Can't stop visiting her MySpace

[AC874]

Im supposed to be healing... supposed to be no contacting it.

 

Instead.. I always find my way to her myspace, trying to find who her new guy is... who her new friends are... and who irrelevant ive become to her after 4 years.

 

God this sucks

[moondog627]

Set a deadline for yourself. Shoot for 3 weeks of not looking. If that's too much try 3-7 days. When you're done with that try for a few more days/weeks and keep that going. Worked for me. If you feel the urge to look at her page get up and walk away from the computer and don't come back till the urge has settled. The urges come less and less and lose their intensity over time. Stay strong.

[sukerbut]

bro i just called mine...its been 2 months now...she has called me 2 weeks ago and the week before...i started reading old e-mails and i broke down..bad..so i called to see how her interview went. i feel liek the lowest piece of cra p in the world..why did i give her this satisfaction..anyways she did not pik up..but as i was about to leave a message she called my job..since thats were i called from...she was like i am out to luch ill call you later..click...i feel like dying right now

[Ms Omaniac]

i believe it happens to all of us. i know i did it more frequently than id like to admit. but the space gaps in between the breaking of nc got bigger and bigger. and after each contact attempt...i felt so stupid and hurt that it also made it more easier to do nc.

it's ok, buddy....everyone goes through this and learns from it. youre just doing the learning curve when it comes to NC in broken relationships. just keep trying and try not to beat yourself up too badly about it.

[Bigbilly]

I had the same problem with my ex and her livejournal. It sucks, I know. Hopefully, considering how painful it is each time you do it, you will find yourself less inclined to return as time passes.

 

I asked a girl I really like out today, and we're going out Friday night. I feel so much better now, you have no idea. You need to put this girl behind you and move on, you aren't doing yourself any favors by clinging to the past.

[SpyderE]

Hey bud, I know it's tough but knowing can be worse, you know how the saying goes Ignorance is Bliss... It is just best to let it go, it hurts and it's hard as hell. My ex and split the sheets awhile back and it killed me, now i got a contact from her friend on myspace and I noticed my ex has a page too. It hurt pretty bad when i saw that she was in a new relationship, it has been awhile since we split nad I am pretty much over her but it still brought back the hurt for a few days.

 

Best thing you can do, no matter how much it really sucks is to suck it up and go cold turkey, do not do it, if it means not going to your page then so be it, you will just have to call your friends on the phone or use a IM program.

Get out, have fun, move on, dating helps you recover. Good luck buddy, i know this may not be the magical fix but give it time, and another overused saying "time heals all wounds" some take longer than others.

[BillyJean714]

That's why i don't associate myself with that website. It's really a waste of time, and the people there (not to make any personal attacks or anything) are just there for superficial conversations and superficial attention.

 

Some people think that it's their "voice to the world." I think that people who make it their life to go on there, are pretty narcissitic, especially when they're constantly updating their pictures of just themselves. Talk about insecurity.

 

Personally, I find it very annoying.

 

In your cae though, sorry to hear you're hurting. Best solution: just DON'T touch the keyboard knowing that you want to visit that site.

 

If you have an account, just don't use it for a while. The best way to a healthy healing, logically, is to engage in things that you find passion/interest in. Find things you enjoy. Engage in things that help bring out happiness in you. Visiting her myspace obviously isn't helping on your part. It's not positive reinforcement. Everytime you log on, you rehash those memories.

 

Realize that how you feel is temporary. It's not the end of the world if you don't visit her account. I keep telling myself that it's not the end of the world, and that's how I move on. But, I guess that's why we have myspace for those who want quick/fast hookups. In that case, if it helps people to get over their ex's, good. Cheap attention, but stil. Just my opinion. My apologies if my post came off offensive, but to sum it up- I find that website very annoying/superfical. You can find dates in other ways- through friends, or previous classmates/co-workers.

 

Forget about her for now. Best of luck!

[Da5id]

Here's a story from one of my best friends:

 

His lady broke up with him after an intense 6 month relationship. He was madly in love with her but she told him that she just really didn't have room for a man in her life right now. She expressed that she did not want to date anyone else, or anyone at all for that matter.

 

It broke his heart, and he was shattered. Well, he decided to use her password to read her email a few days later.

 

What he found was a letter to her girlfriends about the man she was seeing and how it was the best sex she had ever had. She even went so far as to compare the new guy to my friend.

 

Well, my friend was incapacitated. Literally... he could not move for weeks and we had to babysit him... nearly spoon feeding him food. I don't think I have ever seen a person more devistated by heartbreak.

 

The point here is, and he will tell you this... he could have gone his ENTIRE life without knowing the contents of that email. However, he went searching for pain, and boy did he find it.

 

I like to think of myspace as breaking NC... and as hard as it is, you have GOT to stay away man. I don't care if you have to shut your account down for a while... you are not only hurting yourself, but you are seriously prolonging the healing process.

 

And just think... what happens if you find what you're looking for? What then?

[novaseeker]

Just get away from the computer when you feel that way. Take all the links off of your bookmarks. Put the emails in a folder and don't open teh folder. Block her on your IM programs and also just don't spend that much time in front of the computer when you're feeling like that.

 

NCing is hard but in most cases it helps healing.

[chaos]

I'm still doing the same thing, checking her livejournal. Maybe this is a lame justification, but I really just want to know for sure if she's seeing someone else or not. I strongly suspect that she is but... In a weird way it would almost be easier if she was, then I'd KNOW what a lying b!#ct# she is. I just want that confirmation so I can say, once and for all, I want nothing to do with her ever again... not knowing one way or another is keeping me from totally moving on.

[Hawk]

I did what Da5id's friend did and went looking for details and it was the worst thing I could ever have done - it's just not worth the pain that you inflict on yourself and there have never been truer words than "Ignorance is bliss". Now I like to think that I am a relatively intelligent person, so I don't possibly know what I could have been thinking and what good it could have done me to find out any details - it wasn't going to change anything.

 

Chaos - I just wanted to know if she was seeing anyone else for the same reasons - so now I just assume the worst, that she is and she has been lying to me. Believe me finding out for sure is now worth the pain that you open up.

[BillyJean714]

Maybe this is a lame justification, but I really just want to know for sure if she's seeing someone else or not. I strongly suspect that she is but... In a weird way it would almost be easier if she was, then I'd KNOW what a lying b!#ct# she is.

Chaos,

 

What's wrong with her dating someone new? Perhaps her feelings for him aren't as strong. Ever heard of rebound relationships? Besides, now that she's single, she does have the right to date if she pleases.

 

BUT- here's the big BUT- IF she broke up with you to be in another "exclusive" relationship with another guy, THEN there is a problem. In that case, she did deceive you by stringing you along. Since I don't know what happened to you guys personally, based on what I see, sounds like she's probably going on casual dates with someone new to get over the relationship she had with you. If that's the case, what makes her a liar? I'm curious.

 

Judging on what I read, sounds like she made up her mind mainly because she felt as though she was taken for granted, and finally came to a realization THIS time.

[capricorn85]

PLEASE PLEASE do not do it yourself! My ex signed up on the dang facebook and had the nerve to request me to be his friend! After viewing his "wall" I saw comments from females and became very upset. GET OFF THE MYSPACE NOW! That goes for everyone if your ex has live journal, myspace, facebook whatever, do not look at it, it will cause you pain. Some things are better left unknown!!!

[HeckaBekah]

My ex broke up with me two months ago and I would check his profile on My Space until I found out he got back with his ex. Even if I didn't check it I still would have found out since he sent me a message saying that he still had feelings for her. I knew that I needed to know because it helped me realize that I have no idea who he is. I haven't checked his profile since (it has been a month) and lately I have been tempted to do so. Especially since he recently called my friend up to tell her how he felt guilty about the situation but gave her reasons why he broke up with me!! He just has to keep reminding me of our "differences" and is essentially blaming me for his guilt of breaking up with me!! But anyway...

 

You can't give into the temptation because you'll perceive your ex's life as being happy by looking at pictures, reading blogs and comments from friends, etc. Even if my ex isn't happy I know I would tell myself how much more happy he is than me even if I think he made a mistake by breaking up with me!! MySpace is superficial in that aspect. You cannot take anything too seriously. I go on there to listen to music, leave my friends comments, add pictures and create blogs but I try not to take it too seriously and see it as a way of creatively showing other people who I am in a nutshell and that's that. I'm sorry, even if someone tries to show their whole life to others these people still don't really know them. I like to create blogs just to write down my thoughts and if someone reads it then so be it...as long as I am being truthful to myself.

 

I know its difficult to just stop going on her My Space. I'm in a similar position. While you are on My Space, why don't you just take the time to express yourself on there? Focus on you and not how others may perceive you in a negative way because most likely that will remind you of insecurities and not how people really see you!! And it's always nice to take a break off of the computer lol.

[chaos]

Chaos,

 

BUT- here's the big BUT- IF she broke up with you to be in another "exclusive" relationship with another guy, THEN there is a problem. In that case, she did deceive you by stringing you along. Since I don't know what happened to you guys personally, based on what I see, sounds like she's probably going on casual dates with someone new to get over the relationship she had with you. If that's the case, what makes her a liar? I'm curious.

 

Judging on what I read, sounds like she made up her mind mainly because she felt as though she was taken for granted, and finally came to a realization THIS time.

 

A few weeks before she left me she got in touch with this guy she used to work with. They started chatting online all the time, for hours at a time, going out to lunch etc... Then she left me. I asked her if she was leaving me for someone else, she said no. Then proceeded to blame everything that went wrong on me. I honestly don't feel I took her for granted, but maybe I wasn't showing it in the way she needed, I don't know. What I do know is since the breakup there's been suspicious comments on her livejournal like her "spending the day with a wonderful person" and one on his saying his been spending a lot of time with someone "more amazing than breathing". I also know they've been hanging out a lot so... I'm not stupid but, there's nothing concrete and, for some reason, I just need to know for sure...

[Hawk]

Chaos - as I said I wanted to know the same things that you did, but I just don't know what I might gain by finding out - does it help me get closure in any way? Am I just sick of being treated like an idiot?

 

In the end I just had to let it go because the torment was turning me into a basket case.