bleak future existence?

[Caterina]

I don't know how to rid of it, but I spend my life with this sense of impending doom hanging over my shoulders. I honestly think that falling in love would be a remedy for this, and make me happy, but I don't think that is ever going to happen. I live in the moment b/c I know that any small amount of happiness I can hold is only going to vanish the very next second. (It really does, my circumstances are always flushing my dreams down the toilet). I was reading someone elses post a while back, and he was talking about how he has never been able to keep women he fell in love with. Well, its not exactly the same, but it made me think of my life. I have only liked two guys in my life. But it never worked out. I have only liked two guys and they were always unavailabe to me in some way. The first one would flirt with me, and was a supposed friend, but then he really just ended up leading me on...same thing with the second, he was my friend, but was always changing his mind about what we should be, but also lead me on and flirted with me. I did have one at seventeen, but he was more interested in someone else. What is it about me that I always have to go after men who in the end don't want me? Also, it is so hard for me to meet men because I am so shy! I hate being so shy, and I can only become friends with guys after a very long time, and if they are also shy. But that happens once in a blue moon. Do you know what the percentage of actually obtaining a guy I want is for me when it comes to that? All the variables involved are pretty much set against me: my personality is the type that is very compatible as a friend, but I have never found compatibility with someone as a lover, so that causes a significant decrease, then, I am moving to an area where there are no young men, then, I am too shy to even meet but one man every year, and finally, I only want men that I can't have...or at least the pattern would dictate that conclusion! I feel so doomed when it comes to love...I need to learn how to approach men, and not take it personal if they reject me...but that is my biggest fear...

[Sadness_Creeping]

Hey Caterina,

You sound like me. I'm young(23) good looking guy and I find that I can't seem to keep a relationship, let alone friendships lately. Ive had a few relationships (like 4) and havent been single that long, maybe about a year. I notice that Im really shy too, scared of rejection...etc. This is something that Ive known for a while now, just never really paied much attention to it, cause I wasnt single. Now that Im single...Girls say to me that I have sexy lips, etc..and I get all red and dont know what to do...Its soo odd, cause like a bit later I think about what I should of said...and what would of worked to make a friend or possible relationship. This pisses me off, and then I get sad, and the loop starts all over again. I think what I have to do, and maybe what you should do as well, is keep mental notes (or writen) about what should of been said in some situations, and then review them, cause you never know when something would work, then you seem more natual during the conversation/situation..anyways I think you get where Im goin with this.

My parents came to vist this weekend, and i think my dad was tryin to tell me something. He would walk up to random ppl and say some odd coment about what they where doing, like say tryin on hats...he would say, I like the other better...etc...And Im like, huh, thats so something I SHOULD be doing but Im not. Everyone he talked to appeared to smile...I thought they might of thought he was kind of a werido but, no, they all talked to him and smiled..etc. Which brings me to another point. Ive noticed that people like my smile...so now Im always smiling, no matter what I feel inside. More people started talkin to me at work too..so ya, anyways, Im starting to ramble here. I hope you find someone soon Caterina, cause you sound like a really nice girl and deserive it.

[Alabama]

I thought for the youngest time I too was doomed to finding love. I only got girls to like me after I quit worrying about it. I'm a nice guy, so I'm shy around girls I like. Also, I was too clingy and raised them to where I thought they were Goddesses. Big mistake. As far as personality goes, don't worry about if they don't like it. Not everyone will be heartless, there are good people out there. Trust me. I suggest not to worry about if you don't find it now, you'll find it. Have hope and good luck.

[Puddle]

I don't think reviewing anything will help. It won't bring out the courage to do anything - atleast with me. The moments where you find someone worth talking to always come as a shock. Even if you can think of the perfect thing to say, saying it is the problem. It really doesn't matter WHAT you say anyway.

 

I also don't think it's good to even think about this stuff beforehand. More you think about it the more you'll be afraid to do anything. As a woman Caterina should just lure the guy to talk to her. Go do something that would make it easy for him to comment on. Drop your lunch on the floor or yawn loudly or something... anything. Words are harder to produce than actions I think, plus this will place the weight of the conversation on the guy. He's the one who has to come up with what to say, you can be more passive, which is easier.

[Caterina]

Thanks for all the sweet helpful responses. Also, if a girl says you have sexy lips, that is a definet clue that she is attracted to you!

 

Sometimes I do have moments where I easily fall into conversation, because the person makes me comfortable...but then I all of a sudden realize I am flirting and feel pressure...it makes me nervous and I end the conversation before the guy has a chance to say/do anything further (such as ask me for a number)...I need to figure out a way to get to that step...maybe I will do another post on it...

[JC2006]

Everyone gets nervous. It is important to realize that that fear of rejection is natural and to overcome that fear. Confidence is not being fearless. Confidence is overcoming your anxiety and you being in control of the decisions you make in your life, not fear making those decisions for you.

[ShySoul]

Caterina, I feel the same way. I'm the friend, never the boyfriend. I often wonder if I'll find anyone or if I'm always going to be alone. When something good happens, something bad always seems to come right up. I can find it hard to live in the moment, cause I'm always wondering if I'll be able to have a happy moment like that again. It's hard, it's depressing.

 

But in the end we will all find happiness. It will happen when we least expect it. And all the suffering and lonliness will be worth it. It may sound like a fantasy, a fairy tale. But it gives us hope. And hope is sometimes all we have.

[ShySoul]

Caterina, I feel the same way. I'm the friend, never the boyfriend. I often wonder if I'll find anyone or if I'm always going to be alone. When something good happens, something bad always seems to come right up. I can find it hard to live in the moment, cause I'm always wondering if I'll be able to have a happy moment like that again. It's hard, it's depressing.

 

But in the end we will all find happiness. It will happen when we least expect it. And all the suffering and lonliness will be worth it. It may sound like a fantasy, a fairy tale. But it gives us hope. And hope is sometimes all we have.

[Caterina]

ShySoul, Maybe they feel intimidated because you are so perfect?

[ShySoul]

Perfect? Me? Now thats silly. Wouldn't you want to be with someone so perfect? That way you can consider how blessed you are to me loved by someone so great. 8)

 

Seriously, I'm nothing special. I'm just a good guy trying to do whats right and care for others, while hoping to find one who fills that empty spot in my heart. One day it will happen, for me and for you Caterina.