I cheated on my wife

[xvee]

ugh i hope she goes through with the divorce. but actually would you have told your wife if the person you cheated with didnt?

[yeawutever]

Ok, I should be bashing u now and say wut a low person r u, but I won't since ur here looking for advice (but I HATE CHEATERS). It's a good thing u realize wut u did was totally wrong. But u also did two other wrongs, hiding the affair from ur wife, thus lying about it. But, see I dunno, just answer this question with a "yes or no" " Would u have confess it to her if the fling never phone her and told her everything, would u have told her urself instead of getting caught"? U ended it, but u were suppost to come clean about it, u could have endanger her health and urs too. U have to also remember that NOT not all women are forgiving, if I was ur wife I would be divorcing u right away, no excuses, nor second chances. It's completely up to her whether to wants counseling, work it out and forgive u. In case she does, u may have to remember that it'll never ever be the same, she may regain trust but not 100%, she's not gonna think of u as the same guy she met long ago. Have u tried explaining to her wut led u to it and are u completely sure that if she did took u back, u won't do it again, I dunno cuz most people who get caught are only sorry cuz they got caught, these are the people that were hoping their partners never found out, I dunno I'm not saying that's you, but it happens. Some do learn, while some do it again and again.

[jeepers_creepersal]

Oh dear, wut on earth were u thinking mister, that u could get away with it. I know this is the advice room, but I'm freely to say wut I want to and hate to say it but people like you should get lost. Were to do that on me and heck I would be throwing ur sorry behind out the door in seconds, then comes divorce, and then well everything I shared with u, the bed, the couch, all that, all the filthy u brought in the house. Like the questions suggested, I'm sure u would never have told her urself if the fling never phone ur wife. Don't u know u could have spreaded STD's on her????? Sorry if I'm mean, I'm just mad now from reading ur thread and knowing that cheating atill occurs. All u can do now is keep apologizing (which will do nothing), tell her about the day u guys met and all the wonderful times, tell her u never meant to replace her, esp, think of wutever will convince her to make her trust u again. Now I dunno about ur kids, how would u feel if they're to ever find out wut u did, boy I would hate my parents if I they were to do that.

[annieo]

Ok here is my advice-

Answer all her questions but don't offer any details other than what she asks for

Make your life an open book. Hand over all passwords, let her check your phone, e-mail etc. any time she wants

Go to counseling even if she won't go. Tell her you are going to learn how to be a better husband. She may eventually join you

Give her time. She just learned the most devestating thing a wife could learn

Live life on her terms- Agree to whatever she wants your living situation to be. It is going to take alot of time for her to trust you again

Call often (especially when you travel) and let her know what you are doing

Let her talk or not talk about it. Be open to whatever she wants to say. Take everything she has to say. Don't make it about you and how it makes you feel bad. It has to be all about her and how she feels

Get tested for STD's by a Dr. and present her with the results.

You are going to have to be very patient. No matter how long it takes you can't cheat again because things are tough. Be the man she deserves and the dad your baby deserves

[cripplechild]

Uh, I don't think u should be harsh, he came here for advice and he does indeed realize he made a mistake, which is good, some people, don't regret it, now those are the ones who need to be criticize. Explain her wut made u do it, be very open to her, tell her ur whereabouts and schedule, everything she wants to know, show her u changed but don't over do it, as she might get suspicious. It's up to her if she wants to work it out. If she does divorce then that's a listen to learn. I myself, don't condemn cheating, if that person regrets it and he/she's a better person, then it can work out.

[xprincessbugx]

I could see if you had just done it once and felt horrible about it, but a month? a whole month? are you kidding me?!? you cant make excuses for that. I dont understand why people cheat, and if that other woman wouldnt have called and told your wife would you have had the guts to tell her yourself? probably not. She's going to be miserable and most likely blame herself for your stupid fling. Cheaters are worthless anyways...

[1babylove]

Well I applaud you standing up and admitting that you were wrong. How to fix it. The relationship needs counseling. There are I am sure a ton of reasons and excuses on why and how far it got. But if you truly want to fix it you will initiate counseling.

[yeawutever]

No hope for him, if there is anything worst than cheating is GETTING CAUGHT CHEATING.

[MiaMorr]

My husband cheated on me. He said he doesn't know why he did it, he just did. In a way I guess that is probably the most honest answer I have ever heard. We have been back together for 5 years now. He tries hard and I do not think he is cheating but he did "hide" talking to a female friend because he claimed I would be upset. What upset me was he wasn't honest. You will spend the rest of your life proving to her you are trustworthy, if it ever happens. You have to realize that you screwed up and that it may take years for her to trust you if she ever does and if she does DON'T SCREW IT UP. Cheating seems to be the "in" thing to do. All of my brother in laws cheated, my husband,every man I know except 1 and his wife was messing around on him. It is amazing. Marriage counseling is a great idea, do not make her feel bad for sharing her honest feelings about what you did. If she loves you then you devastated her and made her feel like she is nothing. You need to show her that she is worth so much more then what you gave her and always be honest. Do not chat to girls online or on the phone when u are at work unless she knows about it. If she doesn't like it then STOP! You have a child to think about also. Figure out what yall want before that child is old enough to remember and hurt more cause Daddy is gone. Good luck.

 

 

Mia

[ShySoul]

If you cheat on your partner, it is best to fess up and accept the consequences. It is only fair to her, and you won't have it weighing on your conscience all the itme. If she chooses not to forgive you, then you have to live with it. We all make our own beds and have to lie in it. For most, they probably won't forgive it. And for the others, it will take a long time before the issue is dealt with and trust is truly reestablished. You will need to talk with counselors and put in a lot of effort to make things right again. One mistake can cost you.

 

So to everyone reading this, save yourself the problems. If you are in a relationship and love the person you are with, don't throw it away for a fling. Think about the consequences of your actions. Think about how it will hurt your partner, and hurt yourself.

[yeawutever]

If you cheat on your partner, it is best to fess up and accept the consequences.

 

So to everyone reading this, save yourself the problems. If you are in a relationship and love the person you are with, don't throw it away for a fling. Think about the consequences of your actions. Think about how it will hurt your partner, and hurt yourself.

 

Right on ShySoul, that's the best answer. Better fess up than let someone else be the messenger.

[Hernj62]

Wow... I feel sorry for your family. I've been cheated on before and I felt like my world was turned upside down. You've made vows to this woman, made a baby with this woman... like all relationships, both of you have faced wonderful memories and have dealt with the bad. Of course there is ups and downs especially with a new change in both of your lives. My heart goes out to you because I know that if you really thought things through and you had faith that your bond will eventually grow stronger, you would have never jepordized so much of your life. You have alot to lose. You have made your decision; you placed your life in the hands of a tasteless act with a women you call a "fling", now your future lies in your wifes hands and I do hope everything works out for the best. But what I would love to know which nobody has asked you so far... What do you think you deserve? Do you deserve her forgivness? Would you forgive her? How would you cope with her sharing her smile, and her happiness and that special bond that comes with sex in marriage, with another man? If you picture it for a moment... I know you are sorry... but I think the best way to figure out what is best for your future, for her future and for your childs future is to try very hard to put yourself in her shoes. You owe her that much. And then you can be more at ease to know whether or not you feel if she deserves you or if your child deserves to call you a role model. But of course there you can rely on hope.. but despite these miracle relationships that you have read about, be prepared for some bad news becasue the odds are not looking to good for you. The only thing you can do is learn from your mistakes. I know I did.

[yeawutever]

Yea, hope u learn ur lesson now that u have jeopardize u family and ur health, ur wife's health. Sharing intimacy with someone else, I mean sex is just not sex, it's something so delicate, it's a symbol of strong affection, that's just disgusting. Well now it's been wut, weeks, months since u posted this, hope she really got rid of you (not to be blunt but that's really got u would deserver) and file for divorce.

[Burning]

Cheating, unfortunately, is not black and white. Unless you have been there, you really don't understand.

 

I was the cheater. Yes, it was completely stupid and selfish and I will certainly never try to justify it BUT...let's look at the Big Picture.

 

Cheating is SO NOT discouraged by the mass media. Every time you turn on the TV or go to the movies or read the newspaper, magazine or novel you are confronted with it. I think it is similar to violence...it just loses its shock value after a while. Do any of us stand up against it? No...we continue to support the industries that condone it. We lap it up like we can't live without it then we scream bloody murder when someone cheats. How hypocritical is that?

 

I won't even get into the whole issue of emotions....

 

Just some food for thought.

 

Burning...out

[Beyondthesea]

No, cheating isn't discouraged by the mass media, but neither are machine guns and you don't go around shooting people do you?

 

Each person has to come to terms what is 'acceptable' in their own minds in life. It's ok to be defensive, but obviously you know you've done wrong.

[Burning]

Does violence on TV and in movies desensitize us to violence? Absolutely

 

Does it CAUSE it...well, that's been debated forever.

 

Studies have shown that people exposed to violence in the mass media are more likely to be violent. I am simply making the case that infidelity is similar.

We still decide what is right and wrong...I am saying that we need to examine what we, as a society, accept from the mass media. It is up to all of to stand up for decency. Silence = consent.

 

JMHO

 

Burning...out

[yeawutever]

Even with good reasons, you'll still be likely to justify your actions, which doesn't take away the fact you still did it. By the way where did this topic about violence appear here??

[moulinbleu]

Here's a tip to all of those being cheated on. Get your cheating spouse to write you a letter about their feelings. They will likely mention that they cheated on you. Take that letter straight to a lawyer. What do you have? A grand case for alimony. Hopefully OP will not read that b/c he must suffer the consequences of his actions.

 

Once a cheat, always a cheat, at least at heart. And the cheater will never fully respect the spouse again, knowing they pulled one over on them. Toolsheds.

[yeawutever]

Once a cheat, always a cheat, at least at heart. And the cheater will never fully respect the spouse again, knowing they pulled one over on them. Toolsheds.

 

Well say moulinbleu. Once they cheated, the respect isn't the same again. For those of you who have done it, better fess up now. It's horrible getting caught because then ur partner will be wondering if you would have continue with the game if you would not have been caught.