What wou YOU do?

[gidunker]

Hello,

 

I met this girl in law school and she seems to be interested in me. I've been getting signs from her since the beginning of the semester. She would smile at me, gaze from accross the room, approach me and initiate conversations, and literally bump into me occasionally then smile.

 

My problem is that I found out she has a boyfriend because I heard her talk about a boyfriend when she was on a conversation with others. I'm not really sure how I feel about her but I haven't been in a relationship before and would like to give it a shot. However I also kinda sense that she may be unhappy with her relationship, but that fact that she's still involved and flirting with someone else tells me that this girl isn't sure what she wants. It's been tough for me cuase I've been searching and this is an oppportunity (esp. in my case because I'm very shy I dont get too many opportunities like this), however it doesnt seem right to get into relationship with someone who claims to be involved. Then again, she is in her early twenties (like me) and a lot of girls feel the pressure to be involved with someone but may not necessarily be satisfied with what they have though I could be wrong.

 

Please, I need some feedback as much as possible. Thank you

[Beec]

Not to sure what answer to give you. I might ask her to lunch, which is safe, and play it from there.

 

But what I would also do is stop being shy and learn how to create some opporunities. Learn the skills of dating and get out there. If you want some recommnedations on things to read that will help, I'd be happy to make some suggestions.

[donut]

i dont think the fact taht she might be in a relationship should keep you from seeing where this might lead. until you know more about the situation......because you relaly dont know anything at this point except that you're attracted to her and she's attracted to you...... maybe her and her boyfriend have agreed to see other people...maybe he's been her boyfriend for a super long time and they only haven't broken up because neither of them has been interested in anyone else...maybe she's just somoene who likes flirting and attention and has no intentino of actually dating you....or maybe she thinks you might be the love of her life and she's just waiting for you to ask her out so she can dump her boyfriend and move into your room. there's just too many possibilities and until you have a better sense of whats going on it there doesnt seem to be any reason not to pursue it a bit.

[DN]

In my opinion while she has a boyfriend she is off limits. Apart from the ethics involved you may spoil your chances if she is loyal to him, even if she is unhappy. She will turn you down and it will be awkward for her to go out with you later if she breaks up with him.

 

And if she does go out with you while with another guy - she could end up doing the same to you - how could you ever trust her?

[Echo]

Once again..I agree with DN....

[ShySoul]

One, she has a boyfriend.

 

Two, she is flirting with other guys as well.

 

You are right in thinking that she isn't sure what she wants. She isn't looking for anything serious. To pursue her is to risk being strung along and getting hurt. You can avoid that by not going after her know as you already have seen the warning signs.

 

I also think that you are more focused on finding an opportunity and are just searching for any girl. Instead you should wait for the right girl. Are you thinking that if you take go out with her, that you won't get another chance? Are you so relieved to have a girl flirting with you that you are building it up to be more then is really there? I've done the same thing in my mind as I'm shy and have few opportunities as well. But getting a date isn't as important as who the date is with. Even if it takes you longer to find someone you can go out with, make sure that the person you take the chance on is someone who you are really sure about, someone who preferably doesn't have a boyfriend.

[atraceofblood]

I think if anything, you should be her friend and get to know her that way. If you have the guts or whatever, ask her if she has a b/f and then you should figure out what you can do next.