what is attraction?

[Caterina]

When I first met this guy, he told me he was emotionally attracted to me, but not physically. I am not a physically unattractive person, but thats what he said. So, I backed off. He started to act like he was mad that I had backed off. Well, later, he started to flirt with me a lot and I started to reconsider him. I decided that I liked him, and asked him why he had acted the way he had acted towards me. Well, he said that he was physically attracted to me, but didn't think that my personality would work with his!

 

Basically, what are your thoughts on attraction...?

[kellbell]

If he is not physically attracted to you then that can cause some trouble in your relationship if you choose to persue one with him. The chemistry has to be there in order for it to work. He will be miserable and so will you. Has nothing to do with you personally or your level of attactiveness, it's weird how attracted we are to others varies greatly. Wishing you the best and take care.

[BellaDonna]

I think initially attraction is quite biological. Although the environment can have an affect as well. For instance, there's a lot of research that suggests that familiarity increases attraction. But physical attraction that occurs right away seems biological.

 

In this guys case, he seems to be confused. First he liked your personality (emotional attraction) but wasn't physically attracted, now he likes you physically and is not longer attracted to your personality....

 

He sounds totally unable to make up his mind. If I were you I would not waste any more time liking him. Don't bother with him if he constantly has to question his feelings for you.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Beec]

After the initial look, attraction is really all about how you feel. If you feel good being around someone, you will be attracted. If you are happy when they are there, you will want them there more. Sounds all too simple.

[Caterina]

Belladonna, I think you have a point. I wonder why he is confused...makes me think that there is a point where men just know deep down that it is not the person they want, no matter how much cerebral conflict goes on...Someone once told me that if they are confused, know that it should be assumed as a definet "no".

 

Beec, I dont' know about that...sometimes people are more angry at the people they are attracted/in love with then people they arent, because they care...and anger isn't pleasant.

[Beec]

Beec, I dont' know about that...sometimes people are more angry at the people they are attracted/in love with then people they arent, because they care...and anger isn't pleasant.

 

Well, you are right. My comments were too simple. If someone acts in a way that causes you to feel how you want to feel, then you will seek more of that. The feelings they seek could be any number of emotions.

 

However, I think anger is rarely one of the emotions we seek. I think we get angry when we expect things from our loved ones and or those we want to be loved by, and we don't get the things we expect.