Interracial dating...

[venus777]

I found this guy who is awesome; I love to talk to him and I'm totally into him. Sigh. I love the new found feeling of butterflies and excitement to see someone.

So, I've just been thinking. it's going to be pretty hard cause he is African and I'm caucasian. He has mostly all black friends while I have a big mix of friends, but hardly any real black friends.

I feel real nervous about the interracial aspect of things which complicates things tremendously. Anyone have any experience or suggestions?

[Dre_7]

Hey Venus,

 

Don't worry too much about any imagined repercussions. You might get the few detractors here and there, but what's more important is how you feel about each other. Don't worry about the friends you guys have, I'm sure you're not friends with them because of what race they are. If his friends are real friends, and yours are real friends too, they will accept your relationship. Have fun and focus on him

[summer_in_greece]

Its sad that interracial dating has to be a "problem" which needs advise. Aren't we all the same?????

[Dre_7]

Its sad that interracial dating has to be a "problem" which needs advise. Aren't we all the same?????

 

I agree with you on this. But when I realized I was interested in white girls, I had alot of these lingering questions too...I sense some of that uncertainty in Venus, she just needs some reassurance, we all do from time to time

[wlfpack81]

Being honest you're going to catch a lot of crap for dating a black guy. Just being honest here. Especially if you live in America in the South, Midwest, Central, Rockies regions. And to be honest while the crap from blacks will be bad the stuff you get from your side will probably be a bit worse since a white girl dating a black man is seen as the biggest act of treason a white person can do. Good luck b/c you'll need it and to be honest I don't think it'll last. Society just isn't ready yet. Maybe another 100-200yrs or so. We'll see.

[itry]

i live in NY and its pertty common here. and the previous poster is right.. i think it depends where ur from. ull get flack... hell... im asian and i got flack for it. just shrug it off... depending how both of u react to it will depend on the strength of the relationship. why not talk about it? im sure he feels the same....

[Dre_7]

Being honest you're going to catch a lot of crap for dating a black guy. Just being honest here. Especially if you live in America in the South, Midwest, Central, Rockies regions. And to be honest while the crap from blacks will be bad the stuff you get from your side will probably be a bit worse since a white girl dating a black man is seen as the biggest act of treason a white person can do. Good luck b/c you'll need it and to be honest I don't think it'll last. Society just isn't ready yet. Maybe another 100-200yrs or so. We'll see.

 

I know you're calling things as you see them, but I'm also a firm believer that if you don't have anything good to say don't bother. Don't you think you're just compounding her doubts?

 

Its not "treason" and you're saying an interracial relationship has never worked out, there are alot of mixed kids out there. Man, you need to check your attitude and if that doesn't work then move to a different city. Its bad enough that you say that you can't find a girl, but that attuitude isn't making things any better.

[itry]

yeah but dre...look where she's from... Oklahoma . i dont think she was being offensive... people only speak of what they know. hell..if my friend came to me and said "hey...im reallllllyyyy in love with this sheep...gosh the sex is great!!" i think id be mortified and sloooowlllyyyy back away. its just NOT something i see every day! NOR is it NOT something thats ACCEPTED AND PRACTICED where im from...maybe in the South, Midwest, Central, Rockies regions, sheep sex is like i dunno... a friday club night...but u cant get upset for someones isolated views.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Being honest you're going to catch a lot of crap for dating a black guy. Just being honest here. Especially if you live in America in the South, Midwest, Central, Rockies regions. And to be honest while the crap from blacks will be bad the stuff you get from your side will probably be a bit worse since a white girl dating a black man is seen as the biggest act of treason a white person can do. Good luck b/c you'll need it and to be honest I don't think it'll last. Society just isn't ready yet. Maybe another 100-200yrs or so. We'll see.

Sorry, I disagree. Like you said, it may be because of where you live that you feel this way, if I was born and raised in the South, Midwest, Central & the Rockies I probably would be less optimistic as well. But since I am in New York, which is a huge melting pot, I see it in a new light. Maybe 100-200 years ago the world would not be ready, but today people are more open. Not to say that there isn't prejudice anymore, but it is not as "black and white" as it seems in those areas.

 

New York has mixed couples all around, black, white, asian, ect. I guess it depends on where you live, as well as the friends you keep and the families involved. It won't be 100% rosy, but it won't be like climbing Mount Everest either. A dear friend of mine who is a dark skinned hispanic male is married to a blond haired blue eyed female and they are both getting along just fine. Problems? Yes. But not to the point where it's not worth it.

 

The only thing that will make it worse is if you let things about the relationship get to you. Those looks and stares: ignore them. Or laugh at them, because you are looking at ignorance in it's purest form.

 

It can work but it is up to you guys to make it work, not to cave in to the pressure of ignorance. Good luck to you both!

[Dre_7]

yeah but dre...look where she's from... Oklahoma . i dont think she was being offensive... people only speak of what they know. hell..if my friend came to me and said "hey...im reallllllyyyy in love with this sheep...gosh the sex is great!!" i think id be mortified and sloooowlllyyyy back away. its just NOT something i see every day! NOR is it NOT something thats ACCEPTED AND PRACTICED where im from...maybe in the South, Midwest, Central, Rockies regions, sheep sex is like i dunno... a friday club night...but u cant get upset for someones isolated views.

 

lol Wlfpack is a guy, I've had this conversation with him before. And Wlfpack, I apologize for some of what I just said. I keep forgetting that we're from different places that have different norms. But itry, my point was that he should not have been so negative towards Venus without even having the necessary background. lol, that sheep example was funny yet disturbing

[babycristy456]

Since I am from Miami, I feel obliged to give some advice. Before looking for approval from the world around you, look inside your heart. What do you think of his? Do YOU personally think that interacial relationships are bad? If yes, I feel sad for you and you should not get involved. However, if in your heart you see this man as an equal person as everyone else, then stand up for what you believe, don't fall into the disgusting cycle of racism.

 

Yea, of course interacial relationships can be tough, but why not give it a try like you give tries to all the caucasian men that have come your way? Because people don't approve? Thats a poor excuse, you never know who is meant to be your soul mate, and love does not discriminate with, sex, age, color, status, or money.

 

If you friends are real friends, there should not have a problem. But since it i usually a shock to society, I would just tell them ahead of time. Being from Miami, there is a great mixture of many cultures and interratial dating. Not just black and white, but European, Caucasian, Hispanics etc... I personally find this to be lucky to live here and be influenced by this hybrid of cultures. I find it to be beautiful and I learn about different cultures everyday which changes my perspectives on the world, it makes me less ignorant and more humble. And although I don't agree with everyone's actions, the important this is not to judge on a cultural level, but on an individual level.

 

I actually just had this conversation with my boyfriend. He said a racist generalization today that I almost choked his for (which I won't restate). He said all _____ do _________. What I responded to him it isn't ____people who do this, it is BAD people who do this. It does not matter what color you are, it depends what you are inside.

 

Well I don't want to lecture too much lol. Overall I just think you should judge him as an individual not as a person of color.

[millaj]

I am a product of a mixed relationship.. my mother is white, and my father is mexican, but i was raised by my step-father who is black. Where I come from it's not uncommon to see interracial couples, but that's the truth of my world. Some other people and places aren't as open-minded.

 

I'd say go for it, don't let it drag you down. Learn to accept it, and believe me.. you will get heat from both sides.. but don't let it interfere.. if you two like eachother, then nothing should be able to stand in the way. Unless you live in Oaklahoma, and you have a good chance of being lynched. LOL.

 

Good luck!

[annie24]

Before looking for approval from the world around you, look inside your heart. What do you think of his? Do YOU personally think that interacial relationships are bad? If yes, I feel sad for you and you should not get involved. However, if in your heart you see this man as an equal person as everyone else, then stand up for what you believe, don't fall into the disgusting cycle of racism.

 

I agree with babychristy. Are you ok dating him? If you are, who cares what anyone else thinks? A lot of my friends have problems with any guy that I date because they don't think that he's not good enough, or treats me well enough... etc. Some people will find any reason to dislike a person.

 

If you really like this guy, don't listen to the people around you! If he makes you happy and you two get along well, that's all that matters. If people start giving you trouble, imagine if he were white, your friends might find another reason to give you trouble about the relationship, like maybe they think he doesn't have a good enough job, or whatever.

 

If people do start giving you problems, tell them it's 2005, not 1805, and who you date is none of their business!

[pete137]

as wolfpack said, this will be as big an act ot treason to your race as can be commited. some liberal types think this is all good but think of it realistically. a white woman with a black guy is considered contaminated by any self respecting white man. if races were meant to be mixed why are we different at all? small minded im not, realistic i am.

[novaseeker]

as wolfpack said, this will be as big an act ot treason to your race as can be commited. some liberal types think this is all good but think of it realistically. a white woman with a black guy is considered contaminated by any self respecting white man. if races were meant to be mixed why are we different at all? small minded im not, realistic i am.

 

Horrible sentiments, to be honest. I think no such thing at all, and I am a self-respecting white man.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

as wolfpack said, this will be as big an act ot treason to your race as can be commited. some liberal types think this is all good but think of it realistically. a white woman with a black guy is considered contaminated by any self respecting white man. if races were meant to be mixed why are we different at all? small minded im not, realistic i am.

It is a shame you feel that way.

 

if races were meant to be mixed why are we different at all?

If you think we are all different just so that we shouldn't mix, then that is the most absurd statement I've heard in a long while. Tell us, why do you think we are meant to be different. I'd love to read what your opinion is on that, because I can't comprehand your narrow minded logic.

[wlfpack81]

as wolfpack said, this will be as big an act ot treason to your race as can be commited. some liberal types think this is all good but think of it realistically. a white woman with a black guy is considered contaminated by any self respecting white man. if races were meant to be mixed why are we different at all? small minded im not, realistic i am.

Umm let's get it straight. I didn't say it would be an act of treason b/c in my personal opinion love sees no bounds. But I said some whites (more so white males as you mentioned) will see it as an act of treason if a white girl dates a black man specifically (dating Hispanics, Asians won't be nice but not as bad as dating a black man).

 

Don't add me into your closed minded way of thinking. I'm not in your corner nor would I ever be since I don't hate myself for being black. And different!? Last time I checked we all have the same internal organs; men/women of all races have the same reproductive organs. And as I know where you'd probably go next I'll just cut you off. Majority of the problems you may see accross the world are poverty related (due to a lack of education) and poor people accross all spectrums may be more susceptible to getting involved in bad behavior. Not b/c they're born bad but rather their environment sucks and despair and hopelessness makes it easier to get involved in underhanded dealings. Yea it's no secret certain groups in certain countries may have more poor than others but there's reason for that but I'm not going there b/c I don't want this to turn into a true flame war about past actions done by the U.S. mainly to certain people that got the poverty cycle rolling.