Well I have an update.....

[keefy1972]

I know exactly what you mean buddy. It's very confusing. Just try your best to relax and, hopefully, she will end this drama for you. Just give her a chance to do it.

[OCD]

Good morning all,

Well today is Thursday. I still have not heard anything since last Wed. I'm wondering what to do at this pointe. I believe my ex's surgery is tomorrow, but I have no idea if I should call her, text her, or what?? We both agreed to start talking again and perhaps work things out last Wed. I made the one attempt late Sunday night to chat for a bit, with no reply...We both connected so well last Wed. and agreed to start talking again that I don't know what the right move is now...Could she possibly be thinking "why isn't he calling me?". Or is she not even thinking about it(which I don't think is the case). I've thought about sending her a text today while I'm at work....something like "Hi, it's OCD, I just wanted to wish you well on your surgery, talk to you soon..." or should I ask her to call me later when she gets a chance?? I'm not sure what the right move is....but I'm glad I have this forum to come to first before I make any mistakes Thanks guys!

 

OCD

[lonelyfish]

I don't think there would be anything wrong in trying to contact her again to wish her well prior to her surgery. Contact her in a way that you feel most comfortable text or phone call and that you'll know she will actually get and see the message! (I am curious whether or not she did hear your last voice message you left her?).

[OCD]

(I am curious whether or not she did hear your last voice message you left her?).

 

I'm pretty curious of that question too! I won't have time to really call her today, but I might send her a text...then perhaps we could talk tonight? Should I ask her to call me when she's not busy? Or does that sound bad? Thanks.

[lonelyfish]

Maybe not directly ask for her to call you, but say "I know you're going in for your surgery tomorrow and wish you well, feel free give me a call today if you would like to talk" or something like that.

[coooolsome]

Yeah, I would say give her a call or something just to show that you care about her and how she is doing. Surgery is very scary and I think she would like to know that you are thinking of her and hope she is doing well.

[OCD]

Thanks guys,

I'm really busy today, but figured that I'd send a text and then perhaps she'd like to talk tonight....I just said the following:

"Hi it's 'OCD', wanted to chat about surgery and hope it goes well. Feel free to call if u'd like to talk. Left u a message, did u get? Have a great day and talk to you soon...OCD".

At the very least I'll show some concern, I think I'm more nervous than she is Although she was a little nervous talking to her last week. Well that's two attemps and that's it for me...if she doesn't get this I'll be very surprised. I'm just going by previoius history, but she'd always get my texts, but never got my voice mails...we'll see what happens now...gotta run. Thanks guys!

 

OCD

[lonelyfish]

Please tell us that you finally talked with her OCD!

[OCD]

Good morning,

Yes I finally did speak to her....whew. Get this, all day yesterday I had a feeling that something was wrong....not really with my ex, but something about her or her family, right. All day I was feeling this, like a 'gut' feeling. You ever get those? Well any way, I sent that text right. No response......11:00pm roles by and I had been talking to another friend and just got this huge "urge" to get a hold of her. It was really amazing....I'm not clairvoyant or anything, but I had a feeling something was just not right for her not to answer my text or my voice mail....

So guess what I did, yes I called her cell....her son picks up!!! I thought wow it's pretty late for him to be answering the cell....so I asked for his mother, I could tell he was smiling because he knew who I was.

So she gets on the phone with this very low tone, almost sleepy voice. I say "Hi, it's 'OCD' how's it going?" She says "pretty good I guess, I'm at the hospital" I thought wow she went in early or something....get this, she goes "....my mother just got out of sugery". I said "What!". She goes "yeh she's been in the hospital for about a week now because of her pancreas and just had an operation". I was totally blown away at this pointe! I said "How is she! Is she ok!?" She says "Yeh I think she's ok, just literaly just got out of surgery right when you called".....Twilight Zone moment.... I said "How are you? Are you ok?" She says "Yes, I'm fine just very fatigued....it's been a long week?" I said "I'm sorry to hear that....I sent you a text today to wish you well, I had no idea about your mother" She goes "Yeh, it's been crazy and I'll have to call you later, ok?" I said "that's fine, if you need to talk call me" So come to find out my ex's surgery in next Wed. and she really hasn't called me back because of her son's school, her working, and her mother being in the hopsital for about a week now....

She didn't call back last night, well, because it was about midnight and she sounded like she was about to drop. So that explains a lot I think....I'm not going to call her and she did say that she'd have to call me later when it's a better time...I'm concerned because her mother was supposed to take her to "her" surgery next week or when ever her's is...so she's now in a tough spot....Do you think she'll ask for my help? I offered to be there for her to talk to, etc....Man that was a crazy turn of events, I'm glad I called her....that answered a few questions...What do you think I should do now? Thanks.

 

OCD

[keefy1972]

Sit back and wait man. OCD you are not her boyfriend right now and it's not your job to "be there" at her beckon call. You got fed a few crumbs and now you are reverting back to wuss status. Take a big step back and relax. You've done all that you can now. You've put yourself out there, not once, not twice, but three times. When is she going to make effort? When is she going to show signs of being as enthusiastic as you?

 

Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to bring you down, but it seems you are starting to make the mistakes SuperDave so often preaches.

[lonelyfish]

You have to go back to playing it cool again and wait for her to call you. The situation with her Mom on top of everything else that is going on (her surgery, the holidays, her son and you in the picture) most likely has her brain scattered right now. You have to relax and wait for her to make the next move towards you or you could scare her off because she's probably a little stressed. The last thing you need to do is to put any added pressure on her - so yeah just continue to play it cool, so far you are doing great!

[OCD]

Thanks Keefy and Lonely.....

I really couldn't help myself last night...that was the first time in a long time....Perhaps it was a mistake, but I'm glad I called...I don't think she did get my voice mail, but she did say she saw the text...I will play it cool now...I think it wasn't all that bad that I showed some feelings there, do you? I am really close to her mother and a few posts back I mentioned how after the break she came up to me and gave me a huge hug and asked how I was doing...we became pretty close....so I know I'm not her boyfriend, but I'm still human and I'm concerned about my ex and her mother...I think that's natural and that's sort of who I am even though I was heart broken...

I'll sit back now and see what happens and Lonely...I think you're right about her having a lot on her plate right now...I don't want to stress her out....I offered a small sign of support and that's all I could do. I think she appreciated it. Thanks guys, I don't want to resort to "Wuss" status and I have put myself a little out there, but I've only tried to call her 4 times in 4 months....she's tried to get a hold of me over 30 times....I think I need to meet her a little in the middle, don't you? At least I got some answer out of it....

 

OCD

[keefy1972]

Guess it wasn't all that bad but be sure not to make the next move. You've already gone above and beyond what you should've in making effort. It's her turn. Let her have it from here.

[OCD]

Cool, we'll see.... Thanks man, I appreciate your honesty. I like this forum because people like me need to hear it pretty blunt some times. I'll kick back from here and keep you posted. Take care, thank you.

 

OCD

[OCD]

Hi all,

I made it through the weekend...again that was hard. I have not heard from my ex and as you all know she's had a very busy week last week with her mother in the hospital, her son, her surgery coming up, etc...I'm trying not to make excuses up for her, but I'm not sure what's she's thinking or why she hasn't called me back?? So I tried not to think about her all weekend; I actually went on another date. I have family in town so it made it a little easier...

 

I'm trying to understand what it was she wants after speaking to her a week and a half ago about us starting to talk again, perhaps work things out, that her son has been asking about me, that she misses me, etc...It doesn't make sense to me that she'd open up like that, then I don't hear from her in a few weeks...does anyone have any ideas as to what she's doing? Is she trying to keep me at arms length if things don't work out for her? Was she just testing me to see if I still had interest? Perhaps she was just satisfying her own curiosity about me? After speaking to her I don't think so, she was very honest and open and brought up many good things...it sounded promising. Or perhaps she's just plane busy with all that's going on with her. Her son is leaving with his Dad for a couple of weeks so I'm sure she had her Christmas with him this weekend since he won't be around next weekend....also she's probably taking care of her Mother since she's probably recovering......she did say that she'd call me back during a better time, "it's just a bad time to talk right now and that she'd call me back later" is what she told me last Thurs when her Mom got out of surgery....I don't know, but I'm still thinking about her and worried, but I'm moving forward and trying not to get my hopes up...I'm not sure what to think but I do care about her, but I care about myself healing through all of this though...I don't understand what she's doing? Thanks.

 

OCD

[sibling295]

Hey OCD - i am home..

Well so last thursday night was last contact. She said she would call you back. Its monday now, hmmmm..

I think you answered all your own questions in your post. Maybe she is busy with her child, her mom. Maybe she is just unsure.

I am glad to hear you went on a date. Keep that up!!! You cant call her again. She has to contact you now. She clearly is not making any sense..

Why would she call you like that and want to start talking again , then act this way. Boy - thats just frustrating. But you were ready to be let down, remember. You were ready to move on. And honestly , you made your move , you called her , you texted her, now she must take the next move.

 

keep dating other women though- hang with friends , stay positive. We have a new year coming up - its gotta get better!!!

 

I am having my own situation too right now.

Big fight last night when i got home. Regarding New Years Eve plans......

I just dont understand love at the moment.....

Hang in there , man. Lets stay positive....

[OCD]

Thanks Sib...welcome back! Love is strange, isn't it.....I have to now wait for her to contact me. It is frustrating though...why would she say all of those things and then not come through? I'm staying positive, I really am. Christmas is going to be hard and her surgery is this week...I don't know whether to contact her or not?? I thought is was last Friday, but found out it's actually either Wed. or Thurs. I don't know whether to send her a Christmas and Birthday card too? I'm don't think I'll get one from her so that might answer my question, right. Next time I talked to her I need to lay it out on the line and tell her I'm putting up with these games and confusion she's going through. I'm sick of this bs she's putting me through, I need to be a little more firm I think...not Mr. Nice guy any more. It's very hard though, I still love her, believe it or not. Crazy huh?

 

Thank you.

 

OCD

[lonelyfish]

OCD, I know it is tough right now but you have to be strong. I still think you need to wait for her to contact you but I don't see anything wrong with sending her a double get well/Xmas card knowing that she is supposed to have her surgery this week. But just leave it at that, nothing more. I know how difficult it must be, but the best things in life are worth the wait so just be patient. Your ex seems to still be going through a lot. If you can just get past the holidays, I know things will be so much easier as with everyone on here. I wish you all the best! By the way, my ex sent me an xmas card which was very surprising, that is more than what I could have asked for from him. You never know?

[OCD]

Thanks Lonelyfish,

I'm trying to be patient, and I am understanding that she's going through a lot right now. I just wish she would want me to be there for her during this time. I would like to help out, but she isn't saying the right things or following through. It's really discouraging.

I do have a question though, shouldn't she be the one to be sending the cards to me?? I mean she did break up with me and all. I've just been Mr. Nice guy and Mr. Cool through this whole thing. Perhaps that's why she's been calling....I've tried to be that guy she fell in love with.

I just don't get it how she says that she misses me, her son's been talking and asking about me, goes through how she went by where we used to go on dates, etc....and then nothing?? Also, I told her that I didn't want to talk unless it about working things out, then she calls. Argh! It's so confusing....does she want me or not??

 

OCD

[sibling295]

Oh Geez - OCD -

thump thump - did i just hear you sticking up for yourself????????

 

Do you realize thats your first MAD posting?

This is the first time i hear you actually say" I dont deserve this !"

 

After her calling you out of nowhere - you responding - her not responding - I could safely say that i dont believe you should send her a card.

And I DO think that when ever she comes around again - you should be FIRM and say enough is enough .

 

I know you love her - but you were prepared for all of this, remember?

So continue forth , my friend.

You are a awesome man and one lucky lady will see that.Maybe more than one?LOL!!!

Be firm with her - what could you lose at this point.

Keep dating - It worked for me!!!

[sibling295]

Sorry i meant your reply before that one.!!!

Stay tough like that!

[OCD]

Thanks Sib...I do believe I need to be a little more firm with her. I already told her pointe blank that I didnt' want to talk unless it was to work things out because I'm trying to heal....her response to that was "great, you're getting over everything, and I'm right where you were in the beggining...". I do believe I need to be a little patient, but yes next time we talk I need to find out exactly what it is she wants from me, period. I am ticked. I am human and I do deserve someone that wants to be with me and makes an effort to be with me. Not this bread crumb crap....sorry I'm venting a little, I guess I'm just getting sick of this....as far as sending her a card, I'm on the fence with that one. I really can't believe she hasn't called me back yet...I have no idea what to do? She thinks I'm starting to move on, but knows I still care, I think. I've been playing a little hard to get and it's worked up until now....I'm in a tough spot....I think Lonleyfish was right where I need to let the holidays go by and have things settle down. I wish she would get her head straight! I'm going to feel pretty bad during Christmas, but I'll try to be strong. Thanks.

 

OCD

[sibling295]

Way to go !!!

hang in there thru the holidays!!!! keep close to this site!!

i wouldnt send a card - but do whatvever you want.

I almost feel sorry for her when she does call you again. LOL!!

Lay it on the line for her ..." NO MORE WISHY WASHY GAMES...

Either we work on us or we move on completely"

[OCD]

Thanks Sib, I'll be on vacation from Wed. thru the rest of the year and my computer at home is on the fritz...I'll probably have it working soon though. So yes, I'll try to stay close to this site as long as 'you' and the wonderful others are on here I'll keep you posted. Thanks for all of your advice.

 

OCD

[keefy1972]

I'm trying to understand what it was she wants after speaking to her a week and a half ago about us starting to talk again, perhaps work things out, that her son has been asking about me, that she misses me, etc...It doesn't make sense to me that she'd open up like that, then I don't hear from her in a few weeks...does anyone have any ideas as to what she's doing? Is she trying to keep me at arms length if things don't work out for her? Was she just testing me to see if I still had interest? Perhaps she was just satisfying her own curiosity about me? After speaking to her I don't think so, she was very honest and open and brought up many good things...it sounded promising.

 

First off OCD, when you guys spoke a week and a half ago, you said that it was you who asked if it were okay to start speaking again. It was also you that offered to maybe try to work things out. If I recall correctly, her reply was a non-committal "yeah?". So, I can see that you are slowly starting to, in your own mind, create the illusion that she came to you with these suggestions. She didn't. You did. Her being open to it in no way opened the door for you. I'm sorry but you went and got your hopes sky high and she is merely doing the same thing she was doing before this conversation. She has an awful lot on her plate right now and I'm not so sure that working things out with you, right now, is high on her priority list. Not that anyone can blame her. Your passion is evident man. You just need to reel it in a bit because you're making yourself go nuts over it. As we have all said, you've really reached out to her as much as you can. It has to be on her from here. It's very easy to let your feelings get the best of you and end up getting you in trouble. Be careful, ok?