Broken Child

[perfectliljewel]

Just thought i would post one of my favorite poems by Kathy Barton.

 

A little girl-so sweet & shy

a trusted uncle made her cry

from ages 6 to 12 years old

"its our secret" he said-she never told

growing up feeling empty & lost

did he know how much it would cost?

No! he didnt care about the child standing there

dealing with selfhatred-drowning in tears

he just cared about his sexual needs

now she stands here-needing to bleed

taking a razor-being percise

cutting her arm-slice after slice

feelings of anger & love betrayed

for yrs she kept quiet & always obeyed

until she could keep it no longer inside

Too much pain-she wanted to die

how could he do that to a child?

messing up her head-innocents defiled

its just too hard-day after day

so this is what I have to say

take a knife-cut it deep

drops of blood before I sleep

if I die before I wake

life was just too cruel to take

relief is felt & blood flows red

feeling alive-insted of dead

selfhatred, anger, guilt flow out

total satisfaction-without a doubt

fighting depression everday

insecurities & fear along the way

low self esteem, feelings of dispair

but nobody ever said life was fair

There's alot of us here-you see

abused, broken, wanting to be free

were afraid, scarred needing care

looking for help-is anyone there?

Dont look at us in discust

a non-judgemental attitude is a must

remember were still lost children inside

running from the pain we try to hide

just reach out & be a friend

dont lie to us or try to pretend

give us comfort when we cry

so we dont give up & decide to die

scars tell a story of the pain inside

revealing our secrets we try to hide

showing the misery that alot of us share

hoping & praying someone will care

maybe if you look deep in my eyes

you'll see the child behind the cries

& the things that murdered her soul

& the selfhatred thats taking its toll

we numb our brains to stay alive

whatever we have to do to survive

we cut ourselves & burn our skin

to punish ourselves & get rid of sin

were looked upon as freaks & outcasts

but were just trying to get rid of the past

to destroy the images & lies that were told

that left us broken, messed up & cold

if you really listen & try to understand

maybe I'll trust you & take your hand

just listen to me when I need your ears

give me your arms to hug away my fears

help me rip out the crazy thoughts inside

& try to find the part of me that died

help me to like myself again

stick with me & be a true friend.

 

 

you can find more poems at link removed

[TAFFY]

Joshsbaby9188, I am 33 yrs older than you, but you've just described my childhood. If you need to talk, please know that I will listen. I know that was very hard for you to write. I did the same thing in another forum, and I know how it felt to be writing it, and at the same time, how it felt when it was out of me and on the screen. You have such a lot of courage for such a young person.

[yeawutever]

Wow, that was the most saddest poem I ever heard and TAFFY it must have been terrible if those things in the poem happened to you during your childhood. It's incredible how a 14 yr-old figure it out.

[yeawutever]

And by the way Taffy, wut's ur writing called in the other forum?

[darkblue]

Just thought i would post one of my favorite poems by Kathy Barton.

 

The poet was Kathy Barton.

[TAFFY]

DarkBlue, I guess I should adjust my post, then. That poem describes my childhood experiences.

 

Alice1987, if you want, I can copy my poem into this forum. I'll do that now.

[TAFFY]

I've actually written several things, but this describes my life from childhood to adulthood. I hope that this is not a trigger for anybody, but here it is. It's a letter that I wrote to my inner child:

 

Little Kathy,

 

I just want you to know that I have been watching you all your life, watching the shame of letting that man touch you here and there, and then taking you into that camper and ripping your clothes. I watched you as a child, being made fun of by your own family, not being able to run like the rest of them. I've watched you when your cousins took you into the woods and did what they did, thinking that you enjoyed it, when you were really screaming inside, NO, NO!

 

I watched you through the horrible beatings that you took. I watched as you disassociated yourself from the beatings so you wouldn't cry, and get beat all the more to make you cry.

 

I watched your sisters treat you like dirt, and heard them say whatever they wanted to you, and you couldn't answer them back. I know that you wanted to, but knew that if you did there would be a beating waiting for you.

 

I was there all through your early struggles; how hard you worked to get any sort of affection. I watched as this desparate need for any affection lead you into relationships that you should have stayed away from.

 

Then I watched you grow up, and still struggle. I watched the determination that you had to make something of yourself, to join the Fire Dept and EMS. I watched how you were ridiculed there, and made fun of again, almost like you were back in school. I watched your struggles to get through EMT class. I watched the fight you put up when you wanted to go to paramedic school and your superiors tried every they could to discourage you. I also watched as you struggled day by day, just to remain in school and on the dept. I watched as you tested Registry, and ended up getting the highest score of anyone in the college on the Registry test. I watched as you struggled to get to be able to practice, and I watched them hold you down for a whole year. I know how you suffered because of this.

 

Then, I watched as you fully understood and had the courage to hold peoples' lives in your very hands, and I saw the trust that these people had in you. Little Kathy, I'm so glad that you never gave in to the multiple times that you wanted to quit paramedic school, quit the dept., and yes, to even quit living.

 

I've watched you defeat yourself time and time again by your own thoughts. I've watched the mistakes that you've made in your life, I the lessons that you've learned along the way.

 

I just want to tell you that I am very proud of the woman that you turned out to be, and I'm prouder still that you give encouragement and hope to other people through your experiences.

[perfectliljewel]

sorry for the confussion. i did not write that it is just a poem i can sort of relate to, abusive step father and cutting and some other things i am not sexually abused though. i just like the poem as i like the other poems on the website i found it on.

 

 

thanks

[jackknive]

Well its a really good poem, no matter who wrote it.

[perfectliljewel]

thanks, im glad y'all are enjoying it.

[yeawutever]

Thanx for sending the poem, I like both of them and yes I admire those people who though being abuse for years don't give up or end their lives and they eventually find someone who will love them.