feeling scared and alone

[renaissancewoman101]

It is almost 1 AM on a Sat night. I am sitting here feeling empty, alone, and scared. I feel like no one likes me or even wants me. It has been a tough two months and I feel like no one cares about me. Last month my boyfriend of two years decided to break up with me. I saw that one coming. I had lost my feelings for him in Feb, but I clung on to the relationship ever while spending less and less time with him. He chased hard and tried to patch things up, but I didnt seem to want to. I dont understand why I did what I did. I treated him like crap and led him to break up with me, why I dont know anymore. He was one of the nicest, kindest guys I have ever dated and he always treated me well. We were just so different and into different things. I should have appreciated him more and taken him less for granted. Well, after this summer, he decides he has had enough and breaks up with me. When he first told me that, I was like "oh, ok!". It didnt bother me until almost two weeks later. Then it hit and I realized he wasnt coming back. I tried to get him back, went down to his place to talk to him twice. First time got into a drunken fight with him, second time spent three hours with him and he is adamant he doesnt want to date me again. He says we can be friends. I need a bf, I am so lonely.

 

Second thing, my best friend (and first ex) is moving out to the west coast in less than two weeks. That scares me a lot because after he is gone, I will have no one left here. I will be alone and the holidays are coming up. My best friend wants me to move out there but I feel that he wants me out there for his own good since he will have no one out there. His bf isnt moving out there yet, and my best friend is devastated. I want to move out there maybe but my best friend takes advantage of me a lot. Always assumes I will be there to help him out. My closeness to my best friend had a hand in doing in my relationship with my ex.

 

Nothing is making me happy right now. I am scared as hell. I had hoped that when my best friend moved out to CA, that I could lean on my ex to help me thorough the tough time of letting go of my best friend, but my ex had to go and dump me. From my phone records (ex has my cell phone and he uses it with my permission still for the time being) I see that my ex has been calling someone on a daily basis for hours at a time. Now, everybody is gone or going to be gone and I feel empty. I have tried to get my best friend to talk to my ex and see if he can convince ex to forgive me and give our relationship another try. Best friend said he would, but that is not on his priority list. He cant see how much getting the ex back would mean to me. He could give a crap. That pisses me off so much. I have done so much for my best friend for a long time. The one thing he could do for me is talk to my ex and convince him to come back. Best friend says he will, but I doubt it. He could care less how I feel or how life is going to be for me once he leaves.

 

I have tried to go on with my life having these two things on my mind. I have no friends left out here. The friends I did have were mostly my ex's friends that when I was dating the ex, we hung out with. They have pretty much abandoned me to side with the ex. My best friend wont help me get the ex back. I think he would rather I move out west with him.

 

I tried to get involved with my life but I dont have much going on with me. My house is a mess and I dont care. My pet guinea pigs, I watch and play with, but that only cheers me up so far. I have tried to make new friends by going out with people from this guinea pig site and helping out with the guinea pig rescue. Drove two hours one way to a lady's house to help her out in caring for 102 rescue pigs. That was fun, but only lasted till 5 PM. Am going back to help again next Sat. Helps to keep my mind off the things that scare me. But, I feel like I am not making friends with her either. Feel like she takes me for granted too. I dont know. Dont feel like anybody wants me.

 

I want to be loved and wanted by someone. Yet, when someone did love and want me, I pushed the guy away and now he has become my ex. I see couples walking around. I see my best friend and his bf whenever they let me, and I feel so lonely and so left out. I am so sad about all this.

 

I need to move away from here and start over again. I have so many unpleasant memories out here.

 

Give me some hope.

[lifeiscash]

Hello, I am pretty sure I can help you out. First, understand that there are MANY people out there just like you and how you feel. Sure it doesn't seem like it but if you post on here daily and for months at a time, you will see many people with the same problems that can be helped.

 

You talked about your ex and said that you and him were into different things and that you were two different people. From that statement it makes me think that things wouldn't have worked out between you to anyway because you have different interests. Then you say that after he is gone you want him back because you took him for granted. Maybe so, but even if you did there is still a great chance that the relationship would not work. The problem is actually right in front of you and you just need to realize it.

 

The problem doesn't resolve in him or the relationship, the problem lies with you. You mentioned that you are really lonely and you NEED someone. Why do you NEED somebody?? You don't actually NEED someone there but you WANT someone there to fill the void and give you comfort. No one can do that for you, no one can be your superman, instead you need to find that within yourself, not with other people. It's more of a self esteem issue. You know you will be just fine years on end down the road because you will find another relationship and another guy. You really don't need him or a relationship for that matter, the answer lies with you.

 

Most people don't like change because change strikes fear into people. With everything happening with your life recently about your best friend it scares you to know that things are changing. Once you accept change and stop actually thinking of the bad qualities of change, then you wont fear it. Also you mentioned that you wanted to move away and start over. No matter where you go you can't run from your issues, they stay with you because you are the one with the problem no one else.

 

You can better yourself by enhanching your self esteem, independence and creating confidence with your own identity.

[JC2006]

Breaking up with your boyfriend was not a bad idea. Keeping a man around because you're lonely and "need" a boyfriend, not because you actually want to be with him -- bad idea.

 

If you've run out of friends, make new ones. Be prepared for some, perhaps many, of the new people you meet not to be good "friend" material. Also, if you feel like you aren't good friend material, work on that. If you don't think you're someone worth getting to know, become someone worth getting to know. It will require effort, and it may require change, but it's not impossible, and it's worth it.

 

Neediness repels people. Many people want to enjoy the time they spend with other people and not feel like they have to be around because the other person needs them to be around. If you're needy, the kind of people you'll attract are people who will take advantage of your neediness to use you.

 

It's ok to feel lonely in your situation. Everyone feels lonely sometime. Don't let that loneliness define you. Find something positive about yourself, work with it, build on that.

 

Make a plan to improve your life and stick to it. I can't give you hope, but you can find hope on your own if you try.

[babycristy456]

Its normal to feel this way. I am sure you are a really good person and do not blame yourself for the break up. If you made mistakes, forgive yourself and try to move on. Do not try to cling into the past because it will only make it worse for you. If you did not treat this guy right, maybe he is not the right guy for you. Do not be with someone bc you are lonely. Give yourself some time to heal and slowly start to meet new guys. Concentrate on yourself for now and eventually you will see the brighter side of things.

[renaissancewoman101]

Lifeiscash, can relationships ever work out when the couple has completely different interests?? The only thing that my ex and I shared was a love of Ren Faires and reading. His love of video games, collecting action figures, Magic the Gathering sometimes bothered me and he always wanted me to share in the stuff he liked with his friends, something I had a hard time doing. I probably should have tried harder to make things work, but I wasn't that happy about things.

 

I just feel very lonely right now because my best friend is moving to CA in a matter of days (10 days), I got dumped by my ex, the winter is coming, the holidays are coming, etc. I used to enjoy the holidays with my ex because he gave me a family life with his family. Yes, I have a void in myself that is hard to fill. I have always had low self-esteem and that has partly caused my ex to leave. He told me that he couldnt deal with my low self-esteem anymore. But towards the end, I rarely saw him and I did not cling to him. I pushed him away a lot on to his friends.

 

It is hard for me to find a guy to date. My ex was the second long term relationship I had, and the first normal one.

 

How does one create confidence in oneself? I want to find ways to boost my self-esteem. That is hard to do. Ever since the breakup I have tried to find ways to move on, meet new people, hang out with new people, and make new friends. It is not easy to do.

 

JC2006, I did not break up with my bf, he broke up with me. I just cant believe since he break up, he is so cold to me and wont even receive a gift from me.

[lifeiscash]

Yes, it is possible to develop and have a great relationship with a person of different interests. Sometimes he can influence you to try and do new things that can be excitement and fun! The reason I stated the opinion of it would not work was because of how you were writing. Every relationship can be possible if you allow yourselves to open up, get to know one another, accept each other, and continue to grow (not push away).

 

I think a major reason why it was not successful was because you need to grow as a person as well but are limited with self-esteem issues that you are dealing with. When it comes to self-esteem it improves from negative thinking. It's so easy to think negativley in today's society because almost everything on the news is negative. You need to have discipline and shift your thought to a more optomistic positive way. This will take a lot of time and is not easy to do. Instead of saying.. "Oh I am going to be soooo lonely what am I to do"? You can say, "Well I made some mistakes but I am determind to help myself so I can give the next guy who comes along a better relationship, where I wont push him away"!.

 

It's how you think, and the way you think determines how you behave, and how you behave determines your actions. Confidence is hard to grasb, its all certainly mental. If you continiously doubt yourself then you will never have confidence. YOu just need to have that inner strength to give you enough motivation to do whatever needed to actually gain that confidence. If you doubt yourself always and think negative, it won't be possible.

 

I think now you realize the answer lies with you. It's hard to overcome things but its possible if you allow yourself the oppurtunity. Don't look at it as a negative thing this holiday if you are alone. Learn from it and think of it as more positive because this holiday season you are focusing on change!

[renaissancewoman101]

I do have one question for people on here, how can one's ex when you were dating them, they were so loving, kind, attentive, etc to you, be so cold to you after you break up, that when you ask them what happened to the gift that you gave them after the breakup, they tell you that they left it at their friends and that he didnt want a gift from you? That is cold. This is coming from an ex who has always been dumped by a woman, picked on by other people, etc. and has always felt compassion and understanding for the underdog. It is as though it wasnt him saying all these things. Sometimes, I wonder if his friends coached him to be that cruel to me.

 

Yes, I do have a lot of self-esteem issues that is why I am trying to make new friends and branch out when it comes to doing things. Maybe that will help to pick up my self-esteem. Part of my low self-esteem comes from being only 4'5" tall. I feel as though my height will deter any guy from dating me. I have gone out on blind dates before where the guys look at me and say "I didnt know you were that small". That hurts.

[novaseeker]

I do have one question for people on here, how can one's ex when you were dating them, they were so loving, kind, attentive, etc to you, be so cold to you after you break up, that when you ask them what happened to the gift that you gave them after the breakup, they tell you that they left it at their friends and that he didnt want a gift from you? That is cold. This is coming from an ex who has always been dumped by a woman, picked on by other people, etc. and has always felt compassion and understanding for the underdog. It is as though it wasnt him saying all these things. Sometimes, I wonder if his friends coached him to be that cruel to me.

 

My guess is that he is trying to distance himself from you and the relationship emotionally. Some folks do this (or try to) by simply shutting down ... that is, by shutting down the warmth and compassion, the tug that they once had for the ex, shutting it down and snuffing it out so that it doesnt inconveniently arise and interfere with what they have decided to do, which is break up with the other person. My guess is the coldness is an active effort on his part to snuff out his own contrary feelings, and not an effort to be cruel to you. He may also be trying to get you to keep away ... sometimes people exaggerate feelings in that way (like being exaggeratedly distant and cold) in order to shrug someone off, to force them to stay away. That could be what's happening there as well.

 

Yes, I do have a lot of self-esteem issues that is why I am trying to make new friends and branch out when it comes to doing things. Maybe that will help to pick up my self-esteem. Part of my low self-esteem comes from being only 4'5" tall. I feel as though my height will deter any guy from dating me. I have gone out on blind dates before where the guys look at me and say "I didnt know you were that small". That hurts.

 

Oh, don't worry about your height! Gosh, there are plenty of men who would not be off-put by that. Seriously.

 

The best way to build up self esteem is to go and do positive things that build up yourself. The gym, for example. Or yoga. Or take up a new class or hobby. Or something else that builds you up, that helps you, that gives you something positive to focus on, and which, over time, will reflect in your own self-image.

[renaissancewoman101]

Novaseeker, you probably are right. He really wants me out of his life and nothing to do with me anymore. This is the first normal long term relationship I have ever had (my first relationship was long term but it was definitely NOT normal, that ex is my best friend and he is the one that is moving to CA). I just feel sad that he wont give me a second chance because he knows what it is like to be dumped. He was dumped by all his previous gfs (one long term gf and a few short term gfs). I am his second long term gf and the first gf that he has ever dumped. This one was partly my fault because I led him to dump me. I just have a hard time believeing that he can be so cold to me. He is always nice, kind and helping to people to the point that his friends take advantage of him and other people do too. There were times that I took advantage of his kindness too.

 

The scary thing is that, in many ways, emotionally, my ex is a lot like me. He tries to take care of people and be there for them to the point that they take advantage of them. His friends do. I am like that too and my best friend has a tendency to take advantage of me too.

 

He still has my cell phone. He told me that he wanted to keep it for a little bit longer but that he would not use much of my day minutes, which he hasnt. He still owes me about $1500 that I lent him earlier this year so he could pay off his bills. If he wanted me completely out of his life, he would have given me back my cell, I would think????

 

I am trying to move on by getting involved with new things like the guinea pig rescue. Sometimes, I wish there was a chance we could get back together. If I was given the chance, I would change and be more kind and understanding of him and take care of him, like I used to do when we first started going out.

[melrich]

First, like LifeisCash said, the feelings you are having are what I would describe as the normal introspective feelings you have after a break up.

 

Try and put thoses thoughts of "i'll never find someone else" out of your mind. You will but there is no rush.

 

Also don't read to much into the way your ex is behaving. In the same way that you have been thrown for a loop yopu can pretty sure he is also struggling with mixed emotions.

 

It is good that you are actively seeking to find other interests to get involved in. The more you put yourself out there the more that will come your way.

[Hope75]

Have you considered online dating? There are alot of nice people out there looking for companionship, just like you.

 

Personally, I love Guinea Pigs and I think it's a very nice thing you are doing helping the animals.

 

If you can muster up the energy, maybe a good cleaning on your house would life your spirits. I know that I have a friend who is depressed and she lives in a messy apt with 5 cats. I go over and we spend the afternoon cleaning and get a pizza. She always feels better when her apt is clean!

 

What do you think about the online dating thing?

[renaissancewoman101]

Hope75, I have done online dating before. I tried a few websites and link removed. Found some real doozers of guys there. Not had much luck with online dating. Went on first dates with a few guys, some of the guys, when they actually saw me for the first time, their first reaction to me was "you're really that small. I didnt think you were that small". Whenever I talk to people online or on the phone, I always emphasize that I am only 4'5" tall. Most people dont imagine how small that is until they see it actually in person. Also, a lot of the guys on those websites seem to be looking for sex or stuff like that, not really long term relationships.

 

After those experiences, I was kind of afraid to do online dating again. I met my ex at a Ren Faire event. I was there with a friend and he happened to walk in. I took an interest in him and struck up a conversation with him. We exchanged numbers and he asked me to join him and his friends for dinner. It took off from there until now.

[melrich]

Don't put too much pressure on yourself to start dating again anyway. Just say to yourself "right I am going to be selfish and have 6 months all to myself, no one else to worry about except me"

 

In those 6 months don't think about meeting guys or having to do things you don't want to do, just do stuff for you for a while. Helping out on enotalone is very therapeutic too. You find that if you concentrate on helping others you won't think so much about your own problems.

 

Then maybe as Hope says try the online dating again. Yeah 4'5" is small but you shouldn't put that up like a barrier. There are too many guys out there for whom that is just not an issue.

 

Anyway right now I think you should put dating on the backburner and get yourself happy again, then think about who you are looking for.

[antigravity]

I can't believe you think being short is ugly or unattractive.

 

Most guys I know, including myself, think short, petite girls a gorgeous. I find short girls really cute.

 

And yeah, if I met you for the first time, I probably would say something about your height, but that doesn't mean I would find it a turn off. Saying "geez you are short..." or "your shorter than I thought" isn't even a bad thing! Your automatically thinking that they find it a turnoff, when more than likely they find it interesting and attractive!

[renaissancewoman101]

Novaseeker, you say:

 

My guess is that he is trying to distance himself from you and the relationship emotionally. Some folks do this (or try to) by simply shutting down ... that is, by shutting down the warmth and compassion, the tug that they once had for the ex, shutting it down and snuffing it out so that it doesnt inconveniently arise and interfere with what they have decided to do, which is break up with the other person. My guess is the coldness is an active effort on his part to snuff out his own contrary feelings, and not an effort to be cruel to you. He may also be trying to get you to keep away ... sometimes people exaggerate feelings in that way (like being exaggeratedly distant and cold) in order to shrug someone off, to force them to stay away. That could be what's happening there as well.

 

When they do that, is there ever any way to reverse that and try to touch that side of them that once had feelings and love for you??? I am not saying do it right now, maybe in a few months or so with NC. Part of me still wants him back if possible, but waiting around is an option right now. I am trying to forget about him and move on with my life although it is hard for me to do that. There are so many times during the day that I think about him. Things around the city remind me of him, etc. This is the first long term relationship that I have had in which the guy wanted out and nothing to do with me. My first long term relationship (the ex that turned out to be gay), the guy is now my best friend and we hang out enough. I have never had to deal with letting go of someone who was so close to me at one time. It hurts a lot.

 

Melrich, I am not looking to be in a relationship right away. I am going to try to make some new friends, female ones. I dont have a lot of friends and that is a problem. I noticed that as people get older and married and have kids, friendships fall to the wayside. That is what happened to a lot of my friends from college. I do miss being in a relationship but I am not sure if I am healed enough to get into another one right now. It would hurt me a lot if I got into another relationship.

[novaseeker]

I know it's very painful. Everything is possible, of course. But I think that the best way to move forward for you would be to try NC for a while, and get involved with other things and so forth. If his feelings change, so be it, but for yourself, for your own emotional health, you should try to get yourself to a place emotionally where you're not waiting for his feelings to change, if that makes sense? The part you're going through right now is the hardest part by far ... but plough through it and you will find that you feel better in a bit, and then if he wants you back fine, but you're moving forward and you're not waiting for that to happen.

 

 

 

Yes, well what happens is that people tend to form new friendships with people in similar life situations. Married people with kids tend to hang out with other married people with kids, and friendships form around the shared experience of parenting in the same neighborhood, or school or whatever. It's a natural thing, but there are plenty of single people your age as well who are looking for friends in their own life situation.

[Hope75]

In defense of online dating, I know a few people who have met their sig. others online, myself included, just hit the 3 year mark! There are some doozies out there for sure, but there are also some very nice people (like yourself!) who are interested in a serious relationship.

 

Since you are not really looking for a relationship persay right now but more friendships, have you considered taking a class? a cooking or photgraphy class, or something that interests you offered at a local college? It's a great way to learn a new skill and meet some new friends. It's also a great self esteem booster!

[renaissancewoman101]

That is a possibility. I am still not sure what I am going to do yet. I want to take a class somewhere because that is one of the easiest ways to meet guys. I really want to make new friends though because I dont have a really good support system out here. Right now, everything is in the air because I am seriously thinking about moving to CA with my best friend. In a way, I want a new start to everything. I have lived out in Wisconsin for too long of a time and need a new start to things. My best friend is moving out there and he needs someone to be there for him. I may do that.

 

I know you guys are going to be mad at me when I say this because I know this can impede my getting over him. He is still using my cell phone that I PAY THE BILL for. With the encouragement of some of my friends, I went into his voicemail and checked some of his messages. I finally have an answer to something. He is apparently going after someone else, but this person sounds so young, like a teenager or at least someone who is in their late teens, early twenties. My ex is 32, my age. I guess he really never wanted to grow up. I could have given him a life like mines if he wanted it. I guess he never was really comfortable living a life like mines, in the adult world, doing adult things. That hurts. I just cant believe he is hanging out with women who sound like a bunch of giggly teenagers. I dont know.

 

I dont care right now, just trying to move on. I can guarantee him something though, if he is dating someone young, it aint gonna last long. Most women that age dont really settle down and also most women that age are flighty and want something from a guy. He doesnt have much to give. He lives at home, doesnt drive, doesnt make much money, has a controlling mom,HA!!!!!

[Hope75]

Oh Honey,

 

WHY would you want to follow your EX to California, knowing that it will make it nearly impossible to get over him? You need to cut these ties-- it's only making it worse for you. You two are broken up, you should NOT be paying his phone bill, NOR should you be spying on his messages! He's trying to move on, and what do you accomplish by invading his privacy?

 

Only that you can't be trusted and that you are acting desperate. You are better than that, don't you agree? Why not switch the phone over to his name or cancel the service altogether and let him get his own phone, and try your very best not to follow him and check up on him.

 

You are very right that you will not be able to get over him if you keep this up, and even more so if you move to be near him, when he's dating others and not interested in being with you anymore.

 

Moving and starting over somewhere is hard, you should only be doing something like that for YOU and not because your "best friend" (aka EX BOYFRIEND) "needs" you. Sounds more like the other way around.

 

What do you think, hon?

[renaissancewoman101]

Hope75, I wasnt talking about my current ex, but my best friend (the gay guy). He is moving to CA next week for a job. He wants me to move out there with him since I am from LA and we get along well and I can help him adapt out there. He is afraid of being alone out there w/o either me or his bf. His bf is not going out there yet.

 

As for my current ex, he is the one who has my cell phone and that I pay the cell bill on. AND I am NOT invading his privacy. IT IS MY PHONE AND MY BILL. If he wants to use it to call other people and set up dates, then he should not USE MY PHONE and give it back to me. I let him keep the phone because I am kind and he knows I want to get back together with him.

 

Yes, I am acting desperate because I feel that I have no control of this situation. I am also very scared because my best friend is moving and he has been leaning on me lately for support because he is afraid to move form here. He is afraid that he is making the wrong decision since he has never lived away from here. He has a good job here, a house, a car, and his parents live nearby, also his bf lives here with him and he has a good job too.

 

I am afraid of being abandoned by everybody.

[DN]

The problem is that if you go with him to CA then you are staking your whole life on what he does. Suppose he doesn't like it and comes back, suppose his b/f does go out there and reclaims all his attention. Suppose you find your life out there is no better than it is here.

 

I think a better plan is to set about making a new life where you are. New activities, new friends etc. Try making a list of 'targets' to accomplish. Something to join where you meet people, for instance.

[Hope75]

As for my current ex, he is the one who has my cell phone and that I pay the cell bill on. AND I am NOT invading his privacy. IT IS MY PHONE AND MY BILL. If he wants to use it to call other people and set up dates, then he should not USE MY PHONE and give it back to me. I let him keep the phone because I am kind and he knows I want to get back together with him.

 

See, even though it is YOUR phone, those are HIS conversations and you are letting him use it as a gift, that does NOT give you the right to check his messages and eavesdrop on him! A gift should never come with stipulations. I live with my bf and he pays for our internet service, but he would NEVER check my email, and if he did it would be a complete violation of my privacy! How would you like it if someone were checking your messages? Wouldn't you feel violated?

 

If you don't want to let him use your phone and you don't want to pay his bill (and frankly I don't see why you are doing that to begin with still...) than you can cancel the phone service or have it switched over to his name and he can pay the bill.

 

I second what DN said about moving just for your friend. If you have other friends and family out there and you think you would be happier there than yes, consider it, but don't pack up and move just for one other person, who is not YOU.

[renaissancewoman101]

I have been thinking about moving back to CA in the last couple of years. I grew up out there but I came out to Wisconsin to go to college. My parents still live out there and most of my friends. If I moved back out there, I would have the closeness of my family so that I can turn to them if I need to. I feel very alone out here in Wisconsin and it hurts me a lot. I also miss my family a lot. The last few times I was out in CA this year, I was not happy to come back out here.

 

I do want change and I want to start over again. Also, out there I think I will be less lonely because my family is out there. My best friend moving out there will help me since I will have someone out there, but I want to start over again and find new friendships and maybe a new relationship. I also dont think my best friend will come back out here. One reason why he wants to move out there is because he is gay. He is afraid to live the gay lifestyle out here in Wisconsin because he has a semi-high profile job and the people out here can be homophobic. Also, his family, with the exception of his mom, have no idea he is gay. He is so afraid of his family finding out, that is one big reason why he started applying for jobs out there.

 

Hope75, I did NOT give him the phone as a gift. I originally got it for him because I cared about him and I knew how his parents were concerning him using the house phone to call friends and hang on the line. I was trying to help him out and also help our relationship out so we could talk unmolested by his parents. He knows that he has to give the phone back to me when this is all over. He wanted originally to give the phone back, but I told him, if he wanted to, he could keep it for the time being. I was testing him to see if he REALLY wanted me COMPLETELY out of his life. He decided to keep the phone. He is pretty good about only using my night and weekend minutes so I dont jump down his throat about it. I still pay the bill because, in a way, I do harbor some hope of us one day getting back together. I miss him a lot, even though I had tired of him earlier this year.

 

As for evesdropping on his messages, I just wanted to see if he was going after another women, mainly because I want to see if there is a chance for us to get back together, with the passage of time. When I saw him last Thursday, I asked him if he was looking for potential dates, and he told me that he wasnt. He told me that he wanted time to get his life together and pay his bills, etc. I didnt exactly believe him but I didnt know how to find out. One of my friends told me that this was a way I could find out so I tested out the theory and it showed me some things.

 

It is hard for me to let him go. I am very mad at myself for dissing him these past few months, because that has led to our breakup, I think. I am not sure what to believe anymroe. I just find it also very strange and coincedental that he took a break (not a full break-up) around the same time last year (one week after Ren Faire). It is just so bizarre.

[DN]

Given what you have just said I think it would be a good thing for you to go back to CA and be with (but preferably not living with) your family. Reconnect with friends and social groups and start over. Make sure that you join some new ones as well.

[Hope75]

As for evesdropping on his messages, I just wanted to see if he was going after another women, mainly because I want to see if there is a chance for us to get back together, with the passage of time.

 

I know that you miss him, and I know how hard it is to let someone go when you are still in love, believe me I do. I'm sorry that this is to painful for you.

 

However, I still think it is wrong that you are checking his messages. If you are loaning him your phone, (as a GIFT, FAVOR, WHATEVER) that does not give you the right to check his private messages.

 

You two are broken up; if he wants to date someone else, or if YOU want to date someone else, you are both entitled to do so, and it really isn't his or your business if the other is doing that. Wouldn't you agree?

 

Would you like it if someone was checking your private voicemail messages?