my ex and i r back 2gether after almost yr

[buckley]

My ex and I are back together after almost a yr........

 

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone on the site who has helped me and even just shared their stories.

 

helps you nto only learn more about yourself but also from and about others.

 

Thanks guys

stay strong

[LiquidCherry]

Gratz. Mind sharing how it came about?

[buckley]

hmm haha well kinda a longggggggg story.......it has been almost a yr...

 

well we cut contact for 2 months, than started talking about once a month.

 

after about 7 months we started ot hang out again, always kept it light, we were just friends, plain and simple, so we never brought up why did u break up with me etc, as we had both put that in past, moved on in ways, we were able to be friends without complication.

 

till last tuesday when he was hangin out watchin movies with me n h started rubbin my foot, i just knew, and i considered what it meant for the rest of the movie, after that we kissed, than talked alllllllllll night about where we stood, what went wrong b4 etc, what we wanted/needed/expected

 

then i came home yesterday to him waiting with chocolates n my room covered in rose petals.........

 

sometimes i think the best thing is to move on as best u can, if u really loved each other b4 u can accept what is best and if one of you has choosen to break up then u must respect it........this way u can say close........not fall even further apart.........

[OCD]

Question, did either one of you date someone else during that 1 year period? Congrats and thank you.

[coooolsome]

Question, how was the breakup handled?

[buckley]

hey guys,

 

you all goin thru brek ups urselves??? stories?

 

first off OCD umm not really. well, he didnt i know that for sure, thing is we broke up cs he wasnt ready, he needed to do his thing, cold feet n all u know, needed to be sure i was one etc, just freake dout n needed to get his life n head together, so no he didnt date.

 

I on the other hand went out on 2 somewhat dates. One with a friend who was intrested in me since he met me, but we didnt go nay further than the lunch, and my old boss who kissed me n we had an azing time but it only made me think of my ex and i didnt see my old boss romanticly again.

 

so we didnt really date.

 

i had this whole thing where i loved being single, i worked on myself COMEPLETELY, i got my life n head together. i was happy, n i supose partly also because i never completely got over my ex enuff to date others serisouly or wanna.......

 

cooooolsome........in answer..............this was prob the first break up i handled as well i could have ever wanted.........

of course i cried alot whe he dumped me, as did he, but in the end i stood up n said ok this is inevitable so i will walk u out, we hugged kissed, he left........i sent him an email, he sent me one.........i sent him a cpl of txts a week later, he didnt respone ( i knew he wouldnt as he was scared to lead me on) i went nc for a month........i gave myself closure n started to move on as uch as i could, then i called him we got back in touch, n we just went as friends...........so i guess all in all the break up was ok, i went alil sad/crazy in the first week...........then went nc n ithink it was the nc that helped me get my head together enuff to be friens with him again which lead up to us gettin back together, ia lso think nc gave me confidence, knowing that i was showing him i wasnt just waiting around.....

 

how r all u guys goin?

[nataliejulie]

Congrats, buckley!

 

 

You know what I have noticed? No matter how long afer a break up, they ALWAYS come back... even as just a friend. Every single person I've ever been in a relationship with is in my life right now (well, except the recent ex) and I could easily flip the switch and start dating one of them if I was interested (but after so long, you realize why they are an ex!).

[Mstyiyd]

NatalieJulie, I wondered from your experience if you could share (or anyone else reading here) why you think/why you believe that exes usually come back, even just wanting friendship. (In this case, I am referring to dumpers coming back to their dumpees.)

 

Is it because they are simply curious as to what we've been up to? Do they really want or think we could/should be friends with them? Do they miss us in more than a friend way, esp. if there was no abuse, etc etc?

 

When I initiated NC over the summer and held to it, my ex was the first to cave in and called me on my b-day in October. Shocker to me, not to people who knew us. Since then, we have seen each other twice to get smthg to eat, very casual, talks on the phone are getting a bit more frequent but I am trying my hardest to play it cool, do my own thing and not expect anything. I dont know yet personally in my situation if I can handle friendship if she starts dating. I found out recently that she put up an ad somewhere online but I dont know why or seeking what. It was real strange to me bec. she always told me she thought that was crazy and she doesnt seem the type of person to go that route....she told this person it was all in fun, but I think if you're placing an ad its because you're looking for smthing more....I dont get it. So in my situation I don't know what she wants from me. But I am trying to keep having the upper hand bec. i dont want to get hurt again. NC saved my life and what sanity i had going on during that time. And its still going on.

 

Any input from people would be appreciated.....thoughts, suggestions, comments........i don't get exes behaviors!

[sam121310]

Well, I have ALWAYS heard from my ex's. There is not one that I can remember that hasn't contacted me at a later date.

 

Most of them I was the Dumpee. With some we dated again, but others not. There was always an atration there again, but like the previous person said, you have moved on.

 

I'm not giving up hope on my recent ex. There is always hope. I'm going to continue with the NC and work more on me.

 

Good luck to all, and send some of that back to me.

[Mstyiyd]

It seems like a good number of people have this happen to them, where their ex contacts them down the road after NC has been implemented by either party. I would like to know "why" this occurs....I know it's different with different people, couples, etc etc. Why do they want contact w/an ex again?

[nataliejulie]

It's an easy answer.

 

You spent every day with someone for months, years... it's kind of hard to just spit them out of your life completely.

 

Maybe they want a friendship, maybe they don't. But in all honesty, I think it's to see what kind of people we are now. And then, sometimes they like who we became and are interested again.

 

Here's a big example...

I was with a guy for three years. In July of 2003, we broke up. He came back, as a friend, in August. September (started dating again). Broke up again in January 2004. Didn't hear from each other till March 2004, we talked about our new relationships, blah blah. His new gf didn't like him talking to his ex so we didn't talk again till May of 2005. Became REALLY good friends. He wanted me back in July 2005, but I was totally in love with my boyfriend and wanted no parts of him like that. To this day, we remain very close friends.

[buckley]

Hey all,

 

well i have mostly heard from an ex again ALTHOUGH i think it totaly depends on reason for break up, for example i had a bf who ended up being VERY abusive incl physically, u can prob see in my old OLD posts.....when i got him out of my life i NEVER heard from him again, nor has he from me........it was a bad ending........VERY bad......

 

i agree usualy you have moved on, and i think i was even starting to with mark ( my back again bf) but with him, gosh, hes so special to me n i think even when we broke up i dealt so ok cos i knew in my heart it wasnt forvever...........he broke up with me for honest reasons, always loved me cared was ALWAYS honest........way he treats me is gold, why would i wanna move on completely? hehe

 

thing is we both needed time to do our thing, we both needed time to sort ourselves out, w eboth needed to do some things to become even better ppl, even more settled , even more ready.........so i guess instea dof movin on completely we got back in touch n realised we were both more happy, both in better places n that gettin back together would be even better than b4.

 

but, u never know, love is a risk.............

[seren]

nataliejulie.........u said 'Every single person I've ever been in a relationship with is in my life right now (well, except the recent ex) and I could easily flip the switch and start dating one of them if I was interested (but after so long, you realize why they are an ex!).' I dont know but r u telling buckley that she shouldnt get back with her ex as she should have by now realised the reason for why he was an ex instead?........is that what u were sayin? like ppl shouldnt go back to exs cos they should be wised up n realise their xs r no good now

 

if this is what u were saying, i so disagree, i have got back with my ex for v similar reasns, not everyone has an ex who should be an ex, sometimes ppl just need time or space n then gettin back together is even better, sometimes ppl break up, move on n then get back together, some ppl break up because of long distance, because job, because of family or illness, because of soooooooo many things, things that arent issues that should be judged upon as the kind of person they r...............some exs r still good people.........if ur ex and u break up for ok reasons n u find urseleves back together, thats great. not everyone has a reason to remember why an ex is an ex

[Dogg]

After reading all of this stuff about ex's coming back, I have just one question...HOW DID YOU ALL GET THEM TO COME BACK???????????? I want my ex GF back incredibbly badly (she broke up with me out of the blue three weeks ago today) she has told me that her heart just isn't in it anymor and that she needed time to figure things out and also that "she just doesn't want to be with me" I am in a world of pain. I thought that I was going to marry this girl! if you rad my other posts you can see that she called last night to say that she was sorry for our last conversation in which she was mean and nasty about things and that right now she just does not see us being together anymore...how do I get her back? How can I make her see what she is missing?

[redandblack]

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can DO to get them to come back.

 

If the person needs space and is unsure of things, the most you can do is give them that space and begin to move on with your life. Dating other people is not necessary at this point, but "waiting" is defitely out of the question. You might even have to do NC for a little while in order to clear your head and sort out your emotions. THIS is the purpose of no contact. I also think it's best to not "announce" no contact to your ex. Just do it.

 

Once you get your head screwed back on, then you might be able to allow the other person to contact you. Don't contact them though, it will become a habbit that will spiral downward very quickly.

 

If things happen between you, that's good. If not, so be it. You will have new things going on in your life and maybe even new people.

 

The main idea is to realize that you cannot control anything and there is no REAL way to get your ex back. Once you realize this, you might have a chance--if you even care at that point!

[buckley]

dogg,

 

everything redandblack said is pretty much the exact advice i would give.........but i would also add that every person and EVERY situation is different, i somwhat listened to the advice of m friends but the thing is I know BEST what kind of person my ex is and what kind rship we had, and all that jazz so really u can take ppls advice but it also boils down to your own uniqueness in the situation.

 

for example: redandblack said u should wait for them to ocntact you, i dont necessarily agree, i contacted my ex first, that because i knew hes kind of person to lay low until i make first move so he knew i was ready to be friends, so he didnt lead me on or invade on my space etc.........it depends on kinds of persons n situation as to what action to take.

 

but this is all bsides the point in break ups really, all u need to know n do is move on..........its best remedy for anything...

 

natalijulie,

i kinda agree with seren, not all exs have reasons to be realised as to why they r exs.......again depends on person/situation

 

for example my parents, now they r a perfect example of why some exs arent meant to be exs

[moondog627]

Dogg,

You've gotta accept the fact that there is NOTHING you can do to get your ex back. But there's SO MUCH you can do to push her away. If you haven't seen it, pick up Swingers. Just watched it last weekend (again) and it's a great flick.