Perception of something real...

[PocoDiablo]

You know what you should wish for, Jake?

 

You should wish that YOU understood it. This is YOUR issue that you are having problems with. It seems like you are dating a woman who you know treats you badly, maybe because you think you don't deserve anything better.

 

She is using you, you are kissing up to her for doing it, and you are not acting like a man. This is my opinion, this is what works for me. A real man would NEVER tolerate this behavior.

 

With all due respect, you're about the age I was when I realized I needed to grow up. She's a bad person. You're not. Evil will always take advantage of the understanding nature of good people. In essense, evil will win because you LET it win.

[JakeInFla]

Well, I just responded to her Yahoo chat that said, "Is something wrong, you seem upset"

 

I told her I was heartbroken and that I had no words to describe how I was feeling.

 

She followed me downstairs and found me and with tears in my eyes, I shared my feelings of how this is violates our intimacy and how it tears me apart.

 

Her response ( with anger and rage in her eyes)

 

"I'm sorry you feel that way. My bags are packed at your place. When we get home tonight I'll take my things and leave. I can't take it anymore!"

 

I followed her to her car as she was leaving for lunch to "vent".

I sat down at her open door and asked her without anger..

"Do you care how I feel?" "Do you honestly not care at all, with tears in my eyes, and such strong emotion, you can't see how this hurts me?"

 

She drove away in anger, and I feel it really is finally over.

She just doesn't get it. She doesn't think she should have to make any effort and she sees me as being controlling, and jealous.

 

I'm beside myself right now, and I just don't understand why I can't find someone who can appreciate my good nature and the loving soul I know I am.

 

 

 

 

( PS..feel free to post on her blog how you see the situation through reading her posts and wondering where the love really is)

 

I have failed in getting through. Perhaps she can be made aware to avoid ruining her next relationship.

 

I love her so much and this is tearing me apart.

 

](*,) With sadness and humility,

 

 

J.

[RayKay]

I read her blog.

 

I come away with impression she has BIG self esteem issues. I know because I read about her body image, or saw the issues, in her posts, about planning to lose 30 lbs...off what exactly? She does not have 30 lbs to lose unless she is talking about muscle. And I mean considering she posts naked pictures of herself, anyone can see that. She craves attention from others, it's an ego boost for her. It's why she talks about her body the way she does, it's why she writes "erotica" knowing how you feel about it, knowing it will hurt you, because she does not care about you, it's about her.

 

And it's the wrong way to get it. It will bite her in the butt one day. Your online life, is not "private" as she called it. It can be found by future employers, partners, family. She is making it public, and so by that, you have every right to see it, and feel how you do about it.

 

You can't change her though, my dear. You can't. You deserve better and YOU know it. She is NOT treating you out of love and respect. She is using you hon.

 

I agree with WildChild, she is not holding a very high character standard for herself, don't get pulled in to this drama.

[jaiva]

Tell her that you will not accept that she is putting nude pictures of herself on the net. And if she does not understand that her body should be sacred and between herself and her lover then that is an issue that she has within herself. If she does not attempt to change then you should leave because who knows what else she would do for attention or approval?

Hope I helped.

[JakeInFla]

She just wouldn't understand my feelings and sees me as being immature. I gave her a link to this thread in the hopes she can understand the darkness that surrounds my heart.

[WildChild]

Out of curiosity having looked at her blogs more, how did you two meet? Did she have this profile when you met her or did she do this after you started dating?

[WildChild]

I can only imagine how sad you are right now especially when she can't see what the rest of us see. I don't know that if she even reads this thread that it will change her opinion on this matter, and I am sorry to say that How long have you two dated?

[JakeInFla]

We work together. She sits right beside me in a cubicle.

Talk about being uncomfortable! LOL

 

We were friends and then fell in love. She was at a breaking point, ready to committ suicide ( This would be her third attempt by the way)

 

I should have know then she was sick, but I loved her and wanted to help her anyway I could. Feelings grew from there and for a while it was wonderful. Later I came to find out how serious her depression and emotional damage was, and tried to make sense of it all.

 

I fought to change, and some of the things she spoke about were true, and I changed for the better.

 

However, I see now that I am worth more than this. I deserve to be happy and be with a person who is sound psycologically and cares about my feelings.

 

Am I sad: Very much so

Do I wish this was not happening, and she would see the truth in my words and come running into my arms and love me forever and ever: YES

 

Am I finally willing to accept she will forever feel this sense of entitlement and believe other people's feelings don't matter and I will apologize and beg for another chance at more abuse : No...I can't live like that. No one can!

 

 

I loved her and gave her everything I had. I made some mistakes and I'm sorry for them. I guess after all is said and done we just don't make sense together and I need to accept that, and move on in search of better tomorrows.

 

 

Thank you for all your words and encouragement. I'll be ok and please post on my blog. I need some friends right now and I could use the support.

 

Yahoo Messenger and email : email removed

Blog: link removed

 

 

[DN]

I too am sorry that you are going through this. It seems to me that she is so wrapped up in her own wants and needs that she is blind to the feelings of other people, even you.

 

Sometimes people behave as if they are actors starring in the movie of their own life - and everybody else is either a minor character or a fan. This is self-absorption - and while people are like this they cannot or will not understand that other people close to them can be badly hurt by their actions.

 

Sad to say that this girl seems to have an extreme case of it - and I think you should move on and find someone who recognises that we should have co-stars in our movies.

[RayKay]

Jake,

 

I know this is a lot too late, but I hope in your journey to healing, you also learn from this relationship that you need to listen to your own instincts in the future when you get involved with someone.

 

Someone whom is depressed, suicidal, is not complete within themselves yet, or happy in their own selves, and will as a result not be able to be full partners for you, or bring happiness into your relationship.

 

It's tempting to want to "save someone", but it generally ends in a lot of broken hearts, and both being even more lost then when they started.

 

Someone whom is that emotionally damaged cannot love you the way you need and deserve to be loved, they have to learn to love themselves first and foremost.

[Relationship Coach]

JIF,

Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who did not respect you or themselves? You are not losing much, send her packing and celebrate your freedom. This type of blogging is nothing more than a inappropriate chat room with the worlds scum. She has major self-esteem issues and needs and wants constant validation from others. The only tear you should shed over her are tears of joy that she is gone. JIF, get a hold of yourself, it is not important for her to understand how you feel. She obviously does not care, let it go. Let her come here and try to justify her actions, people in this forum are more than bloggers. She can't fool us and she shouldn't fool you.

[WildChild]

Let her come here and try to justify her actions, people in this forum are more than bloggers. She can't fool us and she shouldn't fool you.

 

Yup, my thoughts too!

[WildChild]

I noticed you took her blog link off of here Jake, and that is probably a good thing. Although it gave us a better perception of what you were talking about, it is still her site (but in all reality what is the difference if we who are complete strangers look or all the other complete strangers who she blogs with LOL) But in all, you don't need anymore issues with her than what is already on your plate.

 

 

And by all means, if you two did work it out don't be afraid to come back here to vent should you need to. You may get the same reactions, but we have all been there and know how hard it is. Like I said in a previous post, love can be blind. You come accross as a very decent, intelligent man who has a lot of great qualities. Stay strong but above all else, be true to yourself!

[lgirl]

and I will apologize and beg for another chance at more abuse : No...I can't live like that. No one can!

 

key word: abuse. it is abuse pure and simple. she has been (is) abusing you, which is why she doesn't care or even pretend to care about your feelings. leave her to go her own way to hell. you are really better off without her.

[JakeInFla]

Thanks for the kind words Wild Child. I removed the link to her blog because in regardless of it being accessible on the web, I felt it just wasn't right for me to place her under a microscope and be disected by people without her knowledge. I was wrong to post it, and I'm glad I removed it.

 

As for where we are in our relationship? We had a long talk Friday and into the weekend. The love we have between us is undeniable, and it's merely a matter of boundaries and expectations we both have, or don't have that lead to the drama.

 

I shared with her how I see things, and where I feel the trust between us faltered on boths sides. We slept on it, calmed down and were honest with each other on where we wanted to be. I feel I communciated my position with tact and respect for her feelings while maintaining my position pertaining to what I expect out of life, and how I intend to approach it from now on. We found a common ground and I feel redeemed.

 

Both of us have had our share of relationship drama. ( Who hasn't! LOL)

I assume we are both waiting for the other shoe to drop, and that fuels the insecurities and misconceptions we both have had at times.

 

I came to the realization that life is too short for bickering and doubting the intentions of the one we hold closest to our hearts. Alot of my insecurities formed years ago in childhood, and some of them played into our relationship.

 

I thought about my life in general Friday night. Where I am, who I am, what I expect from life and myself and I finally realize that destiny and fate take care of themselves. I'm willing to accept whatever comes my way in this life with humility and strength.

 

That being said I really feel like we better understand each other after all of the drama and arguments. Two people getting to know each other shouldn't focus on the negatives of cast doubts when they really should be enjoying each other and enjoying life!

 

I love her. I love her completely, and no matter what misconceptions and outright frustrations we create together, the overwhelming feeling of "Right" when I'm with her dispells any insecurities I might have had.

 

We had dinner with my family at Benihana Saturday night, and it was wonderful. She met my Nana and aunt Pam, who recently returned from Toronto. It was important to me she met the family all together to better understand our crazy irish nature of fighting and arguing, only to make up and continue our lives loving each other and being there for one another.

 

My grandmother loved her and sensed a good soul in her. It was a wonderful night and I'm glad we found a way to move forward together. I love her with all my heart and soul. Enough said.

 

I won't pretend life doesn't throw tests our way from time to time. I won't pretend that sometimes we are meant to learn from relationships only to continue searching for the one we are meant for. I believe in destiny and fate and my confidence and self assurance tells me I'm on the right track.

 

I'm taking life day by day and I've decided to simply enjoy my existence for what it is, and make improvements along the way. That's all we can do if retaining our sanity is a priority.

 

I appreciate all your comments and welcome you to post on my blog as often as you can. I need the company on there. Too many ( 0 Comments) can lead me to believe no one reads my words. LOL

[BellaDonna]

I shared with her how I see things, and where I feel the trust between us faltered on boths sides. We slept on it, calmed down and were honest with each other on where we wanted to be. I feel I communciated my position with tact and respect for her feelings while maintaining my position pertaining to what I expect out of life, and how I intend to approach it from now on. We found a common ground and I feel redeemed.

 

I'm glad you are doing better.

 

I guess what I'm most curious about is whether after all of that and her almost losing you- is she still going to be putting nude photos of herself in the internet? Was that issue ever truly resolved- or was it just sugar-coated, or are you not being true to yourself, and just taking that disrespect from her.

 

BellaDonna

[WildChild]

Well, this is definitely a step in the right direction. I hope she realized you were hurt by her actions that you expressed your thoughts and not because you were trying to be controlling.

[BellaDonna]

Just received this in my PM box.

 

All I can say is that I apologize if anything I wrote was perceived as offensive, however nothing I wrote can be as "sorry" or as offensive as sending someone empty threats via private messages.

[BellaDonna]

Likewise.....

 

Also be advised that enotalone is a place where many people may have differing opinions and may say things you don't like. As long as people get their point accross with respect and maturity- there is no need for anyone to "watch" what they say. No one should be threatened or inhibited- nor should people other than moderators and administrators be policing the forum and telling other members what to do via PM.

 

I answered a post from someone in need who was hurting. In my opinion- his hurt was legitimate. I told him what almost anyone else would.

 

Please do not waste your valuable time and energy by sending me any more ranting private messages because they will be deleted immediately without even being opened. I'm done playing immature games.

 

Seeing this man with a borken heart is your boyfriend- worry about caring for him, and addressing the issue at hand, instead of arguing with strangers.

 

All the best to the 2 of you ,

 

BellaDonna

[WildChild]

Holy crap! I wonder if that means we are all gonna get one? LOL

[avman]

A note from the Administration.

 

Threats or other harassment through the private message system will be harshly dealt with. This may include contacting appropriate law enforcement agencies with your identifying information for the purpose of prosecution.

[lgirl]

BellaDonna - you haven't written anything offensive, so there's NO need for you to apologise! have you reported this to the moderators - they shld help find out who sent it to you and take appropriate action. maybe check the profile of the sender? (is it that guy's exhibitionist gf - the one posting nude pics of herself d'ya think?)... you could also PM him and tell him to tell her to back off with her silliness. just ignore 'her' threats. pretty pathetic if you ask me - and stupid, seeing as WE all know what she looks like...

[WildChild]

lgirl, it is his gf...he had given her the link here with the hopes that she could read how hurt he was and people's reactions to what she is doing.

[JakeInFla]

Ok people. I appreciate everyone's zest to defend me here, but to be honest I had no right to place her link on this thread. She feels watched and judged and it's causing me drama so can we please let this go?

 

Also, please don't visit her site any more. I am the one bearing the brunt of anger and resentment for posting this thread to begin with and it is causing drama where none needs to be.

 

When it comes to affairs of the heart, emotions run deep, I understand that. She feels singled out and pre-judged in all of this, and I'd rather not re-inforce her thoughts with replies and messages.

 

I respectfully ask this thread be deleted for the sake of all parties concerned.

 

Please?

 

 

Also, please refrain from visiting her blog site. I shouldn't have posted it in the first place, and I regret it at this point. Please let this go.

 

I appreciate everyone taking the time but believe me, it's better to let this go. For my sake and hers.

 

 

Thank you so much,

 

 

J.

[lgirl]

Jake, it's your life, but she clearly has PROBLEMS. if that's how she reacts i really feel very sorry for you.

 

good luck. it sounds like you'll need it (sorry to say)