Another Update.

[confusedashell]

Hi All!

 

Well I really thought I should update people on whats been happening with me and my wife lately.

 

If you dont know my story then a QUICK summary is that we were married for 5 years and things were bad but not TERRIBLE for the last year. In July she ended the reationship and demanded I move out. Which I did. She gave me mixed signals for a couple of months. She she was confused and didnt know what she wanted. I tired and tired for about 6 weeks and then she flew to me in the UK and wanted us to fix it all. I said I'd need to think about it and see how things were, I needed to know this is REALLY what she wants and its not just that she got "used to me" and doesnt want to be alone.

 

 

Well, that was four weeks ago and a couple of days ago I went to sweden to bring our son back after his two month stay in the UK. The difference in my wifes attituides to everything: life, us, herself took a massive change from the person she was since July. She says she wants nothing less than us back together and fixing our marriage. That she could never ever love another man the way she loves me and so on. When I demanded an explanation to her past behaviour she told me that it all just got too much: the arguments, the no talking, and so on. I agreed with her totally, but I said we could have solved it in a much more painless way. She apologised over and over. She was acting like she always did. Which was of course great!

 

Anyway we talked a lot for the five days I stayed in sweden. We agreed that this can work, theres no reason it shouldnt work. But we set some "rules" up that we must follow. Mainly just trying not to repeat the mistakes we made before. We HAVE to mke time for US. No matter what else is happening, we need time as a couple, minus our friends, minus our jobs and studies. We need time where her and me go out for dinner, walk..time to talk to eachother. Not about husehold things or our son, but just about well meaningless pointless crap just talking. We need to spend more time together was the root of it all. We need to talk to eachother a lot more. Need to sort out problems BEFORE they start to do any damage. We need to give eachther more attention than before. Putting aside other things that just seem to drag us in (i.e. study & work). We need to do more things as a FAMILY too. Go out all three of us, especially in the summer months (winter is far too cold!hehe), we need to just make time for the family and the relationship. if we make a plan to do something, then we do it. Nothing should get in the way of that. We figure that a marriage/long term relationship takes three things to make it work: Love, trust and lust. The love and lust is there with us, the trust is a little fragile now after everything. Both of us need to work to fix that up again, where we can feel secure with the relationship and eachother.

 

I am going to go back in a couple of weeks and we will just move on from all this. Its looking good at the moment but I'm not as "innocent" to this as I was before. Watching out for the pitfalls.

 

Thanks again all! I'll come back again soon and let you all know whow its going!

[BellaDonna]

No matter what else is happening, we need time as a couple, minus our friends, minus our jobs and studies. We need time where her and me go out for dinner, walk..time to talk to eachother. Not about husehold things or our son, but just about well meaningless pointless crap :smile: just talking. We need to spend more time together was the root of it all. We need to talk to eachother a lot more. Need to sort out problems BEFORE they start to do any damage. We need to give eachther more attention than before.

 

It definitely sounds like the 2 of you are on the right track. You've both come a long way since July. I hope all goes well and wish you both only the best.

 

 

BellaDonna

[darkblue]

Great news, Confusedashell.

As you know, I've been following your posts from the beginning - and the change in her behaviour is dramatic.

She is finally accepting blame and realizing a lot of things.

You also sound very much more aware of what to look out for.

 

Take it steady and keep up the communication.

 

Good luck!

[kellbell]

This is great news!! I remember your story. I am so glad things are looking up for you and your wife. definitely keep us informed.

[confusedashell]

Thanks all! Honestly, this forum REALLY is invaluable! The advice and support! Breaking up isnt easy, regardless of the circumstance. Breaking up a marriage where kids are involved is even harder. Hard to know, what to do, what not to do when so much depends on it. But this place really helped me open my eyes so thanks a lot to all you guy!!

 

My next question is this though: When got married we were quit young and I couldnt afford such a nice engagement ring. The thing is, for the last couple of years, I really REALLY wanted to buy her a new one. something nicer. The one she has is horrible and VERY cheap. I just want her to know how serious I am about this and now that we both are not students living on pennies anymore, I'd like to get a nice ring. I'm wondering though (since money is still an issue), what is a "normal" price of an engagement ring???

[BellaDonna]

The ring idea is very nice of you. It's a symbol of the new commitment.

 

I'd like to get a nice ring. I'm wondering though (since money is still an issue), what is a "normal" price of an engagement ring???

 

It really depends- especially if you're talking about diamonds- not only on size- but on the 3 C's....cut, color, and clarity. As a result you will see many different prices depending on the stones.

 

Be sure to "shop around" and compare. People in jewelry stores are almost as bad as car salesmen. Do your research beforehand and get an idea od your price range and what you're looking for so they can't swindle you.

 

Most importantly, don't do more than your budget allows.

 

 

BellaDonna

[darkblue]

Confused, that's a great idea.

Like, turning over a new leaf. A fresh start.

A new ring, the past behind, the 'new' marriage infront of you both.

 

As for price - it widely varies. Definitely shop around.

Have a look around the internet to give you an idea about what kind of style to think about, and what that would cost.