO deserve someone whom will treat you as well as you treat them. Why did he change? Hard to say, maybe it's whom he always was, but was hiding behind his old body. Maybe the newfound "him" has got him out there living what he thinks he missed. It does not matter why as much as it matters that it IS.


Don't regret, you are a great person, who fell for someone who apparently has a LOT of issues to deal with. Just focus on healing and moving on and taking care of YOU.

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why does he act so nice when he talks to me...he said that he cried when he saw me and this was 2 days ago...i dont understand this person at all. it is one big show. How do I move on from this and never look back. he also works out where i work, and i see him all the time. why is he trying to be a player ?

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Re-Read what he wrote again. This is what you lost? You DIDN'T lose much.


If anything, he sounds like a complete LOSER.


Anyone who brags about getting all the ladies, probably isn't. When he claims to be "the one" who hyped up the club, while everyone gave him "High Fives", sounds like the high fived for making such a complete fool of himself on the dancefloor.


Sorry, but this guy really sounds pathetic. He has some serious insecurity issues. Especially if he's going to walk around like he's "God's Gift" to women. Gross.


Then he calls you and tells he he's been crying? Forget about this fool. Just think of him as a joke. Why do you care? Don't let it affect you. Instead, focus on making yourself BETTER. Focus on your life. Get things together for yourself. Just think about it, he did you a FAVOR. Now that you are single, you have the option of dating other men who will respect you, who won't walk around like arrogant peacocks.

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The guy does sound like a loser and you're right- he isn't the person you fell in love with. I'm sorry things had to work out this way but atleast now you see his true colours, or the fact that he puts on a show for everyone:S


I think you should mention it. You knew about his posts...you stubled accross it? Does he know you did? In any case he does sound like a brat, RayKay is right about that. I also believe in focusing on personal happiness.


You need to think about yourself and what makes you happy. His behaviour right now is not something you deserve. It's hard but you need to realize that you're really better off without some stuck up, fake wannabe-pimp who just sweet talks you. He's bad news. You need to shed him like he shed those pounds.

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Keefy, if I were to be at that X-mas party, I would've been LMAO, too! I don't know about you guys, but the impression that I get is this Carlton Banks looking guy trying to get his groove on..especially where he mentions about his coogi sweater and how it gets the juices flowin. Barf.


You can do so much BETTER than that! Where he mentions sticking his thumb up the strippers butt for $20, I'm assuming that's the size of his penis, since he clearly tries to make it up for his obvious lack of confidence. Sad.


Come to think about it, I feel sorry for the guy. Don't hate on him. Don't resent him. Just move on. That's all you can do for now. I agree with what the other poster said.


If he can shed off those pounds, he should be able to shed off that attitude. If he keeps on going with that kind of thinking, you know he will come back to you after he scares off the other ladies. By then, you won't be there to wait. Hang in there.

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You know how after a party, there is always this guy that goes around bragging about how he was styling this girl, and that he was the GUY at the party that everyone was laughing with and giving pats on the back.


Only if you talked to the girl, she would tell you about the creepy, slobbery, whisky-breathed, drunkard whom was hanging all over, and the other people would say sure, he did some weird dancing in the middle of the floor, then passed out in the corner by 9:30 pm. And then they laughed at him and stuck post its on his back with funny messages.


That Soph, is basically your ex. Alchohol tends to make some feel way more superhuman and cool then they really appear to others


BillyJean is right, it is just sad...I had an ex like this too, whom thought he was THE MAN when he drank and was at parties. And really, he was just a jerk and put down others to feel better about himself. He was fun for the first two drinks, then just got belligerent. Of course, he would not remember it that way....

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awww...That pretty much cheered me up! I know the thing about the stripper in the butt....classy! In all honesty, I do feel sorry for him...like for one...sex (not so good on his end) that didnt matter tho, because I loved the kid. I am just so mad because he is afraid to just be the sensitive and loving person I fell in love with. I have no clue what the hell he is...I guess he wants to be bill cosby with his affinity for coogi sweaters

Bottomline, I got burned by a fatty who lost weight. sucks, b.c i was so good to him, have a good heart, and i am easy on the eyes. The weird thing is that he is obviously not the don juan he thinks he is...because he only had sex with one person (me), he lives with his parents, and doesnt really have the best hygeine. I really dont know who could tolerate that? I loved him because he was such a beautiful person on the inside. I just dont see the point of him bragging "online" when he could actually do something about it and be the pimp he wants to be. I know for a fact he has not had sex with any other girls...I dunno...why cant he just be a nice person again? I hate the fact that I loved this person...any thoughts?

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I think he was "the fat kid" for so long and he was so jealous of other men getting attention from the girls in high school and college that now that he's "caught up", he's living life for all it's worth. Yup - he is literally back in high school right now, picking up where he left off, doing the stupid party thing. Right now, he isn't 25 - he's 16!!! He's just trying to make up for lost time for all that time he was fat.


He'll grow up, but in about 9 years. You on the other hand, will have a wonderful, classy, sophisticated, man by then who treats you like a queen.

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Annie- I agree with that. Its ridiculous...I saw him tonight with my whole entire family, we played basketball at the gym i belong to...and he was there....then i get home and he tries to contact me over the internet saying "did your brother block me....tell him to give me an IM sometime...unless he hates me of course...peace" I just ignored it because I think he is ridiculous after reading what he put earlier...then from my lack of response he puts up his away message ......

wanna put my tender, heart in a blender

wanna cut my penis off... rendezvous now im through with you


25 years old...so mature, good looking, funny, great dancer, lives with his rents... he is the cream of the crop alright!

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Um ....why is it that this guy is a loser? he lost 100 lbs, anyone of us would act the same, why cant he enjoy the attention he is getting? whats wrong with feeling confident about yourself? Sure, he bragged alittle online....so what!...I am not trying to put down anyone here, but there is nothing wrong I see what this guy did...he was having fun....better that he did that then sit home alone and be depressed...right?

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Losing 100 lbs. would never affect me that way. Of course If I lost that much weight I'd only weigh 75 lbs. But the point is what he wrote, whether it was to convince himself or someone else, was not confidence. That was ignorance trying to prove to other people that he has so much going on. An obvious attempt to appear hip, happy, and "the life of the party". Confident people don't brag or boast. This guy was trying to boast. That's what VERY insecure and sad people do.

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keefy....to me its not a matter whether he is confident....the point of the matter is that he "feels" confident and that is something this person needs to do to move on. I do not know the whole situation of the matter, and I am sure its hard on both parties, but my point is, so what if he looks like a loser doing what he did...he probably felt confident in his own world and thats really important for ones self...no disrespect to SophMd

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Keyword: "Cocky"


3 Things to Keep In Mind-


1. People admire CONFIDENCE, NOT outward cockyness. Not is it only a turnoff, but comes off as a person being weak and phony.


2. Generally speaking, most women tend to like the casual relaxed kind of guy, not the kind of guy who walks around with the attitude of trying to "oneup" everyone all the time. That just comes off as uptight, which is another MAJOR turnoff.


3. We admire humbleness.


If a guy were to walk around with a humble attitude, then most girls would find that quality 1000x's MORE attractive! Girls will be giving him props/high fives for that- not for acting like a complete arrogant JERK. (Just like how women admire the guy on the "Subway" sandwhich commerical who lost, what, 300 lbs?). We tend to admire a guy who has that kind of demeanor. The only exception is, there are some girls out there who do like cocky guys for some reason. To each His(Her) own I guess. For the most part, the consensus is people just don't admire cockyness in general.


What also makes me feel bad for is it seems like the ex took SophMD for granted. Just because one betters him or herself by shedding off all that fat, DOESN'T make him/her superior, and then all of a sudden, they could so easily walk away from the person who loved/supported them all throughout those years. That's just plain SELFISH. Soph did a good job as a partner. Talk about appreciation on the ex's part! For him to come off being arrogant AGAIN, proves why people would view his cockyness is pathetic.

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First off.... you say that he is allowed to act that way since he lost 100 pounds...but guess what? I was a bit chunky in high school and when I lost the weight all the attention I got from other people just assured me how superficial people can be. Thats not the point tho...the point is...he is acting like he is superior to all other people...ie: his AMAZING dance skills...the fact that women were all over him etc...woopdeedoo...i loved him regardless of weight...i loved him for his heart and soul. THIS is why I have no respect for him whatsoever, he needs to be a little more humble about himself...I can understand if you have confidence in yourself...cool...why would you have to tell the whole world your business...get over yourself.

I dont like this new person, you may think it gives him the right to do whatever he wants...it doesnt... you need respect for other people...he has no respect for me. that is the bottom line.

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Loosing 100 lbs is a big difference in ones appearance and ones self esteem....and its something that he sees different around his surroundings by the way people are treating him....sure he may be over his head abit with his AMAZING dance skills and the fact that the women were all over him which he may be exaggerating...but the fact of the matter is is he posted it on a web site ....its not like he is telling your friends how great he is, and if he being a phoney, then people he knows will see that....like you did...but...as someone like me who does not know him at all...i would say he is having some fun at his christmas party....i apologoize if it looks as though I am trolling, cause i am getting the impression that what you all may think....I just do not think its fair to put someone down because they were having fun ...regardless of how cocky he was acting...having a dramatic change like loosing 100lbs make people act differently. I know if I had this muscular body with an amazing 6 pack I would too act abit cocky at first, I honestly think its natural...or even winning the lottery....you are telling me that you would still be humble? or would you have this sense of power over everyone?.....That is all this person is going through I believe.

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So, pretty much you think that entitles him to put others down? even family members? okay- well if thats the case then I hope there are more people with that mentality to get by in life.

And, no...I would most definitely NOT treat any person like that...especially someone who loved me whole-heartedly.


I understand what you are saying...but I guess I just believe in being real and above all superficial things... Its also the way he talks about things...ie :sticking his thumb up a strippers butt...hmm...thats nasty and he sounds like a dirtball.

I dont know...you feel the way you do about the situation and I feel the way I do...I just need to cut my losses I suppose.

Thanks for the input!

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SophMd....There was nothing in your post mentioning putting down family members or others for that matter....so in that case I agree with you and the thumb in the butt comment ....All I can say to that is ...boys will be boys...and when I say boys i mean boys and not men. .......cut you losses is the way to go...who cares what he is doing....you go out and have your own fun and dont even bother looking up what he is doing....cause it will just cause you to have more heart ache....take care

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I agree... I really hate to say this...but it makes me regret 3 years that I spent with him. I just want to get over him more than anything in the world right now... And its so hard because I see him at my job/see his friends around town...just connections to him keep popping back into my life. Part of me just wants to start anew and leave town...But I am not going to let someone dictate what I do in my life. Uggh...

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