Update w/ question!

[Hannibal]

So today I got home from studying only to see that my ex had sent me a text. It said (in french) that I was good looking and no that doesnt translate well at all. Anyways I smiled and shut my phone, no reply. Then later I got another text from her saying "babe?" which obviously means that she is wondering if I got that message. Nothing from me back to her.

 

Then a bunch of us went out for sushi to say goodbye to a friend who is leaving thursday. We went to get coffee afterwards as some of us were going to study late. I was minding my own business when I was talking to my friend and he kind of pointed out that my ex was right behind me sitting with the guy that she is dating. I looked, said oh well and didn't say hi or anything. Then my friend proceeded to take some pictures which surely attraced attention and I think she may have seen me. I know she didn't see me looking at her which is a plus.

 

However I kind of feel like a dink for not replying to her texts and not going to say hi.

 

Am I really being a dink or no?

[Hannibal]

I just checked my email and she sent me something asking if I had gotten the texts and asking if everything was ok.

 

Reply or no?

[DN]

I would not - but I suppose you could ask her why she is texting you.

[Hannibal]

I'm pretty sure I know why she's texting me. She's checking to see that I still want her, testing the waters kind of thing. I suggested that we should see eachother for a while and I think that this may be her way of seeing if i will just go back to her like always.

[PocoDiablo]

She is testing you to (1) see if you are desperate for her (2) she can stroke her own ego (3) see if she can make her current BF jealous or any other number of reasons that have no redeeming value.

 

Ignore her, *especially* if she is dating someone else. It's not respectful to the new guy to distract her in any way.

[kellbell]

Hi Hanibel!

 

She is texting you because she is testing you and to figure out where she stands with you. Don't reply to them, she will figure out your answer when you don't reply. Plus, she is dating someone else, what does she care? Move on, she is not worth your time or attention.

[Bethany]

She's dating someone else and she does that? Think of it this way, she's with someone else, sees that you're getting over her and her ego can't bear it. Very selfish indeed. You're well out of it, don't reply.

[Hannibal]

I really don't want to be seen as a * * * * though. Do you think that I will come accross this way?

[DN]

If she asked - would you take her back?

[Hannibal]

I don't know right now? Why do you ask?

[Hannibal]

What if I sent her something along the lines of "You're with him now. You shouldn't be sending me stuff like that and I sure wont be sending anything like that to a girl who is in a relationship"

 

I've already told her that I dont want to interfere in a relationship.

[DN]

Because if you don't want her back just ignore her and move on. If you do want her back then ask her why she is messaging you.

[Hannibal]

How should I go about asking her that without coming off very cold and uncaring?

 

Also she phoned twice today, I didn't pick up either time.

[DN]

Just ask her politely why she is contacting you - keep it short and simple.

[bsp_kjm]

ive noticed lately that by ignoring my ex, it slowly drives her nutz. a couple days ago, she called me around 10pm right when i got out of work. i ignored it and turned off my phone. next day, turned on my phone and there was a voicemail from her asking where i was and why hadnt i returned her call. then she called 8 times between noon and 2pm. then sent me like 5 txts asking why i wouldnt pick up her calls.

 

just ignore her man, itll drive her nutz because you are not giving her the attention she is seeking.

[Hannibal]

Well I got another email and she was mad.

 

So I decided to call and find out what was going on. I told her that I had been busy and just missed everything she sent. I then proceeded to ask her what was going on with the text messages and she said that she just wanted to send them. I then told her that maybe that isnt such a good idea. She didn't quite understand so I told her flat out it wasnt a good idea because shes dating someone else and shouldn't be sending me messages that she would have sent me if we were going out. She didn't like that to much. Then I went on to tell her that if she wanted to get back together then she should let me know, if not then she has to stop what shes doing. I told her again that I did not want to be the guy who gets in the way of two people being together (as the guy she's with now did, I love to take shots at this guy!) She said that I was being very cold and I just told her that I didn't think I was being cold, just honest with her.

 

I then told her that she knew were I stood on the subject and that if she wanted to get back together she should let me know and maybe we could talk about it. She asked if she could see me on friday I said that I would call her tomorrow and let her know if I have time or not.

 

I feel like I've gone back on the rules of N/C but I don't feel set back by this, instead I feel like I've put my foot down and now the power is in my hands. What do you think?

[bsp_kjm]

sounds like things are a bit more in your hands now... not too sure what to do with it though. hopefully someone who does can chime in! best of luck to you man!

[DN]

I think you did the right thing. NC is not an absolute and circumstances alter cases. Well done for standing your ground. Now you have to decide what you want to do if she does want to get back together. Don't get your hopes up - but be prepared just in case. You may decide she is not worth a second chance. Remember she is contacting you behind her current boyfriend's back.

[Hannibal]

I also asked her if she thought about me a lot. She said that she did and I replied "don't you think its weird that you're thinking about me all the time even when you're with him?"

[capricorn85]

hmmm is this someone you really want to be with? where is the trust in the relationship?

[kellbell]

Hannibal, you did the right thing...good for you. Unless she ditches her new man and really works hard to be with you, I would make other plans tomorrow. She can't have her cake and eat it too.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Hannibal,

 

If you REALLY want to see her true intentions, then cut her off altogether. She's trying to have her cake and eat it too...who's to say IF you get back together she's not going to start texting the OTHER guy with the same crap?? YOU need to be the one to teach her this lesson...and that she can't just treat people like this and it's ok... good luck.