JakeInFla

comments deleted for closure of it all J.

comments deleted for closure of it all... J.

Ok people. I appreciate everyone's zest to defend me here, but to be honest I had no right to place her link on this thread. She feels watched and judged and it's causing me drama so can we please let this go? Also, please don't visit her site any more. I am the one bearing the brunt of anger and resentment for posting this thread to begin with and it is causing drama where none needs to be. When it comes to affairs of the heart, emotions run deep, I understand that. She feels singled out and pre-judged in all of this, and I'd rather not re-inforce her thoughts with replies and messages. I respectfully ask this thread be deleted for the sake of all parties concerned. Please? Also, please refrain from visiting her blog site. I shouldn't have posted it in the first place, and I regret it at this point. Please let this go. I appreciate everyone taking the time but believe me, it's better to let this go. For my sake and hers. Thank you so much, J.

Thanks for the kind words Wild Child. I removed the link to her blog because in regardless of it being accessible on the web, I felt it just wasn't right for me to place her under a microscope and be disected by people without her knowledge. I was wrong to post it, and I'm glad I removed it. As for where we are in our relationship? We had a long talk Friday and into the weekend. The love we have between us is undeniable, and it's merely a matter of boundaries and expectations we both have, or don't have that lead to the drama. I shared with her how I see things, and where I feel the trust between us faltered on boths sides. We slept on it, calmed down and were honest with each other on where we wanted to be. I feel I communciated my position with tact and respect for her feelings while maintaining my position pertaining to what I expect out of life, and how I intend to approach it from now on. We found a common ground and I feel redeemed. Both of us have had our share of relationship drama. ( Who hasn't! LOL) I assume we are both waiting for the other shoe to drop, and that fuels the insecurities and misconceptions we both have had at times. I came to the realization that life is too short for bickering and doubting the intentions of the one we hold closest to our hearts. Alot of my insecurities formed years ago in childhood, and some of them played into our relationship. I thought about my life in general Friday night. Where I am, who I am, what I expect from life and myself and I finally realize that destiny and fate take care of themselves. I'm willing to accept whatever comes my way in this life with humility and strength. That being said I really feel like we better understand each other after all of the drama and arguments. Two people getting to know each other shouldn't focus on the negatives of cast doubts when they really should be enjoying each other and enjoying life! I love her. I love her completely, and no matter what misconceptions and outright frustrations we create together, the overwhelming feeling of "Right" when I'm with her dispells any insecurities I might have had. We had dinner with my family at Benihana Saturday night, and it was wonderful. She met my Nana and aunt Pam, who recently returned from Toronto. It was important to me she met the family all together to better understand our crazy irish nature of fighting and arguing, only to make up and continue our lives loving each other and being there for one another. My grandmother loved her and sensed a good soul in her. It was a wonderful night and I'm glad we found a way to move forward together. I love her with all my heart and soul. Enough said. I won't pretend life doesn't throw tests our way from time to time. I won't pretend that sometimes we are meant to learn from relationships only to continue searching for the one we are meant for. I believe in destiny and fate and my confidence and self assurance tells me I'm on the right track. I'm taking life day by day and I've decided to simply enjoy my existence for what it is, and make improvements along the way. That's all we can do if retaining our sanity is a priority. I appreciate all your comments and welcome you to post on my blog as often as you can. I need the company on there. Too many ( 0 Comments) can lead me to believe no one reads my words. LOL

We work together. She sits right beside me in a cubicle. Talk about being uncomfortable! LOL We were friends and then fell in love. She was at a breaking point, ready to committ suicide ( This would be her third attempt by the way) I should have know then she was sick, but I loved her and wanted to help her anyway I could. Feelings grew from there and for a while it was wonderful. Later I came to find out how serious her depression and emotional damage was, and tried to make sense of it all. I fought to change, and some of the things she spoke about were true, and I changed for the better. However, I see now that I am worth more than this. I deserve to be happy and be with a person who is sound psycologically and cares about my feelings. Am I sad: Very much so Do I wish this was not happening, and she would see the truth in my words and come running into my arms and love me forever and ever: YES Am I finally willing to accept she will forever feel this sense of entitlement and believe other people's feelings don't matter and I will apologize and beg for another chance at more abuse : No...I can't live like that. No one can! I loved her and gave her everything I had. I made some mistakes and I'm sorry for them. I guess after all is said and done we just don't make sense together and I need to accept that, and move on in search of better tomorrows. Thank you for all your words and encouragement. I'll be ok and please post on my blog. I need some friends right now and I could use the support. Yahoo Messenger and email : email removed Blog: link removed

She just wouldn't understand my feelings and sees me as being immature. I gave her a link to this thread in the hopes she can understand the darkness that surrounds my heart.

Well, I just responded to her Yahoo chat that said, "Is something wrong, you seem upset" I told her I was heartbroken and that I had no words to describe how I was feeling. She followed me downstairs and found me and with tears in my eyes, I shared my feelings of how this is violates our intimacy and how it tears me apart. Her response ( with anger and rage in her eyes) "I'm sorry you feel that way. My bags are packed at your place. When we get home tonight I'll take my things and leave. I can't take it anymore!" I followed her to her car as she was leaving for lunch to "vent". I sat down at her open door and asked her without anger.. "Do you care how I feel?" "Do you honestly not care at all, with tears in my eyes, and such strong emotion, you can't see how this hurts me?" She drove away in anger, and I feel it really is finally over. She just doesn't get it. She doesn't think she should have to make any effort and she sees me as being controlling, and jealous. I'm beside myself right now, and I just don't understand why I can't find someone who can appreciate my good nature and the loving soul I know I am. ( PS..feel free to post on her blog how you see the situation through reading her posts and wondering where the love really is) I have failed in getting through. Perhaps she can be made aware to avoid ruining her next relationship. I love her so much and this is tearing me apart. ](*,) With sadness and humility, J.

My wish is that she could understand that. I know she sees this as simply her venting her thoughts and feelings and nothing more. She just can't see how I could have the nerve to be offended and put off by it all. I wish she could understand this. I wish I could accept it. It's not the postings that scare me...it's what they represent. A precursor to more outlandish behavior resulting in my having my heart broken all over again. I wish someone could make her understand this. IN a way, I almost feel as if she is doing this, either consciously or sub-consciously to end our relationship without feeling guility. Perhaps I don't do it for her sexually and this is her out? I don't know, but it's hard to feel attracted and turned on by someone who does such things, in blatant disregard for my feelings. I hate all of this.

Yes, I know it's an obvious "Screw you!!" by her posting these things. I just don't understand how someone could treat another person so badly, when all they try to do is be there for them emotionally and physically. It hurts so much that I just want the pain to go away. ](*,)

Asking that you all refrain from posting comments that in any way relate to this thread, I will post her blogsite and ask you to take it all in and give me your honest view. I don't question her integrity regarding her feelings for me. I don't ever expect she would cheat on me physically, given the hell she went through and knowing her true feelings for me. However, would this bother you if you were dating someone for three months? She has said she sees me as the future father of her children. That I am a kind, loving, innocent, caring soul who she trusts completely.

Thank you for your kind words Vanilla. I'm 31 years old. Here is my blog. I could use a few online friends with good hearts. Feel free to post. I can use the encouragement. LOL link removed

Yes, I see your points people. It's hard for me, as I do love her very much. I'm so confused and exhausted by all of this I want to crawl into bed and sleep for a millennium.

Thank you for the fast replies. It's been a whirlwind of emotions and drama these past three months. She suffers from some depression and emotional issues stemming from her brother's passing at the age of 17 in a car accident, and a dysfunctional 4 year relationship with her ex. To be perfectly honest this is my first full fledged, 100% relationship and my insecurities can get the best of me. I've worked through alot of my own issues and what they mean to me, and so has she. The problem lies with her seemingly adamant stance on not letting another man tell her what to do, that fans the flames of this posting of nudes\correspondence with fellow bloggers issue. I love her so very much and I don't want to be the architect of my own misery by making this blog problem an issue, but it can't be good if I share my feelings over and over again, in a calm, loving manner that her posting of her nudes coupled with her overly flirtatious posts bother me and violate what I consider to be the sanctity of our love in a way. I know it sounds corny, but that's how I feel. We've had three months lf ups and downs, fighting and arguing, and alot of tears. My insecurity had me chasing after her each time she was offended that I had feelings and disagreed with her. It's hard to know what I should do. My feelings are more than hurt that she would tell me "If you don't like it, don't read it". I think that's uncalled for when I'm just wanting not to share out intimacy with blog members who spend thousands of dollars on cam girl sites, and make distasteful comments about her body. The fact she ran right to MY laptop last night after we had yet another argument about this, her seeing me as an overly jealous\petty jerk and me having to explain that it just goes against my morals and values to do such a thing when you love someone. Am I wrong? It's very confusing and I want to seek couples therapy. I've wanted this fora while now. I feel if I have a third party who is unbiased with us, I can share my feelings and have someone back me up without emotion being the catalyst. Am I overreacting to all of this? Possibly. Am I so much in love with her that I want to tear any man's head off that even looks at her funny? No. I'm not a sociopath. LOL I just want her to live up to the behavior and expectations she expects from me, nothing more. J.

I came accross this thread and had to post something that's been bothering me. My girlfriend loves her blog. She's the one who introduced me to it actually, and I must say it is theraputic to post my rants, thoughts and feelings. My problem is her posting of nude photos of herself and communicating with other blog members with flirtatious posts, and email correspondence. It bothers me. She acts as if I am a jealous jerk out to ruin her happiness, and basically doesn't care how I feel about it, as she sees it as harmless flirtation and a way for her to ease stress. She assures me after her last relationship she loves me and would never do anything physical with anyone but me. She constantly reassures me how much she loves me and cares for me. We've had our drama and fights, and betrayals of concsience in past weeks, and I am hurt by it all. Having gotten over her email to me stating the entire time she was with me, she had love in her heart for her ex boyfriend she caught cheating on her, over and over again. It floored me. Later that day she apologized and I wouldn't hear it. After talking things over, and realizing what we meaned to each other I buried the hatchet, spilling all of my insecurities. One of my biggest ones is her posting of nude photos and flirting with other bloggers both via blog comment posts back and forth, and email communication. Driving home last night I told her again how it bothers me that she would make comments on men's blogs she is friends with that basically say "If I lived over there I'd give you a chance", or a recent reply to his post about having a jacuzzi.."That's what I need, can I join you?". I realize this is all just innocent flirting with someone thousands of miles away. I realize she talks to these people and forms a bond of sorts, leading to sharing of thoughts and feelings. It's an escape from reality that she desperately needs, and I understand that. However, after yet another argument about her recent posts of nude shots of herself, she went home again last night and proceeded to post more, knowing it hurts me, and knowing how I feel about it. Am I being old fashioned in not wanting anyone with a computer to be able to see my girlfriend's body? Am I being selfish in that respect? Should I just let it go and accept her declaration that she loves me, and sees the kind, innocent, loving soul I am and would never do anything to break my heart, like her ex did to her? I just feel lost inside because A) I don't want to be a old fasionhed, closed minded jerk, B) I don't want this to come between us and C) I merely don't understand why she needs affirmation from strangers about how sexy she is. I just need some input because I feel hurt that she would continue doing this, knowing how much it pains me. Her response that it's her private blog and if I don't like it, don't read it..really hurt me. It's like what I feel doesn't matter, and after all her relationship issues in the past, she is no longer willing to accept anyone telling her what to do. But honestly, that's not my intention. I am merlely trying to understand myself and all of this without being a sarcastic, over bearing, jealous jerk. Any input is appreciated. Jake