shorty20 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 ok, I know this question is basically an opinion... but I guess I'm just asking for everyones input then. I recently started dating a new guy... i'd say about a week or two ago. We've seen each other about every other day. I still make time for my girls, he works full time, goes to school... but we both really like each other. My question to y'all is how long should you wait to have sex with someone? Right now, all we've done is kiss. I'm trying to get away from the flings and actually settle down and start having relationships again. How long should I wait if I want him to respect me for me, and not just use me for the whole sex thing. Any opinions I'd love to here... how long you guys wait when you're actually trying to start a relationship... stuff like that. thanx guys! Link to comment
Mrocza Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I believe there is such a thing as sex TOO soon, but it really depends. When you're trying to start a relationship, I don;t think you should work sex into a time line or follow a guide. Go with the flow. Take it as it comes. Let it HAPPEN. Link to comment
Mun Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 That depends. Do you want to be exclusive? If so, then maybe you should wait until you know that you are in an exclusive relationship. Link to comment
passions1 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 When it's both clear that you 2 in a exclusive relationship & have already built that trust. Link to comment
darkblue Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Exclusive relationship - Yup. Trust - Yup. Comfort - Yup. Securitity - Yup. And if you feel that he is right. Link to comment
Beec Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 OK, hard and fast rule should be never ever before the third date. No other hard and fast rules. It's when both of you begin demonstrating some effort to want the relationship. When we are first together, we are jsut there, not trying too hard. Then we begin to try to please the other person. If he is trying, you can think about it. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 wow... the insight from all y'all was great... so since i've already seen him like 4 or 5 times, then i'm going good so far, lol.... but I just don't want to come off to him as easy. I want him to see me as someone he can have a relationship with, not someone he can have sex with if that makes sense.... is there anythign else I can do or say to make that clear? I'm done with casual sex and meaningless relationships... and so far, he seems to be the same. He's always excited to see me, always touching me, rubbing my back, playing with my hair... also, one of the most adorable things is when a guy kisses you on the forehead... to me, it's like saying that he really cares about you.... but everything so far is great... i'm just trying to go slow and not mess things up... not give in too soon to sex and have it ruin the relationship... thanx for all your guys' inputs... anything else I'd love to hear! Link to comment
darkblue Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 It's good that you're going slow and it should be clear to him. He doesn't sound to be pushing you for sex anyway. But if he does - make clear to him where you stand. Have fun for now. Link to comment
Beec Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I'll look at this from the reverse a bit, because it seems as if he is looking for what you want him to look for, not just a quick thrill. When I was ready, and looking long term, I would always let her know that I would be ready when she was. I'd let a woman know that I wanted it, and she could let me know when she was ready. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 i'm not sure what you mean Beec... could u expain a bit more? Link to comment
Beec Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 i'm not sure what you mean Beec... could u expain a bit more? Not quite sure I know what I mean, as far as how you should act, but when I wanted it, this is how I thought I should act. I guess I wanted to be forward enough to let her know I wanted her. I did not want to beat around the bush and insinuate I wanted sex and think she should get the hint. I wanted to be more forward. And then I also did not want to take it or give ultimatums. That shows a real lack of respect. How do you want a guy to let you know when he is ready to have sex? Isn't that the other part to the original question? Link to comment
shorty20 Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 no, my origional question was just asking in general, how long u guys thought it was appropriate to wait to have sex, when you are actually looking for a relationship, not just a fling.. Link to comment
hayleyrosa Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I've had a one night stand that developed into a long and commited relationship. I've also been told by a guy that I wasn't the girl for him because we had sex on the first date. It all depend on you and him, if your feeling comfortable with him then why the hell not, sex can be an expression of deeper feelings and your willingness to commit. Link to comment
RayKay Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 I think this is something that you as a couple need to determine. If you want a committed, exclusive relationship you probably should have had that talk about being exclusive first to find out he is on same page! Other than that, its when you feel comfortable, trust him, are able to discuss protection and so forth. But every couple is different. My partner and I slept together VERY early on because it felt VERY right, and things are great and are even better every day...but for us it felt right, and WAS right. Each person is different. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 raykay... it seems to early to have the exclusive talk... I've only been seeing him MAYBE two weeks! Wouldn't that scare him away? It seems as though we're exclusive... he calls me every day... sees me alot, and has not given me any reason to think he's dating anyone else... I think it would be too early to have that talk though... put too much pressure on things Link to comment
RayKay Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Well then...wait longer. Honestly, if you think being "exclusive" puts pressure on things...what does sex do? Think of it this way...when you have sex with someone, the emotional pressures that can come with that...and the fact that at any point, no matter whether on birth control or not, you COULD make a baby...now THAT is pressure! He has already said he does not mind waiting, right? Then wait. Sex will not guarantee anything between you...and it won't hurt to wait a while longer and just enjoy getting to know one another and have fun together. Link to comment
combat_barbie Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Depends on the guy a lot of guys will respect you just the same no matter when you have sex with them. Some guys have the idea that if some one has sex with them they have sex with every body and can't accept the fact that maybe you are just really attracted to them. This is more of an indication of low self esteem/insecurity than anything else. If you make your intentions clear by saying you wants whatever (ex. monogamy, relationship, etc.) then it really shouldn't matter at all. Of course for your sake since oyu want a relationship you probably wait till you know him a bit since if you don't your investing in something that might not turn out. I would say 3 weeks and 3 dates in general but thats just general whenever you feel like you know him. Link to comment
ShySoul Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 If you are having to ask how long to wait, that means you don't think you are ready. If you are not ready, you shouldn't have sex. You want to get away from flings, want something real and serious. Then wait until it is real, serious, and going somewhere. The sign that you really love each other and want this to work is that you aren't going to be concerned with when to have sex, you will have it when it is right if you have it all. Until then, enjoy the relationship as it is, let everything else be wrapped around you and savour what you have. Link to comment
Beec Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 If you are having to ask how long to wait, that means you don't think you are ready. A rare occasion, but I agree with ShySoul. If you are wondering if the two of you are ready, you're not. When you know, you are. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted October 21, 2005 Author Share Posted October 21, 2005 yea, i also agree with you guys... I'm not ready yet... I was really just wondering in general, how long a girl has to wait to have sex with a guy to make him think of her as more than just sex... but I guess it's really not something that can be answered by one person, because everyone is different as well as every relationship. I wasn't asking if I was ready, because I know I'm not... not even close. Thats why I like this guy so much. We haven't had the talk about not having sex, because sex has never come up. He's never pressured me to do anything, and he's been taking everything very slow. We didn't even kiss until like our third date. I can't remember the last time that a guy actually waited that long, but it was nice. It deffinatley puts me at ease and makes me feel like he's actually trying to get to know me.... anywayz, thanks for y'alls inputs... i really appreciate all the insights! -Shorty Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now