If You Were Dumped, Please Read This

[wwj]

Heh Regretful man- I really think your logic makes sense.. This is not coming from a teenager, but someone who had two long term relationships that ended. I have many friends that have gone thru the same thing. My question to you is--how long do you think NC takes to work for them to call and catch up with you? My ex dumped me after living together a few yrs, and he hasn't called or tried to contact me in anyway in a month. I haven't contacted him either. But, if he is going to contact me, and I know it's a big IF---what's the usual time frame? This guy is extremely arrogant and stubborn and thinks he is the best looking guy on the earth. I have never known a man to look in a mirror sooooooo much!!

[renaissancewoman101]

Concerning No Contact and the return of the ex, can it still work if after you have chased the guy on and off to get back together with you, but then you get your act together and do NC, but the ex still has your cell phone on which you pay for the cell plan, can it still work in getting him to come back to you?

 

I guess what I am trying to ask in that question is confusing. My ex of two years dumped me and started going out with another girl two weeks after he broke up with me. During our relationship, I got him a cell phone which is attached to my plan, so that we could talk with ease without his parents constantly chasing him off the phone. When he broke up with me, he offered to give me the phone back. I told him to keep it for the time being becuase I still cared about him. Now, if I do NC faithfully but he still has my phone and is using it for calling his friends and the new gf (he is good about only using my free minutes), can NC still work in terms of him missing me, etc? He has been going out with this girl for about two months. I know who she is, and from what people tell me, she looks like me, with the exception that she has long hair. I still want the ex back, but want to move on too. He is going around claiming that we had a nasty breakup.

 

So, with NC, can this situation work out? Also, one thing interesting to note, he saw me making out with a guy this past Sat at a convention. My ex was drunk and when I got up to go to the bathroom, he went and picked a fight with a mutual friend of ours because I was there (keep in mind mutual friend had told him that she invited me there and asked him if it was ok with him. He told her that he didnt care if I was there just as long as I didnt confront him or his new gf, try to start a fight, or follow him around. I didnt do any of the above. I just sat with the mutual friend, had a great time, and attracted the attention of some guys, and ended up making out with one of them. The ex blew up at the friend and created a scene, even when he was away from us. I wonder if he was jealous to see me make out with a guy. He shouldnt be, considering he has a new gf and he broke up with me.

[scorchio]

Regret fantastic post

thankyou

been split from my ex 7 1/2mnths and N/C for about 3months

 

I wonder is this all too long gone by

worry that may be she has forgot me or maybe dating again (not that i know that)

 

N/C is helping me loads i hope maybe later on has an effect on her too maybe one day

[Regretfulman]

hey wwj, if you 2 were together for a couple years, and living together, a month of no contact is nothing. It may take several months for him to realize what he has done and what he has lost. Give it time, they say that it takes half the total time you were together to get over your ex, meaning if you dated 2 years, it's going to take at least 1 year for the both of you to be totally over each other, and it makes sense. Keep waiting and sticking to NC, and you will see that i am right

[Regretfulman]

Please People, The Only Way To Go In No Contact!!!

[pothead]

Great thread!!!!!!

[Trab]

HEy I have a silly quetion, but it may help somebody.

 

I've the person who dumped you, contacts you after a couple of weeks of your initialized NC, saying he/she wants to meet up or get back together, should you maintain NC or make an appointment on your terms?

 

Letting a window slip shut seems a waste. Any advice on this?

 

(I've only been on 2 days NC btw, not expecting anything for ages)

[4answers]

Very Apt post.

 

I would like to point out that No Contact is best used from Day one on the Break Up. Both to heal yorself, maintain your dignity, pride and the possibility of getting the ex back.

[pinkbunnie]

My bf broke up with me a little over a month ago. We been in contact on and off. We even argued few time s over something.....Im trying not to talk to him but its so hard!!!! i need some help on this you guys! i need to be strong. Funny thing is, when i stop talking for few days.....he starts talking to me through AIM. and when he doesnt and I start.....he doesnt seem talkactive. What is up with this? N e ways i got tired of all this little game because its not going anywhere. I just started NC today. I havent IMed or he didnt either. Please I need help cus i am so weak and i might give in if he talks to me.....

 

i know i sound childish about this...i guess i am just confuse about it. i guess i need to be strong n move on.

 

part of me still wants him back cus i still love n miss him alot!!!! i just dunno what to do!!

[pinkbunnie]

HEy I have a silly quetion, but it may help somebody.

 

I've the person who dumped you, contacts you after a couple of weeks of your initialized NC, saying he/she wants to meet up or get back together, should you maintain NC or make an appointment on your terms?

 

Letting a window slip shut seems a waste. Any advice on this?

 

(I've only been on 2 days NC btw, not expecting anything for ages)

 

if u been dumped and the dumper contacts u after few weeks to meet up or get back? well, first think about why u guys break up? is it fixable? can both of u guys work it out and give another chance???

[lollipop3]

My boyfriend and I of 3 years broke up two months ago cuz we were fighting a lot, and cuz a girl (that he was friends with) called him up that just broke up with her boyfriend and wanted to date him. So they've been dating since the day we broke up. I've been keeping in touch with him talking maybe once a week or once every two weeks, and he cheated on her with me in the first month. Will NC work in this situation to get him back, or should I remain "friends" with him. I know the cheating was wrong, and after it happened he said that he couldn't see me for a few weeks cuz the temptation is too great when I'm around. Do you think by using NC I have a shot?

[Mr. Stealth]

great post and completely true

[dnozzle]

Will NC work in this situation to get him back, or should I remain "friends" with him.

 

 

 

*sigh*

 

 

NC is not meant to get them back. It is meant to give you time to heal. If you DON'T do NC, and remain friends, you leave yourself in his life. Be honest with yourself. Do you really want to know if he is seeing someone else? Really? Do you want to feel that "punched in the gut" feeling when he tells you about his new girl? Do you really want to be his shoulder to cry on when he breaks up with her? Do you want to be his rebound from that?

 

I know that for me, the brief period of little contact only drug out my pain. She would drop short little email updates to me, giving me just enough info to wonder what the hell she was up to. When i would respond, I would go nuts until I finally got a reply, if any came at all. I KNOW that this was nothing more than a game to her, because she was always good about returning emails within a few hours, but sometimes it would be 2-3 days with no response. I literally broke my heart open all over again each time.

 

Since I decided to go NC, and to let her go (which are really the same thing), I have not had any of those moments at all. I have felt myself pulling away more and more from the feelings I was clinging to, and found that I have begun to see our relationship for what it really was: doomed. I realized that I had spent the first 3 weeks of limited contact so worried about getting her back, that I never once honestly questioned if wanted her back.

 

Once I managed to answer that question, everything else had been a breeze. I got rid of any reminder of her. I boxed up all her stuff, toiletries, cards, mementos, presents... and stuffed it back in the closet (I really should have just mailed it to her). I took her number off my phone, I deleted all her emails, I put her on my spam list so I wouldn't get any emails until I was ready to look for them, I removed her from my messengers, and I quit the message boards where we met. Drastic measures, perhaps. But since then I feel GREAT! I have my life back. I have my mind back. I am no longer dwelling on the dream of a future we were planning together and how that will never be. I have new dreams now.

 

So please do not think that NC is going to magically fix your relationship. Best case scenario is that you may get back together someday, and have some very major issues to work out. But that is a rare thing.

 

NC is for you. It is for you to heal. It is not to trick them into missing you so they come back.

 

Someone here used to say "give them the best gift of all...the gift of missing you" but I say "give yourself the best gift of all....FREEDOM!"

[dnozzle]

HA! She just called, didn't leave a message, and hung up.

 

I was so busy writing that last message that I just glanced at the caller ID, saw it was her, and said to myself "whatever" and went back to writing.

 

Yep, a free mind is a wonderful thing.

[pfc. anderson]

me and my ex broke up almost 2 weeks ago. we've been in contact with each other since sunday. she said that she wanted just be friends. she called me on monday without me asking. and i called her the next two days. everytime i bring up is getting back together she always tells me to give up and we'll never be a couple again. i started nc yesterday and i was convinced i didnt need to talk to her anymore. less than a day went by and she sent me a text that said "hey, i just wanted to say goodnight". i didnt respond. 3 minutes later she called me and i answered the phone. she asked me what i was doing and i told her what i had been up too. i asked her what she did that day and she told me. she asked me why i didnt text her back, i told her that i was trying to leave her alone. she said that doesnt mean i couldnt text her back. she then said "well it sounds like you're bored so im gonna let you go". i said ok and hung up the phone. 15 minutes later she sent me a text that said "whats wrong with you?" that was around 11 last night. i havent tried to contact her since and she hasnt tried to contact me.

 

i dont know if i should use strict NC and just ingore her attempts to contact me, or only answer my phone and text her back some of the time.

 

the week before we started talking again she said that she hated me and never wanted to see or talk to me again. now shes the one trying to contact me. im hoping just being away from her is making her miss me. we spent almost everyday together for a year and 2 months.

 

oh yea, if we were still together it would have been a year and 2 months tomorrow. what should i do if she mentions that in a text?

[EMO-KID]

hey im only like 13 and my gf was 15 and probs half of u r like ye young love who cares it rely killed me and now me mum wunt let me go out with noone wht shud i do????????

[mitch17]

this post is handy. i like!

[BONO]

HA! She just called, didn't leave a message, and hung up.

 

I was so busy writing that last message that I just glanced at the caller ID, saw it was her, and said to myself "whatever" and went back to writing.

 

Yep, a free mind is a wonderful thing.

 

 

 

(((((( Standing Ovation Mate ))))))))))

[BONO]

HA! She just called, didn't leave a message, and hung up.

 

I was so busy writing that last message that I just glanced at the caller ID, saw it was her, and said to myself "whatever" and went back to writing.

 

Yep, a free mind is a wonderful thing.

 

 

.... and , what news ???

 

 

 

Scruff

[dnozzle]

News? No news. She didn't call back. I haven't even considered calling her. I'm over it and have let go.

 

In fact, I have date 2 tonight with a really cool woman who likes to watch TV in her living room hot tub.

 

This breakup could have been the best thing that ever happened to me.

[BONO]

News? No news. She didn't call back. I haven't even considered calling her. I'm over it and have let go.

 

In fact, I have date 2 tonight with a really cool woman who likes to watch TV in her living room hot tub.

 

This breakup could have been the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

 

 

 

Is she that cool to require a hot tube to warm her up pal ...... or just unbelievable hot ???

 

 

 

 

Mother Sucker !!!!! Merry Christmas ha ha

 

 

 

 

 

Scruff

[dnozzle]

She is fun. We talked about 3 times before meeting without really learning a whole lot about each other. It was just fun, funny, sarcastic banter with each other. She is pretty hot, but I am not moving things too fast with her. I am just keeping it light and fun and following her lead on things.

 

Funny note: when she invited me over to watch a movie, she told me to "bring a suit." I questioned her on this, and asked what color tie to wear. She said "not that kind of suit, you tard. A bathing suit. But then again....ties can be fun too."

 

I think Christmas might be looking up a bit this year after all.

[vesper]

Is she that cool to require a hot tube to warm her up pal ...... or just unbelievable hot ???

 

 

 

Mother Sucker !!!!! Merry Christmas ha ha

 

 

 

 

 

Scruff

 

 

 

Rolling around on the floor Laughing my a off!!!!!!!!

 

 

LITERALLY!

 

 

Merry Christmas !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dnozzle]

And just like clockwork, the ex emailed me again. To one of my old email accounts I didn't block her on. Asking if I am ok.

 

Heh. Yep, I am better than ok. I am free.

 

Naturally, I did not respond. And won't.

 

FREEDOM!

[mcnani]

I am better than ok. I am free.

 

 

THAT is seriously the best thing I have heard today... I love it! Those words are so true.... those ex's don't have to worry about us!