Mental health's ruining my relationship =(

[Kimmikazi]

Hello Everyone..

 

I've been dating this guy for a few months(known him for years), and we have a very healthy relationship...we care for eachother deeply, and everything is good between us.

 

He's a hard worker, dedicated, and goal oriented...I am as well, but for me, it's not that simple. I was recently diagnosed with acute bipolar, dysthima, and other various mood disorders-nothing too serious, but enough to where it's an obvious problem. I'm on several medications, and going to school and working are becoming less stressful on me...but not all the way.

 

Yesterday, I just got in one of my moods...I'd rather just let my mind race, and think- rather than go to class and then work. He texted me and asked me how work went, and I just told him that I hadn't gone in yet. This is where it went wrong. He simply said, "Kim, I'm starting to really think otherwise of you...I put myself in this relationship because I thought you were responsible and had your priorties straight..." I snapped on him...I told him that he didn't understand what I was going through, that it's not his business. I asked him why he was in a relationship with someone he doesn't even feel the same about... and then...I told him that I'd save him the job, and end things since he obviously doesn't see me the way he "thought" he did...and why should I try and make him see otherwise, I can't change how he feels.

 

He then called twice, and I ignored the call...then he text msg'ed me asking me to please answer so we can talk about it in person...10minutes later I called him back and his phone was off. Finally, at 2am, when he was off of work, I called him...and he answered. He just said "Kim, I really have nothing to say to you, I'll talk to you some other time." -THis killed me...didn't he just say before he shut off his phone, that he wanted to talk? That didn't matter to him...he was tired and needed to go to sleep. I told him bye and just hung up. I left him one more text telling him I didn't deserve to be treated this way, and he just said "Kim, I'm very tired, I'll call you tomorrow morning, I promise..goodnight babe." And I just told him goodnight as well.

 

 

 

Now...here's the thing. Tasks like going to college and working part time...aren't exactly easy for me...I get very depressed a lot, and take it out on going out with friends, and just staying away from the depression. While some people sleep their days away, I do anything to keep my mind racing and racing....although, sometimes...I'll sleep my days away(that also makes me look irresponsible and childish to someone who doesn't understand..)These things make everyday things in life difficult for me. It's not that I don't enjoy working and school...I do very much...but, for me...it's not something I can wake up and do everyday...but it IS something I am dealing with...seeing psychiatrists and psychologists-trying to pull through.

 

Now..My boyfriend doesn't know any of this...he's seen medications of mine, and asked what was wrong, and insisted that whatever it was, that he'd support me, but I just told him that it's better that he doesn't know what goes on with me...for the relationship...

 

I've figured that I'd just keep it from him and deal with my issues on the side..but it's becoming clear that it's becoming an issue in our relationship(just as i figured it would)....So my one question is, do you think it'd help to let him know what's going on with my mental health? Or should I just briefly explain it to him? ....I don't want him to think I'm giving an excuse for the things I 'don't' do...it's not an excuse..it's a reason....I also don't want to scare him away...I do realize that these things aren't always sociable accepted....

 

I care about him so much, and I know he feels the same. I can easily say he'd understand and be there for me...because that's the kind of man he is, but then again....when it comes to a psychological standpoint, I think people have strong views on it...and I'm not quite sure how he feels about it all.

 

He still hasn't called..but then again, he thinks I'm in class...Once again...I didn't make it...my mind's racing..and it wont stop...Like last night, I drove around downtown Chicago for 5 hours, til 3 am...It never ends...I'm bound to hit an all time low if what I'm dealing with already ruins this relationship....He's made everything so perfect for me...when I'm with him...the bad in my life seems to be slightly less 'bad'...and I feel so warm...he just has that effect on me.

 

But...obviously, he has his mindset that I'm not the girl he fell for, and I'm just not quite sure which route to take to tell him that I am...but there are some things that he just doesn't know, which makes me who I am also.

 

Any advice would be great! Thanks everyone.

[annie24]

I think you may want to tell him, albeit, leaving out as much detail as possible while still outlining the problem. Tell him that you realize your behavior isn't always .... I don't know - good or predicatable, but that you recognize that you have a problem, and that you are working on fixing it, and are speaking to a professional about it.

 

If you and him stay together longer, then you can start going into details. Until then, less is more. It's not his business anyway until things get more serious.

 

(((BIG HUG)))

 

It's going to be ok

 

take care

[yoley]

Kimmi,

 

maybe consider pointing yourself and him into more literature on depression...there are several books out there on how to successfully cope with a depressed partner. , is one area that is a start. The book of the same name was very helpful to me, a little too late for me to find it though.

[Stari]

It is impossible for you bf to understand what you are going through if he is not aware of your difficulties.

[mEvonne]

You sound like a very caring and sensible person. I am not able to offer much in the line of advice as I'm still working on relationship and mental health issues myself. I have learned that my relationship issues are due to several long-term negative experiences for which I had no control and not my mental health issues. I do know that I can control only myself and how I react and respond. I will say that I've come so far, it's remarkable. My hope for you is that you will discover the tools and support necessary to find your inner peace. It appears you are well on your way. More specifically, I hope that one day you will be able to stay in because you are content and want to relax or do those things that you enjoy. Never give up. I almost did many times. Had I done so I wouldn't have had the opportunities I now have to enjoy the simple things I love so much. Best of luck to you!

[Beehive]

First of all, I am sorry for what you are going through. It must feel like no matter how hard you try to stay on the up and up with school and work, sometimes your body just stops you. It says, no not today. Most people see this as a fault, but it is an organic sickness. I think you should tell him what you have so at least he has some basis to start from to know where you are at. This must be a scary thing for you to contemplate, but maybe he will be empathetic. I say empathetic, because no one can understand what you are going through, because you are unique and no one lives in your body. Tell him your mind wants to go to work (everyday), and your mind wants to go to class (all the time), but sometimes your body just stops you. There is definitely a disconnect sometimes. I am hoping for you, and take the best care of yourself.

[keefy1972]

I agree with annie's post on this one about telling him a little bit about it.

 

However, what troubles me is where you said, upon finding out about your not going in to work, he replied with, " Kim, I'm starting to really think otherwise of you...I put myself in this relationship because I thought you were responsible and had your priorties straight".

 

It wasn't, "No? Is everything okay? Are you okay? What's going on?" Which is what I would consider to be normal. In that respect I think you had every right to go off on him a little because he didn't show any compassion or concern for you. What's the deal with that?

 

From what you said in your post, he seems to be someone that's propped himself up on some pedestal, and that you should consider yourself lucky to be with him. He stinks of arrogance and, if I were you, would seriously consider questioning why I'm even in a relationship with him.

 

I would think you would want to be with someone that is a little more compassionate and understanding. It's one thing to be goal-oriented, but it's an entirely different ballgame when you start using that as a reason to be dating someone. That has a "She is goal oriented, good, I won't have to support and provide for her" type of sound to it. That equals selfishness to me. I could be wrong but that is my opinion.

[keefy1972]

Wow...I just realized this post is almost a year and a half old. I wonder now what ever became of this...