The two weeks that changed my life forever...

[volution]

Yesterday was my 25th birthday, but the previous 2 weeks have changed my life forever...

 

In those 2 weeks, I met the one person in the whole world who means everything to me; and during that time

I lost someone who I thought meant nothing to me and they thought nothing of me...

 

I had always believed there was someone out there, someone so exactly like me that it hurt, hurt to be near

them, hurt to be far from them.

From an early age I had always believed instinctively in such divine ideas of Twin Flames and Soulmates.

I have always believed in the purest, grandest and most deepest experience of love and romance, and yet all

the world around me proved to me that it seemed everyone else had abandoned those ideals so long ago,

having been left disappointed and disenchanted by the material world from a young age.

But I knew I could never give up what I felt inside, my yearnings or my longings. For they made me who I

was, and if I gave them up it would compromise my self and my soul - so I never have.

I have fallen in love perhaps about 20 times, always with unobtainable people. Suffice to say my love

always stood unrequited, and I would pine away for periods of several months to several years.

I used to just 'find' someone to love - because I thought that was how it was supposed to be - to just love

someone enough, and somehow, one day they would love you too. I was so naive, and I believed in this kind

of fairy-tale of love until around 20.

Up until the start of this year, I had only experienced one relationship, and that was with someone who was

just seducing me for her physical gratification. I'd never had a walk with someone holding hands, never

embraced someone properly, never known a real tender kiss, never read poetry to someone, never seen the

private words of someone's heart...

 

But all that changed when earlier this year, I was trying my best to recover from the dreadful abandoment

of the only relationship I had ever had... I was almost left to 'die' by a woman last year - I did go

insane for a while, I wanted to kill myself on several occasions...

 

And then I found 'her' - the One that everyone seeks all their lives, yet few ever find. Her words were

like reading my own - everything that she believed in, I did too. It seemed like everyday we'd find out

something new about ourselves that was exactly the same. The same songs, the same films, the same poems,

the same places and times, the same hopes, the same dreams, the same beliefs, the same knowings. There was

an almost psychic connection - we often thought the same things at the same time, and felt when each other

was feeling down.

I really feel I had met my Twin Flame - my other half that was created in the same moment of eternity as my

soul. One soul, two bodies. Two souls, one heart.

Never before had I encountered someone so profound, so deep, so soft, so gentle, so hurtable, so tender, so

more myself than I was...

I was a man with a gentle soul, but she was lady with an even gentler soul.

Her dreams and hopes that she shared so fully and innocently had been cruelly torn asunder by many men, yet

she could only ever see the best in people - I could only tread her dreams with the softest of footfall..

 

In the words of a Mike Oldfield song, "She breathes the air of a Far Country...". But I was not at all

unfazed. All my life I had dreams of this country, I felt like I belonged there, one day that I would end

up there against any obstacle, against any problem.

 

So it came to pass, that our two souls would share a time of communion together - to talk of our dreams and

our hopes, to share secret places and times, and to give each other healing and consort in our strange

times of life.

 

From the moment we shared our first messages to each other, serendipity, deja vu and synchronicity flirted

with us at every step... Names, places, songs and signs would appear... And they would only get more

profound...

 

"She takes the rain, and turns it to sun..." - as I listened to the song with her as we drove down a long

highway, I knew all at once how peaceful I was with her - from the moment we met, all reminiscences of my

life before began to fade away - in fact, it felt like I had been dead before, and now my life had truly

begun... Finally, I felt home, and home was now not a place, but a person, this person...

 

The night I first met her, was truly my 'incipit vita nuova'. Almost the moment we started talking the

signs came that we were following our true path, a path I believed was to be trod together, forever...

We talked of visiting somewhere, and in the next instant, an advert about that place came on the radio!

We watched a film, called 'Deja Vu', one of her favourite films, and it was almost beyond belief that

someone who was a spitting image of her was in the film and she hadn't noticed it before.

On our last night, I said a prayer in her presense, to ask that we would be blessed by God, so that our

paths might join in this lifetime, and that we be sent a sign. A little while later we walked down the

street and stumbled accross some money with the writing "To whoever finds this, God loves you"...

We talked to one another almost in disbelief, our souls tingling, knowing that no-one could write this

story, our story, any better...

 

But all great stories are twinged with a sadness - it was about the third day I was there, I checked my

mobile phone and received an urgent message from home. I phoned my mum, and was told the sad news that my

father had passed away. I felt strange, in fact I didn't know what I felt, and even now, about 10 days

later I still don't know what to feel.

My father and I had never seen eye-to-eye - many of our conversations were in raised voices, and ever since

I could remember he had always seemed to put me down, and ridicule anything I ever said or did.

For much of my life, I hated him for being so cold, so detached, so seemingly unfeeling.

For me, emotion is crucial to relating to someone, yet I could never really sense much emotion from him

(except anger and bitterness), and that scarred me deeply.

All I knew is that I felt he didn't really love me, but looking back I did realise he loved me in his own

way. It is so easy to resent someone who doesn't seem to return or acknowledge your beliefs or feelings,

and even moreso when it is someone close like a parent.

He had been ill for quite a while - smoking for so many years. He was taken to hospital a few days before I

was due to leave, and so many things ran through my mind - should I stay, should I go, what will happen if

I do, what will happen if I don't. But when I last saw him the night before I left, he told me I HAD to go,

no matter what. All he ever had wanted for me, I realised, was for me to be happy - he let me follow my

heart, and I believe that is the greatest love someone can show to anyone...

And so even though I was far away for much of the time, I tried my best to remember him the best I could -

by having the best time I could have, being the happiest I could be at a sad time...

 

With my lady, I visited some of the most breathtaking views, and I experienced so many things that never

would I have experienced if I had never met her. My life changed forever, both for the good and for the

bad... We shared many words, and many experiences...

 

If you've ever seen the film 'The Notebook' - another film we watched together, you could probably identify

me with the male lead - no matter what happened, I would stand by my lady, even if she was lost. Loving

someone with all my heart and soul is enough for me in my life, it always has been and always will be.

And at this time, my lady is lost - so lost, sometimes it almost kills me inside to see how such a

beautiful and poetical lady had been so badly hurt, so badly treated. But she is only guilty of the same

crime as me - loving someone with all your heart soul.

I will stand by her for the rest of my life, and give her all that I can, even though I am a poor man in

money, my heart is full - and I believe that is all that really matters.

 

Now, I am back at home - well that's not quite true, because I am not home, I am in a house - for home is

where the heart is, and my heart is with this lady. These two weeks have changed my life forever...

[registered]

Volution, what an amazing post. I have seen you write on here before and this post is typical of your brilliant style.

 

What a series of events. What a story. I would describe it as surreal reading your message, I can only imagine what it was like to you.

 

That is a lot to experience, a lot to try and comprehend. I guess that such experiences leave little room for comprehension, a greater feeling and knowledge makes comprehension redundant.

I am sorry about your father passing. Your realisation of your father's love is quite inspiring and heartening.

 

Your experiences have affirmed a hope in me that maybe, just maybe, I too can experience a connection as amazing as this with someone.

You are a blessed man volution, and the lady is so equally. Take care.

[ShySoul]

Volution - Your story is amazing and I hope it really is fate bring the two of you together. I think you two sound perfect for each other. Hope it all works out.

[blueangel]

You need to stop sugar coating your thoughts into poetic, almost lyrical ones. Get to the point- be real. Not a lot are willing to read all of that.

 

The problem with humans IS the fact that they do so believe so much in fairy tales. Believing is a wonderful thing- an amazing thing, dont get me wrong- but what you believe in is that things-just-happen. They dont.

 

Our fates are made through the characters we are- positive or negative. It was not predestined and so futile to just wait or assume whatever walks your way is the "one."

 

Who are you? Do you know? I feel as if you are holding back the rawness of your emotions, your situation. There is only beauty in pure truth and a ton of lyrical paragraphs isn't going to change that.

 

I once read a book called Conversations with God that completely changed my perspective on EVERYTHING in life- so amazing. The series is getting big too.

 

But my point is, while reading it, I learned that it is not in the doing or receiving or (especially) the waiting that gives us our happiness. It is in the BEING. If you are already being happy, you will attract positive things. There is a way to take your life into your control without trying to read it like a fairytale.

 

Be the love that you seek to find. Be the person that you seek to find. And in this way, you will inevidably GIVE to others yourself which is the same as what you are looking for... and thereforeeee what you are looking for will come back to you.

 

What we believe we experience (if you believe you must wait, you will ALWAYS be waiting)

What goes around comes around (life gives to the giver- to the selfless. You only want love for selfish reasons. There are other ways to find yourself)

 

Love of others is not what makes us breath for they will come and go. In the end, there is only yourself... and then there is God. In the end, that is all that will be too. So find REALLY what's important to you- what you must work on to gain all else

 

THEN you will be complete

[volution]

I too have read Conversations with God - they are actually filming it at the moment. I understand it is important to try and live in the moment - to be just be, like in Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, it's the being not the doing that counts.

But we also have dreams, and dreams are what make us who we are - if we were to have no dreams, we would have no future.

Dreams and hopes give our lives meaning and something to hope and strive for.

 

And this lady's and my dreams converge on a level even I thought couldn't exist in this world.

It is not wrong to want a fairy-tale type of romance and love, but it is because so many people in this world become disappointed and disenchanted by the negative experiences or lack of experiences surrounding what they believe to be love, that they give up hope often during their teenage years.

A great point in question was when I watched the film 'Cast Away' with the director's commentary on DVD. (*** SPOILER ALERT ***) Tom Hanks' character stays on a desert island for several years after a plane crash and his dream of getting back to his fiancee Helen Hunt is the only thing that keeps him going. Eventually he beats all odds, sails out far enough to be rescued by a passing ship and returns to a hero's welcome. Finally he discovers his fiancee gave him up for dead and has married someone else and has children. Still, he can't face not seeing her again and goes back to her - the connection is still there and cannot be doused, but yet he heartbreakingly knows he'll never be with her again in this lifetime. The director's commentary said when they showed the film to various audiences - the greatest shock was from teenage girls - because they still believed that somehow the woman would still love him, and how could she possibly give him up? The women in their 20s had 'accepted' and 'understood' why the woman would do this...

(*** END SPOILER ***)

Summarising, I believe we all do believe in fairy-tale love, and IT IS POSSIBLE - it is just hard work, a hard work that 99.9% of us just don't see worth bothering with. But the work becomes a blessed work, helping not just each other, but others...

 

Our ideals of love and romance make live worth living - we can go through life loving everyone, or loving one person. We can go through life loving everyone THROUGH one person - and I believe that this is the grandest type of love (altruism) - that two people's love can heal and inspire others, and this is the kind of love this beautiful lady and I both dream in and hope in with all our hearts.

 

I want to change the world through love, but yet I cannot change it on my own... Two deeply-aligned people when they become one, become more than the sum of their parts...

 

There was a great story once of the miller and his wife - they made simple grain for their town, but because they truly loved each other, their work was made transcendent, and the grain had the energy of their love, and so the whole town was blessed with that energy when they ate it.

That is the kind of love I believe in....

[atraceofblood]

I don't know if it's me being too sensitive or what, but I find posts like this very offending and insensitive. Now please don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying you are an insensitive person, it's just your post made "me" feel offended.

 

Blue, I understand that you see love and life in a different way than volution, but to tell him what's right and what's wrong, is IMO, taking it too far. If you disagree, that's fine, you have your own belief system based on your life experiences and I respect that, but to come in here and correct him for having a "fairy tale" experience is kinda messed up IMO.

 

I am thankful that volution posted this because I feel that my life is a almost like a fairy tale awaiting to happen in a song with an epic ending. That's just the way I've seen it so far based on my life experiences.

 

I believe everyone experiences things different and perceives things different, so for you a fairy tale life may not exist, but for others it might. I just wish that people could respect each others' experiences a little more sensitively.

[registered]

Wow atraceofblood...I didn't have to balls to say that but you read my mind.

[Dre_7]

I think its a great story, and it shows how life so many times offers up a dichotomy of emotions and feelings. And don't be afraid to express and explain things as you see them, you're just passionate about love and life that's all. And to be honest, in a World where hardly any body is pleased with the just the simple things anymore, that's refreshing. I wish you the best Volution, God bless

[atraceofblood]

Wow atraceofblood...I didn't have to balls to say that but you read my mind.

 

well I had to say it, I am honestly tired of seeing people talk like that. For me, it ruins my mood when I am reading a nice story like this; it's like the heart gets ripped out of the story, but then again maybe it's just me. lol

 

If they think that, it would be better if they could somehow re-word so it doesn't sound like it comes off as a direct criticism, at least that's the way I saw it.

 

either way, everyone sees things differently in life, and whether someone lives a fairy tale life or not, is up to them and their perceptions.

[blueangel]

Teehee

[ShySoul]

blueangel, I thought that was a nice post. You are right on a lot of points. You do have to live in the moment and just be. If you always spend your time dreaming instead of being, it won't work out. But on the other hand, there are times when all we can do is dream. Our day to day lives can be full of harshness and bad situations. There often seems like there isn't enough love in the world, that people don't believe in the fairy tale or in "happy ever after." And that's why you have to cling onto it more, because the dream can come true, but only if there are people willing to dream it at all costs.

 

Volution, honestly I think sometimes you get too emotional about love and soul mates. You have the tendency to let it get to you so much that it becomes destructive in ways. You should find a way to work on that. But I really am impressed with your devotion to these ideals. I'm right with you in your beliefs and I hope that we both find what we are looking for, making the dream a reality.

[ocrob]

Ok, I will make this a very general statement because the moderators might get mad at me. I usually say very nice and uplifting things, but I was bothered by a particular post. Volution, I really hope that things work out with you and your new partner. I don't know you, but I will guess you are male and if not, no difference. lol I think that emotional growth comes with experience. I read a post from a 15 year old and although I respect everyones opinion, I just can't see how someone can be so judgemental at that age. You learn from experience. I am not saying a 15 year olds opinion is not valid, but am saying that at that age you have not experienced true love or independence. Volutions post was pretty deep and if you did not appreciate it, then maybe you could just not respond. I guess they say when one door closes another one opens. Gee, I guess I am being poetic like Volution. But, that is what happens when you experience life and deal with the good and bad. I wonder what clothes her parents will lay out for her for school tomorrow. Ok, I am sorry, but that just bothered me. When a loved one dies, you should not be condescending to that person. I am looking forward to an e-mail from the moderators or maybe even from the youngster that wrote the post. Sorry, it just bothered me.

[ShySoul]

ocrob,

 

I respect your opinion and right to speak your mind. However, I think that your posts was just as disrespectful. For a 15 year old, blueangel has been through a lot and is still one of the most insightful and caring people I've come accross on here. So please try to learn about the person before making judgements about them, especially based on their age.

 

Ok, sorry for the interruption. Everyone, please get this thread back on topic and address volution. I'm cheering for you man!

[ocrob]

Point taken! Thanks and I will respect that.

[blueangel]

lol I sure stirred up stuff! Can I tell you all something? I didnt read that WHOLE post. I mostly skimmed so I have no idea if opposing his at all was right or wrong. I am very sorry if I offended anyone. My post DID have a ring of truth, but- jeez, you cant expect me to know everything! I AM only 15 and the fact that you people got so wound up over me is very silly. I tried at least, right? At least I said what I was thinking (though if we all used that logic, it would be very weird... because I tend to think of weird things more than I do normal stuff- so really I dont advise that.)

 

By the way, thanks ShySoul for supporting me even if I was being stupid. I'll remember that.

[ShySoul]

lol. You didn't read through the whole post!?! That's.... well, that's more common then you would think. I think it happens a lot more then people acknoledge. But at least you know better for next time.

 

And if people didn't think of and mention weird things, the world would be a boring place of conformity. All great inventions were thought weird at one point.

[ocrob]

Blueangel, I don't know why I got mad and you do seem to be very mature and smart for your age. I guess when you are younger, you don't sugar coat things. That is not such a bad thing, but in this forum we should try to empathize, but thanks for your input and sorry I got upset. : )

[blueangel]

Poor Volution. We've completely taken away from his topic.

 

 

ShySoul, I am so busy that all I do is skim here anymore. And worst, I do it in class. The good thing about that though is that I'm very far ahead of everyone else so it doesnt affect my grades. To my teacher though, I appear VERY busy. Honestly, she's a hawk. But since she likes me, I get away with a lot.

[ShySoul]

Volution, if you are still out there, how are you doing? Any updates for us? Hang in there, your true love awaits you and you will both be happier then you thought possible.

[blueangel]

hey, wait a second. I just reread my post and actually I think it's really good. I dont think it was ever something to be upset about. I liked it and it had good points whether you disagree with it or not.

 

Dreams are great and all but I was talking about how to make them a reality. It's your attitude which brings you fortune- not longingness

[ShySoul]

You did make good points. I think the reaction was more how you said it.

 

You need to stop sugar coating your thoughts into poetic, almost lyrical ones. Get to the point- be real. Not a lot are willing to read all of that.

 

Kinda direct. Think people saw volutions heartfelt writing, and he's a great writer, and then say you telling him to "get to the point" and took offensive to it.

 

But if look at what you said, it was good. You need a combination - Volutions spirit and dreams, with your attitude of getting it done.

[volution]

Volution, if you are still out there, how are you doing? Any updates for us? Hang in there, your true love awaits you and you will both be happier then you thought possible.

 

I'm doing OK - perhaps I should say "I'm doing absolutely fantastic and have never been happier in the whole of my life because all my dreams are coming true and the deepest of love is on it's way to me forever!", and then so it will be... As it is said and believed, so it will come to bear in the causal world...

 

I dearly hope with every fibre of my being, that my true fairy tale has a long and happy ending...

[ShySoul]

And it will. Happy ever after isn't just for fairy tales, it can come true in real life as well.

[blueangel]

uh oh- I think I am being misunderstood. Look, I believe in love and dreams too. I never said I didnt. I just meant that already being happy by yourself will attract other happy things. Longing just leads you in a cycle of longing and disappointment. I'm not saying to believe you have something you dont but be happy with what you have.

 

A lesson I've learned in life, really learned, is thata everything is so connected. There is a tribe I was learning about on TV the other day and in their languaage, there are no words for: when, want, hello and goodbye. Time, desire and manerly obligations were not of importance. They were so happy though. Desire is the one thing that causes the greatesr sufferiing and that is because it shouldnt exist.

 

What I've learned from my own life is that we already have all the answers and all the things we need. We must just stop wanting more to recognize them. Everyone who gives you things are all those who are one with the source (god) as you are. So everything you receive comes from the source and you have all that you have for a reason and for what you dont have, there is a reason there as well. Life isnt about love as much as it is transforming yourself. You will never be content with love (or even receive it as you wish) until you are content with living what you already have- yourself. And, love really is more of just a chance to express yourself in a deeper way. It should never be about living for the perfect bond.

 

Life moves like that in sections. We are in control of the timings. We wont grow in another aspect of our lives until we are ready.

 

You will never find the love of your life until you are content even in the thought that you never will. Once you understand this, then hopefully you will not misunderstand my message again.

[ShySoul]

blueangel - I agree be happy with yourself first. Appreciate what you have. And I know you believe in love and dreams. As beautiful as volution's heart is, sometimes I do think he goes to far and that causes him more pain. And everything is connected, in a beautiful tapestry that you can't help but marvel at.

 

Yes, we won't find love until we are content just on our own. It's why I always say to just let things happen naturally and focus on ourselves, living our own lives and being the best we can be. When we are our true authentic self, not worried about finding someone, that is when things happen.