Guilt is something i cant handle...

[Notrdy4this]

Ive been talking with this girl, just getting to know her, for over a month now and im finding out that i am really starting to have some feelings for her. We are now basically going out, just without the title. The only problem is that before this girl i had somewhat of a "friends with priveleges" relationship with a different girl i met a long while before which continued till about a week ago. I decided i had to stop it because i didnt want to hurt my current girl's feelings (her last few relationships ended with the guys cheating on her).

 

I was originally going to end it a lil slower, because part of me (i guess being a guy) still wanted to keep it for a lil while. Last week someone told my girl that i was a player and that i had been sleeping around (not totally true, i only had sex with that girl one time & we didnt even finish because we didnt have a condom). It hit me pretty hard because she started crying... she said that shes never liked a guy as much as me and that she thought i wasnt like the last guys shes been with... i told her that they were all lies and that i would never cheat on her (keep in mind that we still dont have the title of going out).

 

i just feel so guilty whenever i hang out and the other girl would call, and i have to tell her that its just some girl that has a thing for me and wont leave me alone... i dunno what to do, should i tell her that i had actually done things with that girl? i dont want her to end things with me before they could even start!

[WildChild]

IMHO, you need to come clean with this gal now. If you let anymore time come between you, her and the truth you are only asking for trouble. Everyday you don't tell her the truth, is one more day she can look at you and think "All this time you were lying to me, what else have you lied about" You need to be straight forward dude, and just tell her you didn't know how to tell her.

[Hope75]

i told her that they were all lies and that i would never cheat on her (keep in mind that we still dont have the title of going out).

 

If you told her this, than title or not, you lied to her. If she consititutes you going out/sleeping with another girl as cheating on her, and you did not correct her and establish that you were not exclusive and that you still wanted to see/sleep with other people, than you lied to her and it's cheating.

 

If you feel you need to hide it from her, and feel guilty about it, than you clearly know that you are in a gray area and are being dishonest with her, and hurting her feelings. I think you need to come clean with her, or let her go.

[WyseOne]

I agree, tell her now. You need to take responsibility.

Guilt will tear you up inside.

[PocoDiablo]

Yeah, you lied to her. Without titles you are free to date. You're a man, she's a woman, you did not cheat. But to lie to her, to slap her in the face like that? It was immature and child like. You need to stand up straight and tell her the truth. You were dating two people and now you have decided to pick one. And you better be sure that one is the right one!

[Notrdy4this]

look, i didnt lie to her, i wasnt sleeping around, and im not a player. I did that with that one girl almost a month ago when i first started talking to the one i want to stay with. I wouldnt call that sleeping around... I didnt tell her that i never did anything with that girl, she hasnt even asked me anything about her.

[WildChild]

Ive been talking with this girl, just getting to know her, for over a month now and im finding out that i am really starting to have some feelings for her. We are now basically going out, just without the title. The only problem is that before this girl i had somewhat of a "friends with priveleges" relationship with a different girl i met a long while before which continued till about a week ago. I decided i had to stop it because i didnt want to hurt my current girl's feelings (her last few relationships ended with the guys cheating on her). quote]

 

I am a bit confused...based on this original post, you indicate that you have been hanging with this gal that you like for about a month now, and up until a week ago you still had your "friend with benefits."

 

I'm not suggesting that you are sleeping around or that you are a player, however you are making excuses for when your "friend with benefits" calls. If there is nothing to be concerned about, then why not tell her the truth....I am assuming that a) she is either asking who called or b) you are freely giving out this "information" of who called, which in essense is a lie because you were sleeping with this gal up until a week ago and not just some girl that won't leave you alone cuz she has the hots for ya. Does she know why you aren't having "benefits" anymore--->that you met someone you want to date? If not, if you told her she may quit calling. That is where I am coming from.

 

If it's no big deal, then you should have just told your gf the truth and now that you haven't told her it will come accross as a lie should she ever find out what the REAL relationship was...make sense? Plus, your title for this thread is: Guilt is something I can't handle.

 

Why feel guilty then if:

 

Notrdy4this Quote: look, i didnt lie to her, i wasnt sleeping around, and im not a player. I did that with that one girl almost a month ago when i first started talking to the one i want to stay with. I wouldnt call that sleeping around... I didnt tell her that i never did anything with that girl, she hasnt even asked me anything about her.

 

So I guess maybe there is some miscommunication or confusion of what you feel guilty about...could you explain differently maybe?

[ShySoul]

Technically you didn't lie. You weren't official so it wasn't cheating. But there is a difference between the actual facts and how people feel. To her knowing that you had feelings for someone else at all may feel like cheating, since she was willing to put all her feelings into you its like you couldn't reciprocate those feelings.

 

You are feeling guilty because you care about this girl and don't want to see her hurt. You know that even through it wasn't technically cheating, it still feels like cheating. And you are probably feel guilty about the whole arrangement to begin with.

 

Come clean with her. If it was just the one time, then its not too bad. It will still hurt her, but its better she knows the truth. A relationship needs to be based on honesty. Tell her what you told us. That you made this arrangement, just this one time, and immediately backed out when you saw things were serious with you and her and that you didn't want someone to get hurt.

[Hope75]

There's a reason that you posted here, and that you are feeling guilty. I suspect that reason is not because you felt good about going behind the girl you are dating's back to see the other girl.

 

Do you?

 

Maybe you should be honest with her?